How to Find a Good, Christian Man

By Harold D. Edmunds

How to Find a Good, Christian Man is a self-help book for women. Today many women are making poor choices when it comes to finding a man. Poor choices often lead to heartache and pain. The choice of a marriage mate is one of the most important choices that a woman can make. What steps can a woman take to choose a good man? Most women want a man who is faithful, loving, and kind. Where can women find such men? What can a woman do to attract a man? What techniques can a woman use to discern if a man is right for her? How can a woman tell a Christian man from a worldly man? What should a woman do to prepare herself for a relationship? How should a woman behave once she is in a relationship? What should a woman expect from a man? How should Christians behave while they are dating? Are you tired of dating the wrong men? Have you been hurt by men in the past? Are you willing to try something new in order to find a good man? Can you assert yourself in order to find a mature man? Would you like help in finding the right man for you? All these questions will be answered in How to Find a Good, Christian Man. You will find many helpful suggestions in the book. Harold D. Edmunds gives women a step-by-step guide to finding a good, Christian man. Christian men are different than other men because they live by the high standards set down in Gods word the Bible. Edmunds has written a simple, straightforward guide to finding an excellent companion. The suggestions given are easy to follow and will lead to success. Do you want a good, Christian man?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 24, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524501273

Harold D. Edmunds

Harold D. Edmunds is a fan of classic, urban, and action films. He watches several movies each week and loves to write film reviews in his spare time. Edmunds loves to study Black history and read biographies. Fred Williamson: An American Hero is the first biography that he has authored. This is his first collaboration with the talented illustrator Ansel Pitcairn. He also enjoys watching Fred Williamson’s exciting action films. He is happily married and lives in New York City with his beautiful wife and son. Edmunds enjoys educating others through the printed word and is currently working on his next book. He has an associate’s degree from TCI College and a bachelor’s degree in professional studies from St. Francis College.

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COPYRIGHT © 2016 BY HAROLD D. EDMUNDS.

   ISBN:   SOFTCOVER   978-1-5245-0128-0

   EBOOK   978-1-5245-0127-3

New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures (NWT)

Copyright 1961, 1970, 1981, 1984, 2013 Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania.

Used by Permission.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Rev. date: 05/17/2016

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CONTENTS

Introduction

1    Dating In Bible Times

2    The Problem

3    Christian Women

4    Christian Men

5    Goals

6    Standards

7    Assert Yourself

8    Homework Assignments

9    Meeting Places

10    Dating

11    Happiness

To all the women who dare to assert themselves and

go out there and get what they want.

Introduction

I have always wondered why so many beautiful, intelligent women had a hard time finding a good, Christian man. There are plenty of single, Christian men in your city. Unfortunately, there are also many players out there who try to use and abuse women. You will have to weed through dozens of men before you can find one good man. Be careful as you search for a good man. Never lower your standards. Christian women have a hard time meeting spiritual men because many men refuse to live a Christian lifestyle. So many men today are living a fleshly lifestyle. Do not date fleshly men. Search for men who have strong Christian values. As far as I’m concerned a good man is a Christian man. A Christian man has dedicated his life to serving Jehovah God. (Psalms 83:18; Isaiah 42:8) He also avoids associating with people who have no respect for God and his laws. (1 Corinthians 15:33) Christian men study the Bible regularly and earnestly strive to follow Godly principles in their lives. (Psalms 1:1, 2) They model their lives after the perfect example of Jesus Christ. Luke 9:23 Reads "Then he went on to say to all: If anyone wants to come after me, let him disown himself and pick up his torture stake day after day and keep following me. Based on this scripture you can see that a Christian man closely follows Jesus Christ’s example. This is the kind of man that will make a good husband.

