Mad Scientist Journal: Winter 2015

By Jeremy Zimmerman and Dawn Vogel

Squamous science fairs, undead butterflies, godhood brokers. These are but some of the strange tales to be found in this book.

Mad Scientist Journal: Winter 2015 collects thirteen "essays" from the fictional worlds of mad science. For the discerning mad scientist reader, there are also pieces of fiction from Deborah Walker, Diana Parparita, and MJ Gardner. Readers will also find other resources for the budding mad scientist, including an advice column, horoscopes, and other brief messages from mad scientists.

Authors featured in this volume also include Fred Lubnow, E. B. Fischadler, Jaime Babb, Marla L. Anderson, J. M. Perkins, Dorian Graves, Christopher Vander Kaay, Denzell Cooper, Jeannie Warner, James Fadeley, J. A. Grier, Dan Stout, Russ Bickerstaff, Kate Elizabeth, Sean Frost, Chelsea McClellan, John McColley, Loria Chaddon, Scott Chaddon, Rob Brooks, Julie Bloss Kelsey, Liz Hedgecock, Lorraine Schein, and Sylvia Heike. Illustrations are provided by Bill Richardson, Steve Maschuck, Luke Spooner, Shannon Legler, Katie Nyborg, Dawn Vogel, Justine McGreevy, and Scarlett O'Hairdye.

• Language: English
• Publisher: DefCon One Publishing
• Release date: Feb 3, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311427816

Jeremy Zimmerman

Jeremy Zimmerman is a teller of tales who dislikes cute euphemisms for writing like “teller of tales.” His fiction has most recently appeared in 10Flash Quarterly, Arcane and anthologies from Timid Pirate Publishing. His young adult superhero book, Kensei, is now available. He is also the editor for Mad Scientist Journal. He lives in Seattle with five cats and his lovely wife (and fellow author) Dawn Vogel.

Book preview

Mad Scientist Journal: Winter 2015

Edited by Jeremy Zimmerman and Dawn Vogel

Cover Illustration and Layout by Bill Richardson

Copyright 2015 Jeremy Zimmerman, except where noted

Smashwords Edition

Notes on the Genetics and a Hypothesis on the Hybridization Life Cycle of Homo sapiens and Homo aquatium is Copyright 2015 Fred Lubnow

Recalibrating Archaeological Time Scales is Copyright 2015 E. B. Fischadler

The Birds of Ecthalion is Copyright 2015 Jaime Babb

The Story of Jesse's Heart Trouble is Copyright 2001 Marla L. Anderson

In the Defense of Mummies is Copyright 2013 J. M. Perkins

A Taste of Empty is Copyright 2015 Dorian Graves

Floating is Copyright 2015 Christopher Vander Kaay

Order from Chaos is Copyright 2015 Denzell Cooper

Arkham K-12 Science Fair is Copyright 2015 Jeannie Warner

Sins and Dust is Copyright 2015 James Fadeley

Living Blue is Copyright 2015 J. A. Grier

The Curious Case of Alpha-7 DE11 is Copyright 2015 Dan Stout

Applying to be a God through TranScend™ is Copyright 2015 Russ Bickerstaff

First Foot is Copyright 2015 Deborah Walker

Mr. Arnaud's Terrifying Encounter with the Wine Wasps is Copyright 2015 Diana Parparita

Starry-Eyed is Copyright 2015 MJ Gardner

Horrorscopes is Copyright 2015 Kate Elizabeth

You Oort to Know is Copyright 2015 Sean Frost

Wanted: Set of Identical Twins is Copyright 2015 Chelsea McClellan

Looking for Assistant is Copyright 2015 John A. McColley

Seeking: Single Female, Seeking: Lady Scientist, Seeking: Special Someone, Seeking: Single Female (wild), and Single white scientist seeks same are Copyright 2015 Loria Chaddon

Help Wanted: Research Assistant and M4F are Copyright 2015 Scott Chaddon

Seeking and Wanted are Copyright 2015 Rob Brooks

Female Wanted is Copyright 2015 Julie Bloss Kelsey

Husband away? and Technolaw are Copyright 2015 Liz Hedgecock

Mermaid Reconstructive Surgery and Counseling Clinic is Copyright Lorraine Schein

Services Offered: Driving Lessons is Copyright Sylvia Heike

Art accompanying Notes on the Genetics and a Hypothesis on the Hybridization Life Cycle of Homo sapiens and Homo aquatium is Copyright 2015 Steve Maschuck

