Sshhh…It’s Not a Secret

By Girish V Konkar

Leadership is an art and not a science. Whom do you admire and would like to emulate? The names could vary from Mahatma Gandhi, Anna Hazare, Ratan Tata, Shivaji, Churchill to your parents. How many of you would like to put your name there or even close to them? If you do, then this book is a must read. Leadership is not about having a big fan following. It is about doing one's best in whatever one does.

Leadership qualities are no secret and you can list these down on paper. These qualities could be – having a vision, goals, role clarity, commitment, integrity, honesty, a +ve attitude and many more. This is quite a big list and if one is to possess every quality in abundance, this person would be a superhuman. But then some leaders are indeed super humans – they do not have super human powers, but super human qualities.

This book is about making your task easier so that you can take on life with all its myriad challenges, decide on clear goals and at the same time enjoy the journey. Life is after all not just a destination to be reached, but also a journey to be enjoyed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Notion Press
• Release date: Jun 25, 2015
• ISBN: 9789352060023

Book preview

Sshhh... It’s NOT a Secret

Transformational Leadership & Life Mastery

(Become the Master of your life and not it’s Slave)

Girish V Konkar

Notion Press

5 Muthu Kalathy Street, Triplicane,

Chennai - 600 005

First Published by Notion Press 2015

Copyright © Girish V Konkar 2015

All Rights Reserved.

ISBN: 978-93-52060-02-3

This book has been published in good faith that the work of the author is original. All efforts have been taken to make the material error-free. However, the author and the publisher disclaim the responsibility.

No Part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying, recording, Xerox or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the authors.

Dedicated to my dear father Shri Vasant A Konkar and my beloved mother Mrs Sudha V Konkar, who taught me how to take on life with all its challenges…

A special thanks to my wife Maneesha, daughter Devayani and son Anurag who encouraged me at every step to take this plunge into writing down my thoughts and actions so that I could spread the word

Preface

There has been a lot of news about the unemployability of our graduates, about how most people joining the corporate world lack the qualities required of them in an ever complicated and demanding business or life scenario. Our colleges more often than not produce ‘illiterate literates’, those who can read but simply cannot apply their mind. Corporates need more leaders, not just managers; the difference being that a leader is one who does the right thing while a manager merely tries to do it right. Leadership is an art of influencing a person to do something as if that person always wanted to do it.

There are three basic things that make a human being effective. These are Knowledge, Skills and Attitude or behaviour. If one lists down the qualities required of a leader, we can come up with some 60 different qualities ranging from commitment, integrity, risk taking, decision making, passion, honest, trustworthy, communication and many more. We find that knowledge and skills are two elements of these while the rest of the 90 per cent of leadership stems from our Attitude. Managing is a knowledge and skills issue while leadership is more about Attitude.

Attitude could be defined as a subconscious reaction to an external influence/stimulus. Your subconscious mind controls your Attitude; 95 per cent of our mind or routine actions are from the subconscious mind and only 5 per cent is controlled by the conscious mind.

This quote sums it all

"Knowledge and skill will get you the interview .....

It’s the Attitude that will get you the job and take you higher."

How does one imbibe and nurture the right Attitude? This book is a guide to learning many of the Leadership & Life Mastery techniques to help you not only enjoy the journey but also choose your destination. Success then becomes your choice.

In order to get the best out of this book, I would request you to take a paper and a pen and seriously undertake the exercises that are given as they will help you crystallise your thoughts and actions that would follow. At the risk of repeating, ‘unless behaviour changes, learning has not taken place’.

Go for an incremental change and not a Tsunami change. Change yourself every day, slowly, and you will find that, over time, you are a totally new person. Why? Because of that small change you brought about in yourself every day.

The journey continues…

Acknowledgement

This book has been a result of my journey as a trainer, facilitator and coach since 2004. At the outset, let me acknowledge that leadership, personality development, self-help books are not a new genre; there are millions of books available worldwide and even more information on the Internet. Hence, whatever I have to say probably has already been said by someone somewhere. This is my humble attempt to put together my thoughts and experiences in a manner that would benefit you in order to lead a healthy and fulfilling life – as a parent, child, businessman, professional, or an individual. There is something in it for everyone. At the end of the day, what matters is what you actually implement in your life. The book itself is of no value unless you implement some of the aspects given there. In case you are already familiar with some of the concepts, hey, so be it. As they say, ‘repetition is the mother of learnings’. If you are already doing it, great, you are on the right path, continue doing it and do it better.

