Becoming Teachable: You Were Born Perfect

By Gagan Grewal

In Becoming Teachable, Gagan Grewal shares a powerful, inspiring and deeply moving story of a young man's journey through inner darkness to a life full of purpose, personal happiness, inner freedom and abundance. Inspired by a true story, Becoming Teachable is a beautiful mixture of wisdom, philosophies and beliefs of the East and West. This book is guaranteed to inspire anyone who wants to apply change in their life and live life to the fullest with courage, joy, and absolute faith. Becoming Teachable is a book you will want to read over and over and cherish for generations to come.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Oct 15, 2012
• ISBN: 9781626751606

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REFERENCES

Chapter 1

Introduction

To desire is to expect, to expect is to achieve. No matter how big or small a desire may be, one must first, believe that the desire is achievable and second take action to bring it to reality. Fear, lack of faith, low self-confidence, low self-worth and low self-esteem are all barriers towards achieving our desires. So how do we overcome these barriers? Once this question has been answered for you, it will most definitely lead you to your life’s purpose.

Life itself must have a purpose; without a purpose, we human beings easily fall prey to worries, fears, troubles and self-pity. When you find your purpose, you will find yourself. My purpose in life didn’t make sense to me in the beginning. In fact, it honestly felt like I had no purpose. However, the desire to change was there and I could feel it, but I had no clue how I was going to bring this about. The desire was not very big at first, but with assistance, action and persistence, it started to grow. I was sick and tired of the life I was living. I was sick and tired of living in constant fear and doubt. I was tired of my existence and not having a purpose. My own existence became a burden on me.

When we desire something, we hope and, sometimes, even long for that something to manifest in our lives. Be it in physical, emotional or spiritual form, we all can manifest whatever we want in our lives with something simple, called desire. If we truly desire something from deep within our hearts, there is nothing in this life that we cannot obtain. But there is a small catch to manifesting your desires into reality — once we have an idea of what we desire, we must start to take action on it, and the efforts put behind the action must be done with absolute faith and in an honest manner. Only then will we see the results. A desire starts with a thought but never ends with it. Faith with action always equals results.

For many years of my life, I had only one simple desire and that was the desire to die. The desire not to live anymore was there, but the fear of death itself would scare me away from any thoughts of suicide. Yet sometimes it felt like death itself did not want anything to do with me. There were occasions when I had the opportunity to greet death at my door, but every time it would decide that I was not worthy of its acquaintance yet. Even death can be very selfish, sometimes.

I was spiritually, emotionally and physically sick. I saw no purpose in life. I saw no purpose in myself. I envied other people’s lives and became jealous of the material things they obtained. Their status in society and the happiness on their faces would make my stomach churn. I wholeheartedly wanted those things in my life, too, but for some reason, I believed that I could never achieve them. I was a loser and they were winners. I was dumb, they were intelligent. I was poor, they were rich. I was wrong, they were right. They deserved these things and I did not. Such was my thinking at that time.

Chaos, suffering and misery became my alibis, and it was a type of life I became accustomed to. It was the only way I knew how to live. It was the only way I knew how to think. I blamed others around me and life itself for my misfortunes. Not even once did I look at the fact that, maybe, I had a little to do with how my life had turned out. I thrived on people who felt sorry for me, and their pity gave me great comfort in knowing that I existed. Someone was at least paying attention to me, even if it was only in the form of feeling sorry for me. There came a time when I did not have even a single person in my life whom I could consider my friend or family member. I was all alone.

I was a boy in a man’s body, riddled with fear. Fear became a huge part of my life and stayed that way for a long time. It manifested itself through anger, anxiety, panic attacks, self-doubt, low self-esteem, severe depression and even substance abuse.

My mistakes in the past would haunt me daily and the thought of the future, the unknown, would paralyze me with fear. My own reflection in the mirror repulsed me to the point of feeling sick. I did not love the man I saw in front of me. In fact, when I did take a glance in the mirror, I would always tell myself, Look at that loser; you can’t get any worse than this. Love was a word that did not exist in my dictionary. It was an emotion that I had not experienced or felt for a very long time. God was not part of my life anymore. I decided to put Him on the back burner. I had no faith in Him, or anything of the sort because I thought He was punishing me for my mistakes. I was very angry with Him.

As long as I can remember, I had a mental image of what perfection and success looked like because that was what was taught to me by my parents and society around me. From this experience, I started to believe that I could never match or even come close to what God expected of me. I was not worthy of Him. What’s the use anyhow? Why would He want anything to do with a person like me? I repeated these questions in my head for many years, and as a result of this questioning and not knowing the consequences of my beliefs, it seemed as though suffering came for a ride right along with me.

