reMISSION: reSTORATIVE Practices to reALIGN Purpose

By Mallika S Stubbs

When Mallika Stubbs was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) right before her 35th birthday, her first thought was to strategically inform her family and friends without alarming them of the bleak prognosis the doctors had shared hours before. As it turned out, explaining cancer was only the beginn

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Catalyst Coach LLC
• Release date: Feb 4, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088209424

Book preview

Preface

How To Approach This Work

This anthology is a collection of short stories, poems, quotes, blog posts, pictures, and podcasts highlighting life lessons that sparked, shaped, and strengthened my resilience. This book will ask you to think critically, answer questions, and stretch your thinking beyond your current perspective. Get intimate with the characters and content, I ask that you put yourself in their shoes. Take time to set intentions and reflect on what you’ve read. The images, original poems, text, and events that I’ve chosen served as the catalyst for my growth and resilience. I created this work to be read in any order. Each story stands alone and does not appear in chronological order. Each section is arranged in the following format: The Source, The Spark, The Strategies, and finally, The Schooling.

‘The Source’ is a first-person narrative of my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to ‘The Spark.’ ‘The Spark’ provides the impetus for my reflections and subsequent learning, as told from the vantage point of friends and family. ‘The Strategies’ are the lessons I learned and have helped me align, define, and find purpose and direction in life. My greatest lessons have come from ‘The Schooling’ that I’ve received from experiences, and I wanted to represent that throughout the text. This work is a testimony of my journey to understand my own resilience, and I hope that by sharing my story with you, I can provide guidance and support that can be used to help shape your journey as well.

After spending most of my life running from my story, struggling with PTSD, paralyzing anxiety, and situational depression, I’ve discovered the ease and support that I longed for was not out of reach. It was something that I could build, something that I could own and create. I could learn to speak my truth…aloud…in public spaces …unapologetically and authentically. After cancer, I began to embrace my struggles, stand face-to-face with my fears, and move through discomfort to acceptance and change. I began to hold space for and unpack those uniquely beautiful experiences that prepared me for MY greatness. There is a type of power and freedom in acceptance that allows you to understand that you can change and be transformed. A knowing comes over you that removes the veil of doubt to connect you to your divine calling.

I ran from this story for too long, thinking I was alone on this journey. The tweet from Zandashé was like a full palm wake-up slap to the face that triggered an unstoppable movement of self-care, self-worth, self-reflection, self-compassion, and self-discovery in my life and in the lives of many others that read and commented on the shared post. The tweet reminds us that we are not the sum of our struggles. You can choose to gracefully bow out of whatever fight, situation, or relationship that no longer serves you or aligns with your values. We can choose ease, hang up our cleats, and rest. We are all on a path, on a journey that runs parallel and, at times, intersects with others who will inspire us and remind us of the values that we must hold at the forefront of our lives. It wasn’t until after my cancer diagnosis that I began to embrace my struggles, stand face-to-face with my fears, and move through discomfort to acceptance and change. Then, I began to hold space for and unpack those uniquely beautiful experiences that prepared me for MY greatness.

There was no one to show me how to rise from my depression. There was no one to be a model for living as a recovering PTSD victim who suffers from paralyzing anxiety. I didn’t know that I could stand in this story and use it to my advantage. Representation matters, our stories matter, and currently, there are not enough non-stereotypical representations of the diverse and authentic African American experiences. And very few in mass marketing campaigns, leading roles in books, TV, or films. I still witness African Americans honored as the first of their kind in these areas. This lack of representation perpetuates segregation and a deep longing for full acceptance, understanding, and belonging. We all have a need to feel seen, heard, supported, and a sense of belonging. When we are marginalized, it is difficult to continue to bounce back; rise up, and tap into the deep wells of resilience our ancestors and communities provide us. Zandashé's quote is a bat signal and a reminder to us all…to activate our internal divine light and live our true purpose.

As this nation embarks on a new progressive, post-racial, post-pandemic reckoning, it is essential to tell THIS story in THIS moment. My work addresses the negative stereotypes and stigmas placed on the marginalized community with the hope it will enlighten audiences while not continuing to cast a scarlet letter on an entire people as a result of generational traumas and systemic oppression.

I want to tell this story to show the world that WE TOO ARE PEOPLE, we are funny, we have hardships, we have families of our own, and most importantly, we are NOT the sum of our experiences. We are your neighbors, supervisors, business owners, realtors, cubicle mates, teachers, leaders, and friends. WE, TOO, are part of the thread woven into the fabric of America that makes it beautiful.

This work is a collection of my experiences with my immediate circle of friends and family, a personal origin story. It wasn’t until months of therapy, journaling, and counseling that I understood these stories are just experiences and do NOT define who I am today. After reading this text, I hope you walk away with new understanding and compassion for those in underserved environments. And maybe this book can raise a few powerful questions that you can explore on your own.

Introduction

You Can't Change Your Life Until You're Honest About Your Life

Do you ever feel like there's something you're supposed to be doing with your life? Have you ever felt like there's a greater purpose to your life? Have you ever heard an internal voice that said, There's more to this thing we call life? Do you hear an inner voice nudging you toward something more meaningful? You may sense a guiding presence beside you as you move forward. Do you feel like someone is alongside you, watching as you take each step? For me, there has always been someone or something there. I've always felt this presence, but I couldn't explain it or discuss it with my family. It wasn't until later that I realized it was something spiritual beyond our physical world. I could not explain or tell anyone, but I knew IT was there. My immediate family wasn't the spiritual type, and the supernatural wasn't a topic that was discussed around the dinner table. It took me some time to understand what IT was. Many people feel this same sense of protection, guidance, or divine calling. It's an unexplainable force that leads us toward something greater. I'm sure everyone has had the feeling of something being there, something unexplainable, something unseen, and something more. Many individuals experience this same sense of protection, guidance, or divine calling. It's an inexplicable force that drives us towards something greater than ourselves. A protector. A spirit. A force. A divine calling. A something.

