Menopausal Me

By Tonya Young

Good news ladies! Menopause will not beat you! This book is my personal journey leading up to menopause, and how I have handled it with as much grace as one woman can have. I wanted to share with others how I conquered the hot flashes, night sweats, loss of libido, increased sex drive, weight gain, anxiety, mood swings and all the other great things that come along with menopause. After reading my book I want you to feel inspired. I want you to feel like menopause is badge of honor and not a sign of aging and weakness. I want you to feel like a million bucks with the grit and determination to go into this next stage of your life like the Queen's that you are!
I am not a Dr. My college degrees are in Management and Human Resources. It is my experiences as a woman that helped me to write this book. My experiences as a woman who has battled with menopause and has won that battle. I hope that you find what you need in this book. Whether it be extra knowledge on how to battle with menopause and win or a push to get up and start this new chapter of your life anew with more spice than you had before.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 23, 2021
• ISBN: 9781365445118

Book preview

Menopausal Me

By

Tonya Young

Copyright

Menopausal Me

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them. +

ISBN    978-1-365-44511-8

Printed in the United States of America

Copyright © Tonya Young 2021

Publisher:  Tonya Young

..

CONTENTS

Copyright                                                                2

Contents                                                                3

Dedication                                                              4

Acknowledgements 5

Introduction                                                            6-7

Am I ok?                                                                  8-29                                                     

Where are thy eggs?                                                  30-45

Closing up shop                                                        46-60

Stages                                                                        61-73

Where did I put that?                                                  74-82

Why can’t I lose weight?                                              82-111

I need a nap                                                                112-119

Joint pain, Osteoporosis and daily supplements          120-129

Bladder control and libido                                            130-135

Hair loss                                                                        136-144

Anxiety                                                                          145-155

Aging                                                                              156-161

It really isn’t that bad                                                      162-165

Other titles by this author                                              166

Dedication

To my family with love.  My children who drove me crazy when they were kids (the boys especially) to my grandchildren that I get to spoil rotten and give back.  Aliyah, Anson and Alexander although I miss you being children I’m happy with the adults you have become and I’m so grateful for the grandchildren that you have given to me.  Miles, Emery, Lani, Adonis and Genevieve, your nana loves you even during the miserable hot flashes.  You make life worth living.

Reach for the stars but never forget where you came from

Please leave a review on Barnes and nobles’ website or Amazon after purchasing my book

Acknowledgements

To all the women fighting through menopause, remember to be kind to one another and most of all remember to be kind to yourselves.

Tonya Young

Reach for the stars but never forget where you came from

Please leave a review on the site you made your purchase after reading

Introduction

I know that I am not alone in this.  Does everyone else remember a time when we were just itching to become adults?  We could not wait to graduate elementary school and go to school with the big kids.  While in middle school we were itching to get to the ninth grade so that we could attend high school.  Last but not least, we all couldn’t wait to graduate high school and get the hell out of our parents’ homes and get our own places.  Come on now.  Raise your hands.  I know that I’m not alone in this.

    I remember being seventeen and thinking how I could not wait to get away from my parents, their home, their rules, just all of it.  I had this future planned where I would have this huge home, you know sort of like the one that Beyonce and Jay live in or the one that Tom Cruise and Katie use to live in.  That was the vision.  The reality was that no one had ever told me that all of that would be out of my reach unless I either won the lottery or chose a career that would give me the means to have it all.  Now I have no talent when it comes to singing or dancing and I’m an introverted Virgo.  So dancing, singing, and acting would not be for me.  Yes, there are tons of Virgos who are successful entertainers, but I would not be one of them.

