Make The Right Choices

By Anna Gallotti and Maryvonne Lorenzen

We make choices every day, from the simplest to the toughest. Considering all the opportunities life offers, the question is not only WHAT to choose but HOW to choose what will make us happy, without regrets, without being weighed down by education, conventions and the desire to please.

In this book you are going to discover

• The SEVEN STEPS leading to good choices.

• The keys to choices that are “GOOD FOR YOU”.

• Who you really are, your qualities and your flaws, the influence of your education, your values, your experience, your emotions, your body, your spirit and all those factors that make you UNIQUE in the world.

With practical tools and exercises, the authors lead us toward a greater SELF-AWARENESS and show us how to make choices that can contribute to a better life.

"Combining philosophical reflections and psychological research, storytelling and practical tips, Make the Right Choices is a blueprint for a happier and more fulfilling life. The first right choice I recommend making is reading this book!"

Tal Ben Shahar, professor at Harvard University, positive psychology expert and author of the international bestsellers Being Happy and Choose The Life You Want.

"Happy choices, wise choices, painful choices: in this book you will find helpful tips on making decisions that will enrich your life and the lives of others."

Christophe André, psychiatrist, psychotherapist and author of the international bestsellers Looking at Mindfulness: 25 Ways to Live in the Moment Through Art and The Power of Self-esteem.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anna Gallotti
• Release date: Feb 15, 2016
• ISBN: 9788892554481

Book preview

Notes

PREFACE - I’m trying to become the protagonist in my own life.

My aunt had just arrived to visit me a couple of months after she lost her life partner to illness. I had just asked her how she was doing and this was her answer. She continued that she was basically okay, though of course having a hard time, and then added, My manager is gone. Her wisdom struck me. Here, in the midst of a traumatic life change, she was able to see clearly the difference between placing herself under someone else’s direction and placing herself at the center of her own story.

Maryvonne Lorenzen and Anna Gallotti have written this book about making that discovery —that our path to our own freedom, to our own liberty, is paved with self-awareness and recognizing the choices that we have available to us. Each of us may choose to become the central character in our own life story and write our own tale.

Choice, as presented in this book, is a key concept from a body of work called The Human Element®, a methodology designed to help individuals, teams, and organizations remove blocks and achieve their full potential and exceptional results. Choice is a pragmatic assumption I may make in order to increase my awareness and reorient my search for solutions to problems. It pushes me to take responsibility for myself and thus to be in the driver’s seat of my life.

To assume I am choosing my life is the same as searching for what is happening for me on a deeper level. On the other hand, if I assume that I am a victim of circumstance and other people’s whim and that I do not choose my life, I stop looking for solutions to my problems. Assuming I am choosing prompts me to ask, How am I creating the situation in which I find myself? Why would I do that, if it is not something I want? What choices can I make to get more of what I want? Assuming I am choosing, even when it seems preposterous, can lead me to new insights and be both practical and empowering.

As the head of the worldwide community of The Human Element®, I have the pleasure of hearing many stories about the effects of this work. In over 35 years of The Human Element® being used around the world in a wide variety of settings and organizations, the concept of Choice has proven to have a huge and positive impact. As Lorenzen and Gallotti know from their experience, learning the concept of Choice is not an event. It is the beginning of a journey. I have found that the concept of Choice deepens and grows richer over time. At first, the concept of Choice sounds simple, and it is. I assume that I am choosing my own life, including what I do and what I do not do. But, as I delve deeper into the implications and the details, the concept expands, like unpacking an overstuffed suitcase. It can feel confusing and overwhelming for a time. But then, as I continue to explore, to make connections, and to question my assumptions, I find that the concept becomes simple again, packed back in the suitcase, only now I have knowledge of the contents. In The Human Element®, we refer to this kind of idea that is first simple, then complex, then simple again as a profound simplicity — a simple idea with far-reaching implications, yet practical and widely applicable.

