Finding the One

By Barbra White

Peace and authenticity are inseparable. Your purpose in life is to Be Yourself.
YOU are the One. Many women and men have used Finding The One principles and processes to find The One within, and consequently an amazing mate!

Finding The One is an accumulation of life changing wisdom, tools to discover your innate worth, and inspirational teachings. Each of the 41 small chapters contain the message of the entire book; this gives the necessary support to find the one and empowers the reader to apply the teachings to everyday life.

Chapters contain Finding the One Love principles, suggestions for application and a spiritual sex in the city like dating quips. The Perceived Protector section contains additional processes for clearing limiting beliefs and letting down walls. The Masters Paper section is the scientific, historical, religious, and Eco-psychology base for connecting to The One through holistic sexuality, nature, and body intimacy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Aug 5, 2016
• ISBN: 9781504360852

Barbra White

Ignited by a deep spiritual shift in her early twenties, Barbra has become a gifted intuitive, holistic therapist and spiritual teacher. She is the creator of the Self-Acceptance Process, has a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology, and Diploma of Homeopathy. Barbra has ignited hundreds of people into knowing their inherent worth and facilitated the ‘birth’ of their innate gifts. Barbra’s devotion and passion to serve comes from an embodied knowing, that anyone who is willing to look within, and love themselves, can be a healer to others. BarbraWhite.com

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Table of Contents

Introduction

Suggestions for Use

Why Is Self-Acceptance a Focus In Finding the One?

The Guest House

Receiving Love and the True Nature of Power

Reclaim Your Innocence

Greater Abundance Is Waiting

Courage To Be YOU

Peace is NOT Passive

Summary of Finding the One Love Principles

Your Greatness Will Bite You In The Butt!

Living the Life Of Your Dreams

Surrender and Freedom - Embracing a New Day

Are You Ready To Be Born Again into Love?

Are You Willing to Grow Into the Next Greatest Version of True Magnificence?

Summary of Finding The One Love Principles

The Rebel (Why Don’t I Do the

Things I Know Are Good for Me?)

Do I Enjoy Feeling Not Good Enough?

Do You Want A Life Of Greater Prosperity And Love???

Will of God - Heart of God Understanding the Masculine and Feminine Gift

Trusting Yourself--Discernment

Simply Be Yourself

Your Soul’s Purpose

Initiation into Greatness

Initiation into Greatness: Levels One through Four

Who Says Nothing Is Personal??

(Non-Violent Communication)

Commit to ‘Self’ and You Will Be Claimed By Love-God

Waiting on Love?

Summary of Finding the One Love Principles

**The World NEEDS YOU

**Sacred Service

**Confidently Humble

You Are Beyond Amazing!

**Your Body Our Earth

**Your Spiritual Vocation

**Live On Purpose

Summary of Finding the One Love Principles

Radiant Joy

Letting Life Love You

Learning how to RECEIVE Love

Courage to Live as Love

Are YOU A Teacher Of Love Or Fear?

Change Your Life Through Love

You Are Gorgeous

What Does a Real Spiritual Partnership Look Like?

Bold Enough To Be Whole

Living In Prosperity

Letting Yourself Be Loved

A Whole New Life Is Waiting for YOU

Summary of Finding the One Love Principles

Clearing Your Blocks to Letting Yourself Be Loved Using creative visualizations

Perceived Protector Work

Love and Sexuality are One? Introduction to Master’s Thesis

About the Author

Introduction

L et me start with giving you the most important tip about finding the one: Everything you are seeking in a partner is something you must be willing to become. This applies to all of your dreams. Our dreams are about what wants to be born through us. Finding the One will guide and inspire you through the midwifing of your own magnificence. Now that that is said, let me back up and tell you the roots of this book.

Twenty one years ago, I committed to give my life to serve God. I didn’t know what that meant at the time. Shortly after making this commitment, I met a teacher named Dr. Ernest Shear who reminded me that God is Love. Not just God is kind of love, or mostly love… but IS love. This rocked my world. Prior to meeting Dr. Shear, I was so angry at religion, humanity, and life for hurting people in the name of God. After we met, I knew Love is the Way and my heart began to melt. I am grateful to Dr. Shear for being a living example of God’s love. I dived feverishly into spiritual growth, studying many different energy systems, therapy models, and spiritual paths. I began working with therapists and teachers, to heal my fears and inner shadows. I am grateful to Shinto, Penny Weaver, and Monk Mahdi for their incredible support.

