Brandi Whyne 4

By Celine Chatillon

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill and Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates.

In Chapter Four: Little John’s Very Big Problem Brandi bravely cheers up the giant John Thomas with her own brand of sexual healing. J.T. harbors a crush on Peri, a shy girl who works at Robin’s hideout. After a makeover and a sexy soak in the tub, Brandi, Peri and company enjoy a dinner party that includes plenty of dessert. But will bandits from another dimension spoil their fun?

• Language: English
• Publisher: eXtasy Books Inc
• Release date: May 20, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311814173

Book preview

Chapter Four

Little John’s Very Big Problem!

Brandi’s note: If you’ve forgotten exactly who Captain Bak Azzwards is, how we first met, and how he and Robin didn’t quite see eye-to-eye on things, read Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter One—Captured by Space Pirates! My first bout of discipline aboard the Parsnip is told in Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter Two—Lashed at the Mast! For more on the wickedly large ICBM dildo, check out Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter Three—Bound for Adventure! Remember that royalties from sales of these fine tomes will go to help rehabilitate deaf, show tune singing, space pirates.

With your purchase of any and all of the Brandi Whyne books, we can help these poor, deluded souls who think they can successfully belt out a Space Broadway show tune without assistance. A show tune is a horrible thing to waste on the wasted. Your generous contributions are sincerely appreciated. Thank you.

I want to dedicate this series to all the fantastic eXtasy Books authors, editors and publishers I met at the 2005 Romantic Times Convention in St. Louis. You really put some wild and creative ideas in my head… Man, did you ever!

When last we spied our hapless heroine…

Where are you going? Robin asked as I stepped out of the bathroom and donned one of his silk robes.

No place special. I took a brush to my auburn locks, sweeping my hair up off my neck with a pair of black lacquered sticks, which perfectly matched my kimono in black with purple edging. I’d discovered long hair sometimes got in the way at Willie’s parties and that it paid to come prepared.

Robin plopped down on the bed and crossed his arms behind his head, observing me closely as I applied moisturizer to my face. I thought Willie was calling it an early night since we’re landing in the morning.

He did. I’ve got to tackle another ‘mission’ to help out one of the crew. Zelda put me in charge of ship’s discipline while she was away. And an unhappy space pirate is a non-productive space pirate.

That sounds more like a morale problem, and that’s Kwak’s duty. Why don’t you stay in for a change? We could try a few more of my classic dildo collection. How about ‘twentieth century porn stars’? They’re very popular—our perennial best sellers.

I smiled, slipping into my black satin slippers. They sound delightful, but I made a promise and I intend to keep it. I headed for the door.

You’re not thinking about cheering John Thomas up—are you?

I froze in place. Some of Robin’s psychic ex-girlfriend’s abilities must have rubbed off on him. Yes, I am. How did you know?

He scrunched up his nose. Educated guess. That, and I saw you two eating together a few times this past week. I just want to warn you that playing ship’s counselor is not as easy as you think it is.

I never said it would be easy. But I feel I owe John Thomas whatever help he needs. After all, he did help rescue me from Daro’s cargo hold and certain death. That sick bastard, Daro, was about to shove a colossal-sized vibrator up my pussy. Now, if you’ll excuse me…

Robin rolled over to his side, laughing and slapping the pillows for effect. I frowned, my brows knitting together in anger. I turned to face him and placed my hands on my hips.

What’s so damn funny?

You are, Brandi Whyne. If you thought that tiny apparatus Daro threatened you with could rip you in two, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

Our story begins…

I stomped out of the cabin, angry that my lover—the one chosen by the Goddess of Fun, Fertility and Family Planning to be my soul mate—would make