Then one miraculous day everything changed for me. Life started to take on a whole new meaning and everything around me started to make sense. I started to see life through a whole new set of lenses. I started to realize that life itself does not change. It sustains itself at whichever level you choose it to be sustained at. Life is not our combatant. So you want your life to change? You need to first understand that you are life. Only you have the ability to change your life. I hope this story gets to thousands and even millions of people before their suffering reaches the realms of hopelessness and despair. However, if only a few read this story, I will still be very proud of my achievement. If telling my story inspires even one person; all my efforts will be worth it. After all, Mother Teresa also said, If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.

Sometimes a helping hand is all we need to get us back on our feet and into the marathon of life. This is my hand to you. Maybe something I write in this book will touch you profoundly and give you the inspiration, the hope and the direction to change your life. The Power you are seeking is within you. It was there from the time you were born and will stay with you even after you die. If you can successfully get in touch with this Power, you can not only change your life for the better, but you can also reach for the stars and achieve anything that you may desire in life, regardless of your current circumstances.

So please join me and allow me to share my experience with you.

Chapter 2

A DESIRE TO CHANGE

It felt like my life had come to an abrupt stop. It felt as though life had something personal against me and it was punishing me for some unknown reason. The feeling of hopelessness and despair held me in its tight grasp. How did my life get to this? Why can’t I seem to shake this feeling? Why can’t I stop these terrifying thoughts? Why does it seem that there is no purpose to this life? These thoughts were racing through my mind as I sat there on the park bench. The thoughts were so powerful and real, it seemed like somebody was whispering them in my ears.

I could not explain the anxiety, the depression and the fear I was feeling. I could not pinpoint the cause of this suffering. Maybe I belonged in a mental institution. It felt almost like the sigh of relief would never be a part of my life again. My hands were shaking and my body was trembling with fear. I could not seem to catch my breath.

I noticed the people around me in the park. Their happiness and laughter were almost contagious. They seemed so happy and content with their lives. They obviously had something that I didn’t, but what? It’s just not fair, I kept saying to myself. What did I do so horrible in my life to be punished like this?

As I sat there crying, looking back at my life, I could not help having flashbacks of all the hurtful things I had done in my life. Every memory felt like a spear being pierced through my heart. This made me cry even harder. Maybe, this life was a sort of punishment for my actions. There was not a soul left in my life whom I could call as a friend or a family member. I was alone. I had isolated myself from my friends, family and society because I did not want them to see me in the state I was in.

My head had now collapsed in my lap and both hands were covering my face. I could not seem to control the emotional pain that was physically coming out of me. It seemed as if years of built up anger, resentment, fear, frustration and despair were now coming out, all at once. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a deep, gentle voice.

I hope you don’t mind me interrupting.

The voice startled me and I quickly turned to see who it was. Beside me, sitting on the same bench, was a Caucasian man. He was, maybe, in his early sixties. For some reason, he was looking at me and smiling. The moment I looked at him, I swear I saw a sparkle in his eyes. It scared me so much that I quickly looked away. The sparkle was so intense, it was like staring directly at a diamond under a magnifying lens. I couldn’t help notice the tattoos on both his forearms. The ink was quite smudged, and I couldn’t quite make out what the tattoos were showing. Then my eyes went up to his face. He had a shiny bald head and a rather large white goatee which seemed to perfectly accompany his lineless face. There was something about this man that I just could not explain. He had a calm and peaceful presence about him.

What do you want? Please leave me alone, I said to myself.

I quickly looked back to my feet, hoping that this old man would leave if I ignored him.

You know, I have been watching you for quite some time now, said the smiling old man.

Not knowing what to say and feeling my privacy had been invaded, I angrily replied, Well, I suggest you stop watching me. I’m not moving from this bench. It’s a free country if you did not notice.

I just didn’t want to be bothered and would rather be alone in my own misery.

Okay. I can do that. But first allow me the courtesy to introduce myself. Then I will leave if you still want me to. The name is Oscar Mullton.

Then I saw his large hand come into view waiting, ever so gently, for a handshake. As I was looking down towards the ground I could not help but notice his other hand which was resting on his lap. It seemed his hand was crippled as though it had been injured from some horrific accident and I could see the large surgery marks on the outside of his hand. On the backside of his fingers I saw the tattooed words love and hate. I slowly started to sit back up, trying to ignore his greeting the best I could.

