Rock Bottom

By Mallory Borrelli

A memoir from childhood neglect, emotional abuse, and a broken home to a teenage pregnancy. Difficulty in trusting others led to a battle of depression and uncertainty in where life was headed. The teenage pregnancy led to a difficult marriage filled with lies, affairs, drug involvement, and eventually a painful divorce. Growing up with a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father led to making difficult decisions with very little guidance. Shortly after the divorce I found myself involved in two more bad relationships with narcissists that took advantage of my empathy and robbed me. I lost my home, battled high debts, and my children lost their father due to drugs. Life seemed impossible. Tragic events took a toll on my mental and physical health. When the nightmares, depression, and anxiety consumed me I turned to therapy. I began taking prescription medications to help. The meds caused severe side effects that led to more poor choices. I contemplated working in a gentlemens club. I ended up in a relationship with my husbandÆs brother and quit eating for several months. My story is a reminder of how childhood trauma leads to the choices we make as adults, but there is hope. Without faith and prayer, I would have never made it out alive. God took my pain to use it for the greater good when I gave my life to him. He turned all of my mistakes and losses around to help me get where I am today in healthy relationships, with an education, and out of depression. You are never too far gone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson
• Release date: May 12, 2020
• ISBN: 9781400329557

Mallory Borrelli

Mallory is a single mother who graduated with her nursing degree. She had two kids at a young age, battled depression, and dealt with the grief of losing her children’s father to a drug overdose. Mallory overcame the psychological damage from childhood, abandonment issues, narcissistic abuse, and PTSD. She was able to break the cycle of events with her children and find healthy relationships. Mallory’s story is an example of how God can move through your life with faith, hope, and perseverance.

Book preview

Introduction

Icontemplated

writing this book for several months. I tried numerous times to talk myself out of it. I have started and restarted too many times that I care to even mention. It has been on my heart to write, though. It’s kind of like one of those moments where God keeps telling me Do it, do it and I’m over here like what? No way can I write a book. Ain’t happening Captain! A part of me was scared of what my family would think. When I first started to tell my story, something did not feel right. The words just weren’t coming out like I imagined them in my head. Maybe my focus wasn’t there, or maybe I hadn’t fully understood exactly why my story was so important to tell. I am just your average girl.

I put the pen and paper away for a while but later I realized I have shared my story with several people in my life to help them get through their hard times. To my amazement, one dear friend of mine called me one day just to hear my story to help him in his current situation. His story was similar to mine, and knowing that he wasn’t alone, I believe, helped him in one way or another. He didn’t really ask for advice, he just wanted to know the details of everything that happened. I could tell he was a bit nervous to ask me for details about everything, so I just started sharing most of my recent tragic event. In that moment it hit me: I needed to share my story because I wondered how many others I could be helping right now. What if there is someone else out there who is seriously struggling and on the verge of wishing their life away? What if my story could really help them? It was also clear to me that I wasn’t bothered sharing all the horrifying details anymore. Maybe it was time for me to start sharing. Maybe this was part of God’s plan for my life to show others that you can and will survive.

Before that day I thought I had to give some profound wisdom in order to write a book. I thought the only way to share my story was to have the perfect story to tell. What is a perfect story anyway? One where I didn’t make any mistakes? One where I did everything right and then something terrible happened to me? Maybe that would have been the perfect scenario, but that simply is not my case. Here is the thing—your story is the perfect story for someone. Your story is powerful. Your story has magic inside of it, but until you start sharing, you will not see just how beautiful it really is. My hope is that you will hear my story and then be able to find the purpose in yours and make it through whatever it is you are dealing with. Whatever you are going through, which I assume may be the reason you decided to read this book, has a purpose, and it will make you stronger.

I am sharing my story with you because I have seen the unremarkable beauty, knowledge, and open-mindedness that have come out of sharing my experience with others. My tragedies were used for the greater good, sharing and seeing how much of an impact that had helped me heal and grow as a person, as well.

Before the battle began, I considered myself a Christian, but one of those one foot in one, foot out type Christians. Hear me out, whether you believe in God or not, this book is for you, too. I believe regardless of your religion, my story can help you find a way out of the struggles you may be dealing with. I listen to other people’s stories all the time because each one helps me see life from a different perspective.

The moment I got the news, God began a transformation in me. Sometimes people do not understand your internal battles. They only see what is on the surface. I was judged by so many people, including my family. People spoke negatively behind my back and jumped to assumptions before they knew all the details or what I was really going through.

Honestly, as I tell you my story, you may even judge me. That is okay. I must work on it every day and try to understand someone else’s problems or mistakes all the time. That type of thing isn’t easy. We do not always understand other people or their decisions which is why this book is hard for me to write. I know I will be criticized for some of my downfalls. I already know there will be that one negative comment that makes me feel low and behold of myself. That will only last for a moment though, because I have become a much stronger woman because of my story, including the mistakes, and the way it has changed my life. I also know that sharing this with you is part of my journey.

I have watched God flip my life completely over because of the road I had to embark on. I didn’t ask for it, but this was the hand I was dealt. What is important is learning to understand that you have a story and that is what challenged, broke, rebuilt, and made you brand new or will make you brand new. This part of my tragedy changed everything about me once I was able to find my way through it. My perspectives were transformed, I found new meaning in life, I loved harder than I ever had before, I stopped taking the good people in my life for granted, I traveled more, and I began to build new, impeccable memories.

However, before I got there, I had to bring myself out of what I considered the epitome of hell. If I can do that, then I know you can, too. I was in the lowest place of my entire life. There was no way I was getting out of that depression when the unthinkable happened. I just knew it, but I tried anyway. One day I woke up and realized I was floating on top of the water instead of sinking like I thought I was going to. This overwhelming sense of peace came over me when I decided to push through all of my pain and fears.

My only advice to you for now is to have faith in yourself. Allow your story to mold you, but do not let it control you. Allow it to shape you for the better and give you new life.

I am far from perfect and still have a lot of growing to do. I am not some woman on top of the world. I am your average person that has been through real-life struggles. I am not famous, nor am I some genius. I just know what it is like to hit rock bottom and not know where your life should go. I know what major depression and anxiety feel like. I know what grieving is from a very up close and personal, traumatic experience. I know what it is like to have to force yourself out of bed each morning because you have kids who are counting on you.

I faced some really hard life issues from a very young age. I wasn’t the girl that fit in at school or had a normal childhood. I was the girl who hated her life and wished I had never been born, but at twenty-six I finally pulled myself out of it. Yeah, I had to hit my all time low before I could figure out how to love myself, but that is where my life started coming together.

My story began from childhood, and it lead up to some very traumatic tragedies in my early adult life. Each part of my journey has a connecting point. I am the woman I am today because of this broken, long, and difficult road.

I hope you read this book and find inspiration to move forward. I hope you know that no matter where you are, there is hope in change. I hope you can take your tragedies, mistakes, and life-altering experiences and turn them around to make you stronger or simply feel passionate to love more each day. I hope by the time you read the very last page of this book that you stand up with a