About three years into my spiritual growth path, I was told by my teacher and then-mentor (let’s call him Dr. What) that I was going to hell for being bisexual. I believed Dr. What. I could hear and see God saying, You are loved, but my current personal paradigm would not accept this. After a year and half of darkness, I fully surrendered. I realized everyone was Love. I felt in my bones that hate and pain were just different forms of God/Love. I saw how everything IS an expression of God. This began my journey into service.

I started my service in natural health, opening my first healing center, Healing Energies, with my Dad, to whom I am so grateful. As I got my footing in natural health work, I witnessed clients in my sessions begin to have spontaneous healing shifts. This scared me. Is this power from me? Is it from them? Am I special? How is this happening??! I began to record the sessions for my own growth and research. This became my first book, Why Self-Acceptance Is So Powerful.

I answered the question (why self-acceptance is so powerful) for myself. I found that something can only create suffering when we attach our worthiness to it. I saw the simple power of self-love to plug a person into the universal Love of God. I realized the full power of God was within all people and that I was just a tuning fork. I came to understand how scary self-love was for people because it meant letting go of false identifications and opening to who they Truly Are. I facilitated over 20,000 one-on-one session hours, as well as many workshops and retreats. I was an instrument of Love and Self-Acceptance for many.

Without physically asking, I was offered a radio show, to write for local magazines, and several different community leadership positions. I learned many lessons, continued my intense spiritual study, and loved my sessions. In general, everything came to me with ease and grace. I was then challenged in my faith.

Fourteen years after my spiritual path had begun, I faced my next mountain of inner growth. My relationship with a woman who was my friend of 25 years and partner of nine ended. On a meditation retreat in Hawaii, Spirit/God guided me to leave her. I left one month later, thrusting myself into a world I had never known. I had no close friends, no supportive community, and had never dated!! I was now being guided to date men. I didn’t know what that looked like! At that time, I was also challenged with intense life events that I will lightly touch on later in the book. I dove even deeper into spiritual growth through personal study, workshops, meditation, service, school, nature communion, and continued to let life teach me.

I began to answer questions such as:

What is true intimacy?

How do I own my sexual power?

Why is he not showing up?

Why don’t I feel libido?

Why do I feel so disconnected from my body?

How do I own my space and power in relationship?

How do I allow my Beloved within me, while also knowing my Beloved can be in another body?

Why are men so afraid of me?

This book is my seven year journey into answering these questions. Eleven years after healing sexual shame and cracking open to an omnipresent Love, I should have not been surprised that self and sexual acceptance was once again an impetus for growth--and thus greater expression of service. All the principles and suggestions contained within this book have been used in real life and have helped many clients. On the last edit of this book I decided to include dating quips, thanks to the wonderful Rickie Byars Beckwith. In my short interactions with this singer, songwriter and spiritual teacher over the past seven years, she demonstrated to me her high level of authenticity, self-acceptance and realness. I too, strive to be a living authentic example by letting my humanity AND divinity teach. So, thanks to Rickie and my commitment to be an embodied authentic example myself, this book contains some funny and vulnerable stories around dating, sexuality and intimacy. I see the dating quips like a spiritual version of Sex in the City.

I am so grateful to Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith, my clients, A Course In Miracles, Dr. Tina Fields, Naropa University, Donna Davison, Human Awareness Institute, Marianne Williamson, Christ, God, nature, and my friendships for being such incredible support and teachers. I honestly wish to God I would have had this book when I began dating. I still would have needed to experience these truths for myself, but this book would have saved me some struggle and been an amazing guide. Use the principles and suggestions for applications to open to your truth. This book is for both the single person and already committed. Let my crazy stories inspire you into self-forgiveness and greater self-love.

Finding the One guides you into embodying sovereignty and oneness, and thus True Love. I have found The One. Many women and men have used the universal Love principles and processes in this book to first find The One within, and consequently an amazing mate. Deep bow to all those who choose be a living example of Love and have the courage to live in real spiritual partnership. Your True Self waits to be reflected in a dance of autonomy and interdependence. When you are your authentic self in all of your relationships, you reveal your True Self and Soul’s purpose without even trying. Agape love or unconditional love means giving love by simply being you: giving love to feel love as you. Your purpose in life is to Be Yourself. YOU are the One.