We can take a look at beautiful women in the past who have had difficulties finding the right man. I think about Dorothy Dandridge who was born in the early twenties. Dorothy was a very talented actress. She was a very beautiful woman. Unfortunately, she dated loser after loser and had trouble finding the right man. Today, I think about Halle Berry, Vivica A. Fox, Rihanna, Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Anniston. These are all very beautiful women and yet they have had difficulty finding a fulfilling relationship. Fame and beauty does not grant one immunity from heartache. No matter how beautiful you are you have to choose wisely when you are selecting a mate. You also have to apply Christian values in your personal life. The problem may be that these women did not choose men who had a deep love for God. If you date and marry a Christian man you will have fewer problems than if you date a man who is fleshly. A fleshly man may refer to a man who is only concerned with sex and money. This kind of man is selfish and only wants to satisfy his physical desires. He only cares about himself and is not interested in loving and caring for anyone but himself. A fleshly man is not concerned with what Jehovah God has to say and usually he has no relationship with God. (Romans 8:5-8) On the other hand a Christian man tries to imitate Christ in everything he does and that extends to his relationship with his woman. There is a good description of a fleshly man in the Bible. Take a look at Galatians. Galatians 5:16 thru 26 Reads "But I say, Keep walking by spirit and you will carry out no fleshly desire at all. 17 For the flesh is against the spirit in its desire, and the spirit against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you do no do the very things you want to do. 18 Furthermore, if you are being led by spirit, you are not under law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are plainly seen, and are sexual immorality, uncleanness, brazen conduct, 20 idolatry, spiritism, hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, dissentions, divisions, sects, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and things like these. I am forewarning you about these things, the same way I already warned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit Gods Kingdom. 22 On the other hand, the fruitage of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, 23 mildness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.24 Moreover, those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed to the stake the flesh together with its passions and desires. 25 If we are living by spirit, let us go on walking orderly by spirit. 26 Let us not become egotistical, stirring up competition with one another, envying one another." These scriptures give us a good sense of the difference between a spiritual man and a fleshly man. Christian woman should only date Christian men. These men will only date God fearing women. Therefore, if you want to marry a Christian man you also have to maintain high moral standards at all times. Christian’s are not perfect and they will make mistakes. However, what makes them different from other people is that they study the Bible and earnestly strive to live by Godly principles. There are other issues that Christian women face when they start dating.

Perhaps some women today have standards that are too high. Does a prospective mate have to be incredibly handsome, comfortably wealthy and earning six figures a year? It’s difficult for women to find suitable men to date. Part of the problem is that too many men are in prison or on the down low. Too many men are immature and afraid of commitment. These are some of the many issues that you will face as you try to find your soul mate. It can be discouraging when you date and date and can’t seem to find the right person. I encourage you not to give up. You will find the right man. You just have to keep yourself together and make yourself available. Be assertive and never give up. There are men out there who are just like you. They are mature adults who want to settle down and get married. They want to get married but they just can’t find the right woman. We just have to get you together with the right person at the right time. When I was newly divorced and single, I was stressed out because I couldn’t seem to find the right woman. I dated all the wrong women until I was fortunate enough to meet my adorable wife. It wasn’t easy but I hung in there. I found my wife because I didn’t give up. It is important for you to keep looking even though you may keep running into all the wrong men. You will have fewer difficulties if you only date Christian men who share your high moral standards. I will give you many pointers to help you meet the right man.

Many women get married only to find that their husband is verbally and physically abusive. Many husbands cheat on their wives, some even cheat with other men. (1Corinthians 6:9, 10) This is very sad. The women in these situations did not marry a spiritual man. Their husband didn’t have a strong relationship with Jehovah God. Marrying a man who has a strong relationship with Jehovah God is important. Christian men adhere to the high moral standards set down in God’s word the Bible. They treat all women with dignity and respect. (Ephesians 5:25-31) Therefore, it’s very important that Christian women only date Christian men. It is incredibly difficult for women today to find a good, Christian man. It is difficult but it is not impossible. There are many incredibly beautiful women who have yet to find a compatible mate. I have seen this problem firsthand because many of my friends have dated men who have proven to be unfaithful. I don’t want you to get hurt. I want you to find true love. Strive to develop and maintain a positive attitude. You have to know in your heart that you will meet the right man. You may meet someone from another city or another country. Never give up and you will be on your way to success. Remember to first love Jehovah God with your whole, heart, soul and mind. (Matthew 22:37) Then you must learn to love yourself. Love your family, friends and neighbors and then you will be able to love someone else.

I wrote this book in order to help women find their soul mate. I think that everyone who wants to be married should be married. I don’t want anyone to be unhappy and Jehovah God doesn’t want anyone to be unhappy. Mature adults should get married when they find the right person. (1 Corinthians 7:36) I’m sure that more women would find a life partner if they knew where to look. Single men are everywhere. I will give you a list of some of the places that you can meet men. You can meet a man anywhere. The key is to be friendly and approachable at all times. Men are drawn to interesting and attractive women. Many women wait for men to approach them. They may see the man that they want and refuse to approach him. They wait and wait for him to approach them and it never happens. Don’t let that happen to you. If you see a man that interests you, talk to him. Find out his likes and dislikes. More importantly find out if he is a Christian and has dedicated his life to serving Jehovah God. I will give you some pointers that will help you to assert yourself so that you can get the man that you want.

