7 steps within self-leadership

By Niclas Timmerby

Every time you are influenced by another person in your life, it shapes and moldes you as a human being. It affects your thoughts, behavior, attitude, well-being, how you act towards your goals, and how you, from that moment on, influence other people you meet on your life journey.

To live a rich life, a unique life regardless of our circumstances, we need to reflect to gain self-awareness and empowerment. Who has really decided how and who you should be? Have you created your own life journey? Or could it be that you are more or less influenced by other people you have met in your life; from an early age in your childhood, family and relatives, through school age, in your professional life, from friends, acquaintances, and from your various close relationships?

Could it be that you are also partially influenced by cultures? How does all of this affect your daily life: your thoughts, feelings, ambitions, habits, mood, well-being and your relationships today?

This book is about taking control of the rest of your life. Living life to the fullest and dying in a unique way is truly an art, and you hold the brush in your hand to complete the masterpiece - yourself.


The book provides you with 7 steps to self-leadership:

1. What life have you learned to live?
2. What is your potential?
3. Who do you want with you on the journey?
4. Live, think, and act in the present.
5. The negative veil.
6. The long-term perspective.
7. The final destination.


People are like flowers, in the right environment, everyone can flourish. Niclas Timmerby

• Language: English
• Publisher: Books on Demand
• Release date: Jul 12, 2023
• ISBN: 9789180805315

Niclas Timmerby

Niclas Timmerby har arbetat i 23 år som ledare och har nominerats till "Stora Talarpriset" och "Årets Förebild". Niclas håller föreläsningar och utbildningar inom ledarskap, värdskap, lagbygge och förändringsarbete med kulturen i fokus. Urval av tidigare kunder: IKEA, Choice Hotels, Apoteket, Cubus, BRA-flyg, PwC, Lindab, IF Metall, Göteborgs Stad, Region Skåne.

Book preview

Contents

Foreword by Tina Thörner

Introduction

CHAPTER 1 - What life have you learned to live?

CHAPTER 2 - What is your potential?

CHAPTER 3 - Who do you want with you on the journey?

CHAPTER 4 - Live, think, and act in the present moment

CHAPTER 5 - The negative veil

CHAPTER 6 - The long-term perspective

CHAPTER 7 - The final destination

Final thoughts by the author

Epilogue

Contributions from the finalists in Brian Tracy's personal development competition

Training and lectures in leadership, hosting, team building, sales, and in changing corporate cultures

Index of names

Foreword by Tina Thörner

Life, yes life! It's a journey for me – short or long, every day is my special stretch and the rally is my life rally!

What drives me and what gets me up every morning? I was born out of the love between two unique beings – they gave me life and since birth, I have had and continue to have the opportunity to fill it with content!

The book's subtitle, the art of dying unique – I feel completely comfortable with it – since we are born unique and will leave this earth after how we have created our lives. Each on their own way with their own experiences, but since we all want to belong, we have brought many similarities, good as well as less good, with others.

We are born with a strong belief in ourselves and our ability to develop and grow up – but sometime around the age of 9, something changes within us and we begin to become more attentive to how our role models and environment act and react, and we absorb what is accepted as the right way to be and become our self based on our environment – many lose themselves and forget the foundation that has enabled us to learn to both crawl and walk – to feel pride in what I achieve and dare to convey this both in myself and to my surroundings.

For me, it is precisely these qualities that give me positive energies, drive, and determination.

This book is all about what is most important to me: LOVE YOURSELF – create positive and energy-raising thoughts, choose your surroundings, live and act here and now based on yourself and everything that entails.

When I chose to become one of the best in the world in navigation, a mental trainer told me that there is a formula that would help me along the way, and that is: take 100% RESPONSIBILITY – for everything you say – do – act and react at the same time as you eliminate excuses and justifications.

Make sure that your trillion cells get the best input they can – because they are your most important team in life! Give them sleep – food – exercise – challenges as well as TRAINING, and more TRAINING, and you will go as far as you want!

