Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2019

By DefCon One Publishing

Longevity and inspiration through music, super-human abilities, and alternative educational methods. These are but some of the strange tales to be found in this book.

Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2019 collects fourteen tales from the fictional worlds of mad science. For the discerning mad scientist reader, there are also pieces of fiction from A. M. H. Devine, Andrew Jensen, and Wendy Nikel. Readers will also find other resources for the budding mad scientist, including an advice column, gossip column, and other brief messages from mad scientists.

Authors featured in this volume also include Amanda Cherry, Kathryn Yelinek, Paul Stansbury, Shana Ross, Johanna Beate Stumpf, Judith Field, Alan Bennington, Deborah L. Davitt, Faith Consiglio, David Harrison, Jonathan Danz, Dave D'Alessio, Paul Alex Gray, Cecilia Kennedy, Alex Pickens, Catherine Ann Fox, David Reynolds, F. J. Speredelozzi, Joachim Heijndermans, Steve Neiman, Sean Frost, and Torrey Podmajersky. Art provided by Ariel Alian Wilson, America Jones, Leigh Legler, Justine McGreevy, Luke Spooner, Scarlett O'Hairdye, and Errow Collins.

• Language: English
• Publisher: DefCon One Publishing
• Release date: Jun 25, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463140314

Book preview

Mad Scientist Journal

Summer 2019

Edited by Dawn Vogel and Jeremy Zimmerman

Cover Art by Ariel Alian Wilson

Copyright 2019 Jeremy Zimmerman, except where noted

Smashwords Edition

www.madscientistjournal.org

www.patreon.com/madscientistjournal

Letter from the Guest Editor is Copyright 2019 Amanda Cherry

Off the Shelf is Copyright 2019 Kathryn Yelinek

Do You Remember How to Fly? is Copyright 2017 Paul Stansbury

In Hindsight is Copyright 2019 Shana Ross

Behind Closed Doors is Copyright 2019 Johanna Beate Stumpf

Claridge of the Klondike is Copyright 2017 Judith Field

A Catchy Little Tune is Copyright 2018 Alan Bennington

The Improbable Case of the Were-Hydra is Copyright 2019 Deborah L. Davitt

Pygmalion is Copyright 2019 Faith Consiglio

On a Cure for Werewolf Bites is Copyright 2019 David Harrison

Tempo Rubato is Copyright 2019 Jonathan Danz

Godwin, or The Modern Prometheus is Copyright 2019 Dave D’Alessio

Announcing Genemech’s School for The Future is Copyright 2019 Paul Alex Gray

Classroom Experiment is Copyright 2019 Cecilia Kennedy

Clear Out is Copyright 2019 A. M. H. Devine

Good to the Last Drop is Copyright 2015 Wendy Nikel

An Ordinary Black Cat is Copyright 2019 Andrew Jensen

Scenes Around the Lab is Copyright 2019 Lucinda Gunnin

You ‘Oort’ to Know is Copyright 2019 Sean Frost

Necroslavia, Geology Warriors, and 1980 are Copyright 2019 Alex Pickens

For Rent: Underground Lair, Lost: Handheld Time-Travel Device, Found: Reanimated dismembered hand, Nemesis Wanted, Voice Coach, and Therapists are Copyright 2019 David Reynolds

Lab assistant willing to sell, Golf Cart 4 Sale Cheap, Biographer Needed, Lost Dog, Plagued by Capes?, Rooms Available, and Lab coat need repair? are Copyright 2019 Catherine Ann Fox

Brain-to-Brain Transmission Group Staff Position is Copyright 2019 Steve Neiman

Mom, Come Home and Super-Wizard Support are Copyright 2019 Joachim Heijndermans

Dr. Noel Meatamin’s The Adiutor is Copyright 2019 F. J. Speredelozzi

Art accompanying Off the Shelf and Announcing Genemech's School for The Future are Copyright 2019 America Jones

Art accompanying Do You Remember How to Fly?, Claridge of the Klondike, The Improbable Case of the Were-Hydra, On a Cure for Werewolf Bites, and Classroom Experiment are Copyright 2019 Leigh Legler

Art accompanying In Hindsight is Copyright 2019 Justine McGreevy

Art accompanying Behind Closed Doors, Pygmalion, and Godwin, or The Modern Prometheus are Copyright 2019 Luke Spooner

Art accompanying A Catchy Little Tune is Copyright 2019 Scarlett O'Hairdye

Art accompanying Tempo Rubato is Copyright 2019 Errow Collins

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of these authors.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Many thanks to Patreon backers Simone Cooper, Andrew Cherry, Dagmar Baumann, Adam Easterday, Wendy Wade, John Nienart, Michele Ray, and Torrey Podmajersky!

