Fairytales to Forgiveness: A Story of Marriage Realness and Hope Including 15 Steps to Cultivate a Thriving Culture in your Marriage & Home

By Becca Gunyon MCC

Fairytales are full of love, beauty, and adventure. Yet, fairytales are not real, for God writes stories far more incredible. As I flip back through chapters of our life, seasons of our story feel like a life-time ago. Yet, scars remind me that these years are a reality. It’s truly a beautiful mystery how God transforms a scar into a message of hope. By sharing our realness, may you feel courage to look in the mirror and take an honest evaluation of your marriage, your relationship with your children, and the way you feel about yourself. We hope our message encourages couples to take each other by the hand and step toward healing. Every step, every moment, every choice to love is worth it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 25, 2024
• ISBN: 9798385017072

Becca Gunyon MCC

Becca Gunyon, MCC loves moments with her family laughing, learning, sporting, serving, growing, and walking through life’s adventure together. Writing, counseling, mentoring, speaking, parent coaching are elements of ministry that she enjoys as Executive Director of The Way Counseling.

Book preview

Copyright © 2024 Becca Gunyon, MCC.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

844-714-3454

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 979-8-3850-1706-5 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-1707-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2024901074

WestBow Press rev. date:  01/25/2024

Scripture quotations marked AMPC are taken from the Amplified® Bible (AMPC), Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from the ESV Bible® (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scriptures quotations marked GNB or GNT are from the Good News Bible © 1994 published by the Bible Societies/HarperCollins Publishers Ltd UK, Good News Bible © American Bible Society 1966, 1971, 1976, 1992. Used with permission.

Scripture quotations marked MSG or The Message are taken from The Message. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked AMP are taken from the Amplified® Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Contents

PART 1

Chapter 1 The Journey Begins

Chapter 2 Stepping toward Healing

Chapter 3 Transformation

Chapter 4 Tearing Down Walls

Chapter 5 Living Forgiving and Enjoying

Chapter 6 Focusing on Progress

PART 2

Accepting God’s Love

Choosing Gratitude

Focusing on His Strengths

Showing Respect

Thinking Well of Him

Praying for Him

Choosing Kindness

Learning to Laugh

Forgiving Continually

Leaning In

Blessing Him

Communicating

Honoring Him Financially

Asking God for Wisdom

Flowing from the Source

The Best Version of Me

What Has He Called me to do Today?

Building Our Home

The Plan is Good

The Gift of Adversity

I Loved Being Here

Would I Want to be Parented by Me?

Entrusting

The Gift of Forgiveness

What Can I Do?

Endnote from Dan...

References

Biblical References

Thank you...

For the heart of God and the healing power of Jesus

To our kids, Owin, Addi, Eben, John E, and Anden, who give love and forgiveness

To Rachel Crawshaw, our counselor and lifetime mentor

To my dear friend, amazing words smith, and editor, Lexie Fish

To Mick and Donna Gunyon and Jim and Danise Owings (our parents) for their example of love and commitment

To all of our siblings—we are grateful for each of you!

To our amazing friends who walked through our messy with us

To ministries like Lighthouse Family Retreat, Young Life, and Churches that allow families to serve together, which transforms lives.

bg.jpg

PART 1

Fairytales to Forgiveness

The Backstory of this Book

Our favorite stories draw us in with beauty, delight, and mystery. Capturing the reader with hope of a unique yet dazzling conclusion, the reader or viewer stays engaged in the story. At times we wonder, why am I reading this book or watching this movie? If you are reading this story, you may find yourself asking the same question. At times, you will feel as though the action is stuck, it was. In certain sections, you will wonder how the characters (us) are going to solve the dilemma, God does. There are moments that you will relate with Dan or I and probably feel overwhelmed, we did.

Our story began as what seemed a beautiful beginning of peace and happiness, yet there were hints of impending danger. We ignored these warning signs until we were years into our marriage. As you read this story, our greatest hope is that you will join us in walking through the mess and choose forgiveness and healing. Why? Because it is worth it. We hope to give exhausted, angry, anxious, bitter couples supernatural hope that comes from a realization that God makes miracles out of messes. If we embrace the love of Jesus, the heart of God, and the working of the Holy Spirit, total transformation is possible.

As we celebrate twenty plus anniversaries, we are very aware our story could have taken other twists and turns and ended quite differently. Right now in our life, our sons are ages 21, 17, 15, 12, and our daughter is 19. We love life together and our home is welcoming. It might not be perfectly clean…but it is full—of life, laughter, our kids and their friends. The culture of our home is what I always hoped for. The tempo is usually busy, maybe a little chaotic, yet, for the most part, we all enjoy each other.

Home is a safe haven from the bustling, messy, and even dark world. However, this was not always the case. Creating a thriving culture in your home takes continual work. Building from brokenness can be exhausting. Yet, every step was worth it. Our kids are best friends and Dan and I enjoy relationships with each of them. While writing this, I am aware of and grateful for the power of forgiveness. It remodeled the culture of our home. Dan and I continue to embark on new adventures together embracing family, fun, serving, and the most important—our faith in Jesus. I truly believe we are living a miracle. Years ago, if you would have told me our story would be progressing this way, I would not have believed you.

Before I get too far ahead, travel back with me…

August 8, 2016

The salty breeze soothed my soul as I sat and listened. Surrounded by the laughter of my college girlfriends, I soaked in the serenity of the ocean view. Sitting next to five women who have known me for over half my life, I felt light and free with unspoken permission to escape to my journal and my thoughts. The endless ocean stretched out in front of us reminded me not to be content with just the sea spray of God’s love when He has an ocean of love for us. Gently, He pulled at my heart and reminded me of the journey, my pain, His miraculous power. In this place, I thought, I am thankful, and I could probably bask in this joy forever.

