The Man Who Found Birds among the Stars, Part Six: Merlin

By Lorinda J Taylor

As preparation for the first star-mission continues, the new crewmembers begin to interact with one another, new relationships form, old ones continue to evolve, and life on Earth moves forward. Capt. Nikalishin’s wife persists in disrupting his life no matter how he tries to discourage her. Cmdr. Glencrosse remains under psychiatric treatment for his delusions about an entity out to destroy the mission, but nevertheless his Captain continues to support his appointment as Chief Engineer of the Ariana. Too many complexities exist in their relationship for either of them to cast the other aside.
At last the mission’s destination and date of departure are set. Ian Glencrosse attempts to reconcile with his father, with ominous consequences which he reveals to no one. Furthermore, on the eve of departure, the High Feather makes another unexpected appearance ...
It’s too late to alter history ...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lorinda J Taylor
• Release date: Sep 19, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463199640

Lorinda J Taylor

A former catalogue librarian, Lorinda J. Taylor was born in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and worked in several different academic libraries before returning to the place of her birth, where she now lives. She has written fantasy and science fiction for years but has only recently begun to publish. Her main goal is to write entertaining and compelling fiction that leaves her readers with something to think about at the end of each story.

Book preview

THE MAN WHO FOUND BIRDS AMONG THE STARS

A Biographical Novel

Part Six

MERLIN

By

Lorinda J. Taylor

This is a work of fiction. All characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. However, the person presenting this book does not guarantee that such characters and events will not come into existence at some time in the future.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Cover illustration by Lorinda J. Taylor

Copyright © 2019 by Lorinda J. Taylor

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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Table of Contents

Synopsis: Parts One through Five

Facsimile: 29th Century Title Page

The Crew Is Chosen

Chapter 1: Fedaylia Redux: The Aftermath

Chapter 2: Relationships

Chapter 3: A Real Ship

Chapter 4: The Entity in the Engine

Chapter 5: Capt. Nikalishin Forgets

His Birthday Again

Chapter 6: Completing the Crew

Chapter 7: Preparing for Leave Time

Chapter 8: The Islands Again

Chapter 9: Krissmess at Last

Chapter 10: Final Visits

Chapter 11: Past, Present, and Future

Chapter 12: Winehandle Certifies

Cmdr. Glencrosse

Fledging the Merlin

Chapter 13: This Is Ariana

Chapter 14: The Ships Are Commissioned

Chapter 15: Unexpected Encounters

Chapter 16: First Sub-Light Flights

Chapter 17: Ian Glencrosse and His Father

Chapter 18: R and R on Earth as Test

Flights Continue

Chapter 19: Maj. Banyat Thaksin

Chapter 20: Capt. Nikalishin Extols

Earth’s Newest Hero

Chapter 21: Repercussions

Chapter 22: Final Preparations for

Interstellar Flight

Flying the Merlin

Chapter 23: At Last, Temporal Quantum Flight

Chapter 24: Encounters, Unpleasant and Pleasant

Chapter 25: Life on Earth Continues

Chapter 26: Progress and Change

Chapter 27: The Jinxed Mission

Chapter 28: Reactions

Chapter 29: The Seventh Mission: Alternatives

Chapter 30: More R and R

Chapter 31: Another Birthday in Space

Chapter 32: The Destination Is Set

Chapter 33: Endgame

Demons

Chapter 34: Man to Man (and Demon)

Chapter 35: Robbie Revisits the Past

One Last Time

A Note from the Author

Chapter 36: Ian Glencrosse Sets His Fate

in Motion

Chapter 37: The Mother of Ian Glencrosse

Chapter 38: The Father of Ian Glencrosse

Chapter 39: The Demons of Ian Glencrosse

Chapter 40: Marriages

Chapter 41: Of Gods and Fathers

Epilogue: The Scavenger

Appendix: The Mythmaker Precepts

Synopsis

Parts One through Five

Born in 2729, Robbin Nikalishin spends the first 31 years of his life dreaming of flying to the stars. After he is recruited for the nascent interstellar program, he is given command of his own ship, backed up by his childhood friend Kolm MaGilligoody as his Chief Engineer. His dreams are on the brink of being fulfilled when a new Commanding Officer forces the crew to risk their lives in a meaningless experiment. The result is a catastrophe; the ship becomes interdimensionally fused with an asteroid and Kolm dies pinned in the wreckage. [Part One]

