Reflections of the Curse: Journey of a Woman’s Heart

By Ayn Dillard

Natalie's saga continues through male archetypes, prophetic dreams, past life memories and legal situations on her journey to genuine love.

“Everyone we meet is our mirror - an aspect of our inner-self, either in the sameness or the opposite.”

In the Garden of Eden, God told Adam and Eve not to partake of the fruit from one particular tree - the tree of knowledge. The Serpent/Satan slithered in approach to the woman Eve telling/enticing her that it was okay to eat of the fruit of the tree. That nothing harmful would occur, to not believe God, but to believe him. Eve believed the Serpent/Satan and took a bite of the forbidden fruit. It tasted good and nothing negative appeared to occur. Eve went to Adam and told him as such. Adam took a bite of the fruit. Adam and Eve realized they were naked and became ashamed. God noticing their shame inquired of Adam, “Why did you eat of the fruit from the forbidden tree?” Adam replied, “The woman, Eve told me to eat of it. God asked Eve, “Why did you partake of the fruit from the forbidden tree? Eve replied, “The serpent told me that it was okay to eat of it, so I did.”
In the fall of Adam, he became a blame-deflecting narcissist. Shame was introduced into paradise. Out of his shame, Adam took no accountability or responsibility for eating the forbidden fruit. Instead, he put the blame on Eve, then Eve passed the buck to the Serpent/Satan. The ‘devil made me do it’ excuse. The Serpent/Satan knew that he’d won this first round. Adam held Eve out in front of him as a shield or excuse. This story line has continued on varying levels ever since.

Satan was the original malignant narcissist caring only about manipulation, control, deception, lies, gas-lighting and destruction as, he tries to take the power of God for himself. Satan/Narcissists are full of shame. The shame of envy, lies and sin. Satan’s goal out of his envy, is to try and usurp God by perverting and destroying God’s most precious and prized creation that of the human being and what better way to do this, but in the romantic male/female relationship.
Genesis 1:27 KJV “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”
The Serpent/Satan began first thing to tarnish love, peace, purity, bliss and joy in the male/female God-created connection. In each and every male/female connection there will be three. Man, woman and Satan, or male, female and God. And of course, it extrapolates out from there into the world into each and every relationship on earth. There will always aspects of good and evil. It only depends on the spectrum and degree of good, or evil in each person, in any given time, as it magnifies into each relationship. Along with the awareness of self, either to step into self-reflection and healing, or to fall further and deeper into separation from self into sin and shame.

God’s creation of Adam and Eve necessitated a maturation process, as well as a process for salvation.

Why do we attract to those that we do and why do they attract to us? This is one of life's greatest mysteries. Patterns of romance selection are guided by complex internal interweavings. Perhaps, the attraction is to those who carry the energy needed to become more aware of imprints & negative beliefs, in order to heal and further expand our soul.

“The highest of the male energy protects, provides and heals.
The lowest of the male energy predator-like, destroys and steals.”
Ayn Dillard

By understanding her ways, he comes to know the mystery of his heart. By sharing love with her, he discovers how to love the world. In the merging of the two, she awakens his masculinity to receive the beauty of the feminine. He becomes her strength. She becomes his weakness -- this is truest and most profound exchange of power.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gatekeeper Press
• Release date: Jul 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662929083

Book preview

POLO PLAYING PHYSICIAN

‘Late 1990’s’

IT’S ALREADY THE FIRST OF June and I have so much craziness going on in my life that I make the decision to ride on the wings of my angels. There is no way I can see the outcome and just when I think I can, or that I get it on some level, I realize that I don’t. My whole life must be some kind of an adventure, or is it more like I am living a horror story wrapped in a nightmare encased in a fairytale and am watching it magically unfold.

I go to my attorney to finalize papers for the sexual harassment lawsuit.

Reeder advises, Natalie, we’ll need to wait thirty-days before we serve Tanner because then we will be able to recoup the legal fees and I can get paid. Just sit tight, sign these papers now. I’ll file them tomorrow and he’ll be served in approximately a month.

I respond, Okay, I’ll sign, but I’d certainly like him to be served sooner than that.

