Spanish Angst: What I Wish I’d Known Before I Moved to Madrid

By LLVT

Spanish Angst is a high concept comedy set in 1997 and centred on a strong female protagonist.  Bella, a 23 year old marketing graduate, leaves the USA behind to find greener grass in sunny Spain.  Despite her Spanish parents and happy childhood memories of Spain, Bella’s Madrid experience doesn’t match her expectations.

The owner of the firm where she works believes that all around him exist solely to increase his personal wealth.  Her direct boss, Marga, is a jealous forty-something who delights in exploiting her and insulting her dress sense.  Her attempts to find a different job seem surreal, she can’t get her t.v. fixed, she can’t get a decent meal, no one seems to understand her accent and her matchmaking flat mate keeps setting her up with losers.  Bella is just too American, feminist and goal oriented for the people around her and the cultural clashes provide constant entertainment.  She is also too stubborn to just give up.

 

Based on over twelve years of the author’s experience working and seeking work in Madrid, this is more than just a comedic treatment of how different attitudes and ideologies can be from one country to the next.  It is also a real reflection of the work environment for women in Madrid.  So if you know anyone who dreams of moving abroad to enjoy a laid back culture, have them read this first!!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Oct 24, 2007
• ISBN: 9781467020695

LLVT

LLVT is a Spanish citizen born of a Danish mother in Chicago, Illinois.  The author’s first comedic effort was a comic strip about her fifth grade teacher and a rat.  Perhaps this (and a very forgiving teacher) led to a merit based scholarship in the sixth grade for wordily gifted children.  Being a Spanish-English bilingual has influenced her unusual verbal style almost as much as her penchant for English comedy.  LLVT has been writing ever since but this is her first officially published work.    Although fictional, the events in SPANISH ANGST are true to life and draw very heavily on the author’s personal experiences of living and trying to work in Madrid.  Over the last twelve years in Madrid the writer has worked in as many business sectors in positions as diverse as Marketing Manager, Waitress, Customer Service Agent, Campaign Support Volunteer, Lawyer and consultant.  The author’s qualifications include a BA in English Literature from the University of Illinois, a Law degree from NIU, an MBA from IEDE in Madrid, and a slew of smaller certifications that seemed to make her truly unemployable.  However; the author is currently making a go in a new business sector in sunny Scotland.   A full biography and other banter written by LLVT can be seen on the website: www.varelatychsen.info, including a monologue in Spanish and a short script in English about getting dumped.

Book preview

SPANISH

ANGST

-or-

What I Wish I’d Known

BEFORE I Moved to Madrid

an ORIGINAL COMEDY in Three Acts

by LLVT

US%26UK%20Logo%20B%26W_new.ai

AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive, Suite 200

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2008 LLVT. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 2/4/2008

ISBN: 978-1-4343-4550-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-2069-5 (ebk)

WGAE Registration VQEA0F7F6E7A

Spanish Copyright Registration (Community of Madrid office) Nº M-002716/2007

Contents

ACT ONE

What Bella Leaves Behind

Leaving the Usa

Flashback to Bella’s Experience of Spain

Bella Arrives in Madrid

Bella Begins Working in Madrid

Objectives Revealed

ACT TWO

Focus On Making The Best Of It

Rededicated to Making it Work

Knife in the Back

ACT THREE

Two Weeks Later – Leaving Spain

CAT m. Carnivorous domestic mammal of the feline family. … Astute man. A person from Madrid…

GATO m. Mamífero carnicero doméstico de la familia de los félidos. … Hombre astuto. Madrileño…

Definition of Cat From: Diccionario Manual Ilustrado

de la Lengua Española VOX, Bibliograf, SA:

CHARACTERS

Bella del Amo – a 23 year old American who moves to Madrid to restart her life

Professor Lopez

Mimic – non speaking - Imitador

Professor Reynolds

Tipper Gore Clone – Clon de Tipper Gore

Milton Waring

Lisa – her second in the Hispanic Society

Sullivan

Handling Agent – airport check-in assistant - Azafato

Clerk – airport food service attendant - Dependiente

Rude Bitch – frustrated expatriate mother of two – Tía Grosera

Barman – Camarero de Barra

Child Age 6 – Niño de 6

Child Age 8 – Niño de 8

Stewardess – Azafata

Mother – Madre

Father – Padre

Waiter - Camarero

Bella Age 5 – Bella 5 años

Village Grandma – Abuela del Pueblo

Bella Age 6 – Bella 6 años

Taxi Driver - Taxista

Lawyer - Abogado

Driver - Conductor

Colombian - Colombiano

Customs Agent – Agente de Aduanas

Civil Guard One – Guardia Civil Uno

Civil Guard Two – Guardia Civil Dos

Gloria 1 – secretary of the AMN firm

Marga Villegas – Bella’s superior or direct boss at AMN

Arturo Morales Navarro – owner of the AMN firm

Old Lady - Vieja

Pastry Shopgirl 1 - Empleada Pastelería 1

Pastry Shopgirl 2 - Empleada Pastelería 2

Bernadette Walper

Employee 30 – Empleado 30

Female Employee 1 – Empleada 1

Female Employee 2 – Empleada 2

TV Repairman – Técnico de Reparación

Interviewer 1 – Entrevistador 1

Interviewer 2 – Entrevistador 2

Interviewer 3 – Entrevistador 3

Interviewer 4 – Entrevistador 4

Interviewer 5 – Entrevistador 5

Britta Larsen

Airead – Cabeza Hueca

Average Partygoer – Comensal Cotidiano

Rampant Homosexual - Homosexual Loca

David

HBD HR Head – Encargado RRHH en HBD

USA Interviewer – Entrevistador de USA

Salesgirl – Vendedora

Octavio

Waiter B – Camarero B

Bar Patron – Cliente del Bar

Receptionist - Recepcionista

Interviewer 6 – Entrevistador 6

Otto

Waiter C – Camarero C

Elias Greenberg – a US client

Gloria 2 – temp receptionist

Cheap Cafeteria Waiter – Camarero de Cafetería Barata

Cheap Cafeteria Manager – Gerente de Cafetería Barata

Interviewer 7 - Entrevistador 7

Interviewer 8 – Entrevistador 8

Oscar

Interviewer 9 – Entrevistador 9

Gloria 3 – another receptionist

Gloria 4 – (Gloria de Francisco) a competent secretary

AMN office building Concierge – Conserje del edificio de AMN

Delivery Boy - Repartidor

Hotel Receptionist – Recepcionista de Hotel

Mover ESP – Hombre de Mudanzas ESP

Mover ECU – Hombre de Mudanzas ECU

Mover ARG – Hombre de Mudanzas ARG

Bella Age 3 – Bella 3 años

Stewardess 2 – Azafata 2

ACT ONE

What Bella Leaves Behind

1 – INT COLLEGE ENTRANCE HALL DAY- JUNE 1997 - HISPANIC SOCIETY AWARDS (English)

A modern college building built to emulate European architecture that predates the discovery of America. On the far wall a stained glass window shows a University Emblem. A small ceremony with no more than fifty present counting students and professors is taking place in a lounge with comfy couches and a table against one wall with trays of appetizers and boxes of cheap wine.

LONG SHOT: A 23 year old with cropped short hair, dressed for success and in hip hop video good shape does not know she is about to receive an award.

ANGLE ON: PROFESSOR LOPEZ is a man with a dandruff problem wearing a black suit. He speaks with a Southside Chicago accent.

PROFESSOR LOPEZ

(Proud)

As advisor to the Hispanic Students Association I am very happy to confer this Award for Leadership, the first of what we plan to make a long tradition, upon one of my favourite students. She has had a tough year but pulled through with grace and distinction. Her attitudes and actions have demonstrated the abilities and qualities we hope all our students aspire to. I know that as President of the HSA she has inspired many of you and certainly had some influence on all of you, and I am sure that as she leaves us to embark on a new career she will make her mark. This award goes to Bella del Amo.

BELLA

(Surprised)

Thank you very much. Thank you so much.

(Approaching to take the plaque)

I’m not sure what to say.

Bella examines the plaque in satisfaction and humbled, then speaks to the group. In the crowd a couple of women snigger at MIMIC, who copies BELLA’s gestures derisively, but BELLA does not notice.

BELLA - cont

I didn’t expect such a wonderful honour and I am very happy to receive your recognition. I really do believe that Leadership means providing an example of how things should be done and striving to give your best in every situation.

PROFESSOR LOPEZ

(Just remembered – butting in)

Oh, sorry to interrupt Bella. Before we go on I just want to add that; although this first award is honorary only in the future we will be allotting monies from the school budget to provide a monetary award of five thousand dollars.

BELLA’s face suddenly drops before she has a chance to compose herself, then she breathes deep. The mimic in the crowd laughs out loud but stops when she receives reproving looks from the others present.

PROFESSOR LOPEZ - cont

Well, I didn’t mean for you to take it like that. Maybe I shouldn’t have interrupted. I’m sure that with your bright academic record and references you won’t have any need for such a small sum.

BELLA

Oh, please, I truly am grateful to receive this and I really do appreciate your acknowledgment. In answer to your question, I won’t be working in Chicago because I am moving to Madrid.

CUTAWAY: Reactions of surprise from the rest of the group.

ANGLE ON: sympathetic girl: ID tag of Vice President named LISA, who is carrying a jug of ice water. FULL SHOT: LISA accidentally bumps into the mimic spilling-pouring the contents from MIMIC’s shoulder thus thoroughly drenching her. MIMIC cries out and starts waving her arms, then realizes her blouse is now virtually transparent, and rushes out. BELLA sees all this and MIMIC leaving. BELLA smiles but doesn’t break the rhythm of her speech.

