Survivor Wisdom

By Lee Emerson

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 16, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477113424

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Copyright © 2012 by Lee Emerson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Contents

Dedication

What Is Abuse?

Symptoms

Abuse Revisited

Learning, Overcoming, Surviving

Perspective

Random Thoughts

Dedication

To my therapist Melissa:

Without the love, support, friendship and guidance you have shown me I never would have made it this far.

Before we get into this, I want to make it perfectly clear, I am not a mental health professional; I have no training in the field. I’m simply someone who has been to hell and back, and learned a few things on my journey. I’m hoping that in sharing some of these lessons with others, I can cleanse myself of some emotional baggage that I no longer need. I’m also hoping that I might reach at least one other person with a similar history, who needs a little help understanding which way to turn. Or maybe help a psychology student gain some insight into the mind of an abuse victim. If I can accomplish any one of these things, all the effort will have been worth it.

None of the events in later portions of this book have been embellished in any way. If anything they have been downplayed simply because I can’t bring myself to delve any deeper into things.

I’d like to point out that I am not writing this for self-glorification, I’m not even putting my real name on the cover, for various reasons. However, my primary reasons for writing this book are 1. As a means of purging some of the experiences from my daily thoughts. and 2. For the thousands of people out there who are still being abused. To show them that they are not alone, there is help and hope available, if they would just take the first step and reach out. That step can be as simple as picking up the phone, calling a hot line, and saying I need help. I won’t lie to you, it’s not going to be easy, but if you can say the words, even in the silence of your own mind, I need help, that is the first and most difficult step.

What Is Abuse?

I don’t really like the idea of separating the forms of abuse, because there is a lot of cross over in all types of abuse. Sexual abuse for example is primarily defined as unwanted or uninvited sexual contact. Such as fondling the private areas, and progressing to include rape. Incest is sexual abuse. There are very few actual lines drawn. The perpetrators and victims can be from all social groups, all ages.

The sexual abuse of children, I think, is the worst. Because they have no understanding of what is happening to them. Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers even Babysitters, any of them can be perpetrators. For me it was my older Brother. It started with fondling when I was about 5 years old, progressing to include bestiality, and eventually rape, by the time I was 12. He told me that this was how people showed they loved each other, that he did these things because he loved me, and if I loved him I would let him. At that age, in the early 1960’s, I didn’t know what telling a lie meant. Even when I did know, surely my brother wouldn’t lie to me he loved me. He protected me from neighborhood bullies, sometimes even from my older sisters, I worshipped him. If the things he did when we were alone felt uncomfortable or even hurt that was ok, because he was showing me that he loved me. Maybe love was supposed to feel that way.

As I said at the beginning of this, there is a lot of cross over. Sexual abuse expands to encompass the physical, emotional and mental areas of abuse. There is no separation here everything is damaged.

I know I’ve written most of this as it relates to the sexual abuse of children. The reason for this is that I was a child when it happened to me; this is the perspective I know. I do believe however, that the same concepts of feelings can be applied to adult rape victims. The only difference would be that an adult could more easily articulate the experience, simply by means of increased vocabulary. That may or may not be an aid to treatment, but in no way, shape or form should it be imagined that it would diminish the feelings of violation in any way. They would still have to fight the emotional issues in trying to talk about it.

I believe this to be the worst form of abuse. It damages the body and mind, as well as crippling the emotions and distorting reality.

There are also many forms that physical abuse can take. What we hear about most often is the abuse of children. Babies being shaken or abandoned in hotel rooms, children beaten black and blue for speaking out of turn, or any number of other imagined infractions. Also abuse of women. I’m also sure there are probably men out there being abused by their wives/girlfriends. But what self respecting man is going to admit to getting beat up by a woman, much less report it? No matter what the situation there is always someone to ask, Why don’t they just leave? It seems like a simple enough solution. If only it were true.

News Flash!!! They don’t leave because they are conditioned to stay. More often