Most women know plenty of men. They have many platonic relationships with men at work, school and in their various places of worship. Women also have many relatives who they talk to on a regular basis. These people are valuable resources. Think about how many Christian men you know. If each of these men know two mature, single, God fearing men, think about all of the men that you could be introduced to. Take advantage of these connections. Do not do all of the work yourself. Let your close friends and family know that you want to get married. They will gladly help you find someone. Your true friends want you to be happy. They will diligently look for eligible bachelors in their circle of friends. Get to know all of the men that they recommend. If you like them go out on dates and determine if they are right for you. If women would network with their friends and relatives they would be able to date on a regular basis. You should go on a different date every week. Do not let pride stop you from asking for help.

I encourage all women to abstain from having sex until they get married. Follow the counsel given in Colossians. Colossians 3:5,6 Reads "Deaden, therefore your body members that are on the earth as respects sexual immorality, uncleanness, uncontrolled sexual passion, hurtful desire, and greediness, which is idolatry. 6 On account of those things the wrath of God is coming." This is very important counsel. We all have to maintain control of our sexual desires. Never allow your feelings for a man to lead to sexual immorality. Having sex with a man won’t necessarily make him want to marry you. This is a fatal mistake that many women make. Stay strong and never have sex until you are legally married. The Apostle Paul gives us advice on who we should marry. 2 Corinthians 6:14 Reads "Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what sharing does light have with darkness?" Never enter a relationship with a man who does not have a relationship with Jehovah God. Only date mature, Christian men who have dedicated their lives to serving Jehovah God and have symbolized this by water baptism. It’s okay to meet men and form useful business relationships. However, never lower your standards no matter how lonely you get. If a man doesn’t love and respect God how will he love and respect you?

Women of all backgrounds can benefit from this book. I base my advice on the Divine counsel given in the Bible, experience and sound reasoning. All scriptural quotations in this book are taken from the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures. The material is tailored to the sensibilities of Christian women. Christian women have high moral standards. They strive to follow the rules and regulations set down in the Bible and they are not concerned with what is the popular opinion in the world right now. Their main concern in life is pleasing their heavenly father. This affects all aspects of their life. A Christian woman’s dress, grooming, diet, entertainment, and especially their choice in men is affected by their devotion to Jehovah God. If you are not a Christian you may find it hard to follow the advice given in this book. However, Christians all over the world make a choice to live by the counsel given in God’s word the Bible. When a person adheres to the counsel given in the Bible they will find that they have a healthier and happier life. Proverbs 10:27

If you are not a Christian woman you will still be able to benefit from the advice given in this book. I give women many useful suggestions on how they can meet men. However, most women want to meet a man who is honest, monogamous, faithful, nonviolent, spiritual, heterosexual, and hard working. Women want a man who wants to get married and who can be a great provider. Many men today make a conscious decision not to live up to these high standards. Unfortunately, many men enjoy casual sex and have a hard time making a commitment to any woman for a long period of time. The men who are faithful and want to get married tend to be God fearing, Christian men. These are men who have dedicated their lives to serving Jehovah God and following Jesus Christ’s example. Christian men are drawn to Christian women. These men want a woman who also has high moral standards. They want a woman who also follows Christ’s perfect example. If you are not a Christian woman you will still attract Christian men. Men love all beautiful women. Nevertheless, it’s not likely that they will be interested in developing a relationship with you if you don’t have high moral standards. If you have not dedicated your life to serving God, I encourage you to do so. It is the best way to live. When you lead a morally clean lifestyle you will attract men who appreciate a woman with high moral standards. If you enjoy casual sex and sleep around you will attract men who do the same. Put God first in your life and you will prosper.

In this book I give women suggestions that will help them to meet a good, Christian man. Once you meet the right man you can cultivate a healthy relationship that may lead to marriage. Women have the right to be loved and treated with the utmost respect by a man who loves and adores them. A woman usually learns about love from her parents. Her father will teach her about the appropriate way to be loved and respected by a man. Her mother will teach her how to behave like a lady. One day a man will step in and take over the role that a loving father played in her life. Men and women are meant to get together, marry and start a family if they choose to. (1 Corinthians 7:8, 9, 36) I want every woman who wants to find a man and get married to have the tools necessary to find and keep a man. I wrote this book to aid women in their search to find true love. I hope that my suggestions can help women all over the world find their true soul mate.

