Invisible Strength: Overcoming Depression and Anxiety One Walk in the Park at a Time

By Jenni Reiffel

Are you feeling down and out? Have you or someone you know suffered from anxiety and depression? This book may be the answer to your prayers.

Invisible Strength is the inspirational story of how a young woman faced her fears and beat down inner limitations to overcome depression and anxiety to live the life she dreamed of.

Recounting the persona

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gowor International Publishing
• Release date: Jun 23, 2014
• ISBN: 9780992349370

Book preview

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Introduction

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to bloom.

Anais Nin

A moment of inspiration occurred. My four kids and I were sitting in my lounge room during school holidays, and inspiration hit me in the face

like a freight train! It was the middle of winter, and we were cuddled up in front of the fire watching a movie. I was scrolling through Facebook on my iPad mini when the words jumped off the screen and landed in my soul: Feel the fear, and do it anyway. Wow! Looking at those words in front of me, they were words of power and acknowledgement – not to mention that it is basically the mantra I have lived by since grabbing my panic attacks by the horns and taking my life back.

You see, approximately 13 years ago, I was diagnosed with post natal depression. When I finally managed to overcome that, it soon turned into anxiety and extreme panic attacks. I have spent many years of my life now chanting affirmations in my head – phrases like, I am strong! and, The challenges only make me stronger! Also, I have been to the extremes, where I have been literally terrified, and have screamed things like, "I can do this! I can do anything I put my mind to...!" in my head.

When I saw those words in front of me, no more than ten minutes ago, I just knew I had to put pen to paper and get my story of what I went through out into the world. My desire to help anyone else going through what I have been through is strong... and it’s powerful. I want to help you to find your way of controlling what seems like an uncontrollable thing inside you. To feel like you have no control over your emotions and over your life is heartbreaking. It breaks your spirit and sends you further and further down into the black hole of depression. I went through hell – feeling like nobody in the world could possibly understand what I was going through. I spent so long believing that this was just ‘the way it was’ for me and that I would be one of those people that spends my life at home not taking any risks, not living life. I told myself at the ripe old age of 18 that I had already lived a full life and that I was lucky enough to travel to a lot of places as a child and through my teenage years, so there is no need to want anything more. I can hardly believe I accepted it as truth. It just makes me laugh now!

I chose to take my journey of overcoming depression, anxiety, and panic attacks without medication. I wanted to find my own way of handling certain situations that now provide me the tools I need to keep this under control for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to rely solely on medication to alter my moods, but instead, I needed to find a way to overcome it myself. I didn’t want my recovery to be temporary and forever be worried about relapsing – because what I believed back then and what I know to be true right now is that I have built up the resources within myself to get through even the toughest of situations in my life today without having to rely on medication. I did try medication when I was first diagnosed, and although I chose not to continue with it due to the way it made me feel, I hold no judgment on anyone choosing to take medication to help with their depression or anxiety. I understand that it is there to help you in your current situation, but I do recommend that you find your own way of dealing with the things that trigger your depression or anxiety on top of the medication so that you too can live an entire life not worrying about relapsing. I want you to know that YOU are strong enough to beat this and live the life you deserve to be living!

I have written this book for you and for everyone who is experiencing suffering right now. If you want to know how to get out of the hole that you are in, then this is the book for you! I have written it in two parts. Part one is me sharing my journey with you; it is telling you about my experience, what I personally went through, and how I overcame it. Part two is all for you. It is split into six chapters – each relating to a different tool that I used. You will get step- by-step details on how you can harness each and every one of these tools and use them to your advantage to help you break free into a better life.

Before I share my journey and my transformation, I want to tell you a little bit about what my life was like at the time of diagnosis. I was 18 years old, and I had been diagnosed with post natal depression. I was a teenage mum of my gorgeous baby girl, Tahlia, at the time. My partner and I had bought our first home together, and we were living there as a family. Being so young, we were still very social and had a large group of friends around us from high school. I had some amazing people that stuck by me through the pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, but I also lost quite a few friends through it all too. Being a pregnant teenager was definitely not an easy road to travel, and even though it was not an ideal situation, the harsh judgement I had to deal with from people still astounds me today.

Being the first of all of our friends to move out of home and have our own place, our house was a bit of an open house. Friends would drop in all the time, and we would spend most weekends at our place with friends crashing for the night, weekend, or even weeks at a time. Our closest friend actually moved in with us for a while. Everyone got involved with our daughter; it was like she had a tribe raising her at times! But despite being busy, it was a good thing, as there was undoubtedly lots of love around her. I was enjoying my life and enjoying being a mum, and I don’t really know what triggered the initial depression that came on. I don’t think that I will ever know what triggered the relapses that came after, but after this journey of self- discovery, one thing I do know is that I now have it under control.

I can’t stress enough that I am not a doctor, nor have I had any training at all in regards to depression or anxiety. I am simply here to tell you about my journey and to explain the tools I have used, and sometimes still use, to get myself to where I am today. My intention is that these tools will provide you with alternative methods for handling your own depression, anxiety, and any relapses that may come up so that you can get on with your life – and live an amazing one at that!

Enjoy the book,

Jenni Reiffel

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Part 1: My Story

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Chapter 1: Where It All Started

Depression is like drowning – except you can see everyone around you breathing.

~ Unknown

I was living everyday like it was Groundhog Day. I would wake up, look after my daughter, and go to bed. Some days I would feel so numb that it was like I didn’t really

exist... like I was a machine. It was like I was watching my life play out in slow motion, and I felt as though I was living out someone else’s life. I was watching myself sink further and further, and there was quite some time that I didn’t even care about where I was. I felt I could just exist for the rest of my life, instead of living the rest of my life.

It felt as though I had lost my life already, without the event of death – like I was a hollow shell here for Tahlia, to bring her into the world and keep her going until she was able to look after herself. I never thought of what would happen to me once she was able to look after herself. Would I continue to exist, was I existing now, or how would live out my days without her to care for? Truthfully, I never thought into the future at all. It was like there was no future for me – everything was just a series of mindless, numb days running into each other.

Emergency Run

I was lying on the couch one day when I got this overwhelming feeling. I didn’t know what it was, and to this day, I don’t know exactly how to describe it apart from that I knew something was wrong with me. I felt completely spaced out and like a piece of me was missing. I couldn’t see or think straight. I knew this wasn’t normal. My mind went to the extreme; I thought I was going to die.

So... I jumped up off the couch in a complete panic! I paced around the house for a good half an hour. When the feeling didn’t go away, I decided I needed to go to the hospital, because one thing I was sure of was that I needed help!

I rang my mum, as my partner was working in her business at the time, and I asked if he could leave for a bit, because I wasn’t feeling very well. When she started arguing with me about the fact that I needed to be able to look after my child, whether I was sick or not, I decided it was not worth the fight. I gathered the last bit of strength I had