Visit us at patreon.com/madscientistjournal to lend your support.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Letter from the Guest Editor

ESSAYS

"Off the Shelf" provided by Kathryn Yelinek

"Do You Remember How to Fly?" provided by Paul Stansbury

"In Hindsight" provided by Shana Ross

"Behind Closed Doors" provided by Johanna Beate Stumpf

"Claridge of the Klondike" provided by Judith Field

"A Catchy Little Tune" provided by Alan Bennington

"The Improbable Case of the Were-Hydra" provided by Deborah L. Davitt

"Pygmalion" provided by Faith Consiglio

"On a Cure for Werewolf Bites" provided by David Harrison

"Tempo Rubato" provided by Jonathan Danz

"Godwin, or The Modern Prometheus" provided by Dave D’Alessio

"Announcing Genemech’s School for the Future" provided by Paul Alex Gray

Classroom Experiment provided by Cecilia Kennedy

FICTION

"Clear Out" by Ann Marie Devine

"Good to the Last Drop" by Wendy Nikel

"An Ordinary Black Cat" by Andrew Jensen

RESOURCES

"Scenes Around the Lab" provided by Lucinda Gunnin

"You 'Oort' to Know" provided by Sean Frost

Classifieds

ABOUT

Bios for Classifieds Authors

About the Editors

About the Artists

LETTER FROM THE GUEST EDITOR

by Mary Alice MacElty, as provided by Amanda Cherry

It is a true joy for me to have this opportunity to contribute to such an influential publication. I have long been a fan of the Journal and am delighted to have been asked to share my little bit of wisdom with you fantastic folks.

Summertime is a joyous season full of fun and family. It’s a time for outdoor adventures, lazy days at the beach, campfires, and star gazing. But it’s also a time of year when our young people lose 20-50% of the knowledge they gained in school the previous year, with new facts and skills related to STEM subjects being particularly hard hit. This leads to teachers, like myself, having to spend weeks out of each school year remediating our students’ knowledge from their previous grade level.

Weeks and months spent in remediation of the study of Mad Science have a cost to the field as a whole. Mad Science is an ever-building, ever-expanding field of endeavor, and to keep our students moving forward, we must do everything we can to decrease the impact of the summer slide. The future of Mad Science depends on today’s students becoming tomorrow’s innovators. And there is no innovation without foundation.

Don’t let the summer erode the foundation of our profession’s future.

Whether you’re reading this as a teacher, a parent, or a concerned adult--and whether your interest in Mad Science is professional or otherwise, I urge you to be part of the solution in your community this summer.

If you’re a parent, check with your child’s school to see what enrichment materials you might bring home to increase their retention and maintain their interest in Mad Science throughout the summer break. If you’re a teacher, make these materials available to families in your school; perhaps even work with your department to set up summertime learning opportunities for students on your campus or at a local library. And if you’re a professional, try and connect with your community to see what you can do to help the students in your area keep their knowledge fresh and their skills sharp, so they may be ready to move forward with the study of Mad Science when they return to classrooms in the fall.

Whether the children in your life are in preschool or grad school--or anyplace in between--we owe it to them, and to Mad Science as a field, to keep their minds engaged and their interest piqued, even during the summer vacation.

Lack of retention costs us all in the long run; it’s up to all of us to keep the future bright for Mad Science.

Have a wonderful summer!

Mrs. Mac

Mary Alice MacElty teaches fourth grade at William Henry Harrison Elementary School and runs the after school Mad Science enrichment programs for E. Pluribus Unified school district in eastern West Virginia. She shares her home with her husband, Bud, a pair of blue heelers, and a sugar glider named Theodosius. In her spare time, she enjoys knitting, practicing bluegrass ukulele, and the cultivation of carnivorous plants.