Chapter 1

DATING IN BIBLE TIMES

People have been dating for hundreds of years. It is important that we look at how people behaved in the Bible times in order to learn how we should behave today. We need to know Jehovah God’s view of dating. We shall briefly examine the conduct of several women in the Bible. We want to learn from their mistakes and their successes. This way we will be sure to avoid their mistakes while being sure to imitate their wise decisions. It’s always best to learn from the experiences of others. Some of the women in these examples followed God’s instruction and others chose their own path. Let’s observe their actions and see what happened. Let’s take a look at Adam and Eve.

Adam and Eve

Jehovah God wanted to populate the Earth with God fearing, happy people. He created the Earth, the animals and then he created Adam. Adam was created before Eve. Adam noticed that all of the animals had a mate except for himself. Adam also wanted a companion. Jehovah put Adam in a deep sleep and created Eve. Adam was so pleased that he recited the first poem. (Genesis 2:23) Adam and Eve were truly happy for a short period of time. Jehovah told them not to eat of the forbidden fruit. (Genesis 2:9, 15-17) Satan the Devil tempted Eve. She was less experienced than Adam. Eve disobeyed God and ate of the fruit. She offered the fruit to Adam and he also ate. (Genesis 2:6) Just like that Adam and Eve had broken Gods law and sentenced themselves to death. Eve had a good man but her disobedience to Jehovah had an adverse effect on her marriage. Adam and Eve’s disobedience resulted in their being expelled from the Garden of Eden forever. Genesis Chapter 3

We must always follow Gods laws. If we listen to Jehovah God and follow his rules and regulations we will succeed in life. (Proverbs 9:10) If we fail to listen to God we will have problems. In a marriage a man or woman can either encourage their mate to do good or bad. Ideally we have to bring out the best in our mate. We should always encourage our mate to do the right thing. When you are looking for a man. Search for the most spiritual minded man that you can find. You will be tempted by the Devil and you will need a spiritual man by your side who will keep the family on the right path. (1 Peter 5:8) Adam and Eve were happy as long as they were serving Jehovah God. When they disobeyed God they were punished by being thrown out of the Garden of Eden. (Genesis 3:23, 24) They lost their Divine favor and began to experience hardships. Similarly today when people reject God and do whatever they want they experience hardship. Do not let that happen to you. Draw close to Jehovah and he will draw close to you. Eve was led astray by bad advice. Today we have to turn to God’s word the Bible for direction. Avoid listening to worldly people who do not fear God. When a married couple keep God in their marriage, they will prosper.

Lot’s wife

Lot’s wife was another woman who made a bad choice and suffered for it. She was married and had children. She lived in a very immoral city named Sodom. (Genesis 13: 12, 13) Jehovah decided to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Jehovah sent angels to warn Lot. Lot’s family were told by angels that Sodom and Gomorrah would be destroyed. Jehovah was destroying the people because they were very immoral. They were engaging in sexual immorality and they refused to do what was right. Lot and his family were told to leave the city and not to look back. (Genesis 19:15-17) When they were escaping the city Lot’s wife looked back at the wicked city. (Genesis 19:24-26) Perhaps she missed some of the bad things that they were escaping from. Immediately she turned into a pillar of salt. Her disobedience resulted in her destruction.

We can learn from Lot’s wife experience. Never disobey Jehovah God’s laws. When you deliberately disobey God’s laws you will harm yourself and your family as well. Once Lot’s wife died her husband lost his wife and her children lost their mother. Lot’s wife had a good, God fearing man but she had a longing for worldly things and she lost her life as a result. Always listen to God’s instructions as found in his word the Bible. If you can do that you will prosper. Many marriages fail when the couple begins to focus on pursuing material things. Sexual immorality also destroys many marriages. Once you get married suddenly you find yourself in high demand and everyone wants to date you. You will have to make it clear to everyone that you are a happily married woman and you are not interested in pursuing any extramarital relationships. Prayer and regular Bible study has to be an integral part of any relationship. Put Jehovah God first in your life and you will have a happy life. Proverbs 10:27

