Break Free

By Lis Hoyte

Break Free maps you through a journey of transformation with a new conscious awareness of being in a coercive controlling relationship.

It focuses on a new shift, a new paradigm that brings you towards the tools that we possess in being able to free ourselves from these types of relationships. To feel empowered to change our lives, by the thoughts we think and the perceptions that we hold about our experiences.

It brings to the reader's attention the importance of the inner game being the most influential relationship that we face. Once this is achieved, we come into our true power.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lis Hoyte
• Release date: Aug 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781919605814

Book preview

BREAK FREE

A Transformational Journey and Paradigm-Shift Out of Coercive Control

LIS HOYTE

Break Free – A Transformational Journey and Paradigm-Shift Out of Coercive Control.

© Copyright Tarnya Coley 2021

Published by Tarnya Coley Publishing LTD

All rights reserved 2021 Tarnya Coley Publishing LTD

This book is sold subject to the conditions it is not, by way of trade or otherwise, lent, hired out, or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without prior written permission from the Publisher.

Tarnya Coley

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Transition Dance Steps in Motion.

The importance of the ‘INNER GAME’

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Dedication

I dedicate this book to Marc Lowe – thank you for being you. Your support, love, and commitment amaze me every day. I am truly blessed to have you in my life as my partner.

Also, to my beautiful children, who are the strongest little human beings I know. I do what I do every day for my girls.

Acknowledgements

Thank you to my two beautiful girls for being so brave and strong.

Thank you to Leanne Dunwell Thompson for always being my best friend.

Thank you to Leanne Donnelly for supporting and helping me to save my life through awareness in my journey. Thank you for the collection of and donation of the furniture.

Thank you to Lou and Em for helping me in setting up my home, installing the electrics, painting, and driving me to and from court when I was so broken.

Thank you to Hollie and Clive Harvey for providing food, clothing, and support for me and the girls.

Thank you to Racheal Collier for her Getting Me donation of clothes for the girls, attendance at my graduation, and financial support.

Thank you to Jo Darby for helping me on my journey with personal development.

Thank you to Joel Millerchip for designing my logo and always being there, front, back, and sides.

Thank you to Michelle Kendray (Buckley) for being so kind, available, and understanding.

Thank you to Louise Supple for being a loyal, supportive friend and for her support with social media.

Thank you, Shane Harper Coaching, for helping me to realise my potential and for being such an awesome human being.

Thank you, Deborah Drummond, for your expertise, strength and for writing the foreword for this book.

Thank you to Tarnya Coley, Sheena Cantar, Lincoln Parker, and Adelere Abiodun Adesina. Next-level thinkers in my experience.

Thank you to the love of my life, Marc Lowe, a beautiful man with a beautiful soul.

Foreword

I have spent the better part of my life in the profession of betterment. With a client roster of over 30,000 and being a guest speaker, author, TV, radio, and podcast interviewee, I have talked to the idea of the critical point where the betterment of self is the only choice.

This realisation sometimes becomes so painful, and it actually feels like it’s the last choice to feel healthy or happy.

I met Lis, this incredible woman, on a business social platform. I sensed that we needed to connect.

This feeling is not new to any of us. We all have had that feeling.

Fortunately for me, I knew enough to act on it. Without knowing about her past or mission for the future, we agreed to a call to discover more of what we both were looking for in regards to our professional needs.

It was a pivotal conversation that led me to offer her a professional opportunity, knowing that our time spent together was meant to be of a personal nature as well, and a newfound friendship was about to take place.

Lis was in the aftermath of the self-repair that must happen to survive trauma. I felt it was like a God job that we met and had a strong sense of knowing that she was put into my life for a reason.

She was not only a reminder of how far I had come in my own personal journey of self-love and betterment but that this woman was ready to take it to the streets with her desire to create platforms for other women who needed recovery.

Lis is a courageous and brilliant author. It is a very uncomfortable experience to pen your pain on paper. I recently heard from a dear friend and co-author of mine, Caroline Blanchard, who shared a quote with me that said: One person's story is another person's Survival Guide. When you read Lis’s words, you feel an intense desire to heal the world.

It is important to open the eyes of others and share that you, too, can be free to love yourself. And be the whole, healed person that you were always meant to be. You can bring whatever dreams you still have within you to a place of reality.

As an author and as a woman who has had a relationship with this subject matter, I encourage you to read this book and support the healing process by sharing this book.

This book is meant to create a voice for others, help this issue be seen, and encourage change and healing. It is meant to help in the recovery process and remind others to come back to self and align with their purpose.