Amanda Cherry is a wife & mom, actor & author who lives and works in Seattle or thereabouts. Amanda was on the writing staff for the role-playing game, Acute Paranoia (Mongoose Publishing, 2018) and is an award-winning screenwriter. Her debut novel, Rites & Desires, released in 2018 from DefCon One Publishing. Amanda is a member of SFWA, SAG-AFTRA, and Broad Universe. She is a contributing writer for the Star Wars & geek culture site ToscheStation.net and spends far too much time on Twitter @MandaTheGinger. Amanda is represented by Claire Draper of the Bent Agency.

ESSAYS

OFF THE SHELF

Memos from Yvonne Kulas, as provided by Kathryn Yelinek

Art by America Jones

To all staff, Abbottsville Public Library

Subject: September missing books list

1. Writing Your Perfect Online Dating Profile by Mindi Pepperberg. 306.7302 P294W

Date missing: 9/27/2017

Note: Only one book reported missing this month!

~

To all staff, Abbottsville Public Library

Subject: October missing books list

1. Smokin': Makeup Tips for Women of a Certain Age by Allegra May McBride. 646.72 M772S

Date missing: 10/10/2017

2. Dating the Dark Side: True Stories of Bad Boys Turned Mr. Right by Brook Santos. 646.7708 S59D

Date missing: 10/12/2017

3. May-December: The Science Behind Why Older Men Date Younger Women by Jill Russo, Ph.D. 306.7308 R98M

Date missing: 10/12/2017

Note: Our numbers are up this month, folks. Since evenings have been slow, I've asked Helen to do a thorough search to see if the books are simply misshelved. While she does this, please keep an eye out for patrons who might deliberately misshelve books to make their own personal stashes.

~

To all staff, Abbottsville Public Library

Subject: November missing books list

1. Candlelight Dinners for Two by Hunter Lynn Wellington. 641.561 W872C

Date missing: 11/2/2017

2. Virginia After Dark: Excursions for Starry-Eyed Couples by Jennifer Florey. 917.5504 F819V

Date missing: 11/2/2017

3. Garlic Be Gone: Recipes for the Allium Averse by Vincenzo Francatelli 641.6526 F738G

Date missing: 11/20/2017

4. Treatment for Chronic Anemia by Christofer Paine. 615.85 P139Q

Date missing: 11/20/2017

5. A Field Guide to Bats of the World by Leland Whitenight. 599.4 WH25B

Date missing: 11/29/2017

Note: I'm not the only one sensing a theme here. The teen who reported these missing is quite eager to meet a fellow fan, but I'm wondering if someone's playing a joke on us. Vampires, really? Because Helen's taking on some of Sanjay's duties while he's on leave, the search is on hold for now. So, please keep an eye out for suspicious patrons. And check all bags, purses, etc., if the alarm goes off.

~

To all staff, Abbottsville Public Library

Subject: December missing books list

1. 30 Days to Your Dream Wedding by Kay Parks. 392.5 P57D

Date: 12/6/2017

2. Romania for Lovers by Alexandru Croitoru. 914.9804 C346R

Date: 12/8/2017

Note: The September and October missing books are mysteriously back on the shelves. Thank you, Helen, for pointing them out. (And, Sanjay, glad you're back on your feet!) Still, folks, these books aren't relocating themselves, and contrary to what some are implying, we have no reason to suspect our eager teen reader. Since we can't afford to install cameras, make a note of any patrons lingering in the 306.87(advice on in-laws) section.

~

To all staff, Abbottsville Public Library

January missing books list

--no items--

Note: No missing books! And, as you may know, all books missing since November have been found. On a related note, Helen overnighted her letter of resignation, so we can post the job ad for the Evening Circulation Desk Supervisor position tomorrow. If you feel inclined to wish her well on her elopement, she says you can send cards via the US embassy in Bucharest. She also says she kept the books at her desk rather than checking them out because she feared what we'd think about her romantic choices if we saw what she was reading. Really, folks, must I remind you? Under no circumstances (even tall, dark, and mysterious ones) may staff keep books at their desks without checking them out. Under no circumstances should staff look to see what their colleagues have checked out. And most importantly, under no circumstances should you judge a person--patron or staff--based on the covers of their books.

Yvonne Kulas is proud of being a librarian, which means she loves to read, wears glasses, owns too many cardigans, and shares her life with a plethora of cats. In fact, only three of those things are true. She is delighted to serve the Abbottsville community and can often be found exploring the many walking trails in the area.

