Episode 8 – Blake, Age 11: Excluded by friends | On the edge of a friendship group?________Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at EileenKennedyMoore.com. Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER drfriendtastic.substack.com to get episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.Scroll down for discussion questions and a transcript.SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTICAdults, please use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:1) their FIRST NAME,2) their AGE, and3) a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)Submit the question at DrFriendtastic.com/podcast or email it to DrF@EileenKennedyMoore.com. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)THINK ABOUT IT QUESTIONS to discuss with your childHave you ever felt left out of your group of friends? What happened? How did you handle it?What are some unhurtful reasons why kids might get together with some of their friends in a group but not all of them?Excluding just one kid from a group get-together is likely to hurt that kid’s feelings. If you like that kid, what are some ways you could help that kid feel less hurt? If you don’t like that kid, what are some kinder ways to handle that?Why do you think it’s not a good idea to yell at your friends if they get together without you?What are some fun ideas of things you could invite a group of friends to do with you?TRANSCRIPTWelcome! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.Let’s listen to today’s question.Hi, Dr. Friendtastic. My name is Blake, and I'm 11 years old. My question about friendship is: When your group of friends doesn't invite include you in something, what should you do?Hi, Blake, thanks for sending in your question. Knowing that your friends got together without you could make anyone feel hurt and angry. It definitely doesn’t feel good to be left out!I have a question for you: How do your friends treat you when you’re together? That’s a very important thing to think about to help you figure out what their getting together without you might mean.If your friends seem happy to see you, and they’re usually kind to you, then the fact that they got together without you might mean absolutely nothing. Can you think of some unhurtful reasons why they might have done this? Maybe it was a last-minute thing. Maybe they live close together and just popped over, or they were together at some event and just continued hanging out afterward. Maybe they had to get together for a school project. Maybe they like to do a certain activity or have a certain interest that you don’t share, and they just got together to do that. Maybe they didn’t realize you would want to be included in what they were doing.All of these scenarios would mean that the get-together has nothing to do with how they feel about you. In that case, you could either say, “Wow, that sounds fun!” and leave it at that, or “Wow, that sounds fun! Next time, please invite me. I’d love to do that with you!”Another possibility is that your friends like you, but some of your friends are closer to each other than they are to you. It may be that they see you more on the edge of the friendship group, rather than in the center. That happens. Maybe you’re fairly new to this group or the other kids might have more in common. You can’t do anything to make their friendships less close. But you might be able to build up your closeness with them and become more of a central part of the group. Try inviting the whole group to do something fun with you. Being the kid who has good ideas of fun things to do can be a great role to have.You could also decide just to accept that you’re friends with these kids but not close friends. That’s fine. You can enjoy their company when you’re together but