"Romantic relationship is the crucible to self-commitment. This is why, we lose ourselves, so we can ultimately find our Self.

Suggestions for Use

T here are 41 small chapters. Each one contains the message of the entire book. The same way you are a complete expression of the universal God, each chapter is a complete representation of the universal whole. I did not write this book in a linear way. It is not how my brain works. You can jump around to what chapter feels right to you in the moment. (Or if it feels better, you can read straight through!) Whatever way you choose, take a day or two with each suggestion for application. Listen to your heart and go to the chapter to which your heart leads. Each chapter has dating quips and suggestions for application. In the first ten chapters in the suggestions for application sections, I will ask you to say affirmations or ask yourself a question as you fall asleep. Say affirmations with focus three times, and then let go (of the outcome). When instructed to ask a question, don’t try to analyze or find the answer. Let the answer rise up in your dream state or when you awaken in the morning. As the book progresses, I will offer more challenging self-inquiry questions and Self-Acceptance Processes. After 5-12 chapters, I summarize Finding the One Love principles. These principles can be used for contemplative meditation and/or integrated into your prayers.

The Perceived Protector section contains additional processes for clearing limiting beliefs and letting down walls. The Perceived Protector work was born of years spent teaching mental health professionals the Self-Acceptance Process. I am grateful to those students for challenging me to create a teaching structure. Please use these processes for your own unfoldment.

The Master’s Paper section is the scientific, historical, religious, and Eco-psychology base for connecting to the One through holistic sexuality, nature, and body intimacy. For those of you who like the facts and data to support Finding the One, this section is for you! Your full autonomous, yet interconnected self awaits. You are a unique expression of God and One. Read on if you are ready to take your next journey of a lifetime!

Why Is Self-Acceptance a Focus In Finding the One?

W e close off and protect ourselves in an effort to prevent future harm, but ultimately cause the very pain we are seeking to prevent. Each chapter reinforces and reminds you of the immense benefit of opening up and letting in the good that is waiting for you. Your life is waiting to be fully lived. This book will inspire the remembrance of your inherent goodness and caress you into allowing the abundance that is seeking to be expressed as you.

You are enough. Being you, is more than enough. In fact, being you is the key to happiness, healing others, and love. Your authentic self cannot be made in the material world or discovered through study. Your authentic self is uncovered through self-love, feeling your emotions, and expressing the writing Creation has written on your heart.

No matter your current occupation, you can be a healer and an inspiration to others. When you internally give yourself full permission to be you, you set others free. Whatever we perceive is lacking in a relationship it is something we are now allowing within ourselves (Teaching from A Course in Miracles). Whether you are single or in a relationship when you realize the One within, you align with the incredible partner waiting for you. Your vibration raises others to meet you.

Why is self-love and inward opening up so powerful? Because life will match how you feel about yourself. As you love your crazy, you realize your innate wholeness and beauty. What you judge or repress gets bigger, and what you accept releases. Self-acceptance is logical when you realize that the lens you look through is the life you live. How you see yourself is how you see the world.

We all need to be reminded to clean the smudges on the lens, not through more self-criticism or blame, but through love. As you look within and compassionately witness your feelings and thoughts, you open up to the unified field of love. Allow your life to be seen through a clearer lens. The good is waiting for you! It is hard to see through the smudges!

Thank you for loving yourself. Every person that lets more of their inner light be seen and expressed directly affects their body, their family, their community, and our/the world. The world needs you to love yourself. You are an important thread in the fabric of Creation.

The Guest House

T asting love in your cells and feeling the divine expressing through your life starts with self-acceptance. Holding within your psyche that you are both a fragile, vulnerable human and a magnificent, gifted, powerful being is one key to happiness. Most of us are identified as broken and insecure, or powerful and amazing. But what if we are all both?

We all have the duality of our humanity and our divinity. This perceived separation and contrast is more apparent to those that dare to achieve. For example, most gifted artists don’t have the psychological foundation to handle their talents. Experiencing the genius of their craft while having the vulnerabilities of being human can drive someone mad. I understand why Robin Williams couldn’t accept himself. I saw a similar split in myself when I stepped into my gifts fifteen years ago. I was able to facilitate great healing in sessions for others, but when I left the healing room the insecure little girl rose up to be loved. Feeling her fear and insecurity with compassion, I realized more gifts and let myself be loved in the process.