Art accompanying Recalibrating Archaeological Time Scales, Sins and Dust, Applying to be a God through TranScend™, and Order from Chaos are Copyright 2015 Luke Spooner

Art accompanying The Birds of Ecthalion, A Taste of Empty, and Living Blue are Copyright 2015 Shannon Legler

Art accompanying In the Defense of Mummies is Copyright 2015 Katie Nyborg

Art accompanying Floating is Copyright 2015 Justine McGreevy

Art accompanying The Curious Case of Alpha-7 DE11 are Copyright 2015 Dawn Vogel

Art accompanying The Story of Jesse's Heart Trouble and Arkham K-12 Science Fair are Copyright 2014 Scarlett O'Hairdye

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Acknowledgements

Many thanks to Patreon backers Andrew Cherry and Deb Schumacher!

Table of Contents

Letter from the Editor

Essays

Notes on the Genetics and a Hypothesis on the Hybridization Life Cycle of Homo sapiens and Homo aquatium provided by Fred Lubnow

Recalibrating Archaeological Time Scales provided by E. B. Fischadler

The Birds of Ecthalion provided by Jaime Babb

The Story of Jesse's Heart Trouble provided by Marla L. Anderson

In the Defense of Mummies provided by J. M. Perkins

A Taste of Empty provided by Dorian Graves

Floating provided by Christopher Vander Kaay

Order from Chaos provided by Denzell Cooper

Arkham K-12 Science Fair provided by Jeannie Warner

Sins and Dust provided by James Fadeley

Living Blue provided by J. A. Grier

The Curious Case of Alpha-7 DE11 provided by Dan Stout

Applying to be a God through TranScend™ provided by Russ Bickerstaff

Fiction

First Foot by Deborah Walker

Mr. Arnaud's Terrifying Encounter with the Wine Wasps by Diana Parparita

Starry-Eyed by MJ Gardner

Resources

Horrorscopes provided by Kate Elizabeth

You Oort to Know provided by Sean Frost

Classifieds

About

Bios for Classifieds Authors

About the Editors

About the Artists

________________________________________

Letter from the Editor

By Guest Editor Doctor Sergio Weinstadt

Greetings sheep.

I am broadcasting this missive from my war zeppelin currently hovering above London. It is here that I shall unleash my temporal vortex, rewriting history to depose the current global empire and replace it with a much more tractable unitary parliamentary constitutional monarchy. Then, when the British war machine is diminished by the loss of their mad tyrant, I shall swoop in and take control of these things.

Some would wonder why I should do such a thing. I tell you: it is because of a broken heart. The Iron Tyrant of Britain stole my true love from me, and so I shall return the favor a hundred fold. You sheep should, perhaps, rejoice. My work will remove the global dominion and you will live in relative peace while I rebuild the empire. Cherish these days while you can.

Yours,

- W!

Doctor Sergio Weinstadt was the premier expert on quantum physics until his war zeppelin was sucked into a temporal undertow and lost in the timestream. He is survived by his childhood sweetheart, Wolfgang Kleiber, who no longer has any memory of Weinstadt having ever existed.

Essays

Notes on the Genetics and a Hypothesis on the Hybridization Life Cycle of Homo sapiens and Homo aquatium

Research by: Dr. Herbert K. Bloch, Chief Physician, Shikellamy Asylum, Dellville, PA

Transcribed and submitted by: Fred S. Lubnow, Ph.D.

Illustration by: Steve Maschuck

This short paper provides the results of hopefully the first in a series of investigations into the hybridization of humans (Homo sapiens) and deep ones (Homo aquatium). While this unique type of hybridization has been documented on an individual and, on a more limited extent, population level, little is known of it on the genetic level. As the author of this paper, I have had the opportunity to collect biological samples from a number of residents of Innsmouth, Massachusetts, at various stages of the hybridization process, which is more aptly defined as a form of complete metamorphosis (see below).

Hybridization of distinct species is not unique in Terran animal life. An aquatic example of hybridization is the hybrid striped bass, which is typically produced by fertilizing eggs from white bass (Morone chrysops) with sperm from striped bass (Morone saxatilis). While the hybrid of these two species is sterile, which is very typical of hybrids, it tends to be very aggressive in its feeding habits, making it a desirable gamefish. In addition, the hybrid striped bass is also prized for its tasty flesh and is frequently commercially raised and sold to restaurants. What is unique relative to the human-deep one hybrid (see attached illustration) is that the offspring are presumed to be fertile and can produce progeny after the metamorphosis is complete. Thus, this unique inter-species crossing may not be appropriately defined as an inter-species hybridization.

