Snake In The Grass

By Rhonda Hunnel

Hopefully you are now ready for an unforgettable journey to new discoveries as a Snake in The Grass. Our journey begins at age seventeen, a child struggling to find her own voice. She discovers through the lives of others an inner spirit filled with strength and courage while enduring the pain from the past and into the future. Take with you on this journey an open mind and heart to see your own destiny unfold and hold her hand along the way. NEVER LET GO!!!!!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rhonda Hunnel
• Release date: Jan 25, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301414048

Rhonda Hunnel

When is a book more than a book? My answer is a book that can be used as a tool to engage people in conversation by sharing real life experiences. Life is complicated and complex yet we yearn for the simple answers and the truth. It is by story sharing that knowledge is given and change emerges to lead to a better way of life. What you are about to read are real life events involving myself and children I have had to honor to meet; some of which I barely knew, one that I can’t seem to forget, others that lay hidden amongst a blind community, yet another that was once my own. These extraordinary true stories create a guide to coping with life’s complexities and take the reader on an unforgettable journey of hope. I understand the pain that consumes the innocents of a child due to abuse. I hear the cries of parents suffering from the loss of a child. I know the anger and disappointment for a justice system gone awry. Evil presented itself to me at age seventeen and what I thought was compassion and kindness was now deception and horror. This violation of rape revealed the ugly truth and like a serpent I would somehow strike back. Josh was only twelve when he received a murder conviction for killing his father. Did he really pull the trigger that ended his father’s life? The truth will be revealed years later through a letter. What is justice, when a known drug dealer and child molester walks free from a punishment rightly deserved, yet not served for lack of evidence. A beautiful young girl entangled in a web of deception and lies. She stayed true to herself and stood alone to regain the life she once loved. Evil persuaded her and that same evil ended her life forever. It is my belief that by sharing my stories, others will gain the knowledge necessary to live a life of abundance and possibly share their own story to help others. I am not famous, I am not a celebrity or a known political figure, I am you! A simple person who struggled with the past, overcame the horror in my life and thrive to live day by day in a world doomed by humanities collective stupidity for lack of compassion and love towards each other. Change starts within you and it is your choice to do so.

Book preview

About the Author

What you are about to read are real life events involving children. A must tell, nonfiction, confessional from a woman who provided a voice and much needed action for the innocent, exploited, and the often forgotten members of our society, our children. Some of which she barely knew, but can’t seem to forget, others that lay hidden amongst a blind community, yet another that was once her own. It is for certain that the boundaries of advocacy reach beyond the grave.

Let this account empower those of you in the village who have yet to find your voice and above all prepare yourself for the heart wrenching lessons only a child advocate has to share. These stories are accurate by her point of view and personal experiences. You will be astonished and even at times mortified by what you will discover as you relive every moment with her. Keep an open mind and be judge and jury for each and every situation because the justice system does not always prevail. This woman does not have a PhD or any other grandiose degree that gives her the "legal right to council children", but she is a child advocate:

A person who speaks or writes in support or defense of a person, cause, etc. (usually fol. by of): an advocate of peace

A person who pleads for or in behalf of another; intercessor

A person who pleads the cause of another in a court of law.

(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/advocate. Retrieved on 4/19/09)

As described by many colleges and universities throughout the United States, Child psychologists are trained professionals who counsel children and adolescents in order to treat psychological disorders, behavioral problems and other crises. Typical career duties involve meeting with patients and their families for therapy sessions, administering psychological tests, evaluating patients, completing insurance paperwork and conducting research. It is also the job of a child psychologist to alert the authorities if child abuse, neglect or endangerment is suspected. Collaboration is necessary between child psychologists and the child's parents, social worker and teachers." But is this enough to protect the even basic innocence of a child?

I challenge that we all have the lived experiences necessary to help a child, we were all children once. As I have stated before, the Advocate is not a degree wielding licensed child psychologist, but she does possess the obvious innate background, plus nurturing skills to love, listen, observe, object, and demand justice with the assumed legal right to uphold and protect those who are not able to protect themselves, "our children".

Preface

As we experience life, many questions can and do arise. Where am I going? What is the ultimate happiness in life? How do I find fulfillment? I can say with confidence, that many questions asked can be answered by "choice".

Why do we continue to climb that mountain and push ourselves back? Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, but faith looks up, so keep climbing! I personally would rather be knocked down, just a bit, every now and then verses sitting at the top. I accept the daily challenges of life which gives me the strength and knowledge to keep pushing forward with every breath I take. I have the power to choose a life of abundance and happiness. Happiness does not have to be sought or found nor is it lost. Happiness has always been at arm’s reach. I just have to receive it with the desire of wanting and it will happen. It is my "choice" to choose.