Kathryn Yelinek lives in Pennsylvania, where she works as a librarian. She is a graduate of the Odyssey Writing Workshop. Her fiction has appeared in Daily Science Fiction, Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Metaphorosis, and Deep Magic, among others. Visit her online at kathrynyelinek.com.

DO YOU REMEMBER HOW TO FLY?

An essay by Paul Stansbury, as provided by Jay Callum

Art by Leigh Legler

Do you remember how to fly? was how Froug started the conversation. His question caught me off guard. I had been working as a weekend orderly at Wrighthaven Hospital for barely two months. College was costly, and I needed the money. Besides, I figured working in a hospital setting, even if it was a psychiatric facility, would provide a beneficial experience for a pre-med student. Wrighthaven was an old facility with a grimy, limestone façade that gave it the appearance of a prison. The gray clouds of January made it look all the more foreboding. Froug was always in the solarium, sitting in his worn wheelchair facing a window that overlooked the vast grounds surrounding the hospital. The sour smell of lunch trays waiting to be retrieved from the hallway spilled into the room. That was the only place I had ever encountered him. Until that point, I had never heard him say anything; I had not even seen him move. He was always attired in ubiquitous institutional clothing, faded blue robe struggling to cover striped pajamas, his bare feet shoved into dingy, terrycloth slippers. He had turned his head in my direction, clear, bright eyes focused directly on me.

Oh, I never learned, I replied.

I didn't ask you if you learned how to fly, he clipped back. I asked if you remembered how to fly.

Well, I've been on a plane a few times if that's what you mean.

I don't care if you have been on an airplane, hot air balloon, or rocket ship! The frustration in his voice was palpable. The question is very simple. Do you remember how to fly?

I guess I don't, then. Is there anything you need, anything I can help you with? I asked.

You probably can't remember talking with animals either, I bet.

Oh, I talked to my dog all the time--when I was a kid.

He rolled his eyes. "You don't listen, do you? I asked if you remembered talking with animals--not to animals. There's a big difference you know. One is a conversation, the other is just making sounds."

Well, excuse me for not making the fine distinctions, I shot back, immediately regretting the sarcasm in my voice. Wrighthaven was in the business of providing psychiatric services. Everyone on staff, including orderlies, was expected to be caring and positive in dealing with the residents. Unusual conversations were to be expected. This exchange was benign compared to some. I'm sorry, didn't mean that the way it sounded. What was it you wanted to know?

He had turned back to the window, seemingly oblivious to my apology.

~

For the next three weekend shifts, nothing transpired between us, not that I took any measures to speak with him during that time. I saw him in the solarium and checked on him as I did with the other residents. He never gave any acknowledgement of my presence.

On the fourth shift, as soon as I approached, he looked at me and picked up where he had left off a month earlier. I wanted to know if you remembered how to fly and if you do, then it is obvious you would remember talking with animals.

Mr. Froug, can't say as I do.

Call me Lazlo. No need to clutter one's mind with a second name, he continued. I was like that. Couldn't remember, until I met Yardang. Asked me the same question. 'Do you remember how to fly?' I gave him a response much like you gave me.

Oh, so you don't remember how to fly?

I said I couldn't remember until I met Yardang, Froug corrected. It has taken many years, but I do remember now.

How many years? I asked.

That's not important. Useless data. I didn't bother to count them, so I wouldn't have to forget them, he replied.

What was it like? I asked, humoring him.

Wonderful, he whispered. The face, usually void of expression, now beamed with joy.

I decided it was no harm to continue a conversation, no matter how outlandish, that obviously brought Froug so much enjoyment. Can a true smile be harmful?

How does one learn to fly? I asked.

Froug chortled. Do you have to learn to breathe? Do you have to learn to roll over in bed? No! How does an infant learn to laugh? It doesn't--it sees an image, hears a sound, feels a sensation and voilà--you have laughter. It's there inside, innate, no lessons required. Much the same with flying. Though it is not really flying like a bird flapping its wings. Yardang characterized it as self-actuated instantaneous levitation. As good a description as any. Like riding a bicycle. You don't have to think about balance, it's just there. When you fly, you just move to where you want to be--except you don't use your feet. It's that simple.

Sounds neat, I said, not wanting to challenge him. I had always heard that people with delusional thoughts construct elaborate explanations to support their claims. So you just go. Must be great to zoom all over the place.

It's not quite that easy, Froug said seriously. "You've been watching too