Playing My Heartstrings

By Jerry Hampton

I had been a musician and singer for many years with family, church groups and friends.
I was proficient in 5 or 6 instruments and really enjoyed singing harmony parts and very clear, high leads.
I had worked on the Opry with an artist after being a teacher of music, in a local music store for a duration of roughly 10 years.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 4, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456734114

Jerry Hampton

TERRY HAMPTON was born January 17, 1956 in Springfield, in the hills of Tennessee as close to the country as possible, There were many years of old time gospel meetings, and dinners on the ground in his raising, along with many trials and hardships along the way. Through years of singing and performing with family and friends, his talents and determination paved the way to ten years of performances with the Charlie Louvin trio, on the Grand Ole Opry. Music and expression will always be in his life as a pining, high lonesome voice. Terry is multitalented, gifted in art, music, song and expressive writing. relating to many people well, but most importantly in this work, came to see himself. One can only be who they are, with the sum of their experiences, and what is written in the heart, thus out of the heartfelt expression, life not only pours, but flows. When we play our own heartstrings, we touch others with the music of our lives. Regardless of any labels, I believe this is the way we were designed in truth, to be who we are, what we are, and as we grow up, to raise our consciousness to a higher level for the good of all.

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Table of Contents

Preface

When I came out…

Another Beginning

Cowboy up?

Cyber Stalker or Date?

Preface

How Hard Can it Be ?

This is the chronicle of a journey, that started with my first breath.

We all start out from the same, pure spirit, entering into life.

Life is love, and love gives back to life in a never ending cycle.

It isn’t always what we would choose, but it is indeed what we are given to work with.

The journey starts as we begin see others, and then ourselves.

We can choose to be anything we want to be, but ultimately become who we are in the end.

We never get the chance to see ourselves as others see us, until we see the ego then, very patiently and lovingly, set it aside, like shedding a garment.

I have often thought this is what Christ meant when he said we should die to self.

I don’t think anyone would choose to be gay in a straight world, apparently going against the grain of the normal status quo.

The truth in this is, I don’t think it is a conscious choice.

It just is, what it is.

Being either straight or gay in this world, we all face different issues, trials, and tribulations, regardless what gender you are, or what you would like to be ,or what you can choose to be with the help of a qualified surgeon.

When it comes down to life ,it should be about being the best you can be.

Regardless what label we place on each other, the fact is ever present, what comes out of the heart, is what we remember and cherish the most.

We can never take anything with us when we leave this place, except the love we gave away.

On the following pages, are 3 stories of life, of love and surrender to it.

It is through the power of love that we find ourselves and for the first time, really see ourselves…as we are.

There are always tears, in either joy, or pain.

It is through the tears that we are able to see clearly

It is through that clarity, and knowing the truth, that we have the ability to choose right and perfect action, by surrendering our will, to bring about the highest good.

Not only for ourselves, but also for others.

I ask myself in both the gay and straight population,

When we date, do we play others or are we being played?

Considering that question, I think I make the right choices.

There is never an ending, but always a new beginning…

I love my life.

This is my story and this is my true nature.

When I came out…

I had been a musician and singer for many years with family, church groups and friends.

I was proficient in 5 or 6 instruments and really enjoyed singing harmony parts and very clear, high leads.

I had worked on the Opry with an artist after being a teacher of music, in a local music store for a duration of roughly 10 years.

I had a lot of patience and could convey thought easily to others all my life.

It was a natural thing for me as I related to people on different levels of their mindset and personality.

I was very friendly and had never met a stranger, even as a child.

I remember running into a big black lady’s arms when I was 3 years old, and that was something a white child didn’t do in those days, but I was fearless and free from any inhibitions or discriminations.

She hugged me and told my mom as she tried to pry me away, this here is my baby boy.

My mom told her she would bring me back in 5 minutes flat after she saw how aggravating and mischievous I could be.

I knew I was different even at a young age, and was attracted to men more than women.

That didn’t mean I didn’t like them, but it seemed I had more comradery with men.

I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor when I was about 4 or 5 .

It was nothing too serious other than oral copulation, but it opened the door of exploration, as most kids sometimes do out of curiosity.

It doesn’t mean they are deviant, or perverted one way or the other, it is just a phase of curiosity and discovery of our bodies with accompanying feelings.