BELLA – cont

After my last trip there, when my father died, I realised that I really just prefer life over there to here. I will be working at a small firm that wants to increase its international clientele, so if you ever have need for a hand in Spain just let me know. Thanks again very much.

The group breaks into smaller circles for conversation, many clustering at the snack trays and PROFESSOR REYNOLDS approaches just as PROFESSOR LOPEZ comes to talk to BELLA.

PROFESSOR REYNOLDS

Bella, this is some very interesting news, you leaving rather than take a position at Hounslow, Bateman and Drew. I was sure they would make you an offer after they called me to get a reference for your class work.

PROFESSOR LOPEZ

Yes Bella, how did this happen? When I spoke with them they told me they were going to make you a six figure offer.

BELLA

Well, they did actually but I really don’t want to work there. Last summer I gave my all to the internship but I was miserable because it was impossible to have a life, and other firms would be no different from what I saw. I rethought my objectives after my father died and decided I want a quality of life that allows me to appreciate my time and surroundings rather than make me hate them.

PROFESSOR LOPEZ

How did you get a job in a foreign country so easily? Did you contact connections of your father’s?

BELLA

(Irked she looks back toward him)

No. I don’t have any relatives close enough for that kind of favour. I sent my CV to every single firm in the city of Madrid. I only got one offer but that was all I needed.

PROFESSOR LOPEZ

And what kind of offer did they make to take you away from America?

BELLA

(Defensive)

Well, the official title is apprentice, but that’s just a word. The job description is just like any job I would have if I stayed here. Of course won’t be paid like I would be here but I think I just need to get my foot in the door and show them what I can do. If the firm is growing the way it seems to be from their client list, then it can’t be too long before I can move up or move on.

PROFESSOR LOPEZ

(Condescending)

You’re making a big mistake. Just because you didn’t like Hounslow, Bateman and Drew doesn’t mean there isn’t another firm out there that might be a good fit for you. You can still interview in another city if what you want is a change of pace.

PROFESSOR REYNOLDS

Listen to him Bella, I have experience with Spanish firms and they are not like American ones. They may offer great things but if they told you you will be an apprentice that means you will be an errand boy for at least two years before they consider taking you seriously.

BELLA

Well, I appreciate your concern but I can’t help thinking your idea of Spain is outdated. Professor Reynolds you haven’t been there for over fifteen years and Professor Lopez you’ve never left the U.S. It’s not like I’m thinking of going to Bogotá or Buenos Aires, things have changed with the evolution of the European Union.

PROFESSOR LOPEZ

Spain may have changed but the hierarchical system Spaniards adhere to hasn’t. You’re not being realistic if you think you will be treated any better than an assistant.

BELLA

(BELLA cocks her head but bites her tongue)

Please let’s not argue about this. It really is too late anyway. I’ve already shipped my belongings and my plane leaves the day after the graduation ceremony. I really appreciate your concern but I have decided to try and enjoy my life rather than work twelve hours a day in a backstabbing environment where no one is straightforward nor has time for their personal interests.

The professors look at each other and are suddenly called to another part of the room by the Dean. As they walk away LISA is approaching. BELLA can hear the next line.

PROFESSOR REYNOLDS

(Under breath to PROFESSOR LOPEZ)

Now I understand their reference questions a bit better. It seems she can’t hack competition under pressure. It’s a shame we didn’t know this before we gave the award to someone who won’t be here to promote the school.

2 – INT BASKETBALL COURT DAY – GRADUATION (English)

A typical American University graduation ceremony. The class size is about two hundred. Kathy Lee and Laura Bush look-alikes abound. The other half of the class is a collection of uptight crew cut males. The school dean gives a speech but his words drone in an undistinguishable murmur over the speaker system.

BOOM TRAVEL: over the class to ZOOM on BELLA sitting between a blonde with pearls and blue eye-shadow, and a 350 pound male who is snacking on a cereal bar.

TIPPER GORE CLONE

(Turning around from talking to a woman on the other side – to BELLA)

So, I heard you made quite a scene yesterday when you should have been accepting your trumped up minority pseudo-award.

BELLA

(To Milton)

Funny I have the feeling someone is talking to me, but there are no human beings to the left of me so I must be having an auditory hallucination.

MILTON WARING

(Brushing crumbs off his front)

Hardy har har. The truth is I don’t get it either. Why are you running away to a third world country when Hounslow, Bateman and Drew would have given you a hundred thou a year just to fill their quota.

TIPPER GORE CLONE

(Consternation)

Did you say a hundred thousand?

BELLA

You didn’t get the same offer?

TIPPER GORE CLONE

I got more than that. I got that plus a company car and full health plus dental. I’m just surprised someone like you would turn down a charity offer