Wounded physically and mentally, Capt. Nikalishin struggles to overcome the aftereffects of the Darter Disaster and to find fulfillment in a life where his dream of flying to the stars has been lost. He returns to interplanetary flight and achieves success as the Captain of a Mars ship, but he remains lonely and dissatisfied. When the woman of his dreams abruptly reappears, he woos and weds her, hoping to find a soul mate to assuage his loneliness. However, Fedaylia High Feather turns out to be a controlling and manipulative woman incapable of the understanding that the Captain needed. [Parts Two and Three]

Fedaylia finally reveals her true colors and Robbin Nikalishin’s life falls apart. However, he finds a way to dig deep inside himself and turn his life around. With much help from loyal friends, his dream of the stars begins to grow toward reality, but all is not smooth sailing when his estranged wife reappears. [Parts Four and Five]

Facsimile

29th Century Title Page

THE MAN WHO FOUND BIRDS

AMONG THE STARS

A Biographical Fiction

Issued in the year 2849 as

Part of the Commemoration

of the Fiftieth Anniversary of the Death of

Capt. Robbin Haysus Nikalishin

(10 May 2799)

Part Six

MERLIN

by Tania Barden

Fellow, Brassnose/Queens’ College

Oxkam University

Published by

The Midammeriken Publishing Link

New Washinten, 2849

The Crew Is Chosen

Chapter 1

Fedaylia Redux: The Aftermath

19-20 September, 2767

Back inside his house, all Robbie could smell was Elusive and he thought, Goddamit, I should put Fedaylia on report for flaunting all that stink while she’s in uniform. Distractedly, he tramped up and down the stairs three times to no purpose, then, breathless, he set the ventilation fans to High Exhaust and retreated into the kitchen to gulp water. Finally, he went into his office and sat down to make a com call.

When he got the desk at Sloe, his voice cracked and he had to clear his throat and begin again. Ellen, this is Robbin Nikalishin. Wilda rang me a little while ago …

Evidently Ms. Bridger had been expecting him to call because Wilda came on promptly. Oh, Robbie, what’s going on?

Wilda, she just showed up on my doorstep. It was the news conference, see – I wasn’t thinking about how she would know … She hadn’t known before that I was … and I had gone upstairs, and she went and answered the com, damn her … Bloody hell, where’s May’s robin? Don’t tell me that woman … Oh, I remember, I put it in the drawer … Robbie ran out of breath with a gasp.

Wilda had been trying to get his attention. Robbie – Robbie! Slow down and calm down – you sound terrible! I’m in Ellen’s office and she doesn’t care how long I tie up the link. You gotta pull yourself together.

Yeah, I know, I will. I’m not as far-gone as I sound, darlin’. But I had thought I was prepared for this ... Well, maybe I didn’t think that. Maybe all I did was try to avoid thinking about what would happen whenever I saw her again.

So you didn’t seek Fedaylia out?

Shit, no. She sweet-talked her way past Security and showed up unannounced.

Well, I’m proud of you for that. I have to admit I wondered if you’d be able to resist looking her up.

Wilda, I mean it when I say, I don’t want anything to do with her. She had the gall to tell me that in the Brig she hadn’t meant to imply she was leaving me permanently. And more than that, she asked me for a Com Officer job in Phenix – serving on my ship!

Well, I’ll be. That’s double gall. I can’t see the brass letting that happen, anyway.

Of course they wouldn’t – anybody who knew anything about the history between us wouldn’t. But I have to admit – and this is just for your ears, Wilda – I’ve had fantasies about doing that very thing. About taking her to bed out there inside the pod.

You have! But knowing how Fedaylia has always affected you, I’m not so surprised.

But I resisted. I’ve already filled all the Com Officer spots. I didn’t want to leave any cracks for her to get her claws into.

I’m proud of you for that, too. So she was wanting to get back with you?

She sure acted like it – made out that my house was hers – talked about how she was still my wife … Wilda, she was wearing the asteroid stone ring I gave her on Mars. I’m convinced she hates that ring – she wouldn’t use it for the wedding, you know. And I’d wager anything it’s in her pocket at this moment. I’m sure – she took it off – the minute she stepped – out the door …

Robbie? Robbie, are you crying?

He was twisting the ring on his own finger. Aw, a little bit. I could have had a wife, Wilda. A real wife, like you are to Dickon. Not somebody who just wants a – a display husband – and not just a nice bedmate like Linna … Don’t get me wrong, I’m really fond of Linna and we have a fine relationship, but we’ll never be married. Wilda, I’m just always going to be alone.

