The True You Shines: Let Go of Guilt and Shame

By Maria Jesus Marin Lopez

Guilt is about doing or not doing something. It’s about action.Shame moves beyond simple action to identification.
Sometimes we confuse guilt and shame. We think that they are the same thing or that they are linked together. For some, guilt is connected to doing something wrong, to being at fault or doing something they regret. For others, guilt is a passing feeling that’s related to responsibility.
Shame, on the other hand, is harder to define. It’s typically experienced as an inner feeling having mostly to do with yourself rather than others, although its origin often lies outside yourself. Instead of the sense of having done or failed to do something to someone else, it’s about something that was done to you that made you feel ashamed. Shame also exists on different levels. That is the deep paralysing shame that prevents you from growing, but there is also a healthy sense of shame that’s similar to guilt in that it’s about something you can change.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Nov 7, 2015
• ISBN: 9781326471866

Maria Jesus Marin Lopez

Maria Jesus Marin Lopez began her journey of awakening at the age of six, when she first encountered something greater than herself. She had always known that she wanted to help others, but she hadn’t realized that she would spend the next twenty years having to heal and process her own inner issues before she had the tools and awareness to accompany others into their self-discovery. Relationships had always been hard for Maria, leaving her with a feeling of disempowerment, but it was exactly this gift in all these situations that taught her how to relate to herself and others in an empowered way. From these experiences and her training, she eventually developed various healing modalities that enabled her to create a safe, therapeutic space for others to embrace their own healing journey. Maria started training as a holistic therapist in 1997. Her own journey has led her to explore different energy therapies. She has trained as a: • Shamanic Practitioner • Reiki Master • Integrated Energy Therapy Master Instructor • Magnified Healing 1st- and 3rd-Phase Teacher • Theta Healing Practitioner • Bach Flower Dance Teacher Once she developed a full understanding of energy, she felt the need to understand the body. Among other things, she studied different types of massage at the ITM Massage School in Chiang Mai, Thailand. She also studied: • Teaching Diploma in Thai Massage • Thai Foot Reflexology • Oil Massage • Thai Herbal Massage • Body and Facial Treatments • Hopi Ear Candles After gaining an understanding of the relationship between energy and the body, she felt the need to understand the mind. She began studying psychotherapy and has earned the following: • Diploma and Advanced Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy/Psychotherapy • Understanding and Helping Survivors of Sexual Abuse and Rape • Couple Attachment and Marital Fit • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) • Life Coaching • Breakthrough Parenting Instruction • Currently working on a two-year diploma in Jungian studies It was only once she achieved a fuller understanding of all three aspects—mind, body, and soul—that Maria felt she could offer a truly holistic approach to her clients. She has developed the very successful “How to Create Empowered Relationships” program, which teaches people to live more empowered lives. She also runs a busy practice, where she gives personalized sessions for individuals and couples. Over the last few years, Maria has focused much of her energy on her family life with her husband, John, her young son, Matthew, and twin boys on the way.

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The True You Shines: Let Go of Guilt and Shame

The True You Shines: Let Go of Guilt and Shame

All rights reserved

Copyright 2015

By Maria Jesus Marin Lopez

No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission.

www.empowered-relationships.com

Table of Contents

1.- Guilt and Innocence

Guilt versus shame

The message of guilt

Dynamics of guilt

False guilt

Getting unstuck

Learning boundaries

From self-doubt to self-trust

Guilt and expectation

2.- Shame and Truth

People-pleasing and people-shaming: two sides of the same coin

Connecting with the authentic self

No need to hide

Shame and the Saboteur

Sexual shame and the need for healing

Perception and experience: attack and the power of choice

Parenting and shame: choosing another approach

Moving beyond the consciousness split

Connecting instead of judging

Truth and experience

Daring to be real

Working with your inner judge

Different levels of shame

Bodily shame and self-acceptance

Perfection versus acceptance

Dealing with shame and lying to others

Trusting ourselves and human nature

Shame, addiction, and the healing power of non-judgmement

The healing power of choice

1.- Guilt and Innocence

We all need to constantly examine ourselves

and take responsibility for what we are doing or not doing.

Guilt versus shame

Guilt is about doing or not doing something. It’s about action.

Shame moves beyond simple action to identification.

Sometimes we confuse guilt and shame. We think that they are the same thing or that they are linked together. For some, guilt is connected to doing something wrong, to being at fault or doing something they regret. For others, guilt is a passing feeling that’s related to responsibility – the failure to do something today instead of tomorrow, for example. Again, it’s related to an external event, and its passing nature comes from the fact that the source of the guilt (procrastination, in this case) can be easily fixed. For still others, guilt can be either immediate or distant, but more often than not, it has to do with action or a lack of action in relation to others.

Shame, on the other hand, is harder to define. It’s typically experienced as an inner feeling having mostly to do with yourself rather than others, although its origin often lies outside yourself. Instead of the sense of having done or failed to do something to someone else, it’s about something that was done to you that made you feel ashamed. Shame also exists on different levels. Sometimes, it lies very deep and is closely linked to hurt in some way. That is the deep paralysing shame that prevents you from growing, but there is also a healthy sense of shame that’s similar to guilt in that it’s about something you can change.

We will be exploring shame in more detail later, but for now, I just wanted you to get a brief sense of the difference between guilt and shame. So to review what we’ve touched on so far, guilt is about doing or not doing something. It’s about action: ‘I stole an apple, so I feel guilty because the action was wrong. I’ve wrongfully taken something from somebody else.’ That’s guilt.

Guilt can become shame when you internalise it. Instead of simply relating it to an action, you might say: ‘I’m a thief. I’m a bad person. I don’t deserve to ever eat again because I’ve taken food from others.’ Shame moves beyond simple action to identification. It’s about who you feel you are: ‘I’m wrong. I’m a bad person. I’m not good enough.’ Or maybe you feel you need to visit your sick aunt, but then you don’t go, and she passes away. You feel guilty because you didn’t do it, but It becomes shame when you go beyond the action and identify with it: ‘I’m a careless person. I’m selfish.’ That’s the difference. And that’s also why guilt and shame are sometimes confused or linked together.

The message of guilt

A sense of guilt is a good thing because it teaches you to get to know yourself better,

to create boundaries, and to connect with others in a healthier, more respectful way.

Every emotion has a message, and the message is always about growth, evolution and becoming more connected. So what would be the message of guilt? One possibility is that your actions have consequences. Everything you do affects both others and yourself, and the positive message in that is to be mindful of your choices.

What other message does guilt convey? It can make you aware of a lost opportunity, especially when there’s only one chance to take advantage of it. That would be a negative aspect of guilt. What other constructive message can guilt show you? It can make you more aware of future possibilities, such as how to take positive action in a particular situation. For instance, if you were in a bad relationship before, and you felt guilty about how you treated your husband or wife, then if you got