Reeder states, I understand, but since I’m taking this on contingency, I’ll need to have some way to recoup my expenses and Texas law sets this time frame as the only avenue to do so.

I feel disgusted going back into the legal system after all I’ve been through in it already. I am beyond humiliated by what Tanner has put me through. I am beyond overly tired of dealing with negative experiences.

Back at home, while talking to Robert on the phone, ‘my polo-playing-physician-friend that I met at an Al-Anon meeting’, the doorbell rings. I open it to a process server who hands me papers which state that Tanner is suing me for breach of contract.

Robert, sorry for the interruption, but you’re not going to believe this, that was a process server. Tanner is suing me for breach of contract.

What a slime bag! He’s only trying to confuse the issue by suing you. Are you okay?

No! Yes. I don’t know! We expected this, but I am already weary of it and it’s barely begun.

Robert states, I don’t know how you’re doing it? I was in a deposition once, for only two hours and it wore me out. And it took me days to get over. Are you absolutely certain that you want to go through with this lawsuit? When you go through something like this, the whole chemistry of your body changes. It takes so much out of your system. I have seen people get physically ill from being entangled in the legal system. Tanner is evil and his while agenda is to hurt you.

I understand, but how can I not go through with it? How can I not stand up to his lies and his abuse? Will I be able to live with myself if, I don’t?

Robert replies, I don’t know, but will you be able to handle what Tanner and the legal system might do to you?

I hope I can. It’s interesting that you’re into metaphysical ways of looking at the body while being a medically trained physician.

Of course, I am into all treatment modalities and that’s why I like to pick your brain about what you know and do.

Okay, I’m impressed, but right now I’m so stressed that it’s amazing that I can help anyone. Only I guess that I am. My clients seem to be progressing nicely concerning the release of their stress on their issues. Now, if I only can do the same for myself. I chuckle, It must be true that you teach what you need to learn.

Yes, I believe that to be true and I am looking forward to having lunch with you tomorrow. We haven’t seen each other outside of Al-Anon meetings in a longtime.

Me too, and thank you for being my friend.

My pleasure because if it weren’t for you helping me through my divorce and helping me to understand my feelings concerning my wife’s alcoholism, I don’t know what I’d have done. I’ll call you as soon as I’m finished with my golf lesson, then we’ll have time for lunch before polo practice.

Great. I want to watch you play polo sometime soon. Remember, you said you’d help me get over my fear of horses. When I was about ten-years-old, a horse ran away with me. And I never got over it.

Horses can be scary animals especially to a child because they’re so big. I have a couple of horses that my children learned to ride on. They would be good for you. They’re gentle and docile.

Being fearful of horses, I still think they’re beautiful. The way they move is so powerful and majestic.

Okay, so you can practice riding one of these horses to get over your fear. I agree horses are truly beautiful even majestic. They’re a wonderful combination of the male and female energy. They’re one of the strongest and most beautiful animals there are. Only if just one little thing goes wrong, they can be brought down fast. Just one problem with their intestines, and they can be dead in a couple of hours. So, they’re strong, but fragile at the same time - a wonderful mix of male and female.

I comment, Interesting to have all that strength and beauty, and then to be so fragile at the same time. I recall with my father’s horses, how quickly one can take ill then be dead. I think to myself, I like the way Robert understands the male and female energy. He’s into what I’ve been studying and he’s changed my mind about physicians being closed-minded. I continue, I used to watch my father’s Tennessee Walking horses train at our ranch. The power and beauty of them was captivating.

Natalie, don’t take this in the wrong way, but you’re a lot like a horse because you’re strong and beautiful, then at the same time sensitive and fragile.

I chuckle, Oh really, you see that in me? Well, thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment, Robert.

Later that evening, while talking to Sondra, the line beeps in and it’s my real-estate agent Sharon, informing me that the people contemplating buying my house have decided not to buy, but to build. After talking with her, I click back to Sondra.

Well dammit, those people aren’t going to buy my house after all. Now, what am I going to do? Tanner had me served today for breach of contract. This is all too much bad luck at once.

I know, Natalie. It’s all too much for anyone, but I knew Tanner would do this. He won’t let anyone have the upper hand. He sues everyone.

