I, Before We

By Oluchi B. Kolanisi

This book is about author Bongiwe Kolanisi’s self-journey through the school of life. It follows the path of how she had to find the voice within herself first, in order to discover its mysteries and then heal it so that she could bring her best version forward.

The book is about allowing your darkest side to come to light and use those lessons to nurture relationships with others because how we see and view others and the world, reflects how we see and view ourselves.

This book invites you to look at yourself from a holistic perspective and peel back the layers in your own life, but most importantly, this book invites you to ask important questions to allow for self-growth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Oluchi B. Kolanisi
• Release date: Nov 10, 2020
• ISBN: 9781005991104

Book preview

I, Before We

How to navigate relationships by putting yourself first

Oluchi B. Kolanisi

Copyright © 2020 Oluchi B. Kolanisi

Published by Oluchi B. Kolanisi Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by Oluchi B. Kolanisi using Reach Publishers’ services,

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Edited by Rendale Snow for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.org

E-mail: [e-mail]

Oluchi B. Kolanisi

[e-mail]

This book is dedicated to my mother and late father as well as everyone who is looking for a helping hand in this learning journey called life, including myself.

Love, Oluchi B. Kolanisi

Table of Contents

Introduction

1. Listen

2. Solitude

3. Intention

4. Self-Awareness

5. The Past

6. Communication

7. Forgiveness

8. Boundaries

9. Relationships

10. Acceptance

Conclusion

Introduction

The year 2017 was a challenge for me. I was 27 and very unhappy and displeased with my life and my state of self. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. I had worked very hard to have a job and get a foot in the door in the corporate environment. However, I was feeling stagnant in my career endeavours.

My family life was virtually non-existent, having buried my father the previous year. The family was scattered and dealing with that trauma individually. I didn’t even want to reach out to them because I was sorting my life out and in my mind I thought, what good am I going to bring to them if I present myself in a jaded state?

The man I thought was the love of my life, was starting to look like a villain. I wanted to hate him and hate the situation, but I could not because I was built to deal with unstable relationships from birth. The dysfunctionality of our relationship, though never abusive, was the exact replica of my relationship with my father growing up, neither here, nor there; and I was acting out my mother’s character without my knowledge.

I have always been fortunate enough to have deep friendships. The only place of solitude when I was not deep in my anxiety filled head, was my best friend. She continued to play such a pivotal role in my life. When I was not negotiating with God and letting my thoughts out in my diary, of which I have two, I was talking to my best friend and she was talking to me about her life.

With all of this happening, I still lived a full life. I thrived at work, I was travelling and enjoying myself. However, there was always a nagging thought at the back of my mind that I should change. I didn’t know what I had to change or how I was going to start.

The year 2018 started with all of these residual apprehensive emotions from the