The contents are drawn from numerous sources and it is difficult to individually appreciate and acknowledge each one. The learnings come from my parents, my childhood friends, my teachers, seniors and colleagues from the Indian Navy, my wife, my kids and many others who have helped me at every stage in this life’s journey.

Among the leadership and management gurus, you will find glimpses of teachings from Ken Blanchard, Verne Harnish, Arfeen Khan, Anthony Robbins, Jack Daly, Edward De Bono, Ram Charan, Stephen Covey, and many others.

I am also indebted to many spiritual gurus and thinkers such as Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, Ramdev Baba, Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev, Swami Chinmayananda, Swami Samarth Ramdas (a Marathi saint) and many others for providing me with great insight into life. They have helped me in my search for a fulfilling life.

Many friends also contributed in their own way, especially during the excellent discussions and philosophical debates around a campfire and during the various treks in the Sahyadris and Himalayas.

In fact, most of the thoughts that I have compiled are already enumerated in the Bhagwat Gita and Upanishads. Since I am not a Gita expert, I may not be able to give you the exact chapter or verse, but it is there. I am sure that all the religious texts of all religions also preach the same things, albeit in their own way.

What matters is how much I actually implement in my daily life and how it is experienced by others.

Chapter 1

Are You Contented ?

- Anon

In order to get the ball rolling, take out your pen and paper, preferably a notebook or a workbook that you can keep as your guide. That way, whenever you are in doubt or in a mood for introspection, you can refer to it at any time.

The first Question is… Who are you?

List down as points whatever comes to your mind first without much analysis.

1.

2.

3.

4.

May be many more things…

Good. Park them to one side for the time being and move on.

The Pedro Story

Let me tell you a small story. You probably have heard it before – maybe as an email forward from someone.

Pedro is a young gentleman from a small coastal village. Fishing is his primary occupation. One fine day, after a busy morning of catching fish and a good lunch, Pedro goes to his favourite place for a siesta. He lies down under the shade in a coconut grove. Just as his eyes shut, a beautiful, big and swanky car drives up and out steps a gentleman in a suit and classy shoes, carrying a briefcase.

He walks up to Pedro and says to him, Hey Pedro, what is this? Why are you sleeping and lazing around like this?

Pedro, awakened from his siesta, looks at the gentleman and says, What should I do?

The gentleman replies, Look at you! You are young, a fisherman, and a good one at that! Go out and catch some fish.

Pedro asks him, Then what will happen?

The gentleman replies, When you catch the fish, eat what you need and sell the rest in the market.

Pedro probes further, Then what will happen?

Well, says the gentleman, when you sell the fish, you will get good money. Use that as collateral, raise some money from the bank and buy yourself a boat. Go into the creek and into the sea and fish. Currently, you only fish next to the river bank. You can now go some distance into the sea. Catch more fish. Sell the fish and get more money.

Pedro persists with his questions, Then what will happen?

The gentleman says, Keep what you need and reinvest the rest. You can now buy a second boat. Slowly, over a period of time, your business will grow.

Pedro again asks him, Then what will happen?

Over a period of time one becomes two, two becomes four, four becomes eight and so on. You can now take a larger loan and get yourself a larger mechanised trawler. With this you can go deeper into the sea, catch even more fish and sell them in the market, replies the gentleman.

Pedro once again questions, Then what will happen?

By now you would have grown in years, you would have a large house, a big swanky car, a large bank balance, a big family…

Pedro once again questions, How long will all this take?

Well, anything from 10-20 years, depending on many other factors, replies the gentleman.

Pedro asks again, Then what will happen?

Of course, now you can relax all you want, says the gentleman.

Pedro looks at him and calmly says, "If ultimately the aim is to relax, then I am doing that perfectly well even now. Thank you for your advice. If I take your advice, then in the future, I will have a loan to repay… This will lead to stress. If my one boat will becomes two, two becomes four etc., then I cannot manage them alone. I will have to employ a number of people. Who will look after all the people I employ? I am a very capable and strong person and am not answerable to anyone. I am the master of my own self. You are talking of buying a mechanised trawler, not one, but a fleet of them. I will then have to worry about the diesel, the manpower, their maintenance etc.

