Ep. 29 – Abby, Age 9: Dealing with Teasing | Dealing with spill-over anger. Avni asks what to do when a friend is angry about someone or something else but takes it out on her.Scroll down for discussion questions, a transcript, and how to submit your child's question.Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at EileenKennedyMoore.com. Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get episodes sent to your email plus Q&A posts for parents.SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTICAdults, please use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:1) their FIRST NAME (or another name),2) their AGE, and3) a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)Submit the question at DrFriendtastic.com/podcast or email it to DrF@EileenKennedyMoore.com. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)THINK ABOUT IT QUESTIONS to discuss with your childDo you have strong feelings about bananas? Why or why not? (OK, that question doesn’t have anything to do with friendship, but it’s fun to think about!)What are some reasons why kids tease? Can you think of a time that someone teased you in a friendly way? How could you tell it was friendly rather than mean teasing?Have you ever been the target of mean teasing? What happened? How did you respond?Have you ever teased someone in what you thought was a fun and friendly way but the other kid got upset? What happened? Why do you think that kid was bothered by what you said? What did you do to help the other kid feel better?Why is it important to tell a friend if their teasing bothers you? What could happen to your friendship if you don’t say anything about that?Dr. Friendtastic gave lots of examples of neutral or boring responses to teasing. Why might those work better than yelling at the teaser? Which of those comments would you feel comfortable saying if you were teased?TRANSCRIPTWelcome! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.Here’s today’s question:I’m Abby. I am 9. My question is, why do people tease you for attention?Hi, Abby! That’s a very interesting question. Almost every kid has been teased, and it can be upsetting. You might feel angry, embarrassed, hurt, or sad. Teasing involves a combination of humor and aggression. The person getting teased may not find if funny, but the teaser almost always claims that they’re just trying to be funny. There are lots of different kinds of teasing. Someone might take something of yours and hold it out of your reach. Or they might make fun of how you look or tell an embarrassing story about something you did. They might trash talk you during a sports game or call you names or imitate you in an exaggerated way. They might even tease you with noises, like saying, “Nyah Nyah!”You mentioned teasing for attention. Often kids tease because they’re looking for a reaction from the person being teased. They may feel powerful or find it entertaining if the kid being teased gets upset. Teasers might also be trying to impress others. They might think that if they point out someone else’s differences or difficulties, it makes them look better. That’s not true. You can’t lift yourself up by putting others down.Sometimes kids join in on teasing because they want to be part of a group and distance themselves from the kid being teased–sort of like announcing, “I’m nothing like that kid!”Sometimes teasers are mad about something but don’t want to say it directly, so they lash out indirectly, through teasing. That’s not a good way to solve problems!But sometimes teasing is a friendly sign of affection and playfulness. So, how can you tell the difference between friendly and unfriendly teasing?The most important clue is your relationship with the teaser. If you usually