As previously noted, I intentionally place the deep ones in the same genus as humans (Homo) but as a distinct species. This is in sharp contrast to the Wilmarth Foundation's previous taxonomic description, where the deep ones were placed in an entirely different genus, family, order, and even class relative to humans. This revision that I propose is due to the recent genetic comparisons and analyses I have conducted using standard DNA to DNA hybridization methodology. Specifically, based on this methodology, the genetic difference between humans and the common chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes) is less than 2%. However, using the same methodology, I have determined that the genetic difference between humans and deep ones is less than 1%. In other words, humans are more closely related to deep ones from an evolutionary perspective than they are to chimps.

What is even more startling is that both humans and deep ones each have twenty-three pairs of chromosomes, while chimpanzees have twenty-four pairs. In addition, the human and deep one chromosome pairs are very similar in arrangement, size, and structure. Thus, while not directly observed, such an arrangement must make meiosis and subsequent fusion of sexual gametes (i.e., sperm and egg) between a human and a deep one a frequently successful process, at least from a physiological perspective.

From the available information, the resulting hybrid from a human and deep one union appears human with certain unique characteristics or traits such as large bulging eyes with rudimentary eyelids, slight webbing between the digits, bulbous lips, and slightly grey to green mottled skin. Some also show evidence of precursors to gill slits along the neck. Typically, these traits are anecdotally called the Innsmouth Look; they are minimal when the hybrid is born and slowly manifest themselves more and more as the hybrid ages. While there is some variability among individuals, it appears that approximately ten to twelve years after human puberty, the metamorphosis from a human with the Innsmouth Look to full deep one occurs at an extremely accelerated rate. The primary genetic mechanism I hypothesize that oversees this metamorphosis is proposed to involve an elaborate sub-cellular timing of on and off switching of oncogenes throughout the individual's genome; however, such speculation requires additional observations and experiments. Additionally, I know from personal experience, which will be explained in more detail in a subsequent paper, that the hybrid is typically not fertile until the full metamorphosis to a deep one is complete.

Through some of the observational experiments I have implemented, I have documented that the actual full metamorphosis occurs within a span of three to five weeks, depending on the individual. Once the metamorphosis from Homo sapiens to Homo aquatium is complete, the individual typically leaves the land-based existence for one almost entirely in the sea. While deep ones are known to live for extended periods of time out of the sea, it is not known how long an individual can live on land before suffering irrevocable physiological damage. I was coerced to release the individuals I had for my observational experiments to the sea five days after their metamorphosis was complete. I can report that no physiological impacts or damage were documented after five days; however, individuals exerted behavioral changes such as increased aggression.

What information is largely absent from my studies regarding the metamorphosis from human hybrid to deep one includes a study on the life cycle after the full metamorphosis is complete, as well as the embryological development of a fertilized egg to birth. In addition, it is not known if the post-metamorphosed deep one truly represents the population of deep ones throughout the world's oceans or if the hybridized human–deep one is a distinctly different species or sub-species from non-hybridized, formal Deep One. In other words, what else is down there in the depths of the sea?

Based on the DNA hybridization techniques as well as the cytological comparison of human and deep one chromosome sets, I am establishing a hypothesis that requires further testing and consideration: that the deep ones and humans may not be two distinct species of the genus Homo, as proposed here at the beginning of this paper but that these seemingly distinct species are part of a larger life cycle that if not manifested lies dormant in humans. Such cases of extreme and full metamorphosis are found throughout the Terran animal kingdom. Tadpoles to frogs and caterpillars to butterflies are two examples. However, the most relevant is the metamorphosis of aquatic macroinvertebrates into free flying insects, such as the dragonfly (of the Order Odonata, with at least thirteen known Families). The larvae of dragonflies are completely aquatic, feeding on a variety of other aquatic invertebrates and even vertebrates such as tadpoles and small fish. However, just before full metamorphosis, the larvae crawl above water onto a dock or emergent plant and then become the aerial dragonfly with which everyone who visits lakes and ponds is familiar. The terrestrial adult's primary objective is reproduction. In a way, the dragonfly's life cycle is somewhat the reverse of the human–deep one life cycle.

If a distinct, fully oceanic species of deep ones exists, how is the sexual fusion between humans and deep ones possible? By polluting the deep ones' gene pool with human genes, doesn't this impact future generations of deep ones? Are the deep ones born on land, a fusion of deep one and human genetic material, distinctly different than a full oceanic species of deep ones, whose entire life cycle in the depths of the sea? Again, from both the available data and the work I have conducted in the laboratory, I am convinced that humans are part of a larger life cycle, where humans are the larval stage for the deep ones.