This book unpacks the profound aspects of Choice. Starting with the concept of Choice as it is presented in The Human Element®, the book expands upon it, clarifies it, lays out the details and implications of it, enlivens it, explores the nooks and crannies of it, and organizes it into a practical and comprehensive means for us to claim our power, our happiness, and our freedom. It can help us to adopt the concept of Choice as an attitude, a stance we may use to discover ourselves, reduce our pain, liberate ourselves, help us reach our full potential, and become fully joyful.

Maryvonne Lorenzen and Anna Gallotti are highly experienced consultants, trainers, and coaches who have consulted to top organizations successfully for many years and belong to the community of practitioners of The Human Element®. They have drawn upon many sources, especially their own experience and insights, to create a book suitable for people making changes in their lives and in their work, such as leaders and managers, as well as for people involved in the fields of organizational development, human development, and the helping professions, including consultants, coaches, trainers, and practitioners of The Human Element®.

This book is for you if you want to take charge of your own life and write your own story. You will find a wealth of ideas and approaches that will help you to discover yourself at a deeper level, question your assumptions, reframe your experiences, and make positive change. It is also a significant contribution to The Human Element® body of work and for people who have been touched by its power.

By the end of this book, you should have repacked your bag and be ready for the adventure that is your life.

I hope you choose your journey well!

Ethan Schutz

President & CEO

The Schutz Company

INTRODUCTION - Choosing with your eyes wide open

I choose, and I have always chosen, my own life. I choose my behavior, my feelings, my thoughts, my illnesses, my body, my reactions and my spontaneity. Will Schutz

To choose or not to choose: it may seem simple at first glance and yet it is a question that forces us to delve into the depth of our souls. We make choices every day, from the simplest (I get up in the morning to go to work; I have lunch with this or that person…) to the toughest (I change jobs, I get married…).

Our self-analysis, our view on the world as executive coaches, our reading and our research have led us to the conclusion that the real question is not WHAT to choose but HOW to choose.

Whenever we take a professional decision, the how may seem obvious since we often have to explain to others how we arrived at that particular decision. Yet we will see that, even though the reasoning that leads to choosing is often clear, the emotions that are involved in all our decisions, whether professional or personal, are far from being unequivocal and clear, even when presented under the guise of very rational reasoning.

Similarly, the most important choices in our life are thought out, but our thinking is often polluted by multiple factors (our education, our family background, the desire to please others, social conventions), that lead us towards paths which a posteriori may not necessarily be the most profitable for us.

In this book we put forward a strong hypothesis: understanding HOW we choose is the key to choosing in agreement with ourselves and, consequently, to doing what is good for us and to leading a happy life.

In the first place, the HOW enables us to improve our self-knowledge and, secondly, to confirm that our choices, whatever they may be, are coherent with our being. Most of us have experienced choices which seemed difficult at first, but which in the long run turned out to bring us happiness. For these choices were good for us.

This book will explore paths leading you to make choices that are good for you in the broadest sense of the term (and not in the sense of immediate hedonistic pleasure).

The second premise of this book is that in order to understand HOW we choose we need to have a better knowledge of ourselves. Throughout this book we will discuss AWARENESS. By awareness we mean not only awareness of self, but also awareness of our interaction with the outside world, of who we really are, of our virtues and our flaws, of the influence of our education, our values, our experience, our emotions, our body, our spirit and all those factors that make us unique in the world. Choosing also means asking ourselves: what kind of person do I want to be? What are my values? How can I live in harmony with my fundamental values? How do I want to use the time that has been allotted to me? What do I really want?

Let’s start from the premise that a benefit is expected behind each choice. An improved knowledge of our benefits will lead us towards increased awareness which will in turn help us to clearly understand the deep motivations behind our choices. Sometimes we make a choice that we later regret, because we forget that it brought us a benefit that suited us at that particular moment. Sometimes our choices will result in long-term benefits.

In fact, there are no good or bad choices in absolute terms. In this book we have carefully avoided to assign moral connotations to this or that choice. Our purpose is not to make you feel uncomfortable or guilty because of your choices, but to invite you to look at your life from a neutral standpoint, without passing judgment. What really matters, and what we are hoping for, is to lead you to explore your past, present and future choices in order to widen your possibilities and improve your present and future well-being.