If I choose to believe that I have no control over the things that happen in my life, the outcome will continue to manifest exactly as it always has, based on that thought pattern. We all have the power to make changing choices to better serve ourselves and the preparation necessary to handle the unexpected. Our day to day choices determine our outcome in life. Whether or not we choose to believe it, is also our choice. It is extremely important, if we are to ever experience the life that we deserve and were created to enjoy that we choose wisely.

Circumstances will try to beat us down, tear us to shreds and even bury us six feet under. The choice is to overcome such obstacles and gain knowledge. When we throw our hands in the air and give up trying is when life can be unbearable. The inability to forgive becomes the ability to hurt others. The heart becomes hollow and we hurt ourselves and those we love. If we hang onto all the pain, then our choices become destructive.

I made the choice to search for life’s truths with the understanding and belief in my higher power which is GOD. The concept of knowing happiness, love and forgiveness is not for everyone. Some choose to surround their hearts and minds with anger, hate, pain, loneliness and self-illusions. Happiness is within our hearts. Morals will judge our true intentions. Love and forgiveness is a great skill to acquire and lessons in life will surely teach it, if you are willing to learn. To choose wisely is learning, learning is the ability to teach, teaching is changing society, and society can change our government.

Hopefully you are now ready for an unforgettable journey to new discoveries as a Snake in The Grass. Our journey begins at age seventeen, a child struggling to find her own voice. She discovers through the lives of others an inner spirit filled with strength and courage while enduring the pain from the past and into the future. Take with you on this journey an open mind and heart to see your own destiny unfold and hold her hand along the way. NEVER LET GO!!!!!

He who commits injustice is ever made more wretched than he who suffers it.

The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depends upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of wisdom.

Plato

CONTENTS

STORY 1

DESTINY WILL UNFOLD

WITHIN THE WOMB

FALLEN TRUST

A HEAVY HEART

TAKE A STAND

TO LOVE, HONOR AND PROTECT

STORY 2

MARRIAGE AFTER RAPE

CHILD'S LOVE IS HEALING

STILL TOO YOUNG TO KNOW

STORY 3

TRUST ME AND LISTEN

THE MOTHER BEAR

I AM HERE

THE VOICE OF A CHILD

PERSONAL JUSTICE

SECRET JUSTICE

SEX OFFENDER UPDATE

STORY 4

THE YOUNG DETECTIVE

EMPATHY NOT SYMPATHY

TRUST GIVEN THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD

WE HAVE THE POWER

STAND FIRM

THE GIFT OF HOPE

STORY 5

A SMALL TOWN

THE SILENT ONE

A JUDGE'S RULING

INTERVENTION

STORY 6

FAMLIES COME FIRST

VALIDATE YOUR SUSPICIONS

PAPPA BEAR

STORY 7

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW, JUST ASK

THE DRIVING FORCE

NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT TO ACT

SELF-ESTEEM WILL CONQUER

PEERS AND VIOLENCE

STORY 8

SMALL TOWN MENTALITY

FRIENDS UNITE

BUILDING BLOCKS

STORY 9

THE REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR

OPEN WOUNDS

SHATTERED

STORY 10

BREAKING OUT OR BREAKING HEARTS

PEACE OF MIND

LESSONS LEARNED

WHAT IS DYSFUNCTIONAL?