Aw, that makes me feel so bad.

Robbie snuffled, groping in his pocket for a handkerchief. Nah, I don’t want to do that. Just let me get it out of my system. You’re the best shoulder any man ever had to cry on, you know.

I know, Robbie. I’ll always be there for you.

I know you will, darlin’ – that’s a constant, one thing I’ve never doubted throughout my whole life. … So why did you ring me up today?

Well, to congratulate you and talk about what happened on Friday! What else?

Oh. Yeah, of course, I hadn’t heard from you since then. My link’s been bricked.

My call went through your office – that nice P.O. who worked for you before.

Nina’s setting up a DB of IDs that can come straight through to my house. The next time you call, you’ll be able to get this port direct. Robbie drew a compulsive breath and blew his nose.

That news conference was maybe even better than I expected! Your speech was wonderful! If anybody is left on Earth who thinks we shouldn’t try for the stars again, I can’t imagine what’s the matter with ’em! May was thrilled – she’s too young to remember SkyPiercer, you know. And the twins watched during an engineering club meeting – can’t you just imagination the impression it made when they told their wags they’d held that space plane of yours in their hands? I think most of them thought Augie and Julian were just joshing when they said they were personal friends of Capt. Nikalishin’s!

Maybe they’d better not talk too much about that. If the pop heads find out, the whole Murchy family will become fair game.

Oh, gaw. I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll warn the children, and Dickon, too.

Yeah, things won’t be quite the same from now on.

Don’t obsess about Fedaylia, Robbie. Your life is going so good now, and it’s time she stopped being part of it.

You’re absolutely right. I have to look at it that way, because that’s the way it is.

When Robbie got off the com, he went back upstairs and washed his scratched neck with antiseptic. The astringent smell was far more pleasant to him than the cloying aftermath of Fedaylia’s perfume.

*****

Shane was in the Security Chief’s office when Robbie stalked in. Now, Robbie, simmer down.

Yeah? And why do you think I need to do that?

Linna talked to me, said Shane, and then when Maj. Thorssen got your call …

You came right over to make sure I didn’t murder him.

Now, Captain, said Maj. Thorssen, I really apologize …

Robbie interrupted. So Linna ran to you, huh, Shane? What did she tell you?

That somebody had breached the Complex’s security and had been annoying you. What I said after the news conference about doubling the contingent – we’ve done that …

Did Linna tell you who it was?

No, but I assume it was pop heads or …

It was my wife, dammit! Fedaylia High Feather!

Oh. Shane looked blank and a sort of laugh erupted out of Maj. Thorssen.

My wife and I are separated – you know that, Shane, although I don’t know what Erik here knows. Anyway, the last thing I wanted was for that woman to show up at my front door. And Linna was the one who opened it – I presume everybody knows by now the Professor and I are on an intimate footing. That made it an extra lot of fun.

Thorssen turned to a port and began to touch keys. Is this Feather serving in the ESC? Maybe she has a clearance …

The last name is ‘High Feather,’ and yes, she’s a Lieutenant, but she has no clearance and that’s fine by me! What she said was, she showed the guards proof she was Capt. Nikalishin’s wife and they shipped her right through with directions as to how to find my house and everything! I’d really like to meet the chaps she sweet-talked. Actually, I wish I could have witnessed that!

Captain, I do apologize. Allowing unauthorized personnel through the gate without checking with appropriate authorities is a serious breach of regulations. I’ll find out who the duty officer was and see that he or she is properly disciplined. What time did this happen?

"About 0800h. But I am simmering down a little bit – aren’t you glad, Shane? By that I mean, don’t be too hard on the poor chaps – and believe me, they were male – it would have been damn near impossible for Fedaylia to work her wiles on a woman. Anyway, don’t be too hard on ’em, because I know from experience how easy it is to fall prey to Fedaylia High Feather."

When he was finished at Security, Robbie ducked into the Medical Center. Dr. Souray was off duty, but she was doing some administrative work in her office. When Robbie peered in, she said, Well, Captain! I haven’t seen you since the news conference!

No, things have been kind of – hectic.

"You came at a good time. I’m trying to eliminate two out of five possible candidates for MedTech on the Ariana – I love that name, by the way, and I can just imagine how pleased Annemika must be! Anyway, how about reviewing some of these and giving me your opinion?"

I can do that if you’ll let me talk to you for a minute first about something personal.

Dr. Souray raised her eyebrows. Of course, Robbie. Do you have a medical problem?

