All is Vanity

By Charles W Barry

 

 

It looks as though things are looking up for three Irish middle-aged women - Enda, Lucy and Lisa when they get back to work after some time trying out their skills in a publishing office.

But their boss - James - seems to be a bit shady. Playing on the vanity of prospective writers he encourages all writers who have the money to publish with his company.

Eventually one struggling writer - Gerard - hunts him down and brings him to justice but despite certain physical problems caused as a result he's back in action in a new setting, ready to prey on future innocent budding authors…….

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Charles W Barry
• Release date: Nov 9, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215164334

Charles W Barry

Charles W. Barry is Irish but works as a teacher in Poland. He has published poems and plays online. Chatroom Mystery is his first full-length novel

Book preview

ALL IS VANITY

Charles W Barry

This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places or events are entirely coincidental.

ALL IS VANITY

Copyright 2022 Charles W Barry

Written by Charles W Barry

To Edyta

You have been the star of my life for a quarter of a century.

Long may you shine!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1 - Enda

Chapter 2 - Lucy

Chapter 3 - Gerard

Chapter 4 - James

Chapter 5 - Lisa

Chapter 6 - James

Chapter 7 - Gerard

Chapter 8 - James

Chapter 9 - Lisa

Chapter 10 - Lucy

Chapter 11 - Gerard

Chapter 12 - Bradley

Chapter 13 - Gerard

Chapter 14 - Enda

Chapter 15 - Garda Farren

Chapter 16 - Lisa

One - Enda

I feel a bit of an eejit being here. A bit of a fish out of water. It’s a nice enough office I must say. I wonder how many of us are on the course. Getting restarted. Well it’s a good enough title for those of us who have been out of the arena for a few years. I just wonder how it will go.

Things are starting to move. The chap who interviewed me is standing up now. Good -looking bloke he is too. Neat hair and well-dressed. I wouldn’t have minded going out with a chap like him. Now I suppose I’ve missed my chance.

How old is he? Hair is turning grey and going a bit thin – I’d say he’s about 50. Slim but well-built. Average height. He’s going to the lectern. Never seen a lectern bang in the middle of an office before. It might be an Ard Fheis that we’re attending. It’s a tidy, cosy little room here. I wonder if this is where we’ll be working. Now for curtain up time. Here we go.

‘My dear friends,

How glad I am to see you all here today. And how glad I am to be with you here today. We are about to embark on a new project - a great project. Before we go into the details of this great project I would like to tell you all why this project is so great.

There are many people out there who need us. This project that we will be working on together will give them a chance to get heard. There are many unknown geniuses in the world. They live and die unknown. Nobody ever has the chance to become aware of them.

So it is our duty - indeed we can say it is our privilege - to give these great people a chance to become famous. We will give them the possibility of being well -known. These men and women - sometimes even boys and girls - have great talent and we will have the responsibility of fostering it, patronizing it, even sponsoring it.’

Well you certainly have a way with words I must say. I don’t exactly know what you’re on about but it sounds nice anyway.

‘Can you even try to imagine what we will be doing? We will be like the great patrons of the Renaissance or the great sponsors of the early voyages of discovery. Ask yourselves - where would Leonardo da Vinci have been without the Medici family? Where would Columbus have been without Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain? The answer is simple - nowhere.’

Nice stop for effect there. You’ve hooked us all with your pause.

‘So we will be taking on the great task of being the pioneers of the best talent from the contemporary world. Does this idea seem abstract to you? I hope not. It certainly does not seem abstract to me. I feel so - so proud of having a part to play in fostering the great talent of the world that exists around us.

And I feel doubly pleased at the thought that our project is not in the hands of a - a crooked little monopoly of businessmen who - who rule the roost in the world of talents. We are not a - a cadre or a - a syndicate. We are not great specialists or big company directors. We are ordinary people ourselves. Ordinary people encouraging the extraordinary to get a name for themselves. I think this is probably the most important factor of all.’

Maybe it is but I’m still not sure where we’re going now.

‘And how will we do our job? By doing two things - two things to the best of our ability. First - by always giving hopeful and enthusiastic feedback to all who send us their work. We must never falter - we must never fail to do that. We may feel tired or sick but we must always put the needs of our clients first. Second - by spreading the word of what we are doing to all four corners of the globe. Yes - we are here performing a great task - waiting to help and promote all the greatest talents that exist - talents that have not been acknowledged by others.’

I have to say you’ve a talent yourself - a talent to take people in by the smooth sound of your voice….