Lis’s ability to encapsulate the multifaceted elements of this very complex aspect of powerlessness is simple to comprehend and offers great strength as well as insights and hope.

Lis’s strength, softness, compassion, and intelligence demonstrate the depth of her oneness with the pain, her true sense of freedom, and now a revolution of recovery.

I look forward to the day I get to share the stage with this incredible woman who is raising worldwide awareness of coercive control.

Deborah Drummond, #1 Amazon best-selling author, podcast celebrity of The True That Show, motivational speaker, and health expert.

Debdrummond.com

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Foreword

INTRODUCTION

Chapter 1

Defining Coercive Control

Chapter 2

Moving – July 2014

Chapter 3

Enough is Enough – December 2018

Chapter 4

No Escape – January 2019

Chapter 5

The Month of Celebrations – March 2019

Chapter 6

Leaving the Family Home – July 2019

Chapter 7

The Drive to the Family Court – August 2019

Chapter 8

The Court Date – 12 September 2019

Chapter 9

The Power of Manipulation

Chapter 10

BREAK FREE – October 2019

Chapter 11

First Christmas Alone – December 2019

Chapter 12

Freedom Programme – January 2020

Chapter 13

Healthy Relationships

Chapter 14

Lis’s Transition Dance Steps

Chapter 15

Help Script for Your Children

Chapter 16

Warning Signs to Consider Within Coercive Control

Chapter 17

Healing Awareness Subconscious Mind vs Conscious Mind

Chapter 18

The Power of the Spoken Word

Chapter 19

Healing Process: Where to Start?

Chapter 20

Banish the Blame

Last Word

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

INTRODUCTION

For those of you who are stuck in an abusive relationship, I hope you can find a way to deal with home life, especially if children are involved.

Readers who have not experienced a coercive controlling relationship and are reading this book to help and support someone else may find out that my truth appears somewhat contradictory. This may be because I speak of my experience of being in a coercive controlling relationship, then I speak about my enabling behaviour as to my experience.

You may also find it confusing because I refer to choices, and I knowingly point out that we all have choices. Yet I remained in a coercive controlling relationship for 18 years of my life. Those of you who have been, or remain in this type of relationship will resonate with my truth. There will be no confusion or contradiction in your understanding of the words I have written.

There are many different thought processes that surround coercive controlling relationships. I have worked with many men and women who believe that they can’t leave due to financial ties that make them feel reliant on their perceived controller. This is totally understandable. The rational mind tells us to stay safe; it will protect us and fight for our limitations, regardless of how we feel inside. Then you may find, as I did, that there is a separate challenge, the job of shifting your paradigm in order to truly break free from this cycle of abuse.

Alternatively, you may be at the stage where you are ready to leave but are unsure if you are making the right decision. This may be because you have internalised what happens to you as Not that bad or, At least they are not hitting me, which allows you to remain in your current situation. You may feel that you have lost most of yourself, never to be found again, and that contrast you feel - the negative emotion - is too much to bear. You have hit your version of rock bottom, as I did, and the only way is up. It is here that empowerment of the self cannot be underestimated.

This book is not about trying to get you to leave, hate, or ridicule the relationship you are in. It is a guide to help you follow certain steps and processes that will enable you to break free once you have decided. It is further designed to assist you in having an awareness of how your own behaviour may play a part in remaining stuck. This is not an attempt at pointing out blame or faults. It is an awareness of our makeup, paradigms, and beliefs, and the way the universe works in assisting us. It gives back to us more of what we were omitting, wanted, or not, which is ultimately based on the thoughts that we think. Moreover, learning to love yourself enough to make choices or decisions about your life when you feel worthy enough is also a common theme within this book.

Whatever your pain is, you have the choice to change. Even in the most painful, stressful situations, we have a choice. It may not be the choice we want; it may be the choice we are fearful of (believe me, I know), but it will be a choice, nonetheless.

Regardless of where you are at in your journey, this book holds relevance. It gives you something to think about, which will inevitably get the momentum going to see things from a different perspective. This can ultimately change your life forever.

My purpose, my message for all those in abusive relationships, whether male or female, is to bring to your attention a new understanding of how our paradigms affect our lives, not just in abusive relationships but in all avenues of our lives. A new awareness of what keeps us stuck, a new way of thinking that helped me move into my new life, my new way of seeing the world, my new point of attraction. The true essence of love and compatibility, while staying true to myself and accepting that within my recovery, I am where I am, and that’s okay.

My story, my truth - whatever words make more sense to you =-is designed to