Hope In These Light Afflictions: A devotional for the spouse betrayed by an affair

By Ruth McDonald

We never really think it will happen to us, especially as Christians. But if you've been hurt and disillusioned by infidelity in your marriage, Satan wants to use it not only to destroy your marriage but to steal your peace and security as well. There are many thoughts and feelings you will experience as the betrayed spouse, but my prayer is that this devotional will help you through this difficult season, providing a source of hope and comfort found in our heavenly Father. Our hope is not found in our spouse but in the only faithful Father-Jesus Christ. May you allow Him to guide you, help you, and heal you through this emotionally traumatic journey. Join me on a six-week journey through my own experience with infidelity after twenty-five years of a faithful Christian marriage. I can tell you from experience, God is faithful and proves it to me every single day!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 12, 2019
• ISBN: 9781645594567

Book preview

Why Me?

I am ordinary in every way, and nothing about me may seem like an authority in life to write a book, but I am credible because I have walked the same road you are walking. No one else can really understand the feelings associated with infidelity unless they have also experienced it. I vividly remember craving to hear from people that had been there. I needed to hear from them that things turned out okay, and that there really was hope for me.

You may wonder, like me, why this is happening to you. There may not be clear answers today, but take comfort in knowing that God saw the path ahead, and He has been preparing you for this time in your life. I look back at things that happened prior to the affair, and I can see that God was strengthening me and working to exercise my faith and trust in Him. I was caring for my ailing father-in-law in our home and was called upon to have extra patience, grace, and strength. These things, at times, felt burdensome and annoying, but God was using this experience to draw me closer to Him and to rely more on Him. Think back in the months and years before today and recognize the touches the Holy Spirit had in your life to equip you for this trial.

You will struggle with finding your circumstances unfair. You will be aggravated that other people seem to live carefree, happy lives. You will be embarrassed and humbled by this betrayal. You will wonder why you weren’t good enough to keep your spouse faithful. You will feel angry that you have been betrayed and put in this position. You will be afraid and wonder what your future holds. You will wonder, How did this happen in my life? And yet God knew this would come into your life. He cares, and He definitely has good plans for you. And if you let Him, He will use you to bring honor and glory to Him through this trial.

Stop wondering why this happened to you, and instead, think on how God can use you through it. It won’t be revealed to you in a day or two or maybe even in weeks or months. But take heart that He knows your pain; He has walked the road of betrayal, and He longs to be your Confidant and dearest Friend. Don’t shut Him out. Talk to Him all through the day and all of those sleepless nights. He is listening, and you also need to listen. He has this; and in Him, so will you!

For I know the plans for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11, ESV)

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. (Romans 12:12, ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, give me peace and hope and open my ears to really hear Your voice. Help me to trust You and to remember Your faithfulness to me. Fill me with Your love and give me courage to walk the path ahead. Help me to remember that You understand my journey and have good plans for me. Help heal my broken heart and give me Your grace and comfort. I thank You for the open door of communication with You, Lord, and for never leaving or forsaking us. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

Day 2

Why Him?

If a guy can like you at your skinny-legged bucktooth stage of life, he is probably into you. I met my husband when our family moved to North Carolina from Canada. His family attended the same church, and my brother became fast friends with him. He spent many days hanging out in our home, and I thought of him as a brother in many ways. But for him, he did not think of me as a sister. From the tender age of eleven, I knew he had a crush on me.

We grew up with our lives intertwined through church and family connections. Through the years, I would receive little gifts from this boy who had become my brother’s best friend. I vividly remember receiving a brown stuffed dog, whom I named Ralph, and a stickpin. (Anyone remember those? Hey, they are making a comeback!) From a young age, he had a giving heart and persistence. But in my advanced age of one and a half years older than him, I always considered him too young for me.

Along came college, and I was off to UNC-Charlotte, while he attended Lenoir-Rhyne with a football scholarship. At this point, we were friends and occasionally talked to one another on the phone—not a cellphone, one with the long cord on the wall that got stretched out from my pacing habit. He ended up in trouble, and this event actually led to a date—and a few years later, a wedding ring. I was most attracted to his confidence, interest in spiritual things, and fun nature. He was known for his integrity and strong work ethic. He could always be counted on when someone needed help; that is just who he is and was. He has beautiful blue eyes and an electric smile. This was a good man, and I was blessed to have him.

It isn’t just bad people that fall for Satan’s traps. The fact is, it is usually people that are prominent and useful. Throughout my journey of being the betrayed spouse, I have heard comments about his character from people that don’t really know him. Those hurt because I knew his actions were not his true character but rather manipulated by Satan for his ultimate ruin. It is hard to see someone you love and respect make such a drastic transition. I firmly believe the ability to fall is within each one of us who belong to the Lord, and we must protect ourselves with the armor of God. While I was hurt by his actions, I was protective of him because of who he was—a man that had lost his way.

If you have been betrayed by your spouse, I want to encourage you to do something really hard: feel compassion for them. To live in the absence of grace is against the character of godliness. To see my husband in this state of sin and rebellion was the worst thing I have witnessed. It wounded my heart, not just for me and our children, but for him. Showing compassion and grace doesn’t guarantee the outcome of your marriage, but it is an opportunity to love like Jesus loves. There were days this felt impossible for me apart from the help of my heavenly Father. Not every situation will lead to a restored marriage, but when we love others like God loves us, we will never walk away defeated.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:12–15, ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift of grace and compassion that You liberally bestow on me every single day. Help me to not just accept it from You, then refuse to show it to others. It’s hard some days to pass it on to those who hurt and betray us, yet we have done the same to You. Help me to pray for my husband and show compassion even on days when it’s hard. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen!

Day 3

Infidelity Makes Me Sick

If you are like me, you are sick, not just at heart, but in the body. Emotional trauma wreaks havoc on the physical body. I was unable to enjoy food and only ate to