As a child, I was always searching for that divine connection, that spirituality. I felt a profound sense of wonder and believed that miracles were possible. I grew up a seeker. I was always grappling with the idea of finding a spiritual connection. I sought answers to serious, sometimes silly, and frivolous questions that only my child's mind could entertain. For example, I vividly remember being piled up in the back seat of my uncle's 1980 Lincoln Continental, with his two daughters, at a red light. There was no traffic on the snowy Cleveland streets this winter night, so waiting didn't make sense. So, I asked, Why do we have to sit here and wait? My uncle told me, Sometimes in life, we have to wait, and we must be patient while doing it, and that's when the Lord does his work. On that day, I learned that we need to exercise patience and wait, and miracles can happen in these moments of stillness. I remember being struck by the beauty of the snow-covered city, and at that moment, in that moment of stillness, with the snow blanketing the city and hiding its imperfections, I believe that miracles happened in those moments of stillness.

The following experiences are a summation of patience, courage, and grit so the Lord could do his work in my life. Throughout my life, I have encountered various experiences that have demanded me to exhibit tolerance, fearlessness, and perseverance. Thanks to these traits, I have let God guide me and mold me into the individual I am now. Despite facing numerous challenges and obstacles, I have persevered and remained determined, knowing that these experiences serve a greater purpose in my life's journey. Through these experiences, I have truly come to understand the value of determination and the importance of never giving up. While the journey has not always been easy, I have learned to embrace these hardships as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. These obstacles have helped me cultivate a sense of tolerance and fearlessness and have taught me to persevere in adversity. Despite my difficulties, I have remained determined and focused, confident that each experience serves a greater purpose. Looking back, I am grateful for these experiences as they have shaped me into who I am today.

You can't change your life until you're honest about your life. This statement has slowly become a mantra for how I live my life. Recognizing and embracing the reality of one's life is an essential component in the process of effecting positive change. This philosophy is one that I have personally adopted and now employ in my own life. By acknowledging the truth about oneself and one's circumstances, one can take the necessary steps toward transformation and growth. Only through this honest introspection can we truly begin to unlock our full potential and achieve our goals. I remember the first time I started toying with the idea after my college mentor Dr. Bryan D. Samuel, told me in his thick eastern Tennessee accent, Mo Stubbs, everybody ain't gone make it. Just make sure you ain't one of 'em. He also handed me a book, A Foot In Each World by Leanita McClain, that changed my life's trajectory and outlook. This literary piece had a profound effect on my overall perspective and subsequently helped shape the course of my life.

In my heart, however, there is no safe distance from the wretched past of my ancestors or the purposeless present of some of my contemporaries; Like Leanita, I find myself straddling two worlds, I fear such a fate can reclaim me. I have a foot in each world, but I cannot fool myself about either…I know how tenuous my grip on one way of life is and how strangling the grip of the other way of life can be," she wrote. A world of two Americas, two societies. Narrowly escaping the conflicts of my community thrust me into a life of access and privilege at a predominately white institution. I was plucked out of the urban wilderness and deserted in unfamiliar territories that left me to navigate aimlessly without direction leading to more detours, dead ends, and restrictions. Resulting in a life of privilege and opportunity while aware of the challenges and obstacles that many of my peers and fellow community members continue to face.

I met Dr. Samuel during my first year at Miami University. Like many other first-generation African American students from urban areas, I had been accepted to the university on a contingency plan through the Scholastic Enhancement Program (SEP), which included enrollment in a course that Many African American students who are the first in their families to attend college and hail from urban areas face similar challenges. It is a common occurrence that students who come from less privileged backgrounds tend to miss out on the valuable support and guidance that their more fortunate counterparts have had the privilege of receiving throughout their lives. This lack of support can create significant barriers to academic and personal success, making it even more challenging for these students to excel in their studies and achieve their goals. It is crucial that we work to bridge this gap and provide equal opportunities for all students, regardless of their background or socioeconomic status. As such, they may struggle to navigate the complexities of college life and the academic demands that come with it. Despite these obstacles, however, many of these students are resilient and determined to succeed, and with the right support and resources, they can go on to achieve great things. Dr. Samuel mentored, lectured, and provided invaluable life lessons. He became my consigliere, providing insight and advice through his lived experience to students like myself as we tried to navigate the unfamiliar terrain of higher education.

Dr. Samuel spoke our language and had a way with words that translated beyond the classroom and into boardrooms to advocate for our needs. His expertise was not limited to academic environments; rather, they skillfully navigate various arenas, effectively communicating our interests and objectives. There was nothing he wouldn't do for us, from ensuring that I had a work-study job in the Office of Judicial Affairs to dropping me off at the Greyhound bus station 100 miles away. In the realm of academia, Dr. Samuel's gift for effective communication was readily apparent. They had an innate ability to translate complex concepts into accessible language, making even the most challenging subjects relatable and engaging. His teaching style went beyond rote memorization; it involved storytelling, vivid illustrations, and real-life examples that resonated deeply with us. Through his words, he kindled a passion for learning and fostered an environment of intellectual curiosity. However, Dr. Samuel's impact extended far beyond the lecture hall. He possessed a unique talent for advocating for our needs in professional settings. Whether it was in boardrooms, meetings, or community gatherings, he eloquently articulated our concerns, aspirations, and objectives. His words carried weight and commanded attention, persuading decision-makers at a PWI to consider our perspectives.

B-Sam truly had a gift for