No, although my blood pressure is probably sky-high and I may be developing a stress ulcer, because my stomach feels kind of queasy.

A startled Dr. Souray laughed. And the cause of that would be ... ?

My wife showed up this morning. And Robbie told her the whole story, except about how his lust had gotten the better of him at the end – he felt a bit ashamed of that. I’ll get over it, doc, but I just need to vent some more and you’re a pretty good listener.

Oh, any time! But I’m a little flabbergasted. That’s pretty crass, if you don’t mind my saying so – running out on you the way she did and then turning up asking for special treatment the minute your situation starts to look up.

That’s the way Fedaylia is – a schemer. I was so stupid in those earlier days, Mother Duck. It never even occurred to me how she was taking advantage of me until it was way too late. Robbie was scowling as he pulled incessantly on his beard.

Dr. Souray was giving him a skeptical eye, and he added, I know what you’re thinking - am I still vulnerable to her wiles? And the answer is – no, I’m not! So quit looking at me like that!

I’d advise you to keep a low profile about this and not make too much of a fuss. The whole Research Quadrant will be talking about it if you noise it about too openly, and the next thing you know, the entire Base, and then the gossip links will get hold of it.

Robbie grimaced. Yeah, I’ve probably said too much already. I mean, Linna knows because she was there when Fedaylia showed up … But then there’s Shane and the Security people – and Kibby saw Fedaylia leave, not that he’s a gossip … But you’re right. I just got through telling Wilda she and her family should keep quiet about how they’re friends with Capt. Nikalishin. I ought to take my own advice about discretion.

What will you do the next time you run into Fedaylia? She likely won’t be able to get into the Complex again, but you can’t turn yourself into a prisoner.

Damn, no! If Linna and I want to have dinner at the Officers’ Club, I want to be able to feel comfortable doing that. Are you thinking I’m likely to do something I’ll regret if Feddie and I keep running into each other?

Just keep your wits about you. I don’t know the whole story of your relationship with Fedaylia, but it seems like a situation where you’re not completely in control.

Robbie growled, still thinking about how he had ended up committing what could only be called an assault on his wife there in his living room. Well, Fedaylia’s ship begins an inspection run to the Longrange stations on 1 October, so I don’t have to worry about anything for at least six weeks. And if I should run into her – well, I’ll be more prepared. So now tell me about those MedTech candidates!

After leaving the Medical Center, Robbie went to the sims lab and stuck his head into the engineering mockup, which was on a level below the Bridge. The crew was in the midst of an exercise and to Robbie’s surprise Ian was taking part. Nobody saw Robbie enter, so he simply hung back and observed for a minute. Ian was running checklists with Lt. Register on the Bridge, verifying engine settings for a pod initiation. Robbie was pleased with what he saw; Ian seemed completely engaged and in command of the situation.

Linna was at an observer’s station monitoring engine responses, but a slight turn of her head showed her Robbie and she made a sound. Ian’s attention was caught and he, too, saw Robbie. After an instant’s hesitation, he said, Lt. Register, request five-minute hold on the PI checklist.

Is there a problem, Cmdr. Glencrosse?

Lieutenant, we have an alien intruder in the Bay.

A bewildered Lea Register responded unprofessionally, Huh?

Kibby’s soft laugh sounded through the intercom. Permission granted, Commander. Lt. Register, initiate a five-minute hold. Let’s see if you remember the procedure.

A grinning Robbie advanced into the room. ‘Alien intruder,’ eh? Pretty clever, Glencrosse! Glad to see you on board today, by the way!

Well, I thought it was about time. But we wondered what was going on with you, Robbie. All Kibby said was, something had come up and you were temporarily unavailable.

Robbie glanced at Linna, who rolled her eyes slightly. That was a good neutral explanation. And I’m not officially here even now. I just came in to steal your Mission Specialist for a minute. Linna, can you … ?

Sure. Ruthie, come monitor the responses till I get back.

Outside the Research Building, Robbie and Linna sat down on a bench and opened the conversation simultaneously. Robbie, I went and talked to Shane – I hope you don’t mind … Linna, I went over to Security and found out …

Laughing, they both stopped. I was so annoyed, said Linna. I probably overstepped the bounds.

No, that’s all right. You didn’t tell Shane who had been bothering me.

No, I didn’t feel that was appropriate. It’s your personal affair, actually, but I certainly didn’t enjoy what happened.

No, Prf. Ka-sooper-mouse, I’m sure you didn’t.

