God’s Love

By Jemael Partlow

This book focuses on healing and what God has done and shown me in my own life. I want to share it with you in hopes that it helps, even in just some small ways. I want to show people to not allow the enemy to lie to us anymore but know we have a god that heals and adores us and that by breaking through the lies, we can live in the light.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Feb 4, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973652571

Jemael Partlow

Jemael is currently living in Indiana with her husband, three kids, and of course let us not forget her two dogs and cat. She has an associates degree as a Surgical Technologist and certified in the state of Indiana and been in that field for over twelve years. She is active in her church as she is on the prayer team and goes to the women’s Bible study. If you know her, you know she loves spending time with her family and being outdoors. Whether it is in a deer stand with her husband and son, hiking, swimming, or kayaking, she just enjoys life and being outdoors.

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Copyright © 2019 Jemael Partlow.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

All Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Bloomington, IN 47403

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-5256-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-5255-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-5257-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019901097

WestBow Press rev. date: 02/04/2019

CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 Misconceptions

Chapter 2 Lies

Chapter 3 Being a Vessel

Chapter 4 Forgiveness

Chapter 5 Doubt

Chapter 6 Getting Help

Chapter 7 Hope

Chapter 8 The Enemy

Chapter 9 Your Journey

Chapter 10 Your Voice

Chapter 11 You Matter

Chapter 12 Accountability

Chapter 13 The End

BIBLE STUDY

Introduction

Lesson 1: Misconceptions

Lesson 2: Lies

Lesson 3: Being a Vessel

Lesson 4: Forgiveness

Lesson 5: Doubt

Lesson 6: Getting Help

Lesson 7: Hope

Lesson 8: The Enemy

Lesson 9: Your Journey

Lesson 10: Your Voice

Lesson 11: You Matter

Lesson 12: Accountability

References

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank my husband for always encouraging me and believing in me. Not only did he support me but pushed me to have the courage to do this. He put up with me while I spent hours on this project, and has prayed with me that it helps even one person.

I want to thank my kids, in whose eyes and voices I could see and hear how proud of me they were that I did this; that I followed through with this book, and that in itself made me proud.

I want to thank my friends and family for supporting me, encouraging me, and even praying with me.

I would like to thank my mom, who has always been there for me no matter what. She truly believes in me and has always made me feel like I can do anything.

I would like to give a special thanks and shout out to the women in my Bible study. Hey, ladies!! They not only allowed me to do a dry run with them but encouraged me and helped me work out the kinks, especially my friend Kim, who read this for me and is the one who suggested a Bible study. They also were kind enough to do the hands-on activities, which turned out to be everyone’s favorite part, I think. Even afterward, they would ask about my book. What a special bunch of ladies GOD has blessed me with! They have truly been with me through thick and thin and I could not imagine life without them.

And of course, whom else do I need to thank? GOD. I would like to thank GOD for this book and opportunity HE has given me to hopefully speak truth into the lives of others. To teach women and others we do not have to die inside from pain but take ahold of truth, empower ourselves with HIS word and become warriors in CHRIST. Thank YOU PAPA! I love YOU.

INTRODUCTION

D o you need help overcoming your pain and do not know where to turn? Are you constantly feeling alone and do not know how to feel better or where to get help? You can read this and see if any of those answers are in here for you. You can either do some light reading with this book and get some insight or dig as deep as you want, for both options are up to you on how much you get out of it. You can keep rereading it as necessary, and as you do, you can dive deeper and deeper into your own healing. This book is for people who are hurting or have hurt others. This book is for people who have attempted to commit suicide; for those who are lost, lonely, depressed, or have forgotten what hope feels or looks like. I hope this book helps you in some way, even in the smallest of ways.

People have been cutting on their own body for years. History has stories of people who have done so throughout time, and it makes an interesting read if you ever have time or are interested. This means people have been hurting for a long time, and are still hurting and struggling today. You are not alone in your pain, despite the feeling that you are. I once heard on the radio that that the number one reason for elderly suicide is depression. It is easy to feel isolated when you are hurting or feeling depressed, but if you look at history, then you will know that you are not isolated or alone.

Thousands of people right now feel alone in their struggle and pain. I wrote this book in anticipation that as you read this, you will know that you are not alone. I wrote this book because I hear stories and see people all around me that have tried to commit suicide or have already done so. I meet people who are hurting, struggling, and feel they are in complete despair. I see this at church, at my job, on the news, and with family and friends. It seems to pour out of every faucet around us.

