Ep. 17 – Sophie, Age 10: Balancing a best friend and another friend | Appreciating different flavors of friendsSophie is deciding whether to sit on the bus with her close friend or a new friend. Scroll down for discussion questions, a transcript, and how to submit your child's question.Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at EileenKennedyMoore.com. Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get episodes sent to your email plus Q&A posts for parents.SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTICAdults, please use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:1) their FIRST NAME (or another name),2) their AGE, and3) a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)Submit the question at DrFriendtastic.com/podcast or email it to DrF@EileenKennedyMoore.com. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)THINK ABOUT IT QUESTIONS to discuss with your childWhat are some ways that friendship groups can be more complicated than individual friendships?Have you ever tried to change friendship groups? Why did you want to make the change? How did it go?Why does Dr. Friendtastic recommend belonging to more than one friendship group?Why do you think kids sometimes try to hide or change something about themselves to fit in? How is that different from belonging?TRANSCRIPTWelcome! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.Here’s today’s question:Hi, my name is Sophie, and I am 10 years old. what do you do for if a classmate wants to sit with you on the bus, but you really want to sit with your best friend?Hi, Sophie! That’s a tricky question! Thanks for sending it in.On the one hand, you like your close friend a lot, so of course you want to spend as much time with her as possible.Also, you two might have a routine of sitting together on the bus. You wouldn’t want your close friend to feel dumped because she was counting on sitting with you, but you suddenly sat with someone else.On the flip side, this other friend is doing something kind: she’s telling you she likes you and wants to spend time with you. I’m sure you don’t want to hurt her feelings by responding to her kindness with rejection.There’s no one correct answer in this situation. The important thing is to try to be kind and respectful to both friends and to yourself. Communicating clearly can help you do that.If the bus seats are big enough, it might be a good idea to have the second friend join you and your close friend, so all three of you sit together. That way no one feels left out, but, of course, it wouldn’t be the same as just you and your close friend sitting together. Also, the bus driver might not allow three-to-a-seat.Another option is to thank the second friend for her kind invitation and then explain to her that you’ve already promised to sit with your close friend (if that’s true).A good way to soften a no is to tell someone, “I can’t do that, but I CAN do this.” So you could say, “I can’t sit with you on the bus in the morning, but I can sit with you on the afternoon ride” or “I can sit with you at lunch” or “I can get together with you after school.” The “I CAN do this” part shows that you care about the other friend, even if you’re not doing exactly what she wants.Still another option is to talk with your close friend about sometimes mixing things up and sitting with other kids.Why would you do that? Why not just stick with your closest friend all the time?Think about your favorite dinner. Let’s say it’s spaghetti. Let’s say you love eating spaghetti. Why don’t you eat spaghetti for every single meal? Well, as much as you love spaghetti, there are probably other meals you like, too, so you don’t want to limit yourself to only eating spaghetti. Sometimes you’re