Arrgh. ‘Linda.’

Yeah, all that name garbling was obviously intended to insult you – by a woman who absolutely adores her own name and makes sure everybody in the world knows how it works. But Fedaylia was always jealous of any female I even glance at, so her reaction is hardly a surprise. Anyway, Shane was in Maj. Thorssen’s office when I got there and I didn’t waste any time revealing the identity of the culprit. They’re going to discipline the guards that Fedaylia corrupted, by the way.

Well, I hope so! What’s the point of having security if anybody can just talk their way through?

I agree. But, uh – after I left Security HQ, I talked to Dr. Souray – she’s been a confidant for me for a long time. She advised me to be discreet about what happened. It would be great fodder for the gossip mills – Capt. Nikalishin’s wife abandoned him while he was in prison and then turned up as soon as he became respectable again, and they proceeded to have a big blow-up …

Did you have a big blow-up? What happened after I left?

Let’s just say Fedaylia left in about thirty minutes, after a less than friendly – in fact, pretty stormy – conversation. Her ship is flying again on 1 October, so in the meantime I’m not going to venture outside the Hilo Complex more than I have to.

Linna regarded him, obviously disappointed that he didn’t want to share more details. I have to ask this, Robbie. Is there any chance the two of you will get back together?

Only if you can build snowmen on Venus.

Oh, good! Because I do enjoy our relationship.

So do I, Professor darlin’! But would you mind terribly if we put the bed-play on hold for a few days? All this has me a bit unsettled and I’m not sure I’d be much good, anyway.

Uh – no, that’s all right. I’ve always said we needn’t have a regular routine. It’s best to keep things casual. But as she spoke, a little furrow was forming between Linna’s dark brows. I’m probably just as glad to let up for a while, too. If I thought you were thinking about your wife all the time you were making love to me, it might make me uncomfortable.

Aw, Linna, I hope I wouldn’t do that.

I hope it’s not just that I don’t measure up to your wife.

There, now, you see, I was afraid you’d take it that way. It’s not that at all. Actually, I enjoy your kind of sex a lot more than I ever did Fedaylia’s. She likes things so rough and that’s not my natural style. There is nothing gentle about that woman. But at the same time Robbie was thinking about how his experiences with Linna would never haunt his psyche the way Fedaylia’s sexual frenzies did.

Linna continued to seem unconvinced, and Robbie added, Just give me a little time to get that perfume of hers out of my head again.

Linna wrinkled her nose. Oh, that perfume! Where does she get off wearing something that strong when she’s in uniform? Isn’t that still against regulations?

For sure! And she doesn’t normally wear it with her uniform. But you see, that particular perfume played a big part in helping her trap me in the first place.

So – she came with the full intention of getting you to …

Oh, probably. But I’m not going to have anything to do with her, Linna, so don’t be worrying about that.

I hadn’t realized you were ever called ‘Rob.’

Huh. I’m not, except by Fedaylia – she thought that up all by herself. To be brutally honest, I absolutely hate it, but Fedaylia isn’t one to care about pleasing the other person.

*****

That night Robbie didn’t sleep well, and he dreamed the baby dream for the first time in quite a while. Linna was the midwife and Fedaylia was the mother and when he killed the baby, Fedaylia laughed up at him from the bed and said, You re-grew your beard, you know, Rob. Robbie woke up thinking about the bargain they had made – how Feddie would stop insisting that he give her a child if he would stay clean-shaven. But in the past she hadn’t seemed to take that bargain seriously; besides, if they never had sex again, there was no way he could ever father a child on her.

As Robbie lay alone in the middle of the night, the recognition that he would never again share a bed with Fedaylia was like a bleak and devastating wind blowing through his soul.

So he was feeling totally unfocused and out of sorts as he prepared to go for his holographic therapy, and when he entered the doctor’s office, his responses were a bit curt. No, I don’t want to sit down, doctor. I want to get right in there to that studio and go through my paces and end the misery. All right?

Dr. Winehandle raised his eyebrows slightly. We need to wire you up before we start. And I need to run a few scans – get some baseline readings.

Bloody hell. All right. Where do I have to go?

They attached the remote sensors and Dr. Winehandle studied the readings with a slight frown. However, he said nothing and simply directed Robbie to the studio, where he started to explain the changes they had made to the program’s parameters. The chairs are real now, so you can sit down anywhere in the hologram. For the engineering image, the position of the stations will coincide with the location of the physical chairs …

Yeah, all right, I can sit down, I understand that. Shall we get at it?