I add, My attorney said he expected it, also. Apparently, it’s par for the course. Tanner beat me to the courthouse because I need to wait thirty-days to serve him, in order for my attorney to have the ability to recover his fees. Now, it feels as if I’m on the defensive which is exactly what Tanner wants. When I didn’t do anything, but work my butt off doing exactly what he paid me to do. My ex-Paul did the same thing. We’d decided to wait to file for divorce, until I had a job and I had recovered from my medical procedures, but he surprised me by filing first to purposefully put me on the defensive. A strategic ploy because, many times in our twisted legal system, the first one to the courthouse wins. Can you believe Tanner is saying I turned the book into a sexual book? It’s ludicrous because there’s absolutely no sex in it. I wrote down exactly what occurred in the meetings with the financial advisors, just as Tanner told me to do. I don’t think Tanner’s even read much of the research. The only sex is in his perverted mind.

Sondra replies, He’s doing what he always does - which is to sue everyone who leaves him. He’s vulnerable because you know what he did to me. He thought you were advising me to not have an affair with him. So, he’s retaliating. What I’ve learned about him is that if he can’t control you. He’ll try to annihilate you.

I ask, Only why me? He’s the one who called me to write a book with him. Until then, I barely knew who he was and barely recall meeting him.

Sondra continues, The psychologist I’m seeing said Tanner fits the absolute down to every detail standard profile of a narcissist sociopathic abuser. He spots a possible victim, then he does whatever he needs to do, in order to entice and capture. So, that he feels in control and has power over them. Even down to the fact that Tanner appears unlikely to do any of it because he’s a successful business man with the ‘perfect’ appearance of a family facade with connections in the community. He hides behind this facade to mislead his victims, then when he’s caught, he uses and hides behind the legal system to get him out of what he does. Tanner’s history and pattern with other women and people are important to our cases. There are three other women in his office, even now that he’s made sexual comments and advances to. And his ex-secretary told me about three more, even one at a brokerage house where he worked before he started his own company. A woman apparently sued him and the brokerage house paid her off to get rid of the problem. It might’ve been the Dean Whitter firm. I think that’s the one who’s suing him now. He’s had multiple affairs and some people at the office have seen a photo in his desk of him with a naked woman. Tanner flaunted this photo around the office.

I comment, So, he has a history a mile long.

Sondra continues, Recently I read parts of the book about his father Sarcastically, The so-called war hero, who raped a woman, tricked a lie-detector test and had continual extra marital affairs. The book has the perfect title, ‘The Shining Lie’. Tanner’s just like the father who raised him and his son is the same. I heard that when Tanner’s son was sixteen, he beat-up a girl just because she broke up with him.

I remark, What a sick and twisted family. I wonder if these women will testify in our cases. I guess, we’ll need to have them subpoenaed. God, how did I get involved with these people and with this mess?

Tanner saw your articles and a photo of you in the paper and figured out a way to hook you in. It was by asking you to write a book with him, then when you wouldn’t go along with his sexual trap, he turned on you. Same MO as with me and all the others. I know the women in his office he has made sexual advances to will want to testify. Julie already quit. Did you know the president of his company left last week? He told me he’ll testify, if we subpoena him.

Well it looks like our cases are building easily enough with witnesses crawling out of the woodwork. I just can’t believe I’m involved in this type of a situation. I am angry at myself for not seeing through Tanner sooner. Of course, I needed the income and the book idea sounded like a good one. Geez, who knows about people anymore? It’s scary to believe or to trust anyone. This deal with Tanner makes me feel paranoid about the entire world. If a toad-like-man who appears harmless can be this out of the ballpark perverted and corrupt, how can anyone ever know if someone is who they appear to be? How are you dealing with what he did to you?

Not well, he gave me a venereal disease.

Oh My Gosh!

Sondra continues, I’m pretty distraught, but my parents and psychologist are helping me a lot. My dad told me he’ll help me do whatever I need to do to make myself okay. Only, this is bringing back all the fear and humiliation of my being molested as a child. I don’t know what I’d do without my parents. How do you do it, not being able to talk to yours? My parents are my biggest supporters. I can talk to them about anything. I can’t believe your father won’t even help you with an attorney, or that your mother doesn’t call to comfort you.

