Beauty, Brains, Influence: Helping Teen Girls and Young Women Gain Confidence and Thrive
By Dani LaRoche
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About this ebook
Dani LaRoche has spoken and mentored many young women and teen girls who feel a profound sense of loss. Loss of innocence, identity and purpose. In this honest and heartfelt book, no stone is left unturned. She writes on how to survive a break up, competition and jealousy from other girls, how to become assertive, not aggressive; to the epidemic of bullying, drama, teen pregnancy, anxiety and depression.
In the end, what matters most are love, respect and self-actualization. LaRoche tackles myriad issues that affect young women today. This book is full of compassion and offers solutions to problems not only affecting young women, but society in general. Both the young and the old can benefit and glean wisdom and illumination from this read.
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Beauty, Brains, Influence - Dani LaRoche
Copyright © 2014 by Dani LaRoche.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2013917490
ISBN: Hardcover 978-1-4836-9314-9
Softcover 978-1-4836-9313-2
eBook 978-1-4836-9315-6
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
Rev. date: 07/16/2014
Xlibris LLC
1-888-795-4274
www.Xlibris.com
537351
Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
1 Clean Slate Of Childhood
2 Media Assault/Disconnect
3 The Glamorization Of Hedonism
4 Our Agenda
5 Young Men And Their Agendas
6 Problems With Guys
7 Sex
8 Dating
9 Can You Get Him Back?: Surviving A Breakup
10 What If You Are Pregnant?
11 Girls And The New Homosexuality
12 Body Perception
13 Eating Disorders
14 Self-Love
15 Depression
16 Women And Loneliness
17 Breaking Up With Your Best Friend
18 Women And Assertiveness
19 School And Social Anxiety
20 Competition
21 Bullying
22 Girl Modes
23 What About Fear?
24 Boundaries
25 Spirituality
26 Modesty
27 Why People Use Drugs
28 Parents And Authority Figures
29 What Makes A Confident Woman?
30 Women I Admire
31 Goals And Aspirations
32 My Story
Resources
For Ariel
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thanks to my beautiful children—Ariel, Adam, and Catarina—you were all there from the onset to listen to my ideas for this book and to support me; my sisters, Monique and Jeanette; my spiritual sister-friends—Hermina, Susan, Deidre, Margret, Kelli, Val, LiJun, Arlene, Joyce, Auntie
Annie Greenup; my role model, Aunt Barbara; Joseph and Laurene Rogers; Julia; Pastor Cari and the women at Lectio; Lily and the Phelps group; Angelique; John at Barney’s; Eileen at Guapa; Eve; Max Crawley; Katherine Stanford; Hector; Victoria Honeywell; Jason and Vanessa Garner; my beautiful mother, Marjorie; Carl; Corinna; and Carl Jr.; Joseph Flaherty; Bob Flaherty; Ibelyn Tejada; Syreeta and Sabrina, two lovely women of grace and dignity; Michael, who encouraged me to write like the wind
; Xlibris, my publisher; and, of course, my Higher Power, the One who transformed this train wreck
into a confident woman, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, you’ve been so kind. I know you are a friend of mine.
INTRODUCTION
It has taken much more time than I had thought it would take to complete this book to help teen girls and young women. About two years ago, I began the book with great ambition and drive, but in the midst of writing the book, I found myself at a standstill. Somehow, I got stuck and could not complete the manuscript. I had a serious case of writer’s block and a bout of paralyzing depression.
After several months of serious soul-searching, I realized that subconsciously, I had procrastinated and even was a little afraid. Maybe I would fail. Maybe I needed to resolve some of my own issues that I share with younger women. I now know that I had some unfinished business to attend to—things going on with me, relationship problems, feeling unfocused, to name a few. So before I could commit anything to paper, I had to address some of my own inconsistencies and doubts. But life’s experiences and timing have a way of synchronizing. Finally, I had the information, had done the research, and had read voraciously about the problems of our youth today. I spoke to hundreds of teens and young women, and the stories I heard alarmed me, hence the birth of this book.
I’ve always wanted to write and loved it since I was a child. But it wasn’t till I had left a modeling career did I find the confidence to write. Modeling was a boost to the ego, and it paid well, but it wasn’t me.
Writing has always been my first love. To do so as a career, well, it’s not easy. Writing is quite fulfilling, but it is both daunting and difficult. It is solitary and isolating. You are basically your own boss and cheerleader, unless you are fortunate to have a team behind you or people to support you. It takes drive, confidence, and autonomy to put it out there and not worry what people might say or think. It can get quite lonely as well. It’s just you and your computer. But you press on in the hope of changing a life, saving someone or maybe yourself in the process.
This book is geared toward teenage girls and young women, but I think anyone of any age, faith, male or female would benefit from it. I wish I could have stumbled on a book for empowering young women when I was one. I might have sidestepped some land mines. I’m not here to judge anyone, throw stones, or moralize. I want to see women grow, be empowered, love themselves and to love and respect men as well. I am all for romance and commitment, but I don’t believe in fairy tales. I am all for beauty, physical beauty, if one has it. It can be both a blessing and a curse. Most importantly, physical beauty can be much more powerful if it is backed up by intelligence, strength, and kindness. And remember, anyone can be beautiful
if that person has these inner attributes.
CHAPTER 1
Clean Slate of Childhood
Dear reader, are you, as I once was, a train wreck?
How did this happen? What can you do about it? How can you become the person you want to be? Read along and find out.
A child is a clean slate—innocent and resilient. Though there are many books and experts who say children are inherently self-absorbed that may be true, but children, unlike adults, are more humble and open, which is probably why Jesus said, Let the children come unto me.
Even when a toddler rebels or disobeys the parent, the child is not deliberately being mean-spirited or malicious. In fact, it is at around two or so that the child is basically pulling away from the mother (or father) and becoming separate. In other words, attempting to form an identity and moving toward autonomy. They pull away, testing the waters, and then they run back to the parent. This is normal and healthy. So a child is basically innocent in intent and full of love. Children are not afraid to cry, to emote, and to show joy. They are spontaneous and trusting, unafraid to demand its needs be met. The parents’ job is to balance out the needs of the child, which can be self-centered, and help the child to adjust to the world around it. Children are curious and open, and yet, they need guidance and boundaries. The world will soon intrude upon the child by imposing an imprint onto that child as to who they are, how they should behave, and who they need to become. This differs according to the parents, their belief system, or culture. More often than not, it can be detrimental and damaging to the child’s sense of self. Gone is the spontaneity, the wonder, and the joy. In comes the fear, especially the fear of disapproval. We learn to people-please, even if it means we lose or hurt ourselves. Writer and teacher Don Miguel Ruiz calls it the domestication of the child.
If the parents and the environment are accepting and nurturing toward the child, imposing healthy boundaries of respect, love of oneself and others, the child will thrive.
Our culture here in the United States is very focused on performance, conformity, and achievement. What will the neighbors think? Don’t bring shame upon our heads. How many times have you heard an adult asking a child, what do you want to be when you grow up?
? I would prefer the question be, who do you want to be when you grow up?
This is important; the emphasis on the child’s being rather than the focus on doing and especially making a lot of money. Many malfunctions occur because of this disease of being