A Young Man’s Guide to Life

By Steven Mulhall

A Young Man’s Guide to Life is a passionate, personal book that speaks frankly about the problems young men typically face and offers an alternative mindset to help deal with such issues. As well as comprehensive and honest information regarding sex, dating, career and other things young men are eager to learn about.

From the perspective of someone who has just finished being a young man this book shares personal experience and philosophy and is never condescending, tongue-in-cheek or super-serious.

This book is suitable for all young men regardless of race, religion etc. Or may be enjoyed by those who care for young men: such as parents or girlfriends. 

In the book the author identifies what guys typically go through and lets them know that it is okay, as well as stories containing practical advice on dealing with such issues. 

There are not too many techniques or “how to” explanations to confuse the user, just a view of life for a young man sharing personal experience and philosophy in a kind tone that is never condescending.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Troubador Publishing Ltd
• Release date: Jun 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9781800469730

Steven Mulhall

Steven Mulhall is a dynamic author who in this book helps document what he wished a younger self had known. Steven holds an MBA, an NLP master practitioner qualification and draws on a rich and varied life experience.

Book preview

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A Young Man’s Guide to Life

Steven Mulhall

Copyright © 2021 Steven Mulhall

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers.

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ISBN 978 1800469 730

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Matador® is an imprint of Troubador Publishing Ltd

Contents

Foreword (by Cohen Perry).

Introduction

Chapter 1 – Worrying.

Worrying before things happen.

Worrying after things happen.

Social worries.

Body consciousness.

Chapter 2 – Outlook.

Beliefs.

How you look at life.

Live life according to values.

Living in the now.

Tips on how I stay in the now.

Chapter 3 – Confidence.

Enjoy the process.

Live life for yourself.

Fear.

Chapter 4 – Friends.

The Mindset Required to Make New Friends

Non-neediness

First impressions

Building rapport

Chapter 5 – Women.

Inner beliefs.

Outer actions.

Posture and body language.

Dating.

Chapter 6 – Sex.

Sex Principles.

Premature ejaculation.

Masturbation.

Sex techniques.

Condoms and STIs.

Pregnancy.

Chapter 7 – Relationships

Getting into Relationships.

Love and Relationships.

Chapter 8 – Achievements.

Intensity of focus.

Positive Beliefs.

What do you want to achieve?

Chapter 9 – Adult Life.

Career.

Possessions.

Chapter 10 – Being a man.

Power and responsibility of a man.

Conclusion.

Foreword (by Cohen Perry).

So, it has come to my attention that recently I have really been able to propel myself to a point socially, that I had never experienced before. So much so, that a few of my friends have commented on the fact that I am different than before. Or new people I meet, comment that I am way different than anyone else they have ever met. The other day I was telling my friend Steve (Mulhall) how I felt I was going nowhere in my quest to work on myself, but after this last weekend, I realised how far from the truth that was.

What I am beginning to realise is, that there was a point in my life, where I attempted to grasp the idea of normal, to an extent that I believed in normal being an answer. For example, to date a woman, I would justify my actions based on whether they were normal, and whether or not the woman would accept them as normal. This paradigm has been crushed, as I now realise that normal is so fucking subjective, that it does not really exist. There is a collective idea of what normal means, but I have been doing some shit that comes off as normal, that is far from it!

I realised that after meeting Steve for the first time, that there is a higher level of charisma I had never encountered before. It is hard to believe that after 20 years of being alive, I had never met anyone on this level before. I also realised that this charisma came from a place, that was completely internal. For most of my philosophically aware life, I was attempting to internalise the external. Now I realise this is the most basic of behaviours, and that it is nothing special: babies do this to walk! So, the idea of studying a set of beliefs, and applying another set of beliefs on top, was like adding icing to a cake. But if the cake was poop to begin with, the icing just made the poop cake a little better. My studies to improve myself, might somehow be enhancing my outside, but it is still fucking icing on a poop cake.

So, I set out to mimic this godlike charisma that I witnessed. All I had to work from was Steve. My one clue was that I noticed that Steve never second-guessed his actions. Whether he said something offensive, or reached for something at the dinner table, all his actions somehow felt correct. What came out of this, was how often I realised I second-guessed my own actions, and now I am thinking how much of a looney I was in doing that! Needless to say: I have almost eliminated this tendency. Now, most of my time spent thinking about my past actions, is spent thinking about how fucking cool one thing or another I did was. Or how the fuck did they let me get away with that?

I can say that I have not felt stressed out in over a month, and this includes moving to a new city, and having to cope with life. Stress does not exist, sadness might, but sadness is not all bad.

So, check it: when you wake up, you are not the same person. Some days I wake up, I look in the mirror and dwell on a few pimples. Maybe I can lose some weight. Some days I wake up, and I see this fucking super model. And guess what, I may not be a super model, but from experience, I am hot enough.

Hot enough for what? Hot enough for anything I want, that is what! I do not wear a plastic bag; I am not morbidly obese. I take care of my body, I eat right, I sleep a lot (I am in the process of logging average sleep per week) and I work out. All that I need for life is health, and my mind and body must balance. If I am taking a mental toll on myself to look like a superstar, I do not see how that helps.