Sondra, by everything my parents say to me - they wish I was dead. I have been living through this for so long. I don’t know how much more I can take. When will it all end and how? Being at my attorney’s office was exhausting and it took me back to all the horrible things I’ve lived through associated with the legal system. I am having flashbacks of my divorces, my ex-husband’s paternity suit, protecting my stepdaughter, Victoria, and her custody trials. So, I understand how horrible it is for you to have all this bring up something awful from your past. At least, you’re lucky to have an understanding and comforting Mom and Dad. And I am happy that you do. I take a deep breath to stop my tears. Geez, will it ever be over?

Sondra comforts, Natalie, you’ve just got to hold onto the faith and have trust that it’ll all work out. We’ve both got to stand up to Tanner together and stop him from hurting women.

I am and we will. I am doing all that I know to do. Except, nothing seems to go forward or if it looks good for a moment, for some reason it falls apart or stops - just like Boyd and Art. I meet men and it looks great momentarily, but where are they? I do a book collaboration with a man who comes onto me sexually, then sues me. It’s crazy and makes me scared about the world and very frustrated concerning life. Sometimes, I feel like pulling the covers over my head and dying because I just don’t get it anymore. And I am scared. Tanner’s one of the scariest situations, I’ve been in. He calls me out of the blue to write a book with him, a married man who appears respectable, and now this. How does anyone ever know?

Yeah, it’s weird. And about Boyd, who knows? Art must be afraid of being hurt or something? I sure couldn’t put up with it. You deserve someone so special. Tanner was always twisted. We just couldn’t see it.

I continue, I need a man to be with me because I need nurturing now. I think of Art when I desire nurturing because he does comfort me most of the time. When I ask that is. I chuckle, Except we haven’t seen each other for over a month. So, he’s not really here for me. It’s not going anywhere and I don’t care, or even really want it to. Something is off with him. So, what else weird and disturbing is going to happen? And what do I do when my house is foreclosed on?

Sondra continues, You’ve got to have the trust that this is all happening for a reason. It’ll all work out in some way, but I do agree you might want to get rid of Art. He’s a waste of your energy.

It’ll work out in some way, but how? Okay right now, I’m going to get carry-out from Patrizio’s, the chicken salad I love, then have some wine and try to relax. Geez, am I turning into an alcoholic or what? I’ve had three glasses of wine this week.

No, of all things you can be sure of is that you’re not an alcoholic. Sondra chuckles.

Liquor doesn’t make me feel all that good anyway. I don’t know why I even drink. Perhaps, I should call Art because he always makes me laugh.

Have a salad and wine, but don’t call Art.

I get off the phone and pick up dinner. While eating, I have a couple of glasses of wine. I began to cry. I am so overwhelmed by my feelings. I cry more and more. I wonder with all these things happening along with me not able to see my way out, will I eventually break? Only then, I recall that just this morning, I made the decision to live in total faith. So, I try to comfort myself. ‘Don’t worry - this is only a temporary relapse.’ Only, I must release my emotions or I’ll explode. So, I continue crying.

I try to relax by watching TV. Sondra calls to see how I am and we chat for a bit. She’s been having panic attacks ever since Tanner raped her and talking seems to help her.

I have a strong desire to talk with Art because he can usually make me laugh and right now, I really need to laugh. So, I dial the phone. He answers sleepily.

Art? Did I wake you?

No, I was reading a contract that I must get done tonight.

Can you talk for a minute?

Sure, for a minute, but only for a minute because I’ve got to get this done tonight. What is it sweetieee, you don’t sound so good? Are you all right?

No, I’m not all right Can I talk to you because I need to talk.

Sure, what is it?

Well today, I spent a couple of hours at my attorney’s office going over the lawsuit that I’m filing against Tanner.

Okay, that’s good.

After I get home, I answer the door and am served with a lawsuit that Tanner’s filing on me. I begin to cry. I am just so tired of all of this and am exhausted from all the turmoil. I want peace and for my life to go forward in a positive way. I’ve worked so hard on that project and now this.