I liked what I saw and felt for some reason, so I was drawn to men even more after that experience.

I had other covert explorations with certain older relatives and other neighbor’s kids until I was about 10.

I never was the one to initiate anything, with anyone.

Maybe the other kids talked, maybe it was just something they saw in me, I don’t know, but it just seemed to happen.

I stopped that completely, by distancing myself from those kinds of behaviors and remained in a celibate state of mind until I was 17 or so.

I dated a couple of girls after that, giving into the peer pressure, and like most other young men, lost my virginity with a girl.

It was on the third time I had sex with a girl, when the switch flipped and I knew I was really different.

Part of it was the growing pressure and expectations in that involvement, and for me, the smell was not a pleasant one at all.

I backed away, taking the blame for that failure after a lot of thought about my part in that life experience.

I decided that if the relationship kept going, sooner or later I would get myself and someone else in trouble, thus possibly bringing another life into this already scary scenario.

I took the blame, guilt, anger, and responsibility seriously one day, and ran, knowing that I would be in the wrong and unnecessarily hurt a lot of people by my own lustful and selfish actions.

This didn’t have to be, and I made the conscious choice not to let it happen.

I am sure my parents were wondering about the sudden shift as I began to concentrate more and more on my musical abilities, then becoming more introverted.

I worked, slept, stayed home and out of trouble, but still had a lot of friends.

In the back of my mind I knew who I was, but refused to act on it, as I felt more pressure and guilt, with the possibility that it would bring shame, thus reflect back on my parents.

This wasn’t about them, it was about me and I chose to do the right thing in that respect.

I lost my mom in 1984 and in 1989, I lost my dad.

I came to realize at that point, as I looked at my other siblings, they had a life, with children of their own as a family unit.

I had no one but me and I was in a rut with my life, in a routine that no longer was in need.

It was time for me to take care of me, become who I really was and I realized it in that moment.

I had cared for my mom until she died, my dad had remarried and moved off, leaving me alone when I was 24 years old.

The fact was, that I had always been alone, even living with him in what seemed like isolation, my whole life, as we were really different people.

I think he was scared of me when he figured out my preference, around the age of 4 years.

He had accused me of messing around with my friends while I lived by myself, but that never happened and I never gave it thought.

I was pure hearted, considerate only of others and innocent until he died.

I forgave him of the abuse while he was on his death bed, as he realized that he had cheated himself out of a relationship, with the only chance to appreciate and really know me, as a young man.

I had changed so much that he didn’t even recognize me when I stood beside the bed in the hospital room.

That was a sad realization on his part and touched my heart, as I gave it a lot of thought while standing at his bedside.

He had a hard struggle telling me that he had loved me.

I had even more of a struggle telling him that love, isn’t mistreating, abusing and degrading another person, regardless I let go of those feelings

Ignorance is bliss for some folks.

I had a psychic friend, I had known since I was 16 years old, so I decided to visit out of curiosity one day, to see what she had to say.

She had told me a lot about my life in the past, regarding changes that were coming in my work and life.

She asked me about my music career and then mentioned a young man that would be around a couple of other men by name, describing them in detail.

She then told me about loosing weight and body building with another man that I met 2 weeks later, exactly as I was told.

I worked out with this man for about 2 years , changing my body shape, enhancing muscle and structure.

I was a nice looking young man back then, thanks to that friend, and green as I could be about the gay scene and lifestyle.

I had started working at the gym the same time I was working the Opry.

My boss and everyone else seemed to think I was gay, but I had never done anything to give them any proof of such an accusation.

I even had a few guys at the gym hit on me and expose themselves to me in the dressing room, but my workout partner took care of that with one conversation.

He had been married 3 times the duration of our partnership as a workout team.

He was a womanizer and was often curious about me.

I never got too close with him other than workouts and going backstage with me from time to time with his girlfriend.

We were like brothers in every sense of the word and I loved him like one.

People at the gym thought we were brothers, then rumors that we were lovers started, and I use to laugh about that because we did look a lot alike.

I did discover after working out with him, that he was possibly bisexual, so I quit laughing about the teasing, and accepted that as fact anyway.

Nothing really changed with our relationship, and it was never mentioned.

One day I was reading the paper, noticing the ads for single men looking.

I didn’t have any gay friends, so I was wondering about that lifestyle and how they met.

I was discreet about my