******

We have conceived this book as a source of practical tools for our readers. We will re-examine certain theories on choice and freedom and will make a link with practice in order to give everybody the keys and examples leading to a better life.

This book is meant for anybody who wishes to reconsider his or her past choices, while keeping in mind present and future choices. Any reader can have access to this book and for this purpose we have carefully avoided the use of coaching jargon.

Because of our professional experience, we believe this book is a valuable tool for people who occupy positions of responsibility within organizations.

One thing is certain: how can we change if we think that we don’t have any choice in life?

Awareness is a powerful lever to help you bring about changes in your life. Only you can choose the level of awareness and self-determination that will make you move forward.

This book comprises four parts:

In the first part Choice, Awareness and Well-being, we illustrate the main concepts that the reader will find throughout the book, the basic requirements to make choices leading to well-being and the practical tools to effect these choices.

In the second part we explore what goes on within our body on an emotional level when we make a choice. We will show that body and spirit are a single entity. Finally, we will offer solutions to make sure that, whenever we decide to change a certain type of behavior, what’s bred in the bone doesn’t come out in the flesh.

The third part deals with the limits of our choices, both social and physical, as well as the limits inherent in our world, such as the unchangeability of the past and the unpredictability of the future, in short, any situation which we are powerless to modify. We will offer some thoughts to help the reader live happily, notwithstanding.

In the fourth and last part we submit two essential elements of choice: benefits and responsibility. The full understanding of their meaning and their impact on us are important factors in making choices over time.

In keeping with the principle of choice, we invite the reader to pick from this book whatever he finds useful. The book includes several possible lines of thought and action. We hope it will help you make better choices and thus increase your well-being.

Anna and Maryvonne

Some helpful tips for reading this book

Dear reader,

In each chapter you will find three features:

1/ The text explaining the main concepts

2/ Case studies exemplifying particular situations

3/ Exercises

There are different ways of reading this book. Having received useful feedback from readers of the French version, we can suggest three approaches, although we already know that yours will be the best!

1/ If you just want to enjoy the book, read it from cover to cover!

2/ You can choose to do the exercises gradually, as your reading progresses

3/ Finally, you can split the reading into two stages:

Stage one: understanding the concepts and the themes developed in the book;

Stage two: taking the time to do the exercises.

For an in-depth analysis of the exercises and a thorough understanding of the concepts developed in this book, we strongly suggest that you sign up for one of our two-day seminars which will be held both in French and in English.

These seminars will help you:

to put into practice the exercises in order to improve your capacity to make the right choices

to learn to use them for your clients or friends so as to lead them towards the right choices

For more information, click on the following web site:

http://www.share-coach.com/

Or, if you prefer, e-mail us at the following addresses:

[e-mail]

[e-mail]

This book is translated from French by

Ester Rota Gasperoni

Sergio Gasperoni

PART 1 - Choice, awareness and well-being

« I decided to be happy because it’s good for my health"

Voltaire

Chapter 1 - Our starting point: choices that make us happy

Think about all the beauty that still exists around you and be happy, 

Anne Frank, Journal

Caption...

Figure 1: Throughout this book we will follow the progression of choice, which includes seven steps enabling us to make good choices. In this chapter we will explore the first step, i.e. happiness and well-being.

We have chosen (it goes without saying!) the following definition:

The exploration of desire and the implementation of an action or inaction while waiting for a benefit which will have a fairly powerful long-term impact. It contains several fundamental elements: the concepts of desire, implemantation (action or inaction), benefits and long-term impact. 

Choice comes from the desire to fill a need

According to  Plato, desire is the expression of a need that must be filled. We make choices to bring about a change of conditions or else to make sure that those conditions do not change. In both cases, there comes a moment when an internal drive pushes us to choose.

This desire, this drive, may be conscious, i.e. the realization that we have to fill a particular need. But it may also arise on an unconscious level: in this case we are not aware that we have a need. Or rather, we do know, but this knowledge has not reached