I understand, Natalie. Like you, I get sick of it all. Only, it’s the nineties and you can’t do business like in the thirties or forties. Everyone these days are cons and only out for themselves. You can’t be a nice guy anymore, not anymore.

Why didn’t I see what this guy was? Why didn’t I know? He was professional in the beginning then, wham! He changed. I get the really good con-artists. I seem to attract the best. The best at lying, conning and hurting people. I was thinking about what you said, ‘That all men want is to get paid and laid.’ Perhaps, you are correct. I don’t want to believe this to be true, but maybe it is.

It is true, Natalie. Hell, I’m the only guy who’ll tell you up front that I’m asshole. So, there’s never any doubt about me. You know right up front.

I chuckle, You’re an asshole with a good heart.

Well, please don’t tell anyone Natalie. Keep it a secret to yourself.

Okay, I won’t blow your cover.

Thanks, I don’t want to ruin my reputation. Only honeee most other men try to pretend they aren’t what they really are. Men are all assholes and after only two things - to get paid, laid, or both.

I laugh to myself. Art says this constantly and it is clearly projection on his part. He just wants to get paid and laid, but it appears all he does is work. Of course, I really don’t know what Art does because I don’t see him often enough. He’s walled his heart off because of his fear of getting hurt.

Art continues, Don’t take it so hard. You’re always so hard on yourself. Stop beating yourself up, Natalie. Just think of all the lawsuits that were filed today. Most people would love to be in your shoes. You have a great chance of winning, getting some money and out of this, while knocking this asshole down. You’ll be helping yourself and all other women he has harmed, or will harm in the future. Only you’re doing it primarily for you. Do it for you, honeeee - forget about anyone else.

Yes, you are correct. Thank you for listening and talking.

Of course, Natalie and you don’t have to thank me. I am your friend. That’s what friends are for. I’m here for you, honeee.

I like talking to you because you make me feel better.

Good, I’m glad.

I understand that you’re busy, but we haven’t seen each other in a month.

Art states, And I miss you, but we do talk on the phone a lot.

Talking on the phone isn’t the same thing as being together. I’m going through all these things alone. The lawsuit is just a part of it and I’m tired of being alone. I’m strong, but tired of being alone.

I know, Natalie. You’re stronger than a boot-made-of barbed-wire.

What’d you just say? I think to myself while chuckling. Here he goes, another one of his ridiculous sayings.

You’re stronger than a boot-made-of-barbed-wire. He repeats in his best Oklahoma twang.

I chuckle, Art, you’re weird.

That’s what you like about me – right?

Yes, perhaps it is or perhaps not? I don’t know if I’d even recognize you.

Sure, you will. I’m the one with ‘Natalie’ tattooed on my shoulder.

Yeah, right! When we first met you said you come to Dallas often on business?

I did, but right now I need to stay here. It might be easier if someone could come see me, if they wanted to - that is.

Go to Oklahoma City to see you? I question as I think, why doesn’t he just come out and invite me to visit see him. He’s so frustrating and I’m getting overly tired of it.

Yeah, it’d be easier for me, right now.

Like on a Saturday or something?

Yeah or I might come see you. Let me call you Thursday to let you know. I will have to see what’s going on because all hell might break loose.

Art’s always saying all hell’s going to break loose. And if you don’t call on Thursday?

Then I’m dead meat! He laughs.

Right, because if we aren’t able to see each other occasionally, perhaps, it isn’t worth continuing. Would you miss me if you never saw me again? Would it make you sad? Would you cry?

Yes, Natalie. I’d be sad and miss you, but cry - never. Nothing can make me cry.

Maybe, that’s the problem then.

Um maybe, that is the problem then. He mimics sarcastically.

Well, just what am I to you? Do you care about me? Do you want me?

Yes, I care about you. You know that and want you? What does that mean - want you? Girls mean something different than men do when they say that.

You know how a man wants a woman and how a woman wants a man - that’s how I mean. What else could I mean? I am getting frustrated talking to Art and am sick of it. I don’t even know why I bother. I don’t even know if I life him.

I’m not ready for a permanent lifetime commitment. Hell, last year, at this time, I was married, in love and thought I was going to be that way forever. He says loudly through much emotion.

