The Battle With Divorce

By Tsakani Ndlala

The author is explaining in detail the unintended consequences of divorce. Learning from him will help readers to understand and prepare themselves for challenges that may follow.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tsakani Ndlala
• Release date: Aug 13, 2021
• ISBN: 9780620952705

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The Battle With Divorce

© Tsakani Ndlala 2021

The Battle with Divorce: Scars Remain Forever

Published by Ndlala Publishers

Delville, Germiston, Gauteng, South Africa

[e-mail]

ISBN 978-0-620-95271-2

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Layout and cover design by Boutique Books

Contents

Acknowledgements

Preface

Chapter 1: Compromising Divorce

The trend

Severity of Divorce

Issues of flesh

Divorce is not an option

The missing link

Chapter 2: The custodians of marriage

Married to a breadwinner

The biggest mistake

Who is to be prioritised?

Commitment

1. Love

2. Sexual desire

3. Next of kin

4. Financial management

5. Trust

Chapter 3: Stress, Anxiety and Depression

Stress

Anxiety

Depression

Taking responsibility

Chapter 4: You can do it

What wisdom

Denying paralysis

Chapter 5: Children and Divorce

Children under siege

Honour your parents

Biological parents

Foster/adoptive parents

Spiritual parents

Chapter 6: Healthy family

Impact of a family

The role of a father

Quality Time with Family

Some of the Reasons Why Family Time is Important

Building a Stronger Bond with Your Family

Making Time to Talk And Listen

Teaching Children Important Lessons of Life

Showing Affection, Appreciation and Encouragement

Instilling Family Values in Children

Inculcating Family Rituals and Traditions

Accepting the Differences in Each Person

Keeping in Touch with Friends and Relatives

Sharing the Chores

Helping and Connecting Better with Your Children

Raising Children

Chapter 7: Bad parental influence

True reflection

Change of behaviour

1. The love of money

2. Infidelity

3. Lies

The biggest wish

Bad influence

Unconditional love

Self-centredness, fear and anxiety

Chapter 8: Conclusion

The Family

The Church

What Went Wrong?

The Impact of Technology

The Impact of Family

Accomplishment

Bibliography

Endnotes

The Battle With Divorce

Scars Remain Forever

Tsakani Ndlala

Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, have been taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society™. Used by permission.

Other scripture quotations are from the following sources: The ESV®, The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® copyright© 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Note that the endnotes may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliography citations. The accuracy of hyperlinks cannot be verified beyond the date of publication.

Identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. I may have changed some identifying characteristics and details such as physical properties, occupations and places of residence.

I may have used he, him, man etc. in the masculine to refer to people in general, both male and female, rather than complicate matters by using both male and female in the text.

Acknowledgements

I was encouraged by my friend and colleague, Pastor Moses Mashele, who saw the potential in me to one day become a leader. He used to say that I am a born leader. Pastor Brian Mothapo, my former colleague, also always encouraged me to put something about my life on paper, so that others could learn from me. Pastor Victor Bayana, I cannot express the way I feel about your input in this project. God bless you.

To my Spiritual parents, Pastor F. and M. Mbulaheni (Oasis of Faith True Living Ministry, Vereeniging, South Africa), I have no words to express how I feel about you. Your presence in my life has brought warmth and harmony in my family. My God will bless you abundantly as you continue leading us to the greener pastures.

My perspective on spiritual warfare has been influenced by Pastor V.J. Masombuka (Living Waters Bible Church, Tembisa, South Africa), Pastor M. Ranenyeni (Worship Hill Church, Limpopo, South Africa), Pastor T. Lidzhade (Bethesda Bible Church, South Africa), and my father-in-law, Dr. R.S. Tshililo (The Living Gospel World Mission). Authors such as Dr. and Evangelist M. Masakona, Kenneth Coupland, Miles Monroe, Creflo Dollar, Joseph Prince, Joyce Meyer, and Rick Warren have also informed my thinking, as have teachings and sermons by Dr. Muligwe (Rhema Bible Church).

I am delighted by and very grateful to Pastor M.T. Sodi (Summit Ministries, Tembisa, South Africa), as well as my friend Pastor A.W. Ratshibvumo (True Living Ministries, Ivory Park, South Africa), who patiently walked me through my journey of change. Your prayers, patience and companionship are of the utmost important in my life’s journey.

To my wife Elsie and my children — Rofhiwa, Beverly, Phadishi, Mulalo, Nyiko, Uwalonda and Ripfumelo — I am grateful for your support and your tolerance and patience with me throughout the tough times of this project.

The Almighty God will keep on uniting us as He blesses you abundantly.

Preface

I have been greatly influenced by my life’s experience. I am a victim of depression and have spent sleepless nights and taken medication to stabilise my situation. I once drank very heavily and abused drugs as well. My passion is to help people and see them prospering as they defeat the challenges of life in ensuring that they become the leaders of their lives.

The future of our children and the generations after them is in the hands of Christians. The evil and shocking deeds that we hear about and see every day are mainly caused by spiritual forces. Any spiritual problem needs a spiritual solution. In other words, the cure is spiritual. We are God’s creation and He created us for the fulfilment of His purpose. When humanity seeks answers about the rapid change in the universe, the answer can always be found in His Word.

The reason I wrote this book is because of the stigma that is associated with the leaders and seniors of the church. Many of them, as far as I know, have gone through tough times in previous relationships. Some of them are divorcees and it is very difficult for them to reveal it to all the people whom they are leading, ministering to and pastoring.

There are those who are fortunate enough to stay in their marriage without any attempt to divorce, and that is where the grey line is being drawn. Those who have been married for a long time undermine and demean those who have divorced. There are always three sides to the story: my story, your story, and the truth. Understand the reason behind the divorce before judging someone. There is always a reason for the divorce to happen. Judging those who have divorced will never bring peace and harmony in the house of the Lord.

I salute couples who have never been driven apart by any evil forces. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder and hold on. You are heroes and heroines to society. Do not give up.

Being someone who has tasted the bitterness and stigma of divorce, it would be imperfect of me to not include some of the anecdotes on the experiences I have encountered, the consequences of which are still haunting me to this day.

Despite all of that, I did not succumb. I knew that my future was bright. I fought to achieve the best. I fell, but I still had courage to stand up and run with my life.

Proverbs 24:16

For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity.

Isaiah 60:1

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

Chapter 1: Compromising Divorce

Matthew 19:8

Jesus replied, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

The trend

To be raised by a single parent may always come with consequences. The community that a child is being raised and groomed in will have an impact