Bully Resilience - changing the game: A parent's guide

By Gwen Godman

Bully Resilience: changing the game, is a guide for parents and carers of children. This book provides strategies and helpful information to assist in the development of resilience against teasing.  Explanations are provided of the Bully-game, how it works, the players of the game, and what keeps the Bully-game going. Advice is offered to h

• Language: English
• Publisher: Equip Counselling & Consulting
• Release date: Dec 16, 2017
• ISBN: 9780648368700

Gwen Godman

Gwen Godman is the owner of Equip Counselling & Consulting. She works as a teacher and counsellor in Melbourne. Gwen specialises in working with children and adolescents in assisting them with issues relating to mental health, wellbeing, social concerns and education. Having taught in schools, Gwen understands the many challenges that children and families can face. Her writing and presentations seek to educate and develop understanding of issues relating to mental health and wellbeing within the context of family and education.

Book preview

Published by Equip Counselling & Consulting

www.equipcc.com.au

ISBN: 978-0-9953613-9-3

ISBN: 978-0-6483687-0-0 (e-book)

2017

Written by © Gwen Godman

Illustrations by © Matt Glover

www.mattglover.com

Layout & design by Cara King

CONTENTS

Foreword by Geoffrey Ahern

Introduction

Chapter One: The Goal

Chapter Two: The Bully-Game

Chapter Three: The role of the bully and the bully in the game

Chapter Four: The role of the victim and the victim in the game

Chapter Five: What keeps the players playing

Chapter Six: Changing the game

Strategy One — The line of separation

Strategy Two — Do not react

Strategy Three — Switch off unhelpful social media

Strategy Four — Find your voice and speak with confidence

Chapter Seven: How parents can help

Chapter Eight: Wrapping it up

Bibliography

FOREWORD

By Geoffrey Ahern

I have the privilege of knowing Gwen on both a personal and professional level. As a Senior Mental Health Clinician working with people who are in crisis, my job is to help them manage the crisis and then ‘pass the baton over’ to a safe, qualified and credible person. On a professional level Gwen is one of the people I feel confident in handing a person over to without hesitation. Gwen’s skill as a counsellor is tremendous, however it’s her compassion, kindness, intuition and sensitivity that sets her apart from anyone who is simply academically qualified to do the job.

From a personal perspective, conversations with Gwen are a highlight of my week. We nut out tricky situations together, we support each other both professionally and personally, and I always leave a conversation with Gwen feeling positive, optimistic and often having had my own thinking and views challenged.

Reading this book I found myself wishing I’d been given a copy just over twenty years ago when I started the parenting journey myself. Gwen’s book not only gives you practical strategies as a parent for dealing with bullying, it also equips you with the knowledge to be able to empower your own child to access their own mind and emotions and take control of their responses to bullying.

I also really appreciate the fact that Gwen points out that ‘The Bully’ (Bob the Bully Cat in this case) is not who the child actually is – it’s not his identity. This is just one example of Gwen’s insight and compassion. To set parents up against other parents because their child is the victim and the other child ‘is’ the bully would be counter-productive and simply sets the kids up as adversaries.

I should point out as well that not only is Gwen a highly qualified counsellor, Gwen is also a school teacher with extensive experience and a parent of three amazing young adults herself. I could not think a person more qualified to tackle the subject of bullying.

I simply cannot recommend this book highly enough: for parents, for teachers, for counsellors and for any health professional working with young people.

Geoffrey Ahern

Senior Mental Health Clinician and Educator

SPECIAL THANKS

Thank you to my friends who have let me bounce ideas off them, ask them for their opinions and have voted on preferred illustrations; Geoff, Chris, Rohan and Adrian. Thank you to those who read my earlier drafts and gave me helpful ideas; Phil, Zoe and Janita. To my illustrator and friend Matt, for your continual encouragment. Thank you to my son Daniel, for being my editor and helping me turn my earlier ideas and draft into a much better product. Big special thanks to my precious family who have watched (and at times endured) my personal journey up close, Phil, Adam, Daniel and Julianne.

INTRODUCTION

Bullying is a consistent problem. I know that my mother and her sisters were bullied. My dad has told me stories of being bullied in the workplace. I was bullied. I know that my own children have been bullied. I have seen overt bullying and have witnessed bullying when it was thought that nobody was watching. I have experienced the impact of bullying on the life of individuals, the negative effect that it can have on families, and the damaging ripple that can run through a school and its extended community. Of course, it is not isolated to schools or the workplace, and takes place on a broader stage with bullying tactics being used by politicians and world leaders. Bullying is not going away despite the many programs intended to bring about its reduction, and