Obviously, additional data are required to provide further evidence to support this hypothesis. Short of obtaining physical evidence from a non-hybridized deep one, either as a body or tissue/DNA sample, I believe my human/deep one life cycle hypothesis will stand scrutiny. From a genetic perspective, having sub-species of deep ones where one is composed of its full genetic stock, while another is a hybrid with humans, would have the potential to dilute the deep one gene pool and/or exacerbate genetic drift.

In addition to my observations on the metamorphosis of humans to deep ones, I conducted some additional observations and analyzes on the immune system of the hybrid deep ones. I collected blood and tissue samples and, in some cases, conducted whole organ harvesting of both pre- and post-metamorphic deep ones. With the samples in hand, the first issue I wanted to address was deep one longevity. Unless their bodies are damaged to such an extent that regeneration or healing is not possible, deeps one are practically immortal. Before conducting a more formal genetic analysis, a basic microbiological examination of some select pre- and post-metamorphic deep one tissue was conducted; to be more specific, we examined the leukocytes (white blood cells) in their blood. This examination was conducted to identify the cellular mechanisms responsible for aging or the absence of aging.

Aging is essentially an accumulation of genetic and cellular errors over time. The net result of the accumulation of errors are the symptoms of aging such as wrinkles, weakened bones, hair falling out of the head but accumulating in the ears, and so on. Healthy, normal human cells have an elaborate error-correcting system, which involves a huge array of enzymes used to conduct and accelerate repairs. However, over time these error-correcting mechanisms begin to decline, and the errors start to accumulate. The immune system is another part of the human body's defense that begins to decline over time. Humans typically have five different leukocytes that defend the body again infectious diseases and clean-up/remove foreign material. Eventually, the accumulation of genetic/cellular errors, as well as a reduced efficiency and response to battling disease and repairing cellular damage, will result in aging and finally death.

As mentioned above, the human immune system typically has five different leukocytes. In my examination of thirty-five samples of pre-metamorphic deep ones blood, I found these individuals had seven different leukocytes. Additionally, a similar examination of twelve samples of post-metamorphic deep ones blood found that these individuals had at least ten different leukocytes. I specifically cite at least ten because there were other cells types within the post-metamorphic deep ones blood whose function I could not determine at the time. Additionally, pre- and post-metamorphic deep ones had white blood cell counts of 9,000 and 15,000 microgram per liter of blood, respectively, where the average human in the United States has a white blood cell count of 7,000 micrograms per liter of blood. Typically such elevated white blood cell counts are indicative of leukocytosis; the host body is fighting an infection, repairing damaged tissues, the result of physical or emotional stress or even cancer. However, none of this was the case for either the pre- and post-metamorphic deep ones. Their immune systems are far more elaborate and evolved than human immune systems. I believe it is the more effective and complex immune systems of the deep ones that provide them with immortality.

Since deep ones are known to have extremely long life spans, in fact many consider them immortal, high rates of fecundity would not be necessary to perpetuate the species-that is, unless the deep ones have the need to greatly increase their resident population over a relatively short period of time. In any event, if their human larval stage can live up to 70–90 years, it is certainly possible that the mature stage of their life cycle could live for hundreds or even thousands of years. Thus, given the high level of genetic compatibility between humans and deep ones, I formulated the hypothesis that some type of infusion or transfer of the deep one immune system into a human may repair existing cellular damage (e.g., cancer) or possibly even extend that individual's life.

So far, this paper has focused on the comparative examination of human, pre- and post-metamorphic deep ones cells and tissues. However, I did conduct one organ transplant experiment, replacing the bone marrow in a willing participant with that from a post-metamorphic deep one. Again, the individual was human, test subject fourteen, and a willing participant. He was a homeless man with Stage III, approaching Stage IV, bone marrow cancer who was brought to the asylum having nowhere else to turn. Test subject fourteen was a Caucasian male, approximately 54 years old, 1.8 meters tall and weighed 99.8 kg.

The Innsmouth Foundation supplied me with enough post-metamorphic deep one bone marrow, compatible with test subject fourteen's blood type, for the procedure. How or by what means the Innsmouth Foundation obtained and supplied the post-metamorphic deep one bone marrow is not my concern; however, I do thank the Foundation for their generous contribution.

After three approximately ten hour procedures, the operation was complete. We managed to successfully remove most of test subject fourteen's bone marrow and replace approximately 75% of it with the deep one tissue. The individual was allowed to recuperate under continuous observation.

In the early morning hours of the second day after the