    I’ve written and published several books before this one.  A lot of romance and poetry books.  A few years ago, a book club contacted me via email and asked if I would come to one of their book club meetings.  I didn’t want to do it.  I like being behind the scenes.  But everyone kept pushing me into it saying that I would not regret it and it would be a great jump start to my writing career.  So, I showed up to the event and as soon as I stood up to answer questions about my book, I felt clammy and shaky all over.  I had always been the kid in the school play who felt sick just thinking about the crowd looking up on stage at me.  So, I drank a nice hefty bottle of wine and muddled through the event.  I was so nervous that I began forgetting the characters names in the book that I wrote.  When they brought up the fact that they had also purchased one of my poetry books and asked if I would recite one of my poems, I knew I’d be sick.  I’m just not meant to be a performer or the poet/author who stands up in front of people and recites their poetry or pushes their books onto customers.  In other words, I still don’t have that huge house.   

    I was also the little girl who loved babies.  I would be the first person to jump at the chance to hold someone’s baby or to babysit for a parent who wanted to go out for the night.  I always envisioned myself having tons of children.  I wanted that huge family.  Maybe nine or ten kids.  I wanted my kids to have what I never had.  A posse.  I grew up and I fought alone.  I wanted my kids to always have backup in everything that they came across in life.  Unfortunately, when I was a kid and was envisioning how I would have this huge house with all these children running and jumping around in it I did not envision how much having nine or ten children could cost to feed, house and clothe. 

    I also did not count on the fact that one day the time would come when I would not be able to bear my own children.  No one told me that there was a time limit on this thing called childbirth for women.  I thought that I would have all the time in the world to have children.  It is one of the cruelest jokes that nature plays on women.  We get the gift (most of us) of being able to birth our own children and then it is taken away from us.  How cruel is that?  You tell a young woman that she can have all the babies that she wants to have up until a certain period in her life and then that gift vanishes like it had never been gifted to her. 

    This book is my menopause story.  Sort of a memoir of sorts.  It is also my way of helping others who feel like I do get through it.  I have written a lot of personal history in this book, but I do believe that one cannot tell a story by omitting truths.  Plus, my family and friends never read any of my work so they will never know what is in between these pages.  I’m less embarrassed by perfect strangers reading what is in my heart and soul than I am when it comes to family reading my work.  Especially when I talk about such personal things.

    If you are a woman who is beginning your menopause journey or you’re already in it and trying to find your way read my book.  We can sympathize with one another and while at it laugh and cry our way through it together.  Between the hot flashes, mood swings, bloating for no good reason, tired and weariness we feel to the night sweats this menopause thing is a good reason for friends, wine and a good book. 

Am I ok?

Am I ok?  Hell no.

I’m not ok.  This will not be your typical three-hundred, page self-help book.  This book is my way of helping other women who are going through menopause.  A book filled with my own experiences that I look at with a keen eye so that I can look back on how much I’ve grown throughout the process of going through menopause while at the same time showing all of you that you can get through it.  Sort of a memoir with some helpful tips included.  But know this I am no doctor nor am I a nurse practitioner.  This is my story of how I battled with menopause with some helpful tidbits mixed in to hopefully help someone else out with their journey.

        Women should be so much closer to one another.  We should be a better support system for every woman in our lives.  Older women should be teaching younger women about what is to come before they begin to experience all the crap women have to endure in this lifetime.  We all have one thing in common.  Not one of us will get away with not going through menopause if we are blessed to live long enough.  Menopause is universal.  This is something that every woman in this world will one day go through if blessed to live long enough.  Whether a woman is unable to have children during her lifetime or not she too will still have to go through menopause.  Everyone’s journey with menopause is different and the way that each woman deals with this life changing event is different.  The funny thing about it is that we really do not support one another when we are going through it.  It’s like hey it’s your turn go on, and they push you into this deep black bottomless hole.  I do understand the stigma and shame around menopause may cause a lot of women to not want to acknowledge and talk to others about it but it’s the conversations that could be had that just may save marriages, sanity, and lives.

