Communication In Relationships: How To Build And Maintain Bonds With People In Life, Love, And The Workplace

By Shirley Cole

Decode your relationships and discover why men are from Mars and women are from Venus…

A 75-year Harvard study found that love is the secret to a fulfilling life.

But if that´s true, why do so many people break up?

The #1 reason for the dramatic increase in breakups is that we don´t take time for real communication within our relationship.

The key to any relationship is good communication.

In a fast-paced life where everything needs to be quicker and more efficient, there is no time to waste. 
You only listen to the words your partner say, but you forget to interpret the needs that he or she sends in hidden messages.

The key to any relationship is good communication. 

In “Communication in Relationships”, you´ll discover:

♦ The secret language to maintain healthy and fulfilling relationships in all areas of life
♦ How to ensure that others understand your needs 
♦ How to read the invisible hints someone gives
♦ How to overcome relationship barriers 
♦ The #1 skill for meaningful conversations
♦ How to use communication at work for more success and satisfaction in your job
♦ How to express negative emotions without erupting like a volcano 
♦ How to deal with toxic relationships and never be manipulated again
♦ How to create a romantic fairytale relationship and live happily ever after 
♦ Why not all communication is good communication and how to communicate effectively 
♦ 17 relationship killers and how to overcome them
And much, much more.

As a bonus, each chapter ends with a Quick tip box to make sure you can apply the essentials skills for good communication.
Even if you call yourself a relationship expert, there are still hidden secrets about the other gender you probably haven´t heard of.
We all know how much happiness love brings into our lives. Yet, life can be unpredictable and unexpected life circumstances might be challenging for your relationship. 
It is important to be prepared and know how someone of the opposite sex responds facing challenging situations and what this means for the communication between the two of you.
Discover the lens others use to see the world. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shirley Cole
• Release date: Jul 17, 2019

Book preview

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Chapter One: Positive Communication

In this chapter, you’ll learn how to communicate in a positive and productive manner. Before we can go into the best ways to communicate, it’s important to understand the gulf in processing and understanding communication that exists between men and women.

Differences in Male and Female Communication

Communication is a highly relative concept. All of us communicate slightly differently, in our own individual ways, much like everybody’s fingerprints seem similar at a glance, but each person is unique. In addition to this, we can also identify differing trends in how men and women communicate. Men tend to rely more on logic and reasoning in order to communicate and relate. They see things more mechanically, with an emphasis on problem-solving and wanting to fix things. When they encounter a situation they need to overcome, men are more likely to want to break it down and work out how to solve any problems in order to address the issue as it is and then move on. Women, however, tend to be more emotionally focused. They are more likely to use relational examples in order to communicate their thoughts and rely on talking about their problems in order to work out how they feel and then work through and fix their problems on their own and in their own time, rather than forcing a solution straight away. Women, therefore, feel a desire to be heard and validated by their partners, whereas men often feel discussing the emotional side of things is unnecessary as long as they solve the root problem.

This difference in communication can lead to a great deal of difficulty when problems arise in relationships. Women are often frustrated by their partner’s single-minded focus on solving the problem and sweeping everything else under the mat when all they want is to feel heard, understood, and loved. Men are better off being patient and listening attentively to their female partners while they describe how and why a certain situation or sequence of events has made them feel a certain way, giving them time to explain exactly how they feel. Another point I want to make clear here is that women often don’t make this plain to their male partners — they will talk about how they feel and use examples, then expect their partner to read between the lines and understand what they’re getting at rather than clearly stating that they simply need to be heard and understood, regardless of whether the problem is solved yet or not.

When men and women fail to speak each other’s language, neither side is getting what they need. This leads to a whole host of totally unnecessary problems; confusion, the frustration that in turn leads to annoyance and anger, bitterness, resentment, and often, drama. Once bad feelings are involved and the gloves come off, situations can quickly get out of hand for no reason. All that was ever needed was a mutual understanding that men and women tend to process situations and communicate in different ways. When a couple has that understanding, it’s much easier to prevent any issues from boiling over.

Another issue that biological differences in communication can lead to is differing assumptions and expectations about how an event or interaction should occur. Women and men tend to have different needs and priorities, as well as different interpretations of the same experience. This can lead to miscommunication where one person expects one thing but the other has a completely different set of assumptions, even though they’ve both had the same experience. Men and women tend to interpret the same things in different ways, owing to our different biological makeups. As a result of millions of years of hominid evolution, men are wired to be problem solvers. To the typical man, communication serves a couple of clear purposes. Either there’s a statement that needs to be made or a problem that needs to be solved. Women, however, usually have a less limited view of communication. To them, talking isn’t just a means to an end, but an end in and of itself. Women tend to want to talk about their problems because it’s a way to work out how they feel and order their thoughts. They don’t necessarily expect or want the person they’re talking to try to fix things; they just want to get it off their chest. In fact, just talking about things can often make women feel like a burden has been lessened. Women communicate to strengthen their bond with their partner and promote intimacy and closeness. Through sharing their thoughts, they release their negative feelings. For them, communication with their partner is about having a supportive and non-judgemental arena in which they can express themselves openly.

This simple difference in the way communication tends to be perceived between the sexes can lead to a whole host of small problems and irritations in a relationship, all of which add up and can snowball into something far bigger if not rectified or kept in check. A good example of this is when a stressed out wife phones her husband and tells him that she’s having a bad day at work and then becomes annoyed when later that evening he doesn’t even ask her about it. To the woman, her mentioning her bad day on the phone to her husband earlier was a clue or prompt for him to ask her about it later on. She thought that by hinting about her bad day, her husband would naturally ask her about it, because he’s her husband and he loves and cares about her, so he knows she’d want to open up and tell him all about it. However, in the husband’s mind, things look very different. It’s not that his wife mentioned she had a bad day completely passed him by, but that he has a different approach to dealing with the problems he faces and assumes that what seems to work for him will work for his wife. He takes his wife’s comment at face value, as a statement that she’s had a bad day — not realizing that she wants to talk about it. Whereas women tend to want to talk about their problems in order to work through them, men are much more likely to simply want to forget about them and move on if there’s nothing more they can do. The husband had therefore assumed that his wife would rather not relive her bad day with him by bringing it all back up and talking about it, so instead he works to distract and comfort her rather than giving her what she needs.

This tendency to distract from and try to forget about problems is a real problem for some men. It is common for them to self-medicate with alcohol and other drugs, both legal and illegal. While women are not immune to this either, it is especially common with men, who aren’t used to accepting or dealing with their emotions for fear of being stigmatized and outcast or labeled as weak. Many men have no one to talk to about their difficult and often conflicting feelings, which can make their lives incredibly lonely even when they’re surrounded by friends and family. Women should try to be there for their husbands and boyfriends, in order to give them an outlet for their emotions and help them to process and understand them. However, keep in mind that attempting to comfort men when they’re feeling upset and hurt can easily backfire and make them withdraw even more; they’d sometimes rather forget about their problems than confront them at all. Persuasion from their partner to tackle these issues can provoke a defensive reaction in men. Until a man is ready to deal with whatever issues they’re facing, questions and encouragement can do more harm than good. It’s a good idea for women to remind their male partners that they’re there for them whenever they want or need to talk, and then allow them to come to them in their own time when they’re