Why Do I Feel This Way

By Kay Baker

It took me four years of waking up each day, knowing I had to complete this book. God wouldnt let up on me until it was finished. So many days of feeling like a big, dark, gloomy cloud was hovering over my head. Guilt set in when I would think of everything under the sun to do instead of putting my thoughts on paper.

Jim said to me just a few weeks before this book was submitted, Kay, do you realize that SAD is the reason you havent finished your book?

And he was right.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 21, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504954341

Kay Baker

Kay Baker was raised in Tyler County, West Virginia, and was the youngest of three children. She attended the same high school as her parents – typical of many small towns. She received a two-year Associate Arts Degree in Secretarial Science from Salem College in WV. Her first jobs were at Hope Natural Gas in Clarksburg, WV., U.S. Steel in Pittsburgh, and Union Carbide in Sistersville, WV. After marrying her high school sweetheart, they began his military career in Arkansas, with training schools in Texas, and California. They were then stationed in Montana, Nebraska, and Arkansas. During that period of time, she was involved as a coordinator of fund-raising events for Easter Seals, Muscular Dystrophy, and March of Dimes. She has been with Mary Kay Cosmetics for the past twenty-nine years and is presently a Sales Director. After her husband’s retirement, they moved to Beaufort, South Carolina. Then, after living there for fifteen years, they relocated back to Cabot, AR, to be near their two married children and four grandsons. She became involved as a Hospice volunteer a couple of years after her mother passed away and continues these duties today. She is involved in several church activities and her favorite hobbies are tending to her many flower beds and five acre yard.

Book preview

© 2015 Kay Baker. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 11/06/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5436-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5435-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5434-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015916304

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Chapter 1

Why I Am Writing This Book

Chapter 2

Discovery

Chapter 3

What is Social Anxiety Disorder?

Recognizing Teenagers with Social Anxiety Disorder

Chapter 4

My Family

Chapter 5

Early Years

Tyler County 4-H Camp

Camp Caesar

State 4-H Camp

Those Teen Years

Chapter 6

Adulthood

College Years

Afraid To Stay Alone

Chapter 7

Finding My Career

My Mary Kay Journey

Chapter 8

The World of Mary Kay

Everyone Wants To Teach (Except Me)

Local Meetings

Myrtle Beach Retreat

Conferences and Seminar

Career Conference

Leadership Conference

Annual Seminar

Here I Come Cabo

Recognition Isn't For Everyone

Anxiety with Company Leadership

Chapter 9

Why Facials?

Chapter 10

Seeking Answers From Books

Chapter 11

Beth Moore Event

Chapter 12

Other Uncomfortable Situations

Thanksgiving

Neighborhood Party

Military Reunion

A Fallen Soldier

Praying in Public

First Bar Pin

Front Row Seating

My Story to Tell

Chapter 13

Saying Goodbye

Mom

Dad

And Life Goes On

Chapter 14

The Past Remains BUT the Rest of My Life Begins

TEASER

Why do I feel the way I do in social situations? After 55 years of wondering and searching, the author uncovers the answer to her question.

As she shares her journey through different stages of her life, she reveals daily thought processes she used and actions she took to avoid being humiliated or embarrassed in public. She begins at childhood and takes that reader through her teen years, her college days, and her life as a military wife and a mother.

Left alone with teenagers while her husband served overseas for a year, she discovered a job that would change her life and future. It was a career move that was 180 degrees from her personality. Not only was it a least likely career for her, she actually succeeded.

She shares how she learned to cope and cover-up her personal insecurities. She continued to wonder why she was always so very uncomfortable at parties, luncheons, PTA functions, business meetings, and just about all gatherings.

Suddenly, her flourishing career hit the wall. Plus, her father (and last living parent) had just died. She totally shut down. Why was this happening?

Seven years later, God revealed an answer to her 55-year search.

When she mentioned having anxieties some times, her daughter told her about a medication that she sometimes took prescribed by her doctor when she was feeling anxious. That led to searching online for articles on the subject anxiety. There it was-Social Anxiety Disorder. The symptoms described the author's feelings. It was a disorder that had not been labeled until the mid-1980's.

Was this why God kept her in the wilderness so long? Did He want her to be fully prepared in order to share and hopefully help others that were dealing with similar anxieties?

Her story gives hope to anyone in this situation.

Introduction

It took me four years of waking up each day, knowing I had to complete this book. God wouldn't let up on me until it was finished. So many days of feeling like a big, dark, gloomy cloud was hovering over my head. Guilt set in when I would think of everything under the sun to do instead of putting my thoughts on paper.

Jim said to me just a few weeks before this book was submitted, Kay, do you realize that SAD is the reason you haven't finished your book?

And he was right.

Acknowledgment

A very special thank you to Sharon Rogers for reminding me so many times that it is all in God's timing.

Four years ago, I asked a friend her thoughts about the subject of a book I wanted to write. Well, to my surprise, she got excited and even offered to do my editing. She further explained that she had helped others with published books. Her background as an English teacher was an extra bonus for me. That phone conversation prompted me to begin my journey.

Sharon became a dear friend and spiritual mentor during our four year endeavor. There were lots and lots of ups and downs for me. She would always find time to encourage me to take the next step with texting, phone conversations and trips to my home. Without Sharon, I never would of completed my goal. I am so very grateful God put this lovely lady in my path.

To all my family who were never critical of my intent to hopefully help others that may have similar fears and feelings. Thanks to Jim, the love of my life, for his patience, support and understanding.

And last but not least, my darling daughter Dena. She was the first one that suggested I write a book. Her encouragement throughout this whole process was a constant. We laughed and cried together over this long span of time. Never judging me, but completely knowing her mother just a little bit better. Her knowledge and skills of the computer helped, too, with the design for the cover page.

He had a plan and a purpose.

Chapter 1

Why I Am Writing This Book

By whose permission or authority am I writing a book on Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)? My expertise is only because I have lived with it for fifty-five years, and I want to share with others how different my life is now after discovering at age sixty-five what is wrong with me. I do believe if you are reading this book that you may know someone like I am describing or that you may be seeking answers about yourself like I was.

I do not have a degree in psychology or any other medical background. I simply have first-hand knowledge and have experienced what it is like to function on a daily basis and survive the challenges presented to me. I can only share how I handled them.

I had discussed with many doctors over the years how I was feeling, but not one of them ever diagnosed me as having SAD. Now I am wondering if they even knew about SAD. Some felt giving me a pill for depression would fix me. I tried that once, and it only turned me into a zombie. I often felt sad, but I did not think I was really depressed. I never had any thoughts of suicide or hurting myself during those years. I believe my strong faith protected me from destructive thoughts. I just kept reading and searching for the magic answer.

I share lots of my life experiences hopefully to help someone out there like me. I often wondered if other people ever felt like I did. Many times I asked God if He would please reveal my purpose in life. What was my ministry? I believe He carried me through all those years so I could share my many situations in life for the purpose of helping others. Maybe that is where you or someone you know finds themselves today. If it is, please know that God will always be faithful to you. He will bring you through the wilderness and fulfill His promises. His purpose for me was to identify my why do I feel this way and to use my journey to help others.

This is a book about God's life plan for me, and now I can share it with others to give them hope. I can share the happy times and the sad times -- the times of much success and the times of much fear. My story is written to glorify God and fulfill His purpose for me.

If in any way my journey can help others, then that is my reason for