Ep. 32 – Tara, Age 12: Friend is pulling away | TTrying to reconnect when a friendship starts to fadeTara wonders what to do when a friend becomes less interested in hanging out with the group.Scroll down for discussion questions, a transcript, and how to submit your child's question.Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at EileenKennedyMoore.com. Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get episodes sent to your email plus Q&A posts for parents.SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTICAdults, please use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:1) their FIRST NAME (or another name),2) their AGE, and3) a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)Submit the question at DrFriendtastic.com/podcast or email it to DrF@EileenKennedyMoore.com. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)THINK ABOUT IT QUESTIONS to discuss with your childHave you ever switched friendship groups? What led to that change? How did it work out? To what extent did you stay in touch with your previous friend group?Were you surprised to learn how often kids’ friendships don’t last a full school year? Why or why not? What are some reasons why friends might grow apart?What are two things you should definitely NOT do when you sense a friend is pulling away?Why does Dr. Friendtastic recommend talking to the leaning-away friend one-on-one? Why might that work out better than having the whole group confront this friend?Have you ever reconnected with a friend after you grew apart? What led to you reconnecting?TRANSCRIPTHi, there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.Let’s hear today’s question:My name’s Tara, and I’m in 7th grade, and I'm wondering, what should you should you do if one friend starts to kind of lean away from the group?Hi, Tara, thank you for sending in this question! It sounds like your friend is less interested in being part of your group than she was before. It also sounds like you’re not sure why this is happening, and you might be feeling confused, hurt, angry, or rejected.We all like the idea of best friends forever, but scientists have found that changes in friendships are common for kids. Among first graders, half of friendships don’t last a whole school year. Among fourth and eighth graders, one out of every four friendships doesn’t make it through a school year. There are a lot of reasons why a friendship might fizzle. Sometimes there’s a big blow-up, but more often the end of a friendship involves a gradual fade. Kids are constantly growing and changing, and sometimes it just happens–through no one’s fault–that friends grow apart. Maybe you and your friend have different interests now. That could make hanging out together less fun.Maybe your friend is super busy or stressed, or in different classes, or on a different sports team, so you just don’t see each other as much anymore. Maybe you’ve been super busy and your friend thinks you’re not as interested in being friends anymore, so she’s hanging back.Maybe there was some misunderstanding, and she thinks your group doesn’t want her around, or maybe there’s been some change in your group that makes it less fun or less comfortable for her to hang out.Maybe your friend has made some new friends, and she’s trying to divide her time between your old group and the new group. She still likes you, but she also wants to be with the new friends.So, how can you handle this, especially when you don’t know why she’s leaning away? Well, there are a few things you should definitely NOT do. You should definitely not tell everyone she’s mean or stuck up. That’s not kind, and it’s probably not true. Even though you might feel hurt or angry, you also should definitely not yell a