Rebekah

Isaac was a faithful man of God. He was single and he wanted to find a good, God fearing woman. His father Abraham did not want him to marry a Canaanite. Canaanites were not worshipers of Jehovah God. (Genesis 24:1-4) Abraham sent one of his servants back to the land of his relatives in order to find a wife for his son. Abraham’s servant took ten camels and made the long trip to where Abraham’s family lived. He settled down in the city of Nahor in the upper Mesopotamian valley. The camels were very thirsty. Camels can drink a lot of water. Abraham’s men stopped by a well in order to get some water. Rebekah came along to get some water from the well. When the servant asked her for some water she gave him a drink. She also offered to water all of the thirsty camels. This was no easy task. It required a lot of heavy lifting and repeatedly extracting water from the well and providing each camel with enough water to quench its thirst. Keep in mind that Rebekah had never seen this man before but yet she was kind enough to water his camels. Rebekah was humble, loving and kind. These are great qualities for a woman to have. Rebekah’s father was the son of Abraham’s brother. Abraham’s servant spoke to Rebekah’s father Bethuel and her brother Laban and they approved of Rebekah marrying Isaac. Isaac came highly recommended. Rebekah knew that Isaac was a man who believed in Jehovah God. She agreed to go meet Isaac and eventually they were married. Their marriage was a success. Rebekah was able to find a good, Christian man because she displayed admirable qualities. Read Genesis 24

From Rebekah’s experience we can learn that when a woman displays good, Christian values she becomes more attractive. We can also see that often family members can recommend someone who will prove to be a good catch. It’s important to find someone who is a devout servant of God. Isaac was looking for a woman who was God fearing. He was able to marry Rebekah and start a family. (Genesis 24:67) We can learn from Rebekah’s example. A woman should always carry herself like a lady. Always show love and kindness to everyone that you meet. Treat everyone the way that you would want to be treated. Rebekah was a single woman who displayed excellent upbringing. Her family had instilled in her a love for God. She was a very loving and kind woman and as a result she was blessed with a good husband.

Dinah

Do you know the story of Dinah? This is one of the most tragic stories in the Bible. Dinah is known for suffering because of her bad decisions. We all have to be careful who we spend time with. Dinah liked to associate with Canaanite women. This was not a good idea because Canaanites were not God fearing people. She should not have been associating with Canaanite women. They were not servants of Jehovah. She may have reasoned that she was not doing anything wrong by hanging out in a Canaanite city. She was just having fun talking with her girlfriends. Shechem a popular Canaanite man was watching Dinah as she frequently traveled through the city with her girlfriends. He was attracted to her and he wanted to get to know her. He was not a God fearing man. However, he was considered to be one of the most honorable Canaanite men in the land. He liked Dinah and he wanted her for himself. Dinah was not interested in Shechem. That did not stop him from pursuing her. Eventually he forced Dinah to sleep with him against her wishes. (Genesis 34:2) He raped Dinah. This would not have happened if Dinah would have chosen to associate with God fearing people. By associating with worldy women she put herself in company of a worldly man who had no problem forcing her to sleep with him. When Dinah’s brothers Simeon and Levi heard what happened they went into the city and killed Shechem and all of the men in the city. (Genesis 34:25, 26) This was a terrible act of violence. These events were directly related to Dinah’s poor choice of association. Read Genesis 34

We can learn a lot from Dinah’s experience. Avoid bad association at all costs. Christian women should associate with other Christians. This will prevent them from picking up any bad habits. (1 Corinthians 15:33) You definitely should avoid associating with worldy men. Worldly men do not put God first in their lives. They have no problem having premarital sex. Some men will try to force themselves on you if you put yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Make sure that everyone around you knows that you have high moral standards. Let all of your suitors know that you do not engage in premarital sex. Only date men who have high moral standards based on the Bible. Choose your friends wisely. Associate with women who have high moral values. You may know many women in your community who seem to be nice people. However, if they have not dedicated their lives to God do not spend a great deal of time with them. Bad association spoils useful habits. Preach to all of your associates and encourage them to read the Bible. Do not spend a great deal of time at clubs and wild parties where you are exposed to worldly elements. Associate with people who have high moral standards. They will encourage you to continue to serve Jehovah. Proverbs 27:17

Samson and Delilah

Samson was the strongest man who ever lived. Jehovah gave Samson his great strength. (Judges 14:5, 6) In Samson’s time there was a nation of people called the Philistines. They were violent people who lived in Canaan. Judge Samson killed hundreds of Philistines. He developed a relationship with woman named Delilah. In time Samson fell in love with Delilah. The Philistines promised to give Delilah 1,100 pieces of silver if she told them what made Samson so strong. She agreed to find out the source of Samson’s strength. Delilah began asking Samson what made him so strong. Eventually he told her that his hair is the secret of his strength. Delilah told the Philistines Samson’s secret. Once Samson went to sleep Delilah