    I used to think that it was men who never talked to one another.  They’d get together, watch sports on television, smoke a little pot, drink a little liquor, yell, scream when their favorite team made a great play, bad play, or won or lost, a game but they never delved deep and really talked to each other.  But women are the same way.  How many deep conversations have you had with your female friends?  When I say deep, I mean like the type of conversations that change relationships, perspectives, and lives.  If you were depressed and you were out with the girl’s, would you say to your friends, hey, I feel suicidal?  Or would you sweep what you are feeling under the rug, pretend to be ok, throw back a few drinks and call it a night?  I can’t speak for you, but I’d have a few drinks, laugh, and smile all night long and go home and worry and still be suicidal.

    Everyone is so uptight and worried about their self-image because no one these days can be trusted.  You tell one person something deep and personal and it could end up on social media or be the newest piece of gossip spreading across town because you told someone who has loose lips.  I always wanted the types of friendships that I read about in books when I was growing up.  The high school girlfriends who would be each other’s ride or dies.  They would tell each other their deepest darkest secrets and know for a fact that those secrets would never leave that friends lips.  Where are those friendships at?  I’ve never experienced that with anyone.  I’m still hopeful that even at my age my best friend is out there, and I will find her.  My point is if you can only have superficial conversations with people who are supposed to be your friends who do you talk to when it comes to issues like menopause, self-love, suicidal thoughts, heart breaks and everything else that life has to throw at you? 

    I was a suicidal kid.  I was a suicidal teenager.  I attempted suicide several times as a teenager.  If I had someone that I could talk to, whether it was someone my age or someone older I probably could have sorted that pain out and it would not have latched onto my soul turning me into someone who just no longer wanted to breathe.  We must do better as women.  We spend so much time judging one another and not enough time looking inside at the beauty each one of us possesses nor enough time saying, hey are you ok.  Because nine times out of ten if you ask a woman if they are ok and she can truly trust you she will say hell no I’m not ok.  No one can be okay everyday of their lives and yet we answer I’m great every time someone asks if we are ok because we are too ashamed and afraid to show vulnerability to another human being. 

    If there are women in your life, ask them if they are ok.  Especially women 45 and over.  No one ever asks if we are okay.  I can count on one hand how many times I have gotten a phone call from someone who has asked me are you ok.  We live in such a fast paced me, me, me type of world that all most people think about is whether they are okay without ever once wondering what another human being is going through. 

    So, let’s get to the topic of menopause.  Everyone’s story with menopause is different.  Let’s take my mothers.  She was in her early forties and because of fibroids and horrible period cramps she was told by a gynecologist that the best road for her to take would be a hysterectomy.  This was back in the early 80’s when gynecologists were giving out hysterectomies like Oprah was giving away cars.  You get a hysterectomy, you get a hysterectomy, hell everyone gets a hysterectomy!  Unfortunately for my mother and other women who were having issues she chose the hysterectomy route.  Doctors tend to perform the surgery on women unnecessarily.  I wonder how many women including my mother had hysterectomy when they didn’t really need one.  I personally know women in their fifties who had hysterectomies in their forties.  Women who don’t have children and never will conceive their own children due to having the surgery.  There are so many different procedures, non-invasive procedure that are so much easier to recover from than a hysterectomy.  I for one want to go out with everything that I came into the world with.  Every single organ including my uterus.

    I still remember the day that my mother came home from the hospital after the hysterectomy.  She was in a tremendous amount of pain.  She could barely walk and was not a happy camper.  My stepfather helped her into the house, through the living room, through the dining room and into their bedroom while my brother and I stood in the dining room and watched her, too afraid to ask her if she was ok.  The bedroom door closed.  When my stepfather reemerged, we were told not to bother our mother.  Do not under any circumstances knock on her bedroom door.  No one sit us down and told us what was going on.  Yes, it is a deep conversation to have with children, but we would have been better off with an explanation. 

    If you have children talk to them.  Especially your daughters.  Let them know what you’re going through and why.  Let them know that you are not trying to scare them but trying to educate them so that one day when they are in your shoes, they will have