‘What a great enterprise we are embarking on today! What great joy we will feel while we are on this project together! What great fulfilment we will have when we end our project, knowing that we have made our mark on helping in the artistic progress of humanity.

So - so let me just end by repeating how good it is to have you all here. Let’s start the countdown for lift off.

Thank you my friends and good luck to you all!’

Thank you too! Sorry that you didn’t get a round of applause. It was a nice speech you made I must say. Not that I digested everything completely. But I have to say you speak in a nice, educated way. Wonder if you’re English. Well you convince me anyway. We’re off on a great journey. Bon voyage to us! I’m glad to be on your boat Captain – Captain Whoever -you -are… I can’t remember his name….

***

And now we’re all working in the office. All silence and concentration. But I have a problem all the same.

‘Mr - Mr Keown?’

‘Yes - yes - it’s Enda isn’t it?’

‘Yeah it is.’

Well at least you know my name. That’s a good start.

‘What is it Enda?’

‘It may sound a bit daft but - but I - I don’t exactly know what you want us to do.’

It does sound a bit daft and I couldn’t have put it worse but after all this is Getting restarted. You have to restart somewhere I suppose.

‘Well now Enda - I thought you’d have no problem about that. Is your email on the contact details of our company website?’

‘Yes it is.’

‘Well now - you’re our webmaster - or rather in the light of today’s political correctness - you’re our webmistress - OK?’

‘Eh - yes I think so.’

No need to look so snooty. This is only my first day remember....

‘So Enda - it is your duty to add, update and delete information on our website you see?’

‘I see.’

‘I see’ said the blind man and he couldn’t see at all. Politically incorrect joke nowadays I suppose.

‘You have to make our website look enticing for all prospective writers to send their work to us in the near future. You understand?’

‘Yeah I think so. So we’re only looking for writers here - is that right?’

‘Well you know Enda - the name of our company is the International Authors Digest. Authors are usually writers aren’t they?’

Don’t sound so sarcastic Mr High-and-mighty. You were talking earlier about artists and God -knows -what. I don’t want to be making a mistake at my first task here.

‘Yeah they are of course. But I have here a query from a publisher - an art book publisher you see. There’s no author’s name here. Just the name of the publisher.’

‘We do not publish art books Enda. Have you not read the description of our publishing house on our home page?

Don’t ask me questions like a teacher – right?

‘Oh I have - I have. But just when you were making your speech there - you didn’t refer specifically to writers - I just thought - you know…..’

‘I know Enda. What we want is the very best new talent from the world of writing. We want to promote it and we want to make ourselves known as a - a channel for this promotion - you understand?’

‘Oh I do.’

Well you’re certainly a great one for gassing, I’ll hand you that. You missed your vocation in life. Advertising would have been right up your street.

‘Lisa is in charge of the visual side of things - making our website look pretty.’

She’s blonde. Obviously dyed. Looks about my age.

‘Lucy is in charge of public relations - any budding author who comes into our office is dealt with by her - are you there Lucy?’

‘I’m here Mr Keown.’

She giggles like a schoolgirl. Must be in her late 50s. Big spare tyre she has. Two big melons she has to go with it. Awful tangly hair and cheap makeup too. I’ve nothing against dying your hair or using makeup as long as they’re done well.

‘Good girl. And you Enda - you are in control of the textual side of things - you understand?’

‘I understand.’

I don’t like your superior manner Buster. It gets on my nerves a lot.

‘Right. So girls - let’s get to it! Remember - if there are any questions or problems I’m in the next room waiting to hear from you.’

Don’t look so nervous Boss! Not so sure of yourself as you let on –eh? Either stay or go. That’s right - skedaddle now to your office in the next room. I’m sure we’ll be in touch soon. I’m creaky after this long break from the office environment.

Well I’d better start working on the website.

Two - Lucy

Well we’re all very busy this morning I must say. Our pretty blonde is writing intensively - how quick she taps those plastic squares writing Hell for keyboard. Ha! – that’s a good one – Hell for keyboard! Relax like me will you? The work will always be there you know. Getting it done quickly only means getting yourself landed with more work eventually. And the other one – she looks in her middle 40s. She’s too stocky for her height. And she’s chubby too. Pouchy face she has but a kind expression. Her glasses make her look like a junior school teacher. But she has a worried look. As though the police were after her. Why pull such a fretful face? Life isn’t that bad. I’m sorry to say but although working in this office is a major priority, I always have to paint my nails at 11 o’clock whatever task is on. It’s a nice shade – crystal amber I think they call it.

