How to Use Mental Pickpocketing to Get to the Truth Without Seeming to Ask Questions: Career Savvy People Skills, #2

By Michael McGaulley

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER . . . BUT NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO SHARE
Knowledge is power . . . particularly in organizations and teams where your success depends in large part on career-savvy subtle communication skills and other people skills at work–particularly your ability to ferret out semi-hidden information, and to discern the deeper reality behind situations and events taking place around you.

It’s easy enough to ask questions, and most of the time most of the people will do their best to share the truth. But not always. Sometimes, if you play it straight and ask direct questions, you won’t get straight answers, and you won’t get to the truth–instead, you’ll get distortion, “spin” and responses that are somewhat less than the whole truth.

Sometimes simply to ask a question is to give the game away because it alerts the other person to what you’re really after, and hence flags what they may want to fudge, avoid, or distort.

WHAT IS “MENTAL PICKPOCKETING”?
In those situations, how do you get information–and get the truth–without flagging what you’re really after? By employing mental pickpocketing– the art and science of asking questions without seeming to ask, or without seeming to ask what you’re really after

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BY READING THIS BOOK YOU WILL LEARN:
In this book, written by a lawyer and management consultant, you will learn . . .
* 15 “other” reasons to ask questions, apart from getting information;
* 10 basic tips on “information scavenging”;
* 6 key factors in sequencing your questions and probes;
* 6 ways of “listening” while really asking and re-asking;
* 4 “nice” ways of mental pickpocketing;
* 7 “tricky” methods mental pickpockets use to subtly get truthful answers;
* 6 “even trickier” ways in which mental pickpockets operate;
* Subtle ways of changing pace, changing directions, and even discouraging the all-too-talkative;
* Methods of controlling the discussion–and the flow of words–when the other person is off-the-point, or telling you a lot more than you need to know;
* A variety of ways of “listening” with your eyes.
* An array of what’s termed “soft skills” and subtle interpersonal skills.

YOU WILL ALSO LEARN TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST MENTAL PICKPOCKETS!

For your self-protection–you’ll find here a variety of “antidotes” to mental pickpocketing, including 14 ways of NOT answering questions and subtle probes.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Champlain House Media
• Release date: Feb 16, 2018
• ISBN: 9780976840695

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

People don’t always tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth! (Does that come as a surprise?)

It’s easy enough to ask questions, and, most of the time, most of the people will do their best to express the truth . . . the truth, that is, as they perceive it. But not always.

Sometimes you’re working with nice folks who try to tell you what they think you want to hear, or to tell it the way they believe things should be.

Sometimes distortion comes from perspective: an individual may see things through their own mental window, and that window may be clear in some ways, distorted in others.

Some tend to embellish, maybe by telling you more than they really know.

Some have their own agendas, which may mean not wanting the facts—or certain facts—to emerge.

And still others—shocking!—may deliberately spin, distort, conceal, lie, or bury the truth.

Knowledge is power particularly in organizations where your effectiveness will depend in large part on your ability to get information, and to discern the reality behind the situations taking place around you.

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Getting this knowledge—getting to the truth—can be difficult because, again, knowledge is power, and—particularly in competitive situations—those in the know have a comfortable advantage over those who are not in the know.

So how do you cut through the fog and distortion to get to what is real? You can watch and listen . . . which is fine, if it tells you what you need.

Or you can take a more active part. You can ask questions, and then more questions. But your new questions may be no more effective than your earlier ones. Besides, the more you ask, the more you tip off what you are really after, making it easier for those who want to evade.

In this book, I’ll be sharing with you techniques that I’ve found helpful in cutting through to clear, straight answers:

The many uses of questions—including a variety of uses other than just collecting information or opinion.

Ways of sequencing questions for maximum effectiveness . . . especially when the other person is not totally open with you.

Clues to watch for when you are listening with your eyes.

Ways of controlling the flow when the other person tells you a lot more than you want or need to know.

And—as promised—I’ll be passing on my tips on the art and science of mental pockpocketing: methods for asking good  questions without seeming to ask.

One: WHY ASK QUESTIONS?

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We use questions primarily as tools for getting information or for probing the ideas and opinions of other people. But information-gathering is by no means the only productive way of using questions. Here are some.

1.  To get information

We tend to think of questions primarily as tools for getting information from other people: 

How do you feel?

When did you ___?

What did you see?

Are you aware that ___?

Were you at the scene when it occurred?

But questions are not only for getting information. Sometimes a question is a useful way of giving information, or of changing the course of a discussion, or of making the other person aware of an unrecognized need.

Getting information is the main focus of this book, but before going on let’s look at a few of those other uses of questions.

1.  To give information

Though we normally think of question as tools for getting information, questions can be equally useful in giving information, or suggesting alternatives.

Did you know that___?

Would it change your mind if I told you that ___?

"Did you read the article in Scientific American about___?"

2.  To confirm information

You might get a bit of information from Al, and other bits from Bonnie and Carlos.  Then you put these bits together into what you feel is a plausible sequence and confirm it with Deb: I’ve heard that _____. What’s your take on it Do you think it’s true??

3.  To confirm understanding.

Are we in accord on that?

If I understand you correctly, we will _____?

Was your take on the meeting the same as mine, that ___?

4.  To probe another person’s knowledge or attitudes

At the start of your meeting with a new co-worker, you may want to test just how technically proficient they are. A few short questions can accomplish this without it coming across as an interrogation.

Are you familiar with the Moxan Process for _____? Have you had a chance to apply it yet?

Have you been following the news about the Lahey incident? Personally, I’m not so sure that the facts really pointed that way? Any thoughts?

"What are your feelings on the new _____ policy?

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5.  To direct the course of a discussion.

If you’re seeking information in a meeting with several attendees, it may be most effective if you can control—or at least nudge—via your questions. 

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6.  To gain feedback on how your message or approach is being understood and received.

When you’re giving information, it’s important to be attuned to the other person in order to find how your message is coming across. Much of this feedback will come without your needing to ask, as you pick up bits of knowledge from their questions and comments, as well as by their nonverbal responses including facial expressions and gestures.  Your questions can supplement this feedback.

Is this clear so far?

How do you feel about what I just told you?

So I can get an idea of how well I’m coming across, will someone volunteer to briefly summarize in their own words what you understand me to have said?

How do you think this applies to your job?

Or, you may provide feedback to the other person sharing your perceptions. That feedback can have the