HEALING INVISIBLE WOUNDS

STORY 11

I SURRENDER

CONSUMED MINDS

STORY 12

TOUGH LOVE

GOD PLEASE HELP ME AND MY CHILD

DON'T DO AS I DO, DO AS I SAY

SHE LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME NOT

STORY 13

MURDER IN A SMALL TOWN

PART I

DIVORCE - THE SILENT KILLER

DEAL BREAKER

PART II

IS IT JUST A DREAM

FINDING COURAGE AND STRENGTH

ONLY MY EYES CAN SEE

PART III

MY CHILD IS MISSING

SPIRITUAL LOVE

SHE WAS LOST, SHE IS FOUND

MOTHER SON BOND

PART IV

LAY TO REST

A BROTHER'S LOVE

A HEAVY HEART

FINAL GOODBYE

THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

PART V

SCATTERED PIECES

WHAT, WHEN, WHERE AND WHY

MYSTERIOUS WAYS

PART VI

DEAR JOSH

HIS NIGHTMARE FINDS AN ENDING

PART VII

A CHILD'S VOICE

HARNESSING THE ANGER

PART VIII

LIFE GOES ON — FINDING CLOSURE

LIFE AFTER DEATH

AUTHOR’S COMMENTARY — THE FINAL THOUGHT

STORY 1

DESTINY WILL UNFOLD

I was young, in love and determined to spend the rest of my life with Bill. He could warm my heart with soft kisses, gentle touches and he had a deep desire to be loved. He gave me adventure and excitement. There were no boundaries for the love I felt for this man. He became the very breath I took each day. He entered my thoughts daily and the hypnosis of love captured me like drug addiction only wanting more and more and it was never enough. I became trapped within a sexual pleasure of wanting and belonging that only I could understand. My mother on the other hand, did not like Bill nor did she approve of our decision to one day marry. I believed that I was mature enough at age sixteen to pick the man I desired to spend the rest of my life with. You could also say that my mother did not have much control in my decisions, or I should say that my strong desire to be rebellious was more of an obvious nature. Is it possible that my destiny was to defy her?

Bill and I had four years difference in our age. Today’s society would pin point him as a sexual pedophile. He was legally an adult and I needed my mother’s signature in order to get married. I wanted to finish high school and he wanted to find financial stability, so Bill moved during my junior year in high school to Yakima Washington to work and provide a future home for the two of us. Our separation made it difficult to concentrate on my studies and my social life without him was lonely and boring. What gave me hope and the will to stay in school was the promise. He promised to love and honor our lives together as husband and wife. I did not pay attention to the waving red flags when I discovered that Bill was engaged in sexual activities with other woman during our first year together. I was young, immature and blinded by what I thought was love. Whenever he looked into my eyes with shame, followed by, I’m sorry, always empowered me to forgive and for selfish reasons hold on to the man I wanted.

Bill and I spoke weekly over the phone and the anticipation to be together was growing stronger. I did finish my junior year June 1979 and made preparations to leave Twin Falls, Idaho and join my man in Yakima. The love I had for him placed me in a dream state that would take me away from my family and hometown. I only had happy thoughts and nothing would tear us apart; not even the news of yet another woman enticing him to stray while I was away. He referred to her as his new kitty. The truth was that this kitty was snuggled up next to him at night and this little pussy gave him purring satisfaction. Sarcasm was the way I found the ability to give some light to a bad situation. Yet again, I saw the signs and ignored them. My love became an addiction and I knew that once I was with him in Yakima that no women would ever come between us again. I believed that he only strayed due to the fact that I was not with him. There was this other selfish side of me; I was determined to hold onto what was mine.

The day arrived July 6, 1979 and my dreams became true. Bill bestowed his vows to me and promised to love, honor and cherish till death. I held those words deep in my heart; I was determined to live out my childhood fantasies of a home surrounded by a white picket fence, our two children playing in the yard and life happily ever after. When my mother signed her name on that dotted line of the marriage certificate it became official, we were husband and wife.

WITHIN THE WOMB

I became pregnant shortly after Bill and I married. I was so young; did I truly understand the extent of the life growing inside of me? All I knew was my stomach was growing like a bad gas attack and my bras no longer fit. My much larger tits became sensitive and my ass found a way to reach East and West, missing north altogether. At times I doubted if I was ready to have a baby and actually one time thought of abortion out of fear for being so young. There was one unforgettable moment while lying in bed next to my husband that we felt our little baby move. I knew then the reality of this precious life growing inside of me was real and did not understand why so many young girls choose to abort their babies. My baby was conceived out of love and our marriage bound us together as a family.

QUICK AFTER THOUGHT: TO PARENT OR NOT TO PARENT?

Statistics tell us that unplanned pregnancy among young teens is high and the aftermath for the child could be devastating, if the child was to survive before the abortion. I will not speak of statistics, but rather focus on matters of the heart. So you are a young girl, hopefully old enough to understand that when the unprotected (no condom) penis ejaculates inside of you, enough sperm gathers as an army of a million into your ovarian tube to fight for the one egg called life. Is this army worth risking a life that would not be created under the terms of marriage and or love?

The sexual pleasure is gratifying for the moment and then the moment turns into a life time commitment. A commitment to care and love an innocent soul until the day you die. Does this sound fair to say that for only a single one night of pleasure, you could bring into this world a child? Will this child be given the chance to live their life surrounded by the loving support they deserve? There are many more questions you could ask yourself before making the choice to have sex with someone you do not intend on being with in a long term relationship. As young men and women, it is wise to engage each other on a social level before sex comes into play. With every sexual relationship there should always be the mindset that there is the possibility you both may end up raising a child together or alone.

