Glowing in God Through the Loss of a Child: Life Altering Truths in the Pit of Grief and God’s Pursuit of Me

By Indira Onwuzurike MD MBA FAAP

The loss of a child is the worst nightmare of any parent. The scar from this tragedy runs deep and sometimes hard to heal. In this book a woman tells of her journey through the dark pit of grief, how God pursued her into the pit. Leaning completely on God’s presence and comfort He was able to restore the joy-of-the-Lord by healing her completely from all pain, sorrow, and shame of tragedy. In the process she discovers Life altering truths about God. Yes, complete healing, without lingering grief symptoms is completely possible after the death of a child!

“To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”

—Isaiah 49:13 NLT

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 29, 2020
• ISBN: 9781664212077

Indira Onwuzurike MD MBA FAAP

Indira Onwuzurike was a former Assistant Professor of Pediatric Emergency Medicine at Oakland University/William Beaumont Hospital, Royal oak, Michigan, and Wayne State University/Children’s Hospital of Michigan. She is board certified both in Pediatrics and Pediatric Emergency Medicine and has been a physician for almost thirty years. Currently she is a Medical Director in the Healthcare Industry. She is married and blessed with four children. She is the founder and CEO of WIWD Foundation, a charitable service organization formed to honor the legacy of her eighteen years old son, Ikechukwu who died a month after High School graduation. She is the author of Losing Ike to God and How God Comforted Us. Her passion is to help others overcome tragedy and come to a place of complete healing, purposeful and joyful living.

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He shot his arrows deep into my heart.12

He has filled me with bitterness and given me a bitter cup of sorrow to drink.15

I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.20

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease.21

---- Lamentation 3: 12-21NLT

DEDICATION

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To my children Ike (in Heaven), Chiebuka, Udodi and Amarachi for their constant reminder to me, during the dark years in the pit, that Ike is in heaven and it’s not a bad thing and we should not be sad about that it for too long.

To Chris my husband, for being strong for all of us.

To All parents, who have buried a child and possibly still struggling with the physical loss.

To All who have suffered a lose and having a hard time reconciling the pain, and suffering with an omnipotent, sovereign God who loves His people.

To all the people that God had used to show His tender loving mercy to me and helped me as I struggled to get out of the pit.

CONTENTS

DEDICATION

INTRODUCTION

PART ONE

AN ANGEL AMONG US

Chapter 1    THE SHOCK – When Everything Changed

Chapter 2    THE LEGACY OF IKECHUKWU ONWUZURIKE: GOD FIRST OTHERS SECOND SELF LAST

PART TWO

THE PIT

Chapter 3    IN THE PIT

Chapter 4    LIFE IN THE PIT: SUMMER OF 2014

Chapter 5    GOD’S GRIEF INTENSIVE CARE

Chapter 6    AN ANGEL AMONG US

Chapter 7    LOVE LETTERS IN THE SKY

Chapter 8    2016: FORGETTING THE FORMER THINGS

Chapter 9    PARENTAL LEGACY

Chapter 10    RISE AND PRAISE (RAP) MOVEMENT

Chapter 11    OUT OF THE PIT!

PART THREE

GLOWING MOMENTS IN MY GRIEF: LIFE ALTERING TRUTHS

Chapter 12    GRIEF AND GLOWING IN GOD

Chapter 13    ESSENTIALS OF MY COMPLETE HEALING

Chapter 14    BEAUTIFICATION OF OUR SCAR

INTRODUCTION

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For I know the plan I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 28:11 NIV

My oldest child Ikechukwu, Ike (E-kay) as he was fondly called drowned on a lake while hanging out with friends one month after graduating from High School. He was 18 years old. He was NOT the reckless type! Six months after his death New Year Eve I was in my closet wailing bitterly into a pillow so my children would not hear. I could feel the presence of God there in my closet. He seemed to wait for me to stop crying. When I did, I could hear Him letting me know that it grieves Him that I was still crying bitterly six months after Ike came to Him. Onwegi ihe ojoo mere gi (I did you no wrong) I heard Him say to my spirit. You have six months left to publish the book about Ike that should be published by his one-year memorial. I have another assignment for you. I need you to write a second book with the title GLOWING IN GOD THROUGH THE LOSE OF A CHILD. My child you do not have time to spend crying. Get your self together. I have given you all the grace you need to accomplish that which I have assigned to you.

I hope you are comfortable with my claim that God speaks to me. If you believe in God through Jesus Christ, you should hear God speak to you. He is constantly speaking to us as a father would in any relationship. The bible is written as God spoke to His people. Jesus said, My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27 NIV. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21 NIV

The book about Ike, LOSING IKE TO GOD AND HOW GOD COMFORTED US was written by His grace and published before his one-year memorial.