Robbie, you seem pretty edgy today.

I suppose I am. My wife turned up yesterday and I slept crummy last night.

Ah, I see. Perhaps you would rather postpone …

No, I wouldn’t – I want to get it over with. Let’s forget I said anything about that.

Well, all right – at least for now. Go on in and take your seat.

So Robbie did that, glaring around in annoyance as the bland human counterfeits appeared. Doc, this is awfully phony. I mean, the anticipation … I never anticipate trouble when I’m flying, so how can this be a true test?

You’re right, of course. Some of the therapy during the TDT had more validity, because you didn’t know what was coming.

Yeah, like the time you spilled the grape juice on the floor.

Correct – except that now we’re not testing for triggers – we’re using those triggers to determine your panic threshold.

So Robbie played his game with the holographic crew and Winehandle fooled him – nothing happened. At the end, Robbie said, What? That’s it?

It seems so, came Winehandle’s disembodied voice from the control cubicle.

Bloody hell.

Shall we go at it again?

I suppose …

Again, nothing. Doc, what are you trying to do?

You’re an excellent commander, Robbie. It seems your ship is in fine shape.

Aw, hell, it’s not a real ship and I’m not a real commander.

Again.

Robbie had become convinced the infuriating head-peeler didn’t intend to hit him with anything today, so he just sighed resignedly and once more asked his Second Officer for the crew roster. The simulation proceeded as before. But then, about a third of the way through, there was a loud bang. The studio went completely black as the simulated voices babbled, Hey! What happened? The power is dead! Captain, what’s going on?

Shaken, Robbie gripped the arms of his chair, then located and pressed the intercom button. Engineering, can you hear me? We’ve got no power up here – no lights, nothing. Report!

The com seemed to be as dead as everything else and Robbie shouted over the voices, Everybody, stay in your seats – don’t try to move around when you can’t see what you’re stepping on. The emergency lighting should be coming on any moment. What’s that noise?

Could be atmosphere venting, somebody said.

Robbie thought, Bloody hell. Winehacker didn’t miss a trick.

About that time the emergency lights activated. Robbie stood up. The Bridge looked normal; people were opening access panels or retrieving torches from the lockers. Robbie addressed the Second Officer hologram. I’ll be in Engineering. Seal the hatch after me in case atmospheric pressure is compromised. See if you can get the intercom running on a power-pack so we can communicate.

The backup power should have activated automatically, said the Com Officer. This may be something catastrophic, Captain.

Aw, crap. This isn’t real, you know. But Robbie headed for the stairwell and as he stepped into the designated area, the hologram morphed into an Engineering Bay.

That was when Robbie felt the real shock. A piece of cladding had been ripped off the ceiling and a couple of beams were angling down to the deck. The atmosphere was noticeably colder, but the noisy rush of venting gas had diminished.

Oh, Captain, somebody cried, something struck the rear of the ship, midway between the nacelles. Probably some kind of space debris – maybe an old satellite or …

Or a meteoroid. Why didn’t the sensors detect its approach?

This question wasn’t part of the holographic crew’s program, so the images froze in silence. Robbie didn’t press the point, saying, The collision must have damaged the major power transfer node – it’s in that area. He was sweating, staring transfixed at the fallen beams. Is anybody hurt? Is anybody – underneath those beams?

No, sir. We were all lucky – nobody was in the wrong place.

Yeah, unlike – that other time … But this isn’t real, you nit. It must have caused an explosion that traveled along the grid and blew out that hole in the cladding. We most likely have a breach in the outer hull.

Yes, sir. A couple of people have gone to check C Deck for hot spots, and another team is suiting up right now to enter the access shafts. Fortunately, the inner hull wasn’t compromised. We lost atmosphere only in Sections B11 and B12 of the bulkhead buffers.

Put some Techs on the backup power system. That should have kicked on by now.

Captain, somebody called down from the Bridge, we tracked down the auxiliary power problem – it’s in the upper rear transfer shaft. A major contact coupling seems to have been knocked out. If we could have Engineers aft on C Deck, it could be fixed quickly.

Robbie pointed at the nameless figures. You … you … get up there. Let’s get this bird’s feathers imped.

This caused a momentary hiccup in the program, since that word wasn’t in the holograms’ vocabulary. Get the ship repaired! snapped Robbie. I want this ship spaceworthy! We can’t have life support endangered because of a failed power grid!

Yