Ep. 31 – Mila, Age 9: When someone tries to be annoying | Taking care of yourself versus trying to change othersWhat can Mila and her friends do about a kid who keeps bothering them?Scroll down for discussion questions, a transcript, and how to submit your child's question.Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at EileenKennedyMoore.com. Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get episodes sent to your email plus Q&A posts for parents.SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTICAdults, please use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:1) their FIRST NAME (or another name),2) their AGE, and3) a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)Submit the question at DrFriendtastic.com/podcast or email it to DrF@EileenKennedyMoore.com. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)THINK ABOUT IT QUESTIONS to discuss with your childDo you or someone you know fit the description of a high-energy kid who has trouble sitting still and tends to act without thinking about what might happen or how others might react? What are some good things about having a lot of energy? In what ways can it cause problems with adults or other kids?What does compassion mean? Why can imagining what life is like for someone else help us gain compassion for that person? Why is it important to try to find compassion even for people who annoy us?Dr. Friendtastic said, “If you’ve asked a kid politely to stop doing something two times, and they haven’t listened, they’re probably not going to listen.” Why is this a useful guideline? (Hint: What does it prevent you from doing? What does it allow you to focus on instead?)We can’t control what others do, but we can control how we think about our situation. How can deciding that something someone else does isn’t important be a way of taking care of yourself?How do you know when to ignore other kids’ misbehavior and when to go to the teacher or other adult for help?TRANSCRIPTWelcome! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.Here’s today’s question:Hello, my name is Mila, and I'm nine years old. There's this one guy at school who's very annoying to me and my friends. He draws on our desk and calls us names. How do you think we should handle it?Hi, Mila. Thanks for sending in your question. I can see why you’re feeling annoyed with this kid! So, what do you do when someone is trying to bother you? That’s something a lot of kids have wondered.One important fact that you mentioned is that he’s not doing this stuff just to you; he’s also doing it to your friends. That makes me think this kid is probably someone who has trouble controlling his behavior, in general. He may be very restless and easily distracted. He may tend to do things without thinking about what will happen or how other people will react.Being in a classroom that requires a lot of sitting still and being quiet can be challenging for a high-energy kid like him. I bet he gets in trouble with the teacher a lot. He also may have a hard time making friends because his goofy actions can make other kids not want to be around him.I wonder if you and your friends can find some compassion for this kid by imagining what things are like for him in school. That’s hard to do when you’re feeling annoyed by someone, but it’s also a kind choice.Finding compassion doesn’t mean believing that his actions–calling you names and writing on your desks–are okay. They’re definitely not!I’m assuming that you and your friends have tried asking him to stop, and he hasn’t listened. He might even have done it more!So, here’s a useful guideline to keep in mind: If you’ve asked a kid politely to stop doing something two times, and they haven’t listened, they’re probably