I did not think that the word GLOW, Ike’s death, intense pain, and suffering belong together. This is so because I interpreted the GLOW in the secular sense of the word. But the GLOW in the eyes of GOD is a lot different. God always wants us to reflect His image as we Glow in Him.

This catastrophic event eventually catapulted me into a quest for the value of pain and suffering. As a Pediatric Emergency Medicine physician, I have stared at the face of human pain and suffering. Is there a purpose for pain and suffering in our existence? Why do we go through incredible heart wrenching painful ordeals? Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life. -- Oswald Chambers. Why would a good God allow so much pain & suffering? Afterall He is Omnipotent and Almighty God. When my father died sixteen years before Ike died, I struggled with these questions. The beginning of 2014, the year Ike died my relationship with God seem to be deepening on many levels. I spent more time with God in prayer and bible reading. Little did I know that our sovereign God was preparing me for Ike’s exit. When Ike died, I never questioned whether God is good. I never even asked Him why Ike. I felt He was trying to do something that required Ike to go back to heaven. At the same time, the value of pain and suffering still eluded me. Somewhere in my subconscious I felt that pain and suffering have a value that is too pure almost divine for us to go after on our own! I felt its value must be forced on us for us to be able to grasp it. I also felt pain and suffering were needed for us to be who we are created to be and achieve our purpose for God on this earth and in the life to come.

This book is about how God pursued me through the dark slippery terrains of Sorrow, Grief, and Depression. How God rebuilt me doing the things that only Him can do and giving me the grace to do the part that He God had assigned me to do. I felt He was inviting me on a journey that will change me at every bend and bridge-crossing. As we journeyed, I learnt things about God and about myself that I am convinced could ONLY be taught through my pain and suffering and no other way! Leaning completely on His presence and comfort He was able to restore the joy-of-the-Lord by healing me completely from all pain, shame, sorrow, and grief. Yes, Complete healing is completely possible after the death of a child!

As I am writing this book it has been 6 years since Ike transited. I hope through the pages of this book to give hope to all who are grieving the loss of a loved one especially the loss of a child. I will share the process by which I arrived at complete healing through His grace, love, and comfort. Sharing this I believe is one of the reasons I had to go through what I went through; to enable me to help others who are struggling with the loss of a child. who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ….2 Corinthians 1:4 NIV

I strongly believe we are sent to planet Earth for God-given purposes. Some of those purposes entail us going through the ‘valley and shadow of death’ to get to the side where accomplishing our purposes is made possible as a result of wisdom acquired in the’ valley and shadow of death’. It is impossible to remain the same if we become pliable as raw gold is in the hands of the our Goldsmith, - God and allow God to refine us as the Goldsmith refines Raw Gold to get it to Shine - Glow. We will not be the same after the heating, melting, molding, cooling, and shining process. Just like Gold we will Glow and reflect His image as we were created to do! But He knows where I am going. And when he has tested me, I will come out as pure as Gold Job 23:10 NLT

Suffering and pain may be undeserved, but it is never purposeless!

This book is divided into three parts. The first part is about Ike, the second part is about my journey in the pit of grief and the third part is filled with glow moments. Most of the dated paragraphs in this book are from the journal I kept during my grieving period.

PART ONE

AN ANGEL AMONG US

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For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better.

--Philippians 1:21 NLT ⁶

When you were born, you cried, and the world rejoiced.

Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

--CHEROKEE SAYING

CHAPTER 1

THE SHOCK – When Everything Changed

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Who is he who speaks, and it comes to pass, when the Lord has not commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that woe and wellbeing proceed? Lamentations 3: 37-38 NKJV

I saw no temple in the city, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. Revelation 21: 22-23. NLT

Revelation 21: 22-23 was my devotional morning bible verse of the day, the day Ike died. God chose for me to read about heaven as my son will be entering it, in some hours. Isn’t that something?

Monday, June 16th, 2014 was my daughter Amarachi’s birthday she turned 9 years. We had dinner at home that lasted more than three hours. After dinner we sat around the table enjoying Amarachi’s birthday Ice cream cake. No one wanted to leave the table, even after we had finished eating. We went from one funny topic/joke to another. Thinking about it now, God gave us an opportunity to have a long last supper with Ike before He took him the next day. Later that night Ike and his siblings were up late watching the movie Lego that recently came out.

The morning of June 17th Ike was up early, he was going to hang out with friends, and I was heading out into the hospital for a meeting. Before his father and I left for the day we called Ike so we could pray for him. He knelt in the middle of the family room, his father and I each with our right hands on each shoulder pray for him to have fun and come back safely with his friends. As with any parent, I spilled all the safety advice. He nodded and smiled tenderly at me. You see Ike has the wisdom of an 80 years old, if you knew him, he probably does not