The Plumbline for Married Couples: A Self-Help Guide for Aligning Your Marriage to God's Standard

By Xlibris US

Our natural conception and birth is a result of human cooperation and establishes the priority the Creator places on our dependency on others for success and personal progress. This work is evidence to this collaboration and substantiates the reality that we are a sum total of all the influences made to our lives by the people we have had the privilege to come across on the journey of life. I am deeply appreciative for the inspiration and wisdom of the men and women, both past and present, which, through their lives, instructions, corrections, challenges, commitment, and example, disturbed gifts within me I never knew existed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 22, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499048476

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 by Cecil S. Gaffney.

ISBN:      Softcover      978-1-4990-4848-3

                eBook           978-1-4990-4847-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

NKJV

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

NIV

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

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Rev. date: 11/21/2014

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Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1 What Is A Spiritual Marriage?

Chapter 2 God’s Standards

Chapter 3 Communication In Marriage

Chapter 4 Money In Marriage

Chapter 5 Resolving Conflict In Marriages

Chapter 6 Understanding The Stages Of Marriage

Chapter 7 Marriage Is Forever

Chapter 8 Plumblining Your Marriage…

References

Foreword By Bishop Leo Charles Brown, Jr.

Foreword

In midyear of 1981 Mr. Gaffney (Chief Master Sergeant) and wife, Doris visited True Vine Community Church of which I am the Senior Pastor. The moment I saw this man, I knew there was something about him that was unique. He had a quiet, humble, and yet a penetrating demeanor, and when he spoke people were more than attentive.

From the very beginning I knew God with an all seeing eye and an abundance of infinite wisdom saw a young man with tenderness, a passion, and a heart for people. I observed a brewing in this man’s mind stemming from brokenness and a mass of wretched childhood memories, inclusive of witnessing a family relationship that placed a great burden on his heart. It appears God would one day use this vessel to help others experience life in a better way.

It was in the fall of 1981 during True Vine’s second annual marriage retreat that I realized the wisdom of Mr. Gaffney in marriage and family matters. My wife, Missionary Barbara Jean Brown recognized this talent before I did. During this retreat, without fore warning she asked him to have words on communication. Mr. Gaffney without notes gave a presentation second to none. I was convinced at that point that he was gifted in the area of marriage and family relationships. Shortly thereafter I developed a Marriage Ministry Program and appointed him and his wife as Chairperson and Co-Chairperson respectively.

In the capacity of chairperson he resumed the responsibility of organizing the Marriage Retreats and related Seminars. The pamphlets, workbooks and other teaching materials that he was developing really caught my eye and I soon recognized his literary abilities, and in-depth knowledge in marriage and family related matters. The retreats and seminars became a very successful ministry and have helped many married couples in True Vine and the community. Mr. Gaffney published a book titled Married Couples Hierarchy of Needs, and I deemed this as being among the best self-help guides for married couples available on the market today. This new book, The Plumbline for Married Couples further expands his desire to influence married couples to align their marriage with God’s standards to enhance the opportunity for their marriage to last forever.

God has a wonderful destiny for his life, and has assigned the Holy Spirit to guide him through this process thus, guaranteeing his success. He has indeed placed a desire within his innermost being to see marriage unions according to God’s design succeed to their fullest potential, and to see "until death do us part" become a reality.

Bishop Leo C. Brown Jr, D.D.

Washington State Jurisdiction, Prelate

Pastor and Founder of True Vine Community COGIC

Tacoma Washington

Acknowledgments

________________________

Our natural conception and birth is a result of human cooperation and establishes the priority the Creator places on our dependency on others for success and personal progress. This book is evidence to this collaboration and substantiates the reality that we are a sum total of all the influences made to our lives by the people we have had the privilege to come across on the journey of life. I am deeply appreciative for the inspiration and wisdom of the men and women, both past and present, which, through their lives, instructions, corrections, challenges, commitments, and examples, disturbed gifts within me that I never knew existed.

I am also grateful to all the friends and colleagues of the Church and Community, those military and corporate leaders who continue to inspire me to make a contribution to my generation and those to come.