Spiritually, when you accept your humanity you realize the next layer of your divinity. Your vulnerabilities are the fertilizer to realizing a greater you. What you perceive as weakness is actually a strength.

We all crave interdependence, connection, or oneness. When guided by narcissism and selfishness, we search for love and identity outside of ourselves. When we honor our humanity (vulnerabilities, feelings, and thoughts) we organically feel a greater connection to our full Self (divinity). When we feel this inward permission and love, we then feel safe to be loved by a group, by Life, and God. It is lonely at the top only when we forget our own humanity. In humility, peace and true love is found.

When you accept yourself as an equal, and do not place yourself beneath or above anyone else, you stop denying your feelings and trying to painfully rescue another from their self. When you know yourself as magnificent and flawed, you touch the cosmos. You stop giving your authority to be happy over to a loved one or boss.

When you feel discomfort around someone, it is not because of them. No one has the power to make you feel any certain way. When you don’t give your feelings or expression permission, your ability to simply be yourself is suffocated. Anything you use to shield yourself will eventually lock you in a house of your own suffering. Peace and authenticity are inseparable. Inner peace is a practice of being in the world without hiding your feelings, or trying to impress. When you allow the connection to your fragile and powerful self to be felt, you have found the one.

Rumi - The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

When we are fearful of letting ourselves be loved (or in other words, allowing ourselves to feel as one) we dominate what we need. Every human must eat food. Yet our agricultural processes rape the soil of its micro nutrients, pollute the water with pesticides, and genetically modify vegetables that our bodies have trouble metabolizing. How has it become socially sane to spend hours sculpting, cutting, and fertilizing a yard until it is perfect? This same time could be used for growing food or studying a new language. We only feel safe in nature when we can control her wild ways.

We dominate nature and we dominate the ones we love. Culturally we are taught it is weak to need. Power is doing it all on your own, by yourself...and up a hill. How can we get our needs met and let ourselves be truly loved with these beliefs? Fearful of independent choices the dominator will impose his/her will until the loved one submits. For every person that wants to take someone’s power there are people standing in line to have their power taken.

We enter into relationship yet hide our deepest feelings; we work to keep that part of ourselves safe from being hurt. The problem is whatever we keep secret eventually becomes shame and proof of our unworthiness. In denying ourselves, we cage our Soul’s authentic expression in strategies of false security.

Rumi

Love comes with a knife, not some shy question. And not with fears for its reputation!

Love is a mad woman. Roaming the mountains, tearing off her clothes. Drinking poison. Then... quietly, quietly, choosing annihilation.

You have been wandering the seas edge...picking up your robes to pick them dry. You must plunge now 1000x deeper.......naked under.

When did the earth every loosing anything, by submitting totally to the sky?? Untie the cords of your robes. Un-muffle the drums and shiver in this new kind of love. Neither above or below.

Suggestions for Application

Are you ready and willing? Are you done settling and picking your robes up to not get wet? It is time to get wet with the full glory of love. It is time to let yourself feel so loved and beautiful. The journey will be rough at times. However this book will get you ‘there.

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

T. S. Eliot

You will return where you started...back to You. Yet, you will know a You more brilliant and beautiful than you can imagine. As you fall asleep the next few nights say to yourself I am willing to know a deeper love. I am willing to be loved. I am ready. Journal any insights the next day.

Every section, I will ask you to say affirmations or ask a question. Say affirmations with focus 3 times, and then let go. When instructed to ask a question, don’t try to analyze or find the answer. Let the answer rise up in your dream state or when you wake in the morning.

Dating Quip

Like me and hundreds of people I’ve counseled, we play it safe. Not ‘safe’ in a healthy self-caring discerning way...but ‘safe’ through compromise and settling. If hurt in adolescence or early childhood, we went toward a relationship that was practical and safe. We didn’t know how to truly love ourselves, so how could we attract real love? We didn’t know that real love required a deep embrace of our imperfections and gifts. We didn’t know how to be shaking in vulnerability at times; how to be embraced by loves light. We forgot that love was supposed to be supportive, exciting, sexy, and evolving. We became complacent and comprised what we really wanted.

Realizing my nine year relationship was not love, was earth shattering. I didn’t know what love was. But admitting I was starving, and stepping into the ocean of true love was the beginning of one of my greatest journeys.