On that note, you DO wake up as a new person every day. I am not the same person yesterday as I am today, because things have happened to change my future actions. We are water, we change a lot, get used to it. If you do not like something about yourself, change it and do not bitch about it,

Back to my original point: life is life is life. Attempting to normalise myself was necessary because one must have this idea of what is normal. However, I have found that success on every stage whether it is friendship with males or with relationships with women, normality is a bitch. One must take normality, and push it to the max. There is no comfort period: there is no period in which one must warm up. If you are a comfortable guy, this happens automatically. Especially with women!

Women do not listen to jack dandy ass bull whack shit! They listen to your inside. Wow! Why did it take me so long to realise this? One can say whatever they want: but do it with conviction! Never question yourself.

Most great philosophers create a philosophy based off their negative experiences in life. Well how fucking stupid is that? It is positive experiences, that we all want!

Find what works and follow that.

Cohen Perry

Introduction

After giving advice to younger friends, I realised I wanted to retrospectively document all I have learned that has helped me in my young life, up to the age of thirty.

It was my friends who suggested I write this book. I am the person many of my friends turn to for advice, and I have been told I have a good way of looking at life and have a talent in explaining it.

I am a guy who has managed to experience a lot by the time I was thirty, and I wanted to share what I had learned, and document my philosophies and thought processes, as I have been told by many others that they believe I have a good philosophy for happiness.

The purpose of this book is for it to be read by young men to help them and to offer some perspective in what they may be facing in their lives.

I am an NLP Master Practitioner, but that alone does not qualify me to write this book.

By the time I was thirty I had been a project manager, a business analyst, a chartered IT professional and a management consultant; paradoxically I have also been an English teacher in Asia, a bass player in an aspiring rock band. I had travelled many great places in the world, ran my own business, earned over £100,000 a year in the City of London, but had also experienced hard times, losing jobs, failed relationships and bankruptcy. I gained my undergraduate degree in 6 years after a re-sit year and a course change, but gained a 2:1, enjoyed my degree immensely and was much more academically successful from that point onwards, gaining many post-graduate industrial qualifications. Up to the age of thirty I had spent a total of 8 years in relationships and 4 years single, travelled to 81 destinations in 25 countries across 4 continents and had the experience of 8 major career jobs on my CV, not including numerous temporary and part-time jobs whilst a student.

Even this does not qualify me to write this book, but it helps. As you can see, I had experienced a lot in a short time and as I reached the milestone of my 30th birthday I looked back and documented all I learned as a young man! I looked back and captured what I have learned up that point, so that I can pass on this knowledge to my younger friends and peers who I often advise.

Chapter 1 – Worrying.

As a young man, much of life is taken up worrying:

•Why am I so spotty? 

•Am I tall or big enough?

•Am I good-looking enough?

•Will I get into university?

•What if I cannot find a good job?

•Why can’t I get a girlfriend?

•Why am I always so exhausted?

•Why is nothing going to plan?

•What will my parents say?

•What will my friends think?

Worrying before things happen.

When things go bad, we are all prone to worrying. I remember spending hours worrying myself to sleep every night, only falling asleep as the sun came up, exhausted.

The severity of problems often exasperates the worry, but worries big and small, are futile. The reason for this, is that the only influence any of us have, is over our own thoughts, therefore our own reality. We often worry that things will not work out, the way we planned them in our heads.

THEN STOP PLANNING THEM IN YOUR HEAD!

This is a futile exercise. Think about how crazy this sounds, we get upset, because the flow of life takes the outcome, a different way to how we had hoped things would turn out: different to the intellectual plan we made in our heads.

The remedy for this is to move away from the mindset that you can dream up, and be ready for, any eventual future possibility before it happens.

There is no future.

The future does not exist: it is just some possible outcome you dreamed up, complete guesswork, intellectual fantasy.

Worrying about what might happen is the wrong mindset, instead you need to be open to what will happen, whatever that may be. Worrying about what might happen indicates that you have a plan, a preferred state of HOW things will turn out. It is great to have dreams and goals and plan WHAT you want, but to plan the HOW you get there, is incredibly arrogant and naive. Firstly, it is impossible to predict, and secondly it will only cause stress and worry when the HOW unfolds a different way to how you predicted!

Try and accept what will happen regardless. This involves living in the moment so much more fully, than maybe you are now.

THIS VERY MOMENT is all we really have available to us, so why not enjoy it?

I think of life like a conveyor belt, always moving forward, the now being the parts of life we are passing presently. The past and future do not really exist, it is just some intellectual guesswork: the past is YOUR recording of something that happened in a previous now moment. Like the stories of history, this is open to distortion of what really happened and maybe deletion of some of the things you care not to remember, or really did not notice.

The future is even worse: no one can predict the future! To dream up some idea of what will or will not happen is ludicrous and even arrogant. The actual outcome is never the same as what was imagined, it’s fine to focus on WHAT you want, but to think up, and to hold onto your view of HOW you think it will happen, will make you consciously, or subconsciously, focus on your view