Niclas brings up thoughts and advice on this in the book – and with his tools, you can gain understanding and guidance to create and become your best self in all situations and circumstances. So when you leave this earth, you feel grateful and satisfied and say: I LIVED MY LIFE!

Endless power and unconditional LOVE to all of you who dare to live and create YOUR BEST LIFE!

Tina Thörner

Introduction

"When we see the end, we know exactly

how we should have lived."

Niclas Timmerby

Take care of yourself first

My plan was to write a second book on sales, I even had the title ready and had written over 100 pages. But soon it became clear to me that I wanted to continue where Show Your Gold ended. I started receiving many positive comments via phone and email. People seem to want to read this type of book even though it's a bit taboo to show/tell others that they're reading books on personal development.

Why is it taboo to want to grow? Is it because we show vulnerability, when in reality it's a strength, a proof of self-awareness and a desire for change and growth? Is it because we worry about what other people might think or say, when we know with 100 percent certainty, that the most important person in our lives is ourselves..?

If we don't take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of others and feel good.

If we don't like ourselves, we cannot like others and find inner peace.

If we don't speak positively to ourselves, we cannot enjoy and be grateful for whatever we deserve and receive in the form of personal relationships or material possessions throughout life.

My friend Aritha Friberg said something so wise:

I have always been told to treat others how I want to be treated. But I should probably start by being great to myself first...

Aritha is so right!

We should all make sure to be great to ourselves every day - to love ourselves for who we are and stand for the values we have is the foundation for feeling good. When we feel good, our thoughts become positive, and we see the future with optimism.

This means that we can handle small setbacks and failures that happen every day with ease. We focus on the solution to a problem and not the problem itself. Positive people are drawn to us like flies to honey.

When we feel good, we have the courage to give much of ourselves in words and actions to others.

All of this creates a positive circle that leads to us loving ourselves even more. It builds our self-esteem and gives us courage and strength.

You deserve all the good things in life

How often do you say how great I am! to yourself? How often do you say I am beautiful!? How often do you say I am amazing and I am worthy of a fantastic day! before you get out of bed? How often do you say "That is a beautiful person!" instead of evaluating your appearance each time you pass by or stand in front of a mirror?

How often do you say I deserve the best in life! to yourself? How often do you say I am good at my job, and I deserve all the success! to yourself?

If you say these things to yourself, you will treat the people you meet more positively than if you speak negatively to yourself.

The only way to achieve true success in both personal and professional life is to genuinely, from the heart, uplift others and moving other people forward by developing them and making them feel proud of themselves and what they do.

By doing this, you become a leader in their eyes, and you gain lifelong respect and trust.

On the next page you can see my formula that demonstrates the importance of speaking positively to yourself as much and as often as possible.

As you can see, the entire process starts with what you say to yourself, and the process is continuous because everything you think and do eventually goes back to a new thought, a new starting point.

When you speak positively to yourself, you influence your thoughts in a direction that works for you in your life.

On the next page you can see my formula that is a parallel process that simultaneously affects your attitude, your character, and over time, even your personality.

My point is to demonstrate the importance of how you speak positively to yourself because it determines almost everything. You are most definitely in charge.

87 percent

You have approximately 67,000 thoughts per day. That's one thought per second. Each thought leads to a decision or action, big and small, easy and difficult. Everything that you have in your life today is a result of your thoughts. All decisions and actions are your responsibility. Your education or job is your responsibility. If you have a partner and/or children, that is your responsibility. If you smoke or drink too much, that is your responsibility. Everything you put into your body is solely your responsibility.

If you live in the free world, no one forces you to make decisions and take actions. However, other people can influence and shape you to make decisions or actions. As long as they are in line with your values and ambitions, everything is peaceful. When they are not, you feel bad. More on that later in the book.

Studies have shown that 87 percent of the thoughts the average person thinks are negative. Eighty-seven percent....

This is proof that we often need a mental push in the right direction. That we need people around us who believe in us, who support us, and who stand behind us in good and bad times as well as in everyday life.

