The Resurrection: Life After the Death of Your Child

By Latisa Be

Latisa Be thought there wasn't any challenge in her life that she couldn't overcome, until her son was senselessly murdered, and she was left in pieces.  The Resurrection is an uplifting book that seeks to instill hope to a parent who has experienced the loss of a child.  Latisa walks us through how she created a new normal, br

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lifetime Partners Publications
• Release date: Jan 20, 2019
• ISBN: 9781732961913

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

— Louis L’Amour

If you’re reading this book, you’ve probably lost a child or are close to someone who has. This could seem like the end because, if you are anything like I was, you wish you could have traded places with your child. Take it from someone who has already walked your path—this is not the end. Even though it may feel like it, it is the beginning of your next life. The healing process will take time. How much time? However much you need. This journey will be like nothing you have ever experienced and one you will never forget.

Every child is unique and so is every mother. But there is one thing in common among most mothers, and that is our bond with our children, started way before they were born. For me, when I heard that first heartbeat and felt that first kick, a connection was formed instantly between my son and me. By the grand design, God chose us to carry, nurture, and protect the babies in our womb; so, by default, our attachment started nine months before anyone else had the opportunity to lay eyes on them. Learning to live without that attachment, which you have nurtured for so long, is like learning to breathe all over again.

The death of my child changed my life forever. I didn’t recognize the woman I became. There were times when I didn’t think I would survive the sadness, anger, and depression I felt. When I reach the point that I knew I had to do something different to heal, I could not relate to the resources I came across, which provided little direction on how to create a new life without my child. They mainly talked about the stages of grief, shared stories of families who had lost children, or offered advice from psychologists who could only theorize about what I was going through. I needed more than what I found. I needed guidance from a realistic blueprint I could follow.

When God laid upon my heart the call to write this book, I shied away from it. I questioned who would want to read about my story. Then, He placed people in my path that kept asking me about my journey. Most of the people who asked me didn’t even know of the tragedy I had experienced when they first met me. They wanted to know what I had done to be at such peace. After touching so many different people with my story, I decided to obey God’s calling and share it. I tell my story from a mother-to-mother perspective, but it applies to anyone who had a close personal connection with a child who has died.

By no means is this my entire story—I have selected the stories that impacted my journey the most. I know how our children died may be different, but the emptiness and hurt we feel are the same. I wrote this book with you in mind, to help provide guidance while you walk this journey. I wanted to give you the starting point I didn’t have. If you are a family member or friend of a grieving mother, my story will also provide insight into what she may be feeling to help you support her during this period of healing.

I took many paths on my journey to figuring out my new life without my son; some helped developed me while others delayed my recovery. Some of the stories that I’m going to share with you are birthed from conversations I have had with bereaved mothers as well as friends and family of grieving mothers I’ve met over the years and throughout my writing process.

Since living in a world without my son was something that took me a while to figure out, I hope my story will provide you some sort of guidance as you walk your journey. When I look back, I can group many of my experiences into themes that happened at various stages of my healing and recovery. The chapters are not in chronological order and are interdependent, but they can be read independently. If I had known some of this information as I walked my journey, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me almost five years to adjust to my new life.

While I wish I could tell you this journey will be easy, I can’t. Your journey will most likely be one of the most painful experiences you will ever endure. I think it’s most parents’ desire for our children to bury us, not the other way around. You never want to imagine something like this could ever happen to you, and when it does, it’s easier to avoid the pain and heartbreak than to accept that this is your new reality. It’s human nature to want to withdraw from the world and be left alone while you try to figure this out, but don’t.

I am not a therapist, grief counselor, or a professional in the mental health field. I am just a mother who experienced the same loss and was inspired to share my story to help someone else. As Iyanla Vanzant said, "When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else."

Sharing my story has truly been a part of my healing. For years, I suffered in silence, neither expressing how I felt nor how my son’s death had impacted me. My silence allowed me to pretend I was okay even though my world had been turned upside down, and I had no clue about my next steps. I tried to put the pieces of my life back together on my own, but unfortunately, I didn’t have the tools or knowledge for how to do it. I will be sharing some of my experiences throughout my journey, both the good and the bad, that helped me navigate thru my grief.

This is my journey, and I realize that some of my experiences may differ from yours because we have different foundations, which mean you may not have to experience some of the things I did. I also realize because we are different people, some of my recommendations may not fit you. It’s okay. Try not to focus exactly on what I did but on the types of things I did. I am offering suggestions that worked for me to help you find your own way as you navigate through your loss to what lies on the other side.

CHAPTER 1

YOUR NEW NORMAL, ARE YOU READY?

Every day, our life circumstances change who we are and who we are to become. Some changes are so subtle that you don’t even notice them. These changes do not alter what you consider to be normal and, in fact, they become an ordinary part of your life.

Then there are those days when something happens that disrupts your norm, stops the world from spinning, and changes your life forever. The change occurs abruptly, painfully, and you know at that moment you will never be the same. You will forever remember that day, now a black mark on the calendar, a constant reminder of the change in your life. Every year, when this day approaches, you see it as a looming dark cloud while others see it a perfectly ordinary day.

At no time is this truer than when your child dies. As a mother, the death of your child can leave you feeling shattered, as if you’re broken beyond repair. It’s difficult to put into