Art, I don’t know you well enough for a permanent commitment. Then quickly as I say this, I ask myself, then why the hell did I have sex with this man?

I know what you want. with a certain sarcastic knowing in his voice.

This man is so afraid of falling in love with me that he won’t even allow us to spend time together. He’s so afraid of being hurt again that he’ll not allow his feelings to come out. So, why do I bother? Why am, I even attracted to this country boy - if I really even am? I’m one magnificent woman and if he can’t see this. I should be on my way. Then I blurt out, Well I think, I’m beginning to fall in love with you. There is dead silence on the other end of the phone. And I feel you’re beginning to fall in love with me.

Well then go with your feelings, Natalie.

Now, what does that mean exactly? I inquire as I think to myself, I should never drink because I’m talking way too much and am overly emotional. Art, I’ve had two glasses of wine and am talking too much.

Okay, if you’re asking if I care about you and if you’re my special other. The answer is, yes and I’ve already answered that question several times tonight. Just be patient, Natalie. He responds sweetly.

You’re not patient, so why should I be? I screech and become shocked at my behavior because I’ve really had too much to drink. Plus, I am too stressed to be talking to him about anything, then I quickly change my mind. Hell no, I want to either end this thing or go forward, so I continue. Okay, so when do we see each other again if ever?

If ever? You really want to break up with me - don’t you?

Yes, and I have for about a month.

So, you want an ‘artectimy’, which is removal of something that you really don’t need. He states in his country kind of twang with a touch of Ross Perot imitation thrown in.

An ‘artectimy’. That’s real cute, Art sarcastically, It’s exactly what I may need. Do you care about me or what?

Yes, I care about you!

Would you care if I slept with someone else? We never see each other. Would you care if I dated other men with the chance that I might possibly really like one and end up in bed.

He laughs very loudly with much exaggeration.

What’s your problem now, Art and why are you laughing so loud? Stop it! He continues with his laughter as it becomes louder and more irritating. Finally, he stops. Then he says in a sweet, caring tone, but full of condescension, You know the answer to that, Natalie. Now, I’ve got to call Bob and check on this contract.

We’re going to get off the phone like this? This is how we’re going to end the conversation?

I’ve got to call Bob. Good Lord, it’s ten-twenty!

So, what?

So, what Natalie? I’ve got to call, Bob right now. I’ll call you on Thursday, honeee.

Okay talk to you later, Art.

Bye, sweetieee.

I hang up the phone as I think to myself, Bye sweetieee - you asshole. I’m so sick of his ‘sweetieee’ bullshit. Well great - now this relationship is ending and actually, I am glad. I can’t believe all the questions that I asked him. Oh well, they needed to be asked, but when I drink, I get kind of way out there, no inhibitions.

It’s obvious from this conversation, Art’s beginning to fall in love, but doesn’t want to, and that’s why he doesn’t put more effort into seeing me. He’s afraid for us to spend more time in person and is satisfied spending hours on the phone. Well, I want a real relationship, not a phone pal.

So heck, I’m outta of it - the creep. ‘Just be patient, Natalie.’ Give me a break. Does he think he’s the only one that’s ever been hurt? I want a man who can work like he doesn’t need to, love like he’s never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching. I don’t think Art has a clue about how to do any of this. He’s still holding onto his hurt from his past and it’s keeping us from going forward to see what we might have together.

The next morning, I awaken to recall that I’m having lunch with Robert. Interesting, because in the past few weeks, I’ve been dreaming about horses and polo. I want to ride more to release my fear of horses. It’s always interesting when I dream something, then events occur which trigger my memory of the dreamlike premonitions.

The phone rings so much that I can barely get dressed. Several clients are making appointments and a couple of voice-over-auditions call back, then Robert rings in.

Hi Natalie, I can be anywhere you want to meet for lunch in about thirty minutes or so.

Great, Robert.

I continue, How about, La Madeliene’s at twelve-forty-five? I’m running a bit late today because the phone’s ringing off the hook.

He states, Or how about ‘Souper Salad’? Have you ever been there?

No, where is it? Call waiting clicks in. Just a second, Robert.

Okay.

Sondra, call you back. I click back over to Robert.

Sorry, where?

’Souper Salad’ at Preston and Campbell.