I wrote this so you would know the alternatives to hurting inside and being able to give away your pain. I pray that you can read this book and have a better understanding of the subject, or have a better perspective of yourself. I would like you to connect with my stories or read them and be able to better sympathize with other people around you if you are not able to relate. This book is not just for those who are hurting! It is also to give others a better behind-the-scenes look at those that are hurting so deeply because of the pain or mental illness they are dealing with. I want to take you on a journey of self-discovery no matter what your walk is with GOD or the path you are on. If you have tried to harm yourself or even thought about it, then this book might be for you, for it can open your eyes and heart as you walk through my life and get my perspective on something I have also done. I’ve been where you are now.

This book is here because I wanted to share my experiences and hopefully help others, and that includes you. You may be lost or hurting or harming others and are embarrassed, or feel isolated and desperate. I know what it is like to feel desperate and need an outlet for what you are going through, and this book will hopefully help you with that. I wanted to write this because I thought if I shared my experiences, my heart, that you would have a fighting chance in life. That you could see the other side of the tunnel and see that there is hope and a light.

We will talk about the myths and lies that surround you and this subject. We will discuss the need for forgiveness and the ever-constant battle of anger and doubt that persistently nags you every day. We will go over the spiritual aspect of our battles and how to get back on your battleground and fight. But most of all, we will walk through GOD’s love and his mercy in your life, and how to have a relationship with HIM despite our imperfections and strife.

I hope you enjoy this book and find it helpful. My wish is that you will emerge, after reading this book, a little more healed, or feel some sort of personal achievement by having a breakthrough in your life. I anticipate some internal conversations with yourself and with GOD that will lead you to eternal life and strengthen your relationship with GOD.

CHAPTER ONE

Misconceptions

I was twelve years old when I began cutting my arms, and tried more times than I would like to admit to commit suicide. The truth is, for me, I had so much anguish and hurt inside of me and I did not have a healthy way of processing it. The anguish in my heart was built up like a pressure cooker and there was not a release valve. I felt alone, hurt, angry, and just wanted the pain to stop from the abuse I had endured and the abuse I was still going through. I would start off trying to commit suicide and would realize the act of cutting would release the agony I felt deep in my soul. I wish that weight never existed, but it did, and it had no place to go. I did not want that pain. I did not ask for it. I did not cause this feeling of wanting to die by dwelling on my affliction or try and over-dramatize the things going on in my life. In fact, the opposite was true. I tried not to focus on it or think about those things. I just wanted the pain to go away.

I want to tell some of my story in order to help others. I fear there are limited resources from a Christian’s perspective and even less from the perspective of GOD’s wonderful healing. I want there to be more resources, more dialogue, more prayer warriors, and more people who reach out to hurting souls like I was so many years ago. I want the Hand of GOD to reach out to people like HE did me, to heal me, and I hope this book helps in that journey.

Before I really begin, I would like to discuss some things that people may believe to be true but may not be, or at least are not a reality for every person. I want to talk about some ideas or perceptions that some people may have in regards to this situation.

I was listening to a radio show while I was driving to work one day. It was an author on the Christian radio station as she was promoting her new book. Her new book was for teen girls. I recall listening to what she had to say and really liked her and her opinions and viewpoints, and thought about purchasing one of her books for my daughter, who was a new and upcoming teen herself.

The author then began speaking about a chapter in her book that focused on cutting. I intently listened and I was thinking, Wow, this is great! She is addressing this issue directly, where so many people act like it does not exist and sweep it under the rug, but here she is talking about it head-on. She continued talking about how these girls just dwell on their pain and past situations and by doing so, this causes them to cut themselves somewhere on their own body.

I was livid upon hearing this. I tried calling the station. I tried contacting her through means of email and I tried contacting the publishing company of her book. I never got anywhere. But the chapter she wrote on suicide and cutting was such utter nonsense. What upset me the most were these girls were going to open this book thinking, here it is. They were going to think, here are going to be the answers I so desperately need. All of their hopes would be within that chapter. Then the devastation and anger they would surely feel when they would read this because it was not reality, nor would it connect with them in a real way. Another disappointment in their lives. If you are trying to have a filler for your book, don’t write about things you are completely ignorant on. I thought all of these things in anger.

Years later I have calmed down, and I know in her heart the author was probably trying to help. She was trying to reach and understand these girls but just did not have the proper tools or personal experiences to do so. I am sure her heart was in the right place. I was just angry because I knew what an emotional subject this was for me when I was going through it and I was grieving for them, as I knew they were being let down. I could imagine the anticipation and expectancy I would have had if I thought I could read about the experience of others and feel like someone else was out there just like me. I could imagine the hope I would have felt if I thought I could read a book that would help me go through what I was enduring, and read the answers I so needed and desired. The thought of these girls reading this book and their hope dying and turning into bitterness was too much for me to take. The sadness in their hearts was weighing on me as if it were me reading that book in my moment of despair, waiting to finally get the key to unlock the pain.

