With Your Own Heart and Hands: Wisdom for Young Women Ages 18–25

By Cynthia Alika Rose

Upon reaching the age of eighteen, young women everywhere ask themselves many questions. Who am I? Where do I belong? What should I do next? This book was written to help young women ages 1825 with their journey. It is a time of self-exploration, filled with discovery about yourself and your lifes possibilities. Author Cynthia Alika Rose shares the stories and reflections of several young women. She also provides strong encouragement and specific resources. The book covers everything from listening to your intuition to creating a space in your home that is positive and a true reflection of your own inner light. She reminds young women that everything they need to make it through this passage is in their own hearts and hands. This is a gentle, encouraging self-help guide for any young woman during this special time in her life.

"The perfect gift for mothers to give their daughters as they prepare to leave the nest. Providing them with the tools to embrace their twenties with confidence and the realization that they are not alone as they endure the struggles of life that are ahead."
Lauren, an interviewee from
With Your Own Heart and Hands,with her mother

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Apr 29, 2014
• ISBN: 9781452596068

Cynthia Alika Rose

Cynthia Alika Rose has worked for more than twenty years with young people in public schools as a school counselor. She has a passion for helping young women, spending time with children, and enjoying animals. She has more than fifty years of life experience and currently lives in New York State. She is the oldest of three children and the only girl. She has a graduate degree in education and school counseling. She was also an art major in high school and has had an art studio at times over the past decade. Cynthia has a strong commitment to young women and finds great joy in connecting with them.

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 Cynthia Alika Rose.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-9605-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-9606-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014907224

Balboa Press rev. date: 04/28/2014

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1 Life: Ages 0–17

Chapter 2 Discovering You: Questions to Ask

Chapter 3 Speaking for Themselves

Chapter 4 Friends, Family, and Faith

Chapter 5 The Gift of Making Mistakes

Chapter 6 Wanting to Give Love, Wanting to Be Loved

Chapter 7 Our Physical Self—Our Health

Chapter 8 Young Moms

Chapter 9 Learning about Money

Chapter 10 A Place to Call Home

Chapter 11 Finding Your Voice

Chapter 12 What We Older Girls Wish Someone Had Told Us

Afterword

About The Author

Appendix A Online Resources

Appendix B Books to Consider

Appendix C Inspirational Women and Words

Appendix D Where to Find Help

Permissions for Quotations

Chapter One One day she finally … quotation.

Ratzlaff, Cindy and Kathy Kinney. Queenisms: 101 Jolts of Inspiration, Create Space Publisher. 2013. Permission granted by authors Cindy Ratzlaff, Kathy Kinney.

Chapter Five If you have made mistakes … quotation.

Pickford, Mary. Petersburg, FLA. St. Petersburg Times, 1936. Permission granted by Director of Archive and Legacy, Ms. Elaina Archer.

Chapter Six When you begin to touch your heart … quotation.

Chödrön, Pema. Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living, Boston, MA. Shambhala Publisher, 2001. Permission received from assistant to Pema at Gambo Abbey, Nova Scotia, Canada.

Chapter Ten People are like stained-glass windows … quotation.

Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth. On Grief and Grieving, New York, New York. Scribner Publisher, 2007. Permission granted by her son Ken Ross.

For my dearest friends and family,

who have given me such joy

and helped me to persevere.

Robyn, Cyn, Jenny, Leslie,

for all you are as

brave, courageous, inspiring women,

and

to my dear Nicole—

wishing you a life full of love.

You are strong and beautiful—

inside and out.

Preface

A s I move through my fifties ( Fifty? Let me just say, it is just a number), and I reflect upon some of the most significant passages for women, I feel inspired to share some direction and support with 18–25-year-olds. The years when we’re just out of high school and those that immediately follow strike me as being this magnificently important and remarkable adventure. I know I felt frightened and unsure of my direction during that time. I suspect many of you do too.

There has been a burst of technology during this decade. Texting friends, iPads, Facebook friends, Twitter followers, Instagram, and being able to use a search engine to learn about anything in seconds, has shifted how and where we connect with others. Does it prepare us any better for the challenge of growing into a sense of self? It may help us stay connected to friends and family. Otherwise, we are still on our own quest. I’ve worked with young people for over two decades, and I feel strongly about the value of having someone to listen to us as we are growing up.

This book grew out of those reflections and my passionate commitment to young women. High school is often a mix of fun, exploration, and misery. Senior year of high school may be joyful as you celebrate with friends all that you are about to graduate from and achieve a sense of relief and accomplishment—no more hallway passes, detention, or school rules. You are moving into a stage of adulthood and freedom. Then you may realize, Whoa! Freedom? But where am I headed? Where do I want to go? Even if you think you know where you want to go, how do you get there?

The answers are in our own heart and hands.

If you decide to continue with your education, you’ll likely feel both excitement and anxiety. You’ll be making many decisions about where to go and how to pay for it. You will face realizations that friends and family may be far away while each of you is working on your own quest. You may decide you just want to work. Some of you may have landed in a new place, expected or not, where you may be a young mom. All of a sudden, that freedom gets morphed into all kinds of new responsibilities.

This book includes interviews with young women ages 18–25 from a variety of walks of life who are facing all of those changes. You’ll hear their thoughts and feelings. These women all chose pseudonyms so their feelings and circumstances are represented here, but not their real names.

This book also provides you with some tools as well as some places to start to develop your vision for your future and a sense of direction. I asked older women who have come through this passage of 18–25 what they would most want young women to know during this time, so you will hear from them as well. I have chosen not to put a quiz or activity in every chapter. Instead, I have provided a few exercises in several chapters, and many resources at the back of the book.

I encourage you to take time to journal or talk out answers to some of the questions I pose for you. If you want to read the book start to finish, consider going back to the chapters with questions to ask yourself. Give yourself time. Set the book aside and go back to those questions in a few weeks. The questions posed in Chapter Two are important ones—take some time to think about how you might answer them.

A few other books out there touch on some of these issues. For information on those books, please check out my resource listing in the appendix at the back of the book. I provided some information about each book so you will have an idea whether or not you would want to read it.

Many of these books