How to Choose 'Em, When to Lose 'Em

By Amanda Gullickson

Love yourself first! That's the key message from Amanda Gullickson, who applies the lessons she's learned in romance and the rest of her life to develop this tremendous guide to self-improvement. Your most important relationship is with yourself and it's the easiest to neglect. Love yourself first and watch it improve your quality of life!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jan 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9781543993738

Book preview

©2019 Amanda Gullickson. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses

permitted by copyright law.

ISBN: 978-1-54399-372-1 (print)

ISBN: 978-1-54399-373-8 (ebook)

This book is dedicated to everyone that has been a part of my journey and helped me realize the depths of what it really means to love yourself. The ones who have taught me what I understand about relationships and the power they hold. The one that taught me a healthy and whole love does exist. To all the women that reading this can help. May you know that you are and always will be enough.

Contents

First Things First

The Beginning Bliss

The Little Things

Know The Game

Can’t Lose With A Real One

Encourage Growth

Understand The Roots

Betting On Potential

Even Salt Looks Like Sugar

Protecting Your Privacy

Time Changes, People Evolve

Sold Too Fast, Hanging On Too Long

There Is Such Thing As Being Too Nice

Dynamics

Life-Altering Involvement

Shock Value

Don’t Beat Yourself Up…Heal

Self-Respect And Self-Love

Stars Don’t Shine Without Darkness

Love Is

INTRODUCTION

Relationships are one of the biggest parts of people’s lives every single day. No matter what kind of relationship, they are often mismanaged because everyone is operating based on their own personal understandings and issues. Ideals can be shared to help reach the common goal, but ultimately, every situation is unique and requires different steps. Nobody else has experienced or been where you are because your journey is exactly that—your journey. This is a book to help equip you with a better understanding and perspective with regards to approaching these situations in the world of love. Most importantly, it will remind you that the most important love is self-love. Without it, your foundation will never be sturdy, and your potential will never reach the heights it can. I saw something once that said, Be the person you needed when you were younger and that is what I am here to do. I want to share all the lessons I have learned and educate you on the pieces of the puzzle I wish someone would have told me about. I have struggled, I have been to low places I never thought I would go, and I have been humiliated and broken beyond what I thought could be repaired. However, I healed, I got smarter, I got wiser, and I prioritized the relationship with myself. I am here to help you realign yourself on your journey. In life, we all want to have a purpose and discover what fulfills us. For me, writing this book is the most purposeful thing I have done to date. In my heart, I genuinely feel this book will help change lives and allow people to remember what they love about love, and how to avoid the confusion around it. This book isn’t just some thrown together guide about finding love, or the fairy tale figures we create and lust for in our heads. This is real life shit—the uncomfortable things people aren’t so quick to talk about. It will help you deal with the realities of life and love without ever having to stunt your growth or compromise the love you have for yourself. In reading this, you will walk away with your perspective challenged, with hope and excitement about what your life has in store for you, and with peace in knowing you have you, and it is all going to work out. You will no longer feel ashamed and alone. This book will help you realize that these things happen, and you aren’t the only one. Most importantly, the real takeaway is in self-love, self-respect, and personal empowerment. The first chapters of this book focus on how to choose and surround yourself with the right people. It explores the process of treating the beginning and development of all your relationships (even friendships) with the attentiveness and importance it deserves. It is then followed by an exploration of when to lose certain people, getting those relationships out of your life. The entire book is full of principles and perspectives that remind you of the basic luxuries we all deserve but often forget when we have not been loved correctly, or are in a current situation that has our vision blurred. I pray that everyone with a good heart puts that heart in good hands, starting with their own because that’s what we all deserve.

CHAPTER 1

First Things First

There are certain things you should focus on before you get involved in a relationship. Don’t be in a rush to find someone; just let things align as they are meant to while you focus on being the best version of yourself. When you do this, you will choose a partner for the right reasons because you will have the right intentions. The most important piece of the puzzle is always to remember to be good to yourself!

When it comes to relationships, the first question you should ask yourself is, Are you ready? Granted, most of you are going to say, Of course, I’m ready; that’s why I’m reading this! However, I need you to really hear me when I ask if you’re ready because, often, we believe we are ready until something happens that makes us realize just how unprepared we actually are to take that step. There are so many elements that go into being prepared for love which don’t cross most people’s minds. We just want that feeling and that someone to take our lives over the top, give us some excitement, something to look forward to, someone to live out the lives we planned for ourselves. Being ready for a temporary relationship or a fling is one thing. Being ready for love—real, unconditional, sustainable love—is an entirely different story. Often, we are so caught up in the next thing, the next move, and the next person to meet, that we forget to stop for a moment and do a check-in with ourselves. I’m looking for X, Y, Z in somebody else, but what is up with me? Do I have myself together? Am I a good candidate for this person if I do meet them? You shouldn’t avoid having your shit together first. If you can’t hold yourself accountable for being healed from the past, for being patient enough to allow something to develop, or being attentive to what’s right and seems off, then you need to take a moment to self-reflect on whether you are ready to get involved. Are you ever truly ready? Who knows. Sometimes, the greatest things come when we least expect them and aren’t looking. Through the process, we grow, learn, and become ready because the right person makes that happen naturally. However, there are ways you can better prepare, and that’s by putting in the work on yourself and being the best version of you!

I’m going to start with the most vital piece of the puzzle—loving yourself! This is an absolute necessity in the world of love—that whole, healthy, positive, kind of love. Loving yourself is something I hope you can all master because it makes you see love through an entirely different lens. I believe loving ourselves is something we must all grow into and discover on our own. It is very important because another person’s love won’t make you complete if you aren’t complete on your own—or at least aware of knowing this to be the case. How can you love someone else, or better yet, expect them to know how to love you, if you don’t know how to love yourself? I’m talking about genuinely loving yourself enough to know when to walk away. Relationships should make both parties happy, help both parties grow, and ultimately become better people. You can only do that for someone else for so long until you look up and see your cup is still empty, and that nobody has filled it. You must fill it yourself! Believe me when I tell you, someone who is whole and confident on their own can be spotted and felt from miles away. It is attractive when you have confidence and know your self-worth! Until you learn to love yourself and figure out what makes you happy, you will never reach your full potential. You will be looking for a partner, a friend, a job—anything to fill your cup—which will ultimately lead you to give up control over your emotions. When you do this and then experience adversity, you will feel lost