In life, this happens so many times. We hope this person or that thing will have all of the answers. We crave it. We thirst for it. And when we have tried this and tested that, we will always come to the same conclusion. Only GOD has the answers, the keys, the water, the bread that we need to nourish our starving souls. Other places and people might be placed in our paths to help us, but we still only need and can only find what we are looking for in HIM. The need will only be filled, the hurt and pain will only stop, when we invite him in and give it to HIM It is a journey, not a quick internet search.

The opposite of what she said is actually true. You do not think about your torment or the things that brought you into such a place. You do not deal with it, and the pain and the hurt just sits there in their stinky swampland, just festering. I think of it like you have a small shed that is burrowed deep in a forest, but instead it is in the recesses of your mind, and your pain is like nasty tar sitting in that small shed. That tar just grows and grows inside that shed. It grows and grows the more you try to stuff it further and further into the back recesses of your mind. You take a hammer and nail the plywood over the windows because the tar is seeping out of the windowsill. You duct tape all the cracks in the house because it starts to seep out of every pore and nook and cranny of that shed.

Over time, it just keeps coming out all the same, no matter what you do. It starts to seep through the walls and you nail and hammer plywood and stack furniture against the door to keep it inside. It works for a while, but then you will notice one day that you need to get more plywood or duct tape and you realize you were just holding it at bay all along, keeping it intact. You were fooling yourself. You were just giving it a place to stay, a place to live and thrive.

It is human nature to not deal with things and to just keep shoving it down deeper and deeper. Because what you suffer inside does not have anywhere to go, cutting is a way to release that tar, that pain. It is an exchange of physical pain that matches the internal pain inside. Now, obviously that is not the answer. If it were, cutting would only need to be done once. It also is just a Band-Aid. A very unhealthy Band-Aid.

The old saying that time heals all wounds is a lie. That is not true, a mere myth. It may not be as raw or be such an intense emotion perhaps as time passes. Time only helps to push that pain down and bury it deeper so you can handle it better. It is still tucked away because life still has to move on. You still have school, homework, bills to pay, and kids to raise. Life does not stand still because you are sinking in despair.

On the other hand, time does allow you the opportunity to process things. It does allow you some space and allows you to get some perspective. It can give you the time to talk to other people and sort through whatever is going on. A listening ear and time can go a long way, but it does not heal, and that is the lie we tell ourselves and others.

I have heard or read that exercise and hobbies can be a helpful conduit in aiding in depression and other psychological disorders. I am not a psychiatrist or a therapist. I can only share with you my circumstances and how I feel personally, and this whole book will only reflect my perspective and my personal thoughts. Having a hobby and exercise does help, but it does not heal. It is a Band-Aid. It is a way to let off some steam, some internal emotions that are needing a release, but not an end all. It does not negate the need for getting help.

Those things, such as exercise and having hobbies, do not focus on the issues that need to be dealt with. It does give you a healthy outlet, however, I do agree with that, and would not take away the positive things that exercise and hobbies give you. But those emotions need to be addressed directly, and doing anything less is only a helpful tool. Those emotions need to be processed to fix the issue that is causing such great turmoil, and filling your time does not heal your wounds; another myth, if you will.

Most people connect teens to suicide and cutting but the reality is, it affects everyone of all ages. I do not know the statistics, but I know people. People who would never tell anyone, people who would not be in the pool of someone else’s statistics. Suicides are actually more prevalent the older people get instead of vice versa. Gurnon, E. (2018 June 8). Older Adults at Greatest Risk for Suicide. Retrieved from URL. . A fellow coworker was just telling me a couple of months ago that her neighbor committed suicide leaving not only his wife but children of all ages behind as well. Of course, some negative comments are always said when this subject is broached, such as how selfish he was. But some of us in the conversation spoke of how we do not know what it is like to have a mental illness or the possible trauma he was dealing with in his heart. I wish people felt there was an alternative. That is why I am telling my story. I have a hope that people will engage with others to let them know how they are feeling and what they are experiencing, to be able to connect with others and express their situations to someone and get help.

I have heard some people express their belief that if you have tried to commit suicide or are a cutter, then you must have a mental illness. That was not true for me, but there are those who do suffer from mental illness, and every person and situation is different. It is hard for someone who has a mental