Remembering the journey, where He (God) carried me when I did not have the strength to endure what I was called to do, caused me to whisper a simple, Thank you! Remembering also called me to reflect on my battle wounds and the stories of brokenness I could share with others, if I was willing to go back and navigate through the messy years to our healing. Going back would lead to sharing hope of healing.

That encounter with God’s grandeur at the beach and time to reflect led me to a decision to share our story. The what ifs echoed in my mind. What would Dan think, how would he react if I shared the depth of my heart and its brokenness? What would our kids think? What will people we know think? Will our story change people’s perception of us? Do I want to travel back and relive painful moments? Over the sounds of my internal debate I heard this whisper from above, Share the cracks in your life and you will bless others.

For God can turn messy into miraculous. I know because that’s our story.

One Week Later

Tears filled my eyes. It was as if he read my mind, You need to write about your pain. Dan said.

I love where we are today, and I am not sure I want to go back there. I told him.

Pain is what ministers to people, you need to tell our story and your pain. He replied.

Love filled eyes stared at mine. We were back here. Our journey full of ups and downs brought us back to where we started, but much wiser in the process. Secretly, I had wondered if he would ever gaze at me like this again, or if I would even want him to.

With a simple conversation, Dan gave me permission to share what had been stirring in my heart for some time, including his part in my pain. His part in our story of hardship and loneliness. His part in our story of redemption and grace. Our life is so full now. We are both so different now. Therefore reliving the memory of our difficult journey was more painful than I wanted to remember or write about. Confessing my bitterness and my battle to forgive is not something I am proud of. Yet God, in His goodness and grace, prompted me to write our story of redemption. God makes miracles out of messes. He gives hope to the hopeless. He brings dead things to life. I finished writing our story in 2018, but deciding to publish has taken over five years.

All that to say, I invite you on our journey from fairytales to forgiveness.

Chapter 1

The Journey Begins

"Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband

(that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly)." (Ephesians 5:33b AMPC).

We grow up reading and watching fairy tales, where the prince slays the dragon and courageously rescues the princess. Somewhere deep in our heart there is this longing to be rescued from the darkness around us, to be spirited away from the deep-rooted insecurities taunting us. We want to be treasured and adored. In their book, Captivating, John and Stasi Eldridge claim, We think you’ll find that every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That’s what makes a woman come alive.

What we don’t stop to think about is everything happening behind the scenes of our happily ever after. Our prince might be facing his own dragon and set of hardships before he is ready to help with ours. But I’m getting ahead of myself… Journey back with me to the beginning.

Once upon a time… just kidding.

I had been on an adventure with God, working on Young Life staff, learning to understand and live immersed in the unconditional love of Jesus. (Young Life is a parachurch ministry for teens. YL shares the life and the love of Jesus.) My time working in Young Life transformed me, changing my performance-based thinking and belief system. Young Life focuses on immersing oneself in the love of Jesus. I am forever grateful to this ministry that encourages the staff to take solitude retreats with God and learn how to sit in the presence of God and just be. This was a precious time in my life. John and Pam Austin were the senior staff of Young Life in Charlotte. They mentored me and opened their home to me. Watching their marriage impacted my life and my view of the way marriage should be: an act of honoring one another.

At age twenty-five, I had been away from my hometown for a few years working on Young Life staff, all the while finishing my master’s degree in Christian Counseling. Back at home, my three little brothers and little sister were growing up. My oldest brother was starting college at the University of Georgia, my sister was traveling to show horses all over the country, one brother was a sophomore in high school and another was in middle school. I had left home seeking a ministry adventure, needing to heal from the scars of my eating disorder, wanting space after a breakup, and desiring to dive deeper into ministry. After three years, I found myself thankful for a wonderful adventure in a special home away from home, yet still a little homesick for my family. I missed my brother’s baseball games and my sister’s laughter. I missed my dad’s hugs and talking with my mom.

During a season of processing these feelings in February of 2000, my dad called and asked me to consider coming home, working for him, and finishing my degree there. Before joining Young Life staff I had gone through a breakup with a guy who my parents couldn’t see in my future. They had advised me not to continue the relationship, and taking their advice, I had left on my three-year adventure, wondering if God would ever send Mr. Right.

A few years prior I had jokingly asked Dad, who owns his company, to just hire someone for me to marry. After I came back home my mom dared me to ask Dan, a guy who had been working for my dad (for three years), to a single’s church service called 7:22. My mom was convinced he was shy and I had heard good things about his character. He happened to be working on a Saturday when we stopped by the office. Taking the dare, I casually walked into his office and invited him to go with me to hear Louie Gigleo speak at 7:22. To my surprise, he gave me his number and agreed to go.

After that first service Dan went a few more times with me. One evening Louie gave a sermon about how God is the Perfect Father. That night Dan gave his life to Jesus. The love of God made sense to him. He had so many questions about God answered in one message. That night would change our life and the lives of our future children forever. Now he tells people I was missionary dating. I guess I was.

His integrity and conviction without Jesus wowed me and I started to imagine who he would be with Jesus. Three months after our first date, our fairytale began and Dan proposed. Six months and a week after our first date, we were married. He and I had both decided to wait until marriage to have sex, which has been a blessing in countless ways. However, we were extremely attracted to each other physically so, consequently, we both chose to ignore any conflicts in our relationship as our wedding approached.

I remember Dan lying on the carpet of the starter house we were thinking of buying and saying, It’s all too much. I laughed thinking he was joking, he wasn’t… A new faith coupled with being engaged to the boss’s daughter was a lot of change. Even though the carpet would soon be removed and beautiful hardwoods would replace the old, the memory was etched in my mind. Choosing to ignore any confrontation, I dismissed his confession at the time, my thoughts filled