Currently I have no worries, no tensions. I am a contented person. God has given me plentiful, I am happy with the small hut that I have, the four set of clothes that I possess. I get fish when I want to. Then why do I need to do all that you advice? The sea and the river have plenty fish. If I put a hook in the river or the sea I get a catch, my day is taken care of. I do not hanker after all the riches, or after all the money. With your advice, all I can see is stress, frustration, tension, anxiety, ultimately leading to high blood pressure, diabetes, mental stress, spondylitis and so many other diseases.

Q1: My question to you the reader is …

1. Is Pedro right in his thinking?

2. Is he wrong?

3. Do you find it difficult to decide and need to think through before you venture a reply?

Write your answer in your worksheet.

Spend a few moments understanding what made you select that option.

If you chose 1, that Pedro is right in his thinking, it suggests that you believe that one should be contented in life and not be greedy, as going after materialistic goals leads to stress etc. Well, you may be right.

If you chose 2, that Pedro is wrong, then your belief is that Pedro believes in status quo, who does not think beyond the immediate, has a limited vision, does not have goals, or a mission, does not plan ahead etc. That’s a good possibility.

If your choice is 3, then read on. This book will be able to make things clearer and give some answers.

You may have certainly noticed that while Pedro seems contented, he also lacks goals.

My 2nd question to you is:

Q2: What are your goals in life?

a ________________________

b ________________________

c ________________________

d _________________________

e ...And more

Super. Does it not feel wonderful to write down all these goals? I am sure you have probably written things like

 Be a good human being.

 Do good to society, to others.

 Follow my passion.

 Become a great professional.

 Have a great family.

 Look after my children and shape them into successful human beings.

 Give my children what I did not get.

…and maybe many more things

As this book unfolds, let us make your goals a reality.

Chapter 2

Limitations

- Anon

Let me tell you another story… This time it is of an eagle.

A Lost Eagle

Once a person found an egg. Without much thought he placed the egg in a hen’s nest. The hen hatched it along with her own eggs. Along with the chicks, the young bird was also born. All of them grew together and behaved more or less in a similar manner.

The young bird never found itself any different from the chicks and moved about the same way. It looked around for worms and insects in the same mud like the chickens. It hopped like the chicken by flapping its wings.

One day it noticed a beautiful bird soaring high in the sky. It floated and glided very gracefully, not caring much for the strong winds at that height. It was the king of the deep blue sky. The young bird, which was in the hen’s nest, wondered what bird was flying so gracefully, so high up in the sky.

Oh! That’s the Eagle, the King of all birds, said a mother hen and added, don’t think about it. As long as it is high up in the sky, we will remain safe on the ground. Why dream of becoming an eagle when we are chicks?

The task for you is to take this story forward in one or two sentences. When the mother hen tells this young bird to remain a chick, what should this bird think/reply/do?

Please take a moment and write this down. Only one or two sentences, not a paragraph.

Let me guess, some of you may have written that the young bird should discount/disregard the advice, take matters in its own hands and decide to fly, try to fly, think of touching the sky and fly like the eagle.

Some may have written that the young bird should remain with the chicks and realise/understand its own boundaries and limitations, that the hen gave it shelter, looked after it during its formative years and it cannot abandon them now.

Which of you is right?

How many challenges and limitations would this bird have to face? Would life be easy for this bird? Who is going to teach this bird how to fly? The mother hen and the surrounding eco system discourage it from even thinking about it. Even if the bird decides to go ahead and learn to fly by copying the eagle, the moment it tries to lift off, it is bound to fail the first couple of times. The other hens and chicks are going to laugh at it for trying something none of them do. Many, many limitations. This bird has a great goal in front of him, and equally insurmountable limitations.

Q3: My next question is - What are your Limitations?

Don’t we all have them? You have written down some great goals and things that you would like to achieve in your life, but then, deep down, these limitations may hamper your achievement of your goals. Go ahead and write down what you think are/may be your limitations.

a ______________________________________

b ______________________________________

c ______________________________________

d ______________________________________

Once again, let me hazard a guess. You probably wrote: