Brandi Whyne 5

By Celine Chatillon

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill and Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates.

Brandi and the crew go searching for a crack in the time-space continuum. Along the way they experience some rather wild side effects of inter-dimensional travel—including Brandi’s disembodied ass begging to be rogered. Robin is more than happy to oblige as the gravity units go off line, and as an oddly familiar time bandit plans to take Brandi hostage...

• Language: English
• Publisher: eXtasy Books Inc
• Release date: May 20, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311966780

Book preview

Chapter Five

The Search for Brandi’s Crack…

Brandi’s note: To understand Dr. Kwak’s little faux pas and his affinity for rat poison as a treatment option, read Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter One—Captured by Space Pirates! While you’re at it, you’ll want to read chapters two through four, Lashed at the Mast, Bound for Adventure and Little John’s Very Big Problem in that order to know what all is happening here and why as well. For certain you’ll want to learn more about "Mr. Hedgehog" in Little John’s Very Big Problem. And you can read about my very first discipline session in Lashed at the Mast.

Royalties from the sales of these great works of fiction go to SPCDSTSSP, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Deaf Show Tune Singing Space Pirates. Please help rehabilitated time-traveling space pirates return home after serving lengthy sentences for singing poorly crafted space pirate show tunes. We thank you for your generosity.

I want to dedicate this series to all the fantastic eXtasy Books authors, editors and publishers I met at the 2005 Romantic Times Convention in St. Louis. You really put some wild and creative ideas in my head… Man, did you ever!

When last we spied our hapless heroine…

You’re just not getting it! I threw up my hands in exasperation. Smuggling adult toys is a small time operation in the big scheme of things. Inter-dimensional bandits—if this indeed who we’re dealing with—wouldn’t risk being discovered by manufacturing and slipping a bunch of faulty vibrators through the crack.

What could be more devastating to our way of life than replacing our trusted sexual aids with inferior products?

I spun around to see who had made such a statement. My jaw dropped. Dum Luk? How can you, as a man of science, say such an inane thing?

Robin slapped the small man on the back again and smiled. Because ol’ Dum-Dum here understands what makes the universe go ‘round. Don’t you, buddy?

Dum Luk nodded, rubbing his sore shoulder. Before these inter-dimensional bandits start their true invasion they first cause discontent and discord with the powers that be in this dimension.

And what could be more disruptive than making sentient creatures angry and unsatisfied in the bedroom? Tryor added, clapping his hands. It’s a brilliant move on their part. They can’t be doing this all by themselves. It’s too big of an operation. They’ve got to have other go-betweens beside Daro.

What about Bak Azzwards? Dum Luk said. He is our closest competitor. How goes the swishy-handed pirate’s business?

Not as well as ours. Robin tapped a finger to his lips. He’s probably desperate enough to make an alliance with an alien of unknown origin in order to dump our business straight into the crapper.

I breathed a loud sigh. I felt totally frustrated that my voice hadn’t been heard and that my faultless reasoning hadn’t been recognized.

But couldn’t Bak have easily enough gotten a hold of some slipshod products made in this dimension and passed them along to Daro? I asked. Using an extra-dimensional manufacturer sounds rather expensive to me.

Tryor scratched his scraggly chin some more. Hmm, you make a good point. What if he doesn’t realize where the stuff is coming from? And what if the bandits are giving him some deep discounts? After all, they’re in it for taking over our entire dimension. They could always write off a few poor business deals. Hell, they’ll be making all the rules once they take over… Can you imagine how complicated the new tax code will be? And we thought the old one was bad.

I shook my head sadly. They weren’t getting it. I was about to leave the laboratory when Willie pranced in.

News from communications ops. We all stared at him. You know, Zelda, Zelina and crew? He paused upon the sight of our frowning expressions. Why all the down faces? Something die?

My reason, I muttered. "Robin can explain it to you ‘cause I