Mirrors

By Nijah Allen

Mirrors will tell you the things that most gold diggers, predators, users, abusers , players, and losers do not want you to know, because if you did than they would not be able to wrap your emotions and mind around their fingers to take advantage of you. Learn the "game" that no one ever talks about! You will be able to predict if you have been targeted, how to actively listen, how to protect yourself and how to heal from it all. In these writings you will discover exactly what it is that men and women use to capture you and than run away with your heart and money! Prepare to be captivated, inspired, stronger and wiser.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nijah Allen
• Release date: Jun 27, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310512148

Nijah Allen

The relationships that we encounter throughout life has a way of mirroring ourselves. Through those relationship experiences we learn what emotions need to be healed within. If you always attract a cheating mate, there is a reason why. If you always attract codependent partners, there is a reason why. There is a reason why someone has chosen to not commit to you and marries someone else. Loneliness, rejection, and abandonment issues can cause you to self sabotage your relationships. Through the experiences that has been written in this book, you will learn how to have the love that you truly desire

Book preview

Mirrors

By

Nijah Allen

Copyright ©2014 by Nijah Allen

All rights reserved, including the right of

Reproduction in whole or in part in any

form First Nijah Allen eBook edition

CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1: How It All Began

CHAPTER 2: The Master Manipulator

CHAPTER 3: The Blessings

CHAPTER 4: Talk That Talk

CHAPTER 5: The Healing Process

CHAPTER 6: The Dating Scene

CHAPTER 7: The Friend Zone

CHAPTER 8: The Hood Mentality

CHAPTER 9: The Birth

Acknowledgements

First, I give thanks to God. I would not have made it through anything with such strength and determination if I did not have faith and spirituality. Secondly, I would like to give thanks to my mother, unbeknownst to you, you had taught me to intuitively embrace my intuition at an early age, and the instinct had developed into physical and mental strength. A special thanks to my childhood friends Dee Jennings, Duke Togo, and Donovan Carr. My friends have taught me, by example, about how to have healthy relationships and how to end negativity. You have given me irreplaceable, intangible things that I had never received from my parents. The three of you are a part of my source, and my adult foundation. Thank You!

I want to thank everyone in my life who is straightforward and loyal to me. You have helped me stay on a straight path of womanhood, success and a constant friendly reminder that no matter how old I get I will never be too old to learn. I am happy to have you in my life because you are a testimony of healthy relationships. I also want to thank a few of my professors at Monroe College. Professor Espinosa, for teaching me about marketing and showing me how to publish my first book. Professor and Dr. Perez. I want to thank you, not only for your legal advice but also for everything that you have done for me. As a student of Monroe College, I can honestly say that the professors genuinely cared, and that made a huge difference in my learning experience.

I also want to thank a few New York Times best-selling authors and life coaches, Adrian Milan and Derrick Jaxn. By reaching out to me through social media, the two of you had inspired me to become a certified life coach. My goal is to capture souls and heal relationships one person at a time. Thank you!

(WARNING)

This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions or the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

introduction

Everyone has experienced some form of abuse be it mentally, emotionally, financially, or physically. We all can remember some childhood trauma that has morphed into our adulthood and created deep seeded issues that we may have discovered by chance, someone telling you, or the hard way. We often times learn the best and worst lessons through pain and the latter part are what spurred me into writing this book. There is a saying that states people will mistake your kindness for weakness. In my case, I had been for granted and taken advantage of. I will tell you my story from my perspective about dysfunction of all forms from an emotional and mental aspect. I will teach you what positive relationships look like and how they should feel. The red flags of people who do not care and are only out to get what they need from you and how to counter act the buffoonery. You will understand why being friends with opposite sex is a bad idea. You will also know how to spot a user by active listening. Here you will learn how to handle yourself, how to observe a potential mate, why men cheat, how to spot a controlling man, and how to choose your friends. I hope to inspire all who reads these writings into broadening your decision-making skills. Now go grab a glass of wine or a cup of tea. Take your shoes off and put your feet up because my journey is one suspenseful experience after another!