Geez, Robert, I can’t get there by twelve-thirty. I’m not even dressed yet.

Well, that’s where I’d wanted to eat.

My phone bleeps in again. Darn, hold on another minute - sorry.

It’s a client. I schedule an appointment then click back to Robert. As I am doing all this, I’m becoming irritated at all of these phone calls and by Robert’s insistence at where we meet for lunch. What’s the big deal with this ‘Souper Salad’ place anyway? It’s not the only place in Dallas to have lunch.

I’m back, Robert.

I can see, I got you at a bad time. The phone bleeps in again.

Geez, just one more time, Robert.

Clicking over, it’s a man I went out with months ago. Finally, I click back to Robert. Hey, I’m so sorry.

That’s okay so how about ‘Souper Salad’ in thirty minutes?

I feel as if he’s forcing me to have lunch only where he wants to and I’m not in the mood for this today. Robert, you’re trying to make me fit into your designs, like I’m a peg having to fit into your predefined hole. I’m sorry, but my phone’s going crazy and I haven’t had the time to finish dressing yet. So, there’s no way, I can make it to Campbell Road in thirty minutes. Do you want to have lunch another day instead?

Okay sorry. Compromise, let’s do this, La Madeleine’s, the one near you at twelve forty-five?

Great and I am sorry I’m such a witch today, but I just am – too much going on.

I hurriedly finish dressing.

When I arrive, Robert is sitting at a front table.

He’s all smiles as I walk towards him. He looks especially handsome in his white riding pants, boots, and yellow polo shirt, tan, physically fit with a big tooth grin.

Hi, Robert?

Natalie, you look great today.

Immediately, we apologize about what occurred on the phone. He states that he was just so hungry. I state that I was just so rushed. We talk non-stop as we go through the line to get our food and while we eat. We have spent hours together at Al-Anon meetings which is where we met in the first place. We talk about spirituality, medicine, horses, children, and my sexual harassment suit with the red-haired Tanner troll. I love how open, intelligent and physically fit Robert is.

He advises, I wish you’d forget the Tanner deal. I know that you probably won’t because you feel that you have to stand up for yourself. Only lawsuits like this one, usually tear the woman apart. I hate to see that happen to someone like you.

I reply, I’ve heard what they try to do to a woman, but there’s really nothing in my past that he can make much of. I’ve had divorces, but that’s about it. Have you ever known anyone who was in a sexual harassment lawsuit?

Yes, a friend’s wife and the ordeal devastated her. They picked apart everything in her life including what she wore. You dress so classic and understated. So, at least you won’t have to deal with that, but now that I think about it so did she.

Okay so, how did it conclude?

They settled on the courthouse steps after putting her through hell.

My attorney told me that happens a lot. They try to scare a woman into dropping the case then finally settle right before going to court.

Does your attorney think that might happen with your case?

Possibly, but Tanner has a rape suit against him scheduled to go to court soon after mine.

Okay then, I do see why you want to stop his behavior by taking him to court. So, this freak is married and lives near you?

Yes, with a couple of kids. We’ve found approximately six other women he’s done similar things to, ladies who work for him presently and from years past.

Will they testify?

Yes, some will, plus Sondra. Of course, she can’t testify about the rape in my trial, but only how he sexually harassed her, while she was working for him.

Well, it sounds promising. I think it’s been proven men who do this type of thing usually have a whole slew of women in their past that they’ve done similar to, much like a serial killer. Hope you win big. You’re a genuinely nice woman and I know you wouldn’t go through this if it wasn’t really important to you.

Well, how you would feel if a man contacted your daughter to write a book because he read articles published in magazines. He appears business-like, until the contract is signed and after she’d done lots of work on it, then he begins talking about sex and her body. Finally, he grabs her, touching her breast, then you find out he’s raped a woman in his employ. And then he sued your daughter for breach of contract stating that she turned the book into a sexual book.

It’d be difficult not to want to kill him. I understand what you’re feeling and it’s obvious that the man set you up and is only suing you to deflect from what he’s done. He’s just beating you to the courthouse. It’s a strategic move. I do understand why you’re so upset. You’re so honest and wanting to do the right thing which makes it especially awful that you’re involved in a mess like this.

So, what would you advise your daughter to do?

Just what you’re doing, Tanner must be an animal. What does he look like?

Short, fat, out of shape, balding with a few wisps of orangey-red hair, someone you’d never notice or that any woman would even look at twice. That’s why I was taken so off guard. When he began to say sexual comments, I thought it ludicrous, like getting a come-on from the hunch back of Notre Dame. He wasted my time dragging me into his sorted lifestyle and it makes me sick.

Okay, but calm down. Let’s change the subject. You get so upset when you talk about him. Your voice even becomes shaky.

Okay then, can I taste your potato pancake?

Sure, yes, help yourself. I love to share food.

Really? Me, too. In my family, we’d usually share to have samples of what everyone’s eating.

Yeah, I love that and I think you can tell something about a person by whether they’ll share their food or not.

Never really thought about it, but yes I agree.

Like whether they’re generous and giving or withholding, besides food is sexy. So, the way you share or if you don’t, says something about you. Of course, at a dinner party with the Queen or something, I’d know how to behave.

I chime in, "Yeah, like, ‘Oh, Queenie, can I have a bite?’ We say the last part of the sentence in unison, then laugh together.

Robert asks, Natalie, where would you like me to take you for some fun?

What do you mean Robert?

What do you want to do together? I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. You need to have some fun.

More polo matches because I love polo.

Lots of those, for sure, but where and what else?

I don’t know? Um, how about dancing at the Mansion?

Okay, we’ll do it - all that and more. Isn’t it time we do more things outside Al-Anon meetings? You’re very pretty and I appreciate the way you look at the world.

Thank you, Robert. Yes, it’d be fun to run and play together.

I have to be off to my polo practice now. Walking outside, Robert puts his arm around my shoulders. As I think, umm, this could be interesting.

Natalie, let’s do dinner this weekend. You know, there’s a black-tie event that might be fun. I’ll call you this evening.

Sounds great.

An interesting turn of events, Robert was really just an Al-Anon friend, supporting each other as we dealt with our family member’s addictions. Now it appears, he wants to take us to a different level. I never thought about him in this way, but who knows?

The next day, I’m holding onto all the faith I have to just get me through, one moment at a time then I decide to take a break from my writing to run an errand. Driving along my car begins to vibrate terribly. It’s done this subtlety for several weeks, but now I can’t ignore it. I think it might have something to do with the left front tire, so I take it to the store where I purchase tires. In checking the front two tires, they tell me I need to get new ones right now.

You’re real lucky to have checked this out right now, because one of these tires could’ve exploded on you at any time causing a terrible situation. Also, there’s something wrong with the alignment of your car to have worn these tires out so quickly.

He recommends that I have my car aligned and to get two new front tires as soon as I can. Well, great, I barely have money to eat and now this. I wonder why the guys in the tire shop, while I was visiting my parents didn’t notice this when they were changing the rear ones?

How much will two new tires cost?

I’ll check for you. You know, since you just had these put on less than a year ago. I’ll sell them to you at half price.

Gosh, thanks, I appreciate this more than you know.

I coordinate appointments - alignment first, then the tires, I’ll be able to write, while they’re doing the alignment then take the car for tires after. Okay, stay calm, it’ll work out some way, but after I pay for the tires, I’ll have absolutely no money.

At home, I talk to a few friends then get into bed as I thank God that I have a cool house and a bed to rest in. Just as I’m about to fall asleep, I begin to feel very warm to notice that it doesn’t feel as if the air-conditioning is working. I check further and sure enough the air coming out of the vents isn’t cold. In the garage, I see the breaker is tripped and it won’t stay on.

Well great, one more thing to deal with. Thank goodness, the AC is under the home warranty. I make some calls, arrange to get it fixed and Sharon my real-estate agent says she’ll help me tomorrow with the appointment, since I’ll be getting my car repaired.

Stressed beyond belief, I call Sondra to talk.

She comments, I don’t understand why all of this is happening to you?

Sondra, as soon as I get past one thing, another thing happens and it’s been like this for seven years. What’s going on? Am I under some kind of a curse, or on some Job quest?

She states, "You’re going to have to