Even after my rude comment and trying my best to ignore this man, he kept his hand in front of me and it didn’t seem like he was going to withdraw it anytime soon. I felt I had no choice but to shake his hand, hoping this might get rid of him. The thought I had at that moment was, Why is this man so interested in a person like me? What does he want from me?

Aakash, I replied.

Nice to meet you, Aakash. What a peculiar and interesting name. May I ask what it means? asked Oscar.

"It means sky," I replied awkwardly.

The sky is only the beginning, gently whispered Oscar to himself.

Excuse me? I asked gently.

What a wonderful day it is! The sun is shining and this gentle breeze blowing across our faces is so refreshing. And look at the beautiful people, animals and flowers around us. Nature is so impressive, is it not? You can’t ask for anything better, can you, Aakash?

I went silent because I did not see what he did. This day was probably the saddest day of my life. All I saw was disappointing flashbacks of my life and how life had somehow turned on me for the worst.

I don’t see what you see, Oscar, I replied with a weak broken voice.

Of course you don’t. I have been sitting not too far from you and I couldn’t help but notice how unhappy you looked. May I ask why this massive flow of tears?

Oscar stumped me at that moment. I had been suffering in this state for the last eight years of my life and in those years, not a single person ever cared enough to ask me why.

You won’t understand, I replied with tears rolling down my cheeks once again. I have lost everything in my life. I am 26 years old and I have nothing to show for my life. It’s been almost a decade of this misery and every day seems like a day that is never going to end. All I have is 20 dollars left in my pocket which someone gave me because they felt sorry for me. I have nothing to eat except a bag full of apples and oranges, which I picked up at the local shelter nearby. I have lost everything in my life. I hate this life, I sobbed.

How easily we blame life as if it’s a combatant, whispered Oscar to himself.

What did you say? I interjected.

Life, Aakash, we so easily blame life when things don’t exactly go the way we want them to, replied Oscar.

Then what else am I supposed to do? My life sucks and I honestly don’t want to be a part of it anymore.

Fair enough, Aakash, but what if I told you that life has nothing to do with why you are feeling this way? What if I told you that life has done you no harm and never will? asked Oscar with a serious look.

What do you mean? I asked with an arrogant look.

Life is simple, son, we people are not. I truly believe that life always sustains itself, Aakash. It never changes on its own. Life is endless and infinite, just like the universe. Yes, the physical life ends, but the spiritual life never dies. Just like energy cannot be destroyed, neither can the spirit. Could you imagine a life where it had total control over you? What would be the purpose of living? However, in this infinite process, there is an age-old secret that many are not aware of, even today.

What secret? I asked quickly. I was anticipating the response to this old man’s madness but, at the same time, was curious to find out the depths of this secret. I was staring at Oscar with a look of impatience now.

Change yourself, Aakash. Only then will your life change. Only you have the ability to manifest the life of your desires. Only you have the ability to manifest your dreams and bring abundant happiness into your life. Aakash, the secret is that you are life.

I am life? That sounds absurd. That wasn’t really the answer I was looking for, Oscar. But if I am life, why am I going through so much suffering? I said with a confused tone.

"I think the answer to your question was best put by Mother Teresa, when she said,

‘Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it.

Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.’"

What exactly does it mean to change? I asked.

Change starts with a decision. When we make a decision to change, this means a complete psyche change.

Psyche change? You mean we are all psychics?

Oscar laughed, Well, as a matter of fact, we are, yet that is not what I am trying to say here. Our psyche is our mind and spirit.

I see, so what is a complete psyche change then?

A complete psyche change is to go from a physical being seeking a spiritual experience to knowing that ‘I am’ a spiritual being having a physical experience, instead of looking for life to become life itself and instead of wallowing in lies to become the truth. Levels of perfection and imperfection are the labours of the physical life, not the spiritual one. A complete psyche change would entail a lot more than an average person realizes. It’s about literally turning our whole world as we perceive it upside down.

Oscar continued, Aakash, many people in this world suffer. This suffering often manifests itself in physical and emotional forms. Physical suffering is quite easy to overcome. If we get injured or become sick, we just wait until our body heals itself and the physical pain is gone. Emotional suffering, on the other hand, is not something that goes away just by waiting. Emotional suffering is created by our thoughts, and majority of these thoughts are not true. Unless the thoughts are changed, the emotional suffering will stay with us forever. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

How do you know so much about suffering? Have you ever suffered in your life, Oscar? I asked sarcastically.

Oscar now turned his body away from me and started to stare at the lake in front of