My story is many peoples’ stories. I was in a relationship I thought was love, and then like a thief in the night, I realized I was starving. Like many, I thought at first there was something wrong with me or I was being greedy. But life, my heart, and God called me forward. I began to see that this greater yearning for a deeper love is a desire for a greater embodied awareness of my own heart and God.

If you are single it is wise to discover an agape love within, so when the partner arrives you can be joyfully annihilated into an even greater love. If you don’t have the inner structures to endure such a love, you will collapse back into compromised safety and sabotage the relationship. This is why 85% people who win the lottery loose the money in five years. If you are in a committed relationship, your inner growth can and will directly affect your partner.

Real love will evolve you, uplift you, and show you, your worst and best parts. It will be juicy, joy filled, and challenging. If you have not practiced self-love, when real love knocks, you will run away from the very thing that you want. If you are in a playing it safe in a relationship now, trust your inner changes can shift the relationship for the greater good of you and your partner.

Receiving Love and the True Nature of Power

R eceiving support and love is one of the hardest things for people to do. Why does vulnerability and a feeling of weakness arise as love is received? This may be because we simply feel more powerful when we give. This feeling is founded in the belief that it is weak to receive (help, support, advice, etc). This belief in its various forms comes from our hierarchical, scarcity-minded, competitive society in which we learn a power-over model verses power-with . This belief also comes from a culturally fierce individualism that has forgotten the value of community. From our mistaken definition of power we deny the very medicine we need to heal and express our gifts on the planet. Love received fully obliterates limited self-identification and stories of limitation. Unconsciously, we know this...and we will block or fight the very thing we desire.

On the flip side as the giver of love, even if you subtly see receiving for yourself as weak, what message do you think you send to whom you give? I can feel when someone is feeling even slightly superior to me when they help me. This power-over way of helping feels repressing, sticky, and degrading. They may be giving the most beautiful gift, but the intention behind it feels unloving. Power-with means to welcome another to the table rather than throwing scraps to them on the floor.

Relationships based on power-over are the foundation to codependency. Those whom you rescue will need to attack you to reclaim their power. Every person yearns for personal sovereignty and yet is scared to do so. If they believe you are their savior they must kill you to have their own resurrection. Communicating your needs develops clear boundaries. Even so, how can you communicate needs if you think someone else is responsible for them? How can you know what your needs are if you are constantly putting everyone’s needs ahead of your own?

In session Leslie would not take time to do any inner spiritual work because she said it interferes with husbands and kids schedule. Yet she would yell at her husband and the kids when she was anxious or worried about them. In session one day she had this insight My meditation helps me AND my family. It does not take away from them! This insight completely changed her life, she began to meditate and even discovered a childhood dream.

The greater your sovereignty or autonomy, the deeper you can be in Love. You will resist coming into your full power unconsciously thinking it will keep him or her away. In other words, we play small to try to get love. BUT we will never get love until we have received it for ourselves....thus autonomy. Autonomy leads to greater inter-independence. When you anchor into the fullness of your being, you naturally feel the connection to God, people and the natural world, that have always been.

The autonomy principal also applies to your relationship with the Infinite-Creation or God. You are a unique and complete expression of Creation and at the same time One with It. Every time you allow the next layer of your magnificence to be received and make a deeper claim of your innate worth, a greater connection to all things results.

To give while knowing that you are all an intrinsic strand in the web of life frees the one giving to be fully supported within his/her own personal life. The intention behind your giving (love, help, advice, money etc...) will define your ability to receive. When you give out of guilt or obligation, you confine both yourself and the receiver.

Your intent and inner self-perception shape the benefit of your actions. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches in his book Being Peace a person must take responsibility for what is within, and then serve. This is what he calls a true practice of peace. Likewise, you must come into greater receptivity of Love for your hands, feet and voice to be used in a way that truly empowers. Who we are teaches another, not what we say. Thus you can only give what you have received for yourself. When you give and receive from a knowing of your innate worth, you may truly feel there is no separation between the two.

We can’t do life alone. Inter-Be, as Thich Nhat Hanh calls it, or Inter-independence as I understand it, is crucial to happiness. Here is an example: the tree does not seem weak for receiving the sun or water, so why do you not remain open to love? Your fear of not receiving what you want is a signal that you are denying receiving Love in the present. Be willing to know your true beauty and worth. Life-Creation will begin to show you. Loneliness is also a signal that you are resisting love. Let yourself be loved; you have the power to open the valve and see your brilliance or close the valve and remain lonely. You open the valve by loving all parts of