If pregnancy becomes a reality and you are left with the choice to either carry this child to term or end the life growing inside of you, let this be a choice of selflessness. Determine what would be best for the child, not you. There are many loving couples who wait for years to hear of an infant for adoption due to the medical fact that they could not have a child of their own. I believe that those loving couples, not able to bare children, are the blessed ones chosen to care for either an unplanned or unwanted child.

If on the other hand you choose to care for your child on your own, make the determination with the willingness to sacrifice your desires of want, for what you want is no longer important. The needs of a child should be considered first with the ability to teach love, patience, kindness, compassion and forgiveness, but most of all you have to love yourself before having the ability to love another. Love is not just a spoken word; it is defined by our actions.

We all have heard that children do not come with an instruction manual. The fact is there are ready available learning tools everywhere you look in books, magazines or even the Internet with millions of advice columns and parent blog websites. Don't wait 18 years to discover your plans failed when the answers are right there at your fingertips.

FALLEN TRUST

The life inside of me became more realistic and a new spiritual connection was about to emerge after the most terrifying night of my life. This is where my youth ended and my warrior surfaced.

Gary was a familiar guest that we would have in our home occasionally for dinner or conversation. He was Bill’s boss at a mobile home transport company. If there was ever evil in the world, this man was part of it. He spent many times expressing anger and threats towards my husband when others were not around. Bill shared with me many of the conversations that he had with Gary. He threatened to end Bill’s life and the life of his family if ever he tried to deceive him in anyway. This side of Gary was very perplexing and I could not understand why he would use such fearful words after we did our best to make him feel like a part of our family. After all, Gary was his boss and Bill showed the respect that he needed in order to keep his job and not have conflict with the very man he had to work with on a daily basis. Bill would later discover that he truly had the right to end Gary’s life and take the very breath away from his lungs.

Gary felt the need to take a drive to our home late one night around 10pm. He knocked at our door and expressed words of heartache over a fight he had with his wife. Bill was already in bed asleep and I did not want to wake him upon his arrival, so I was that ear ready to help in whatever way I could. Gary drank alcohol excessively and I was too young to identify the dangers of his deceptions. He was struggling to keep his marriage together and hide his secrets. Gary would not come into the house to talk for fear of waking Bill. I found myself standing on the porch talking with a man whose words had no meaning. This is the man who strangely threatens my husband’s life; he seemed so lost and hurt. I felt my heart go out to him with compassion and I did not have any concerns of his drunken state that evening. I did however have a chill from the night falling and without shoes on my feet; frostbite felt only seconds away from my toes. I wanted to go inside and grab a jacket and some shoes. Gary insisted that we could sit in his car and he would run the heater to warm my feet. He was very concerned about not waking Bill and I was too naive to realize why. At this point in our conversation I did not feel uncomfortable, so I made the choice to get into his car and he started the heater. We continued our conversation about his family growing up as a child. My heart went out to him as he described his abusive father and a picture of a hideous monster appeared in my mind. His father beat him and his siblings on a weekly basis. The beatings did not involve discipline when a belt was needed. The form of punishment that Gary described was a punch to the face or a kick to the gut that was hard enough to throw a child into the air. I never met someone who actually experienced this type of abuse from their own father.

Gary found the way to my caring sensitive heart and without a warning he put the vehicle in drive and left the area that I lived and felt safe at. I had no idea where he was taking me; he only stated that he had something very special to show me. At this time I felt nervous and time rushed through my veins as we drove further away from my home.

I kept asking him, Where are we going? and he would answer with, You will see.

I was not extremely familiar with the area and was unsure of the direction we were heading. I asked him at that time to take me back to the house just in case Bill woke up. He promised that we did not have much further go. We had only been driving for about ten minutes, so I could not be that far from home. Gary suddenly made a sharp right hand turn on a dirt road and parked along a river bank where the main road was just above us at a 12 feet embankment. I could not see any lights and darkness turned black. I then began to panic and begged Gary to take me back home so Bill would not worry. He responded silently by reaching over my lap to the car glove box and grabbed something I could not see. It was so dark near the river. You could not see the head lights from the other cars just above where we were parked. I felt so alone in the dark. I could clearly hear my own heart beat in my throat and panic was about to consume. In a matter of one more breath, a second later, Gary reached around the back side of my head with his right arm and placed a tight choke hold around my throat. I felt the strength of my hands pulling his arm away and saw the glimmer of a sharp object inches from my throat. It was a box cutting knife. As he held the blade near my throat, Gary announced his true intentions. He stated, If you release the hand that holds the blade, it will cut you. (First life lesson understand and identify deception and get away from it before it is too late.)

He told me he was upset that I mentioned to his wife about his threats towards my husband. Apparently the wife was not very happy and warned him of her intentions to leave