The Lost Sock Question: Argle-Bargle, #2

By David Macpherson

An argle-bargle is copious but meaningless talk or writing.

 

In this argle-bargle, we tackle the question, why do single socks disappear and where the hell do they go?

 

Spoiler alert: we offer a clear and definite answer. You will read this book and understand the life of socks better. And maybe you will be a better person. Actually, you might not be a better person after reading this, because we have had lunch with you and you should chew with your mouth shut.

 

Not only will we give you the answer to this important question, we also open the door to secret lives and loves of the socks. We allow them to speak for themselves. We are cool like that.

 

This argle-bargle will not answer all the questions you have, but you should purchase it all the same because it is clear, concise and comes in both calf length and knee high.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David Macpherson
• Release date: Jul 2, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201758295

Book preview

The Definition

argle-bargle - (noun) copious but meaningless talk or writing (lexico.com)

Oh come on now. How can that be the definition? The answer has copious in it and it is only six words long. I don’t know what you are trading, but in most casinos and blackmarket auction blocks, six is never copious of anything. That is clear and succinct. Which means, the definition of the word argle-bargle is not an argle-bargle. It’s like saying the definition of pristine includes the word filthy in it.

Let’s try it again.

argle-bargle - (noun) a statement by David Macpherson who is the author of many important texts (like this, and you might doubt that it is an important text, but you just started it and you are not giving it enough to time to prove it’s importance and here you are shutting the book and your mind to the possibility that greatness can take place in an argle-bargle or in a 350 word run-on sentence, for that matter, but let’s get back to what we were talking about, which is that you know David Macpherson) and you know him because he always has tic-tacs, which is kind of a nice trait to have, but who really wants tic-tacs when you have a filthy mouth and you should probably bring out the big guns like five tabs of Altoids, or maybe you can gargle with lye, but that doesn’t in any way define what an argyle-bargle is and we know that you are just dying to know things that most everyone else does not and that’s the thing of an argyle-bargle really, because an argle-bargle is trying to get to a finish line and never seeming to get to it and you are desperate to get to that end and you will flail your arms around like windmills and the more this happens the opportunity for kooky behaviors and big lies will occur and you will tell long tales that have nothing to do with the race or the finish line, because you believe that it will get you there even though you know that you will never get to the end and that truth fills you with unexpected joy because all you have left is the useless bullshit that ain’t getting you nowhere and you now understand that all the useless bullshit makes the race and the living and the breathing and the farting worthwhile and that is what an argle-bargle is, or at least that’s what we are calling it this time, and if you come back next time, we will give you a different definition and different breathless torrent of incorrect information.

Good. A much better and much more useless definition

The Query

Today’s argle-bargle has the task to answer the following question: we buy or steal our socks in twos. They come in pairs. We believe in their self definition of being one of a pair. We like couples, they throw good dinner parties. But the socks don’t stay a pair. There is always a sock missing. They don’t go missing as a couple. They only go missing as a single. As in a divorcee dad waiting for his kids at the parking lot of the McDonald’s off of Route 7. As