‘Lisa... Lisa - isn’t it?’

‘Yes.’

‘How is your work getting on?’

‘Hhm.’

Very informative I must say Lisa. ‘Hhm’ – now that says a lot. You could at least look at the poor lady when you talk to her. Did you never learn any manners?

Now she’s turning to me. Better straighten up!

‘Lucy - Lucy?’

‘Yeah?’

‘How are you enjoying it? I mean - how are you enjoying your work?’

‘I like it. I haven’t worked for a long while you know. I’m glad to get back to it. How do you like it yourself eh...?

I can’t remember your name - sorry.

‘Enda.’

That’s it!

‘Enda.’

‘WelI - I’m not sure Lucy. I mean I’m glad to get back to work. Like you I haven’t been working for some time but - but I feel it’s a bit funny here.’

‘Funny? Oh I don’t know about that. It’s better money than the dole and that’s what matters most.’

‘Yeah - yeah I suppose you’re right.’

Well now that was nice. A little morning conversation. It lightens the air. How different things were years ago! All the girls in Tayto Crisps yapping together all day in the office. And now what have you? Nobody talks. All the zombies browsing on their computers from morning till evening.

‘How did you hear about the job Lucy?’

‘Well I was really lucky you know. I just happened to be going into town one day - I don’t often go into town you know - I live in Portmarnock - but I just happened to be in D’olier Street - and I was just passing the Workseekers office you know and I decided to pop in for a second. And what do you know? I went up to one of the girls working there - she checked about vacancies and happened to see the ad - secretary wanted. Just up my street I can tell you! You know I worked in Tayto Crisps as a secretary for years. I then asked for more information and was told to come here for interview and bang! I’m a secretary again!’

‘You got the job of secretary?’

‘Yeah I did.’

‘But Lucy - you’re not a secretary. Remember what James said - you’re in charge of public relations. He said that didn’t he?’

‘Oh he did. But honestly Enda - public relations - secretary - what does it matter really what we are? We’re getting more money than the dole and that’s what counts isn’t it?’

‘Yeah - yeah I suppose it is. I - I just wonder –‘

‘Can the two of you stop talking please? I can’t do any work.’

Oh don’t be so prissy my dear Lisa isn’t it? You can’t do any work? Aren’t we terrible girls to interfere with Lisa’s concentration? Prissy Lissy we’ll have to call you. And now she’s scared poor Enda back to her computer, just when we were starting off on some exciting topic. The phone is going in the next room. Is Sonny Jim as busy as my colleagues in here? I haven’t seen him all morning. Well you look very happy my dear. What wonderful message have you just sent? Maybe a message to your boyfriend? That’s the thing about nowadays. By fiddling on your desktop you can make everyone think you’re working but maybe you’re not. You can’t catch people out like in the old days. Now I must finish my nails….

‘How did you hear about the work here Lisa?’

Oh here she goes again! You won’t get anything out of Blondie, Enda!

‘How do you think? How does everyone hear about everything nowadays? By means of a little thing called the Internet….’

I was wrong! She’s obviously ready to talk when she wants to....

‘Yeah I heard about it there too. Were you interviewed for the job Lisa?’

‘Of course I was.’

‘Were - was there anyone else at your interview?’

‘What do you mean? Of course there was nobody else at my interview! Only Mr Keown and I.’

‘No I - I didn’t mean that - I meant - was there anybody queuing up for interview on the day you were going?’

‘No there wasn’t. Why would there be? I suppose Mr Keown arranged different times for different people.’

‘Yeah - yeah I suppose you’re right.’

What are you driving at Enda? Queues for interviews? I’m lost I must say but at least you’ve started to make Lisa a bit chatty. Why that smug smile on your face my dear? Has your boyfriend just sent you a loving email? And why do you look so stressed Enda? You’re really edgy now aren’t you? Ha! Prissy Lissy and Edgy Enda!

‘You look worried about something Enda - what is it?’

‘No Lucy - I’m not - I’m not worried. I’m just a bit - I mean - I’m just a bit itchy about this place. Something seems to be a bit odd here - do you know what I mean?’

‘Well I think I do alright. But my advice to you Enda is - don’t ask any questions. If you’re doing better here than on the dole - just do your work and be happy.’

Oh no! Enter his nibs!

‘Now what’s all the yapping about? Can’t a man do a decent day’s work without all his hens clucking in the farmyard? Girls - what are you