Fortunately, the human brain has an excellent limitation. You can only think one thought at a time...

This is great because it means you can train yourself to maintain a positive attitude and a positive mindset, which will benefit you in all situations, all encounters, and all scenarios you will encounter in life. According to researchers, having a positive attitude also means that you will live longer.

However, when speaking to people at lectures, it happens that I hear responses like, What do I need that for?; I'm already developed!; That's only for those positive people, it's not for me!.

When I spoke to an elite team in one of the world's largest sports, the club offered personal mental training to all 28 active members after our day together. Not a single Swede accepted... All foreign players said yes...

I had conversations with people from six different nationalities, but not one from my home country. Is this a cultural issue or just fears?

Not fears of danger, but the fear of what will other people (maybe) think, believe, or say?.

Why are people afraid to stand out? Is there an advantage to being like everyone else? Does such an advantage really exist?

Look at the most profitable businesses and organizations in the world. I can guarantee that the vast majority employ some form of mental training or personal development.

What is the advantage of trying new things? My answer is development and the desire to develop.

The extraordinary thing is that when you strive to develop every day, you see things more positively, don't get hung up on minor issues, want to accomplish things, maintain a high pace, and are a person who inspires others every day.

Development always requires change. And having the courage to change requires bravery.

Bengt and Lotta Wiström said something that changed my life and that I often think about.

What humans don't understand or are afraid of, humans will be negative toward.

The first time I heard this sentence, I didn't understand it. Then that sentence changed me as a person. I write it again: What humans don't understand or are afraid of, humans will be negative toward.

The story of the bamboo tree

Let me clarify something. Personal development doesn't happen instantly. It's not a quick course online or anywhere else, and you're done!

You can learn the basics, but then it's up to you -- and your self-awareness...

You may attend one, two, maybe ten incredibly inspirational seminars or lectures, but it probably won't lead to a conscious change that lasts...

You can read one, two, maybe ten books on personal development, but the chance of it leading to a conscious change that lasts is small...

I usually compare personal development to the bamboo tree. Those who plant bamboo trees tend to them carefully. They water and fertilize the soil carefully for the first year, and nothing happens...

They water and fertilize the soil carefully for the second year, and nothing happens...

They continue to water and fertilize the soil for two more years, and nothing happens -- absolutely nothing.

Then, in the fifth year, the bamboo tree grows up to 16 meters (!) in four to six months. It grows up to one meter per day.

This, for me, is the same thing as personal development.

You need to water and fertilize many times, and probably for many years, to understand the greatness of choosing a positive attitude, of changing your personality.

Many people attend one seminar or read one book and then stop. It's every person's unique choice.

You need to attend many seminars and read many books to choose to see the solutions in all minor setbacks and failures instead of seeing the problem.

You determine your future, your focus, your goals and ambitions, and your pace. No one else.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago - the second-best time is now.

Chinese proverb

Your positive network

If you create a network of positive people around you, you will reach your goals, ambitions, and dreams in life much faster.

Have people near you who believe in you, who speak well to you and about you, who stand behind you through thick and thin, who don't dwell on old things or focus on problems.

These people are out there.

To see them, you need to be the person who is positive, who sees the solutions and not the problems, who has a long-term focus, who chooses to talk about the positives of people instead of the negatives, who has short-term goals and long-term ambitions, who is humble, who believes in themselves and their abilities.

If you choose to be such a person, you don't need to look for positive people. They will come to you. I promise.

Follow On Course Until Success

You have probably noticed that the word focus can have the amazing meaning above.

The importance of focusing on one thing until completed rather than trying to juggle multiple tasks cannot be emphasized enough. Though the ability to multitask is a popular expression, especially in job descriptions, it is not the deciding factor for achieving success in one's career.

In 1920, a study was initiated at Stanford University, tracking 1,440 students from that year until their retirement. All were well-educated, and a significant number of the students achieved incredible success in their careers. The crucial factor that determined their success was their ability to focus on one thing at a time.