For the development and production of this book itself, I feel a deep sense of gratitude to: My precious wife Doris, the primary editor, and our children, Gary, Nerressa, Sheryl and Jeff for their patience and support during my Military years. Being your husband and father tested the reality of the principles in this book and has made me an unquestionable husband and father. I love you all.

Special thanks to my deceased Mother, for believing in me even when I had reservations myself. Her inherent ability to help others was among the greatest contributions she entrenched into me.

I sincerely thank my church, True Vine Community Church of God In Christ located in Tacoma Washington and my pastor, Bishop Leo C. Brown Jr. for their support and encouragement. It was through True Vine’s marriage ministry that provides me an unbeliever insight of how marriages work. I also want to recognize Pastor Charles Williams and his Wife; the Pastor of The Living Word Church of God In Christ where he and his wife have an outstanding Marriage Ministry, for the input they provided.

I am indebted to the many couples who allowed me to enter into the privacy of their lives and query for better understanding and more effective ways of relating and providing them more accurate solutions. In private sessions and in group settings, many have heard the ideas presented in this book and have come back with practical recommendations, many of which have been worked into the composition of this book.

Most of all, I am grateful to God, who has called me to work in His vineyard of marriages. I give all praise and honor and glory to God and the Father, and God the Holy Spirit. I realize that I am a better person now because when others question my ability God saw the best in me.

Cecil S. Gaffney

Preface

The twenty-first century marriage is in crisis. Throughout the America and adjoining countries our global villages, the prisons are filled with multitudes of fathers, the high divorce rate, suicides caused by broken relationships and continue increase in drug abuse, plus spousal abuse. Marriages are certainly in a crisis, and this condition is not descending.

Being a Christian who happens to be a marriage counselor concludes that there is more to this crisis than couple’s inability to communicate effectively, manage their finances, parenting their children or show affection to one another. As a counselor I can teach these skills, but in many instances it does not improve the relationship. What is the reason couples will not change their behavior when they really want to make their relationship better? Is changing the problem?

Change is often the source of uncertainty and a measure of fear and anxiety. For many, this type of fear is difficult to manage, and it causes varying reactions. Some negative reactions to change include denial, ignorance, isolation, anger, resistance, and resentment. These reactions can cause serious effects on the relation in which change is occurring. The result can be oppression, suppression, violence, and the spirit of control.

The impact on the family and society is also frightening. Spouses suffer the violence of anger. Children are victims of abuse and resentment, and society bears the scars of social deterioration. Governments are helpless to respond to this phenomenon. They find their ideas, laws, and social programs ineffective in addressing it. Marriages are clearly in trouble.

This book addresses answers to these critical questions from the perspective of God’s design for marriage. The purpose and role of the male and female are major roles in following God’s design. Defending Husband and Wife role and identifying God’s standards is the main object of this book, The Plumbline for Married Couples

The Plumbline for Married Couples indicates applying a plumbline to ones patterns of living that provides a perspective of how Christian couples should align their marriages with God’s standards. The title came to me in several dreams along with God had placing it on my heart. It took me a few years and several marriage seminars to realize this belong in a book.

It was the unrighteousness that propelled God to visit Amos and call his attention to the plumbline regarding Israel’s behavior. God’s visit to me in a dream about a template for married couples is a reminder that married couples are out of alignment with His design for marriages. The reason for this book The Plumbline for Married Couples is to offer guidelines that help couples identify God’s standards and offer suggested means for re-alignment by using God’s plumbline.

Introduction

The Plumbline for Married Couples indicates applying a plumbline to ones patterns of living that provides a perspective of how Christian couples should align their marriages with God’s standards. A Plumbline is a device that is use by technicians, and engineers of the construction and buildings trades. It is a weight suspended on a line for fixing vertical direction; used to determine straightness of walls and depth of water. Modern surveying uses a variety of instruments to measure distances, angles, elevations, and direction. Today, electronic devices can measure distances more accurately by calculating the time it takes for an electric light, laser, or radio beam to travel to the distant point and return to its source.

This instrument is rarely used in today’s building and construction due to the numerous high-tech gadgets that are available. The Plumbline is still the most reliable tool because it does not need a source of power that can easily be beset.

Now that you know what a Plumbline is, how does it relate to respectable living in a married relationship? I asked God the same question when He woke me up several consecutive nights speaking to me about a wrong template, as