Chapter 1

How It All Began

I remember not seeing my father too often. Whenever he came around, I was always happy to be in his presence, though sometimes I felt he did not feel the same way about me. There were times when he would walk into the railroad apartment that my mother and other siblings lived in and walked right past me, never even bothering to say hello. Then he left. It had been quite some time since I last saw my father and when I overheard my mother on the telephone saying he would be visiting I was excited. In my adolescent mind, I was going to surprise my father when he came by the apartment. In my mind, he was going to be excited to see me, just as much as I was excited to see him. After all, it had been awhile since daddy saw his little girl. In my mind I envisioned hearing him open the apartment door, walking through the rooms of the railroad flat, and I would spring forth from the closet of my bedroom all while saying ‘’daddy’’! In the happiest tone of voice that I could muster up and he was going to embrace me. In my mind, he was going to be happy to see me. Wrong script. As he entered the apartment and walked through the rooms, I sprang forth from the closet with my arms wide-open, compellingly astatic saying ‘’DADDY’’! Moreover, he looked at me as if I was insane and said…. MOVE! As he pushed me out of his way, I stumbled back into the closet. Shocked and hurt I stayed in that closet and cried. It seemed like I was in that closet for a very long time. He never checked on me to see why I was as quiet as I was. He never heard my muffled cries. Then he left. He was the first man in my life to break my heart. He was the first man that showed me, the man that I love would walk out of my life and never look back. At least, that was how I saw it. I was never going to embrace him again. Not after the way he made me feel. Moreover, this is how the beginning began. Throughout my life, I had a pattern of abusive relationships with men, family, and friends. I was nurturing and caring towards everyone while everyone overlooked me. I was supportive, and nurturing towards those who were around me that wanted or needed my help. Like my relationship with my father, I was loyal while the other party could care less. It took me many years to see that those who surrounded me simply were in my life to get what they needed. Once that need was no longer there they would walk out of my life. When they needed me again they would test the waters so to speak to see how I was going to receive them. Once they were ready to walk away again that is just what they did. While I hurt silently, I knew these people had no idea how devastated I was. They had no idea how much I cared about them nor did they ever noticed my sincerity at all. The heartache was similar to the heartache that I had experienced when my father walked out of my life. People began to walk in and out of my life like a revolving door and I would always accept them back regardless of how they treated me. Regardless of the instability and inconsistency, I forgave these offenders, mostly because I was never the type of person to hold a grudge nor did I have the strength to tell the person how hurt I was about whatever it was they had done to hurt me. A part of me was molded at an early age to keep quiet, take the abuse, and not speak up. What my mother showed me was that my thoughts, feelings and opinion did not matter. Just accept the abuse, burry the anguish, never speak about it, and move on. After a while of an adult figure pounding things into my head or beat into me, I began to believe it. I took those physical beatings by my mother to mean that I must shut up verbally, spiritually, and emotionally. I took it that way because I was not feasible for me to express myself. If I asked about my father, she would seem to be frustrated and beat me. If I said or asked certain things I would get beat, and that beating meant shut up. I grew tired of always getting beat so I did what she wanted me to do, which meant that I had to stop asking about my father. I shut up in ways that I never knew would hinder me for years to come. As a child, I did not know that type of behavior was wrong but I did sense something was wrong. As a child, I did not have the capacity to think how this behavior was going to have a negative affect my relationships and me later on in my life. As a child I felt as if I was trained for what looked like: DOORMAT WALK ALL OVER ME. I thought I was supposed to accept and endure abuse, and shut up. Perhaps that was not the impression my parental figure intended to bestow upon me but that was the way I was seeing things. I often times wondered how my parents had been treated when they were being raised by their parents. I wondered if they were nurtured by their parents, supported, hugged, or if their parents told them that, they were loved. I wondered if they were knowledgeable enough to break the generational cycle of detachment. The way my life was beginning to shape between both parental figures directly and indirectly, it was no surprise I attracted relationships that were abusive. What was abnormal to some people was normality in my world. I did not know anything else about life because I had never seen anything better. When you are in a world of dysfunction, dysfunction is normal. As I grew older I began to meet people who did not have the same mindset and background as I did, thus they viewed me as abnormal while I had convinced myself that they were telling me lies about their life. I thought his or her parents into believing lies and enduring abuse had forced everyone. When I interacted with other family members outside of the household all I saw was envy and separation. That caused me to assume everyone’s family was the same way and I was completely wrong. It was not until I met a woman whom I called stud muffin, that I began to see for myself that real family and friends stick together. Family showed each other that they cared by guiding each other to learn to make the right decisions on their own, to learn when someone is taking advantage of them, and support when needed at any time, especially during the phase when the person is most vulnerable. What I saw was something I never had and it was what I wanted. Needless to say it had never dawned on me that there were people in the world who would prey on that need, and manipulate me just to get their short term needs fulfilled. Nor did I ever imagine that I bring valuable things to the table in relationships because I was able to fulfill their basic