Therefore, finish what you start before moving on, assess your capabilities, and do not take on too much.

Believe in yourself

Whatever you do in life, this is an unavoidable Niclas law:

If you relinquishes your inner resolve, you relinquish your outward demeanor, attitude, and conduct in that very instant.

Niclas Timmerby

If you lack confidence in yourself in a particular situation, relationship, or project, the path to happiness and success will be very, very long and very, very steep, with strong headwinds.

If you speak negatively to yourself or think negatively about yourself, it directly affects your behavior, attitude, and actions.

Therefore, negative self-talk has four possible immediate consequences:

1. You find no meaning in life. You are losing the joy in life. I have been right where you are, and though it may sound harsh, I know that the only remedy is to accept that I am the one responsible for how I feel. I cannot blame anyone else in this free world.

2. No matter how hard you try, you only see the negative. In Chapter 5 The negative veil, you’ll find concrete tools for living a life with less negativity. Sadly, it is so effortless to fall into a negative state of mind. (Try lowering your head and assuming a very negative position. Stay like that for ten seconds, and then sigh a little. Now, try to think of a positive thought... If you can think of a positive thought, you'll be the first person I've heard of who can do so after that exercise.)

3. Your feelings are reflected in your body language. It is evident in your voice, in your tone. When you are positive, your tone reflects it, and when you are negative, your tone reflects the opposite. When you are positive, your body language also reflects it, and likewise, when you are negative, your body language reflects it too. Your fellow human beings sense, hear, and feel this difference. Become aware of your body language, for everyone else is aware of it. Start with something simple, like how you hold your shoulders. Stand in front of a mirror and observe the position of your shoulders. Then, when you are near a mirror, take note of this factor. Experiment with different positions and notice how they affect your mood.

4. Your health is negatively impacted. Among people and animals here on earth, we often hear stories where one partner dies, and up to two years later, the surviving partner dies inexplicably. Physicians found no direct cause of death in many of the cases that were autopsied. The only possible explanation was that the surviving partner died of grief, meaning died of negative thoughts. I read about an experiment conducted on cancer patients in the United States. They were asked to play the old video game Pac-Man. They were to envision themselves as the Pac-Man figure whose job was to eat the cancer cells (the dots in the game). All the subjects had an improved health outcome. Why? My answer is that they fought for their lives, and they saw the cancer cells disappear before their eyes, which led to positive thoughts. Positive thoughts produce positive outcomes. When successful people are interviewed, and asked why they succeeded, one factor is often highlighted: they were optimists.

The cure?

So, what is the cure if you speak negatively to yourself or think negatively about yourself? How do you find meaning and joy? How do you start seeing the positive?

The recipe is to change your everyday routine. (Read more about this in chapter 2, What is your potential?)

Golfer Jack Nicklaus has said that success in golf is 90 percent mental ability and the rest is all the other stuff. For example, where you were born, what clubs and other equipment you have, what background, genes, money, and talent you have.

I'm sure it's true in all sports and firmly believe it applies to everything in life.

Once the realization of this comes, the advantage of choosing a positive attitude and daring to hold your values, what makes you unique, will bring personal development just tumbling over you.

And the best part is that it won't stop pouring over you. Once you've experienced the advantage of this, you won't want to stop.

Everything you've accomplished in your life up to this point is a direct consequence of your choices and decisions. Your choices and decisions stem from your feelings, which result from your thoughts, which are the result of how you talk to yourself.

I love inspiring people and seeing people challenge themselves and grow... The sales book will have to wait,

Kristianstad, Sweden 2023, with my heart full of love and sincerity for you, the reader.

Niclas

CHAPTER 1

WHAT LIFE HAVE

YOU LEARNED TO LIVE?

"The miracle is not to fly or walk on water.

The miracle is to walk on the earth."

Chinese proverb

Who has shaped you and whom do you shape?

As children, we are continuously fed information through words, gestures, and body language from the people in our lives. Every moment we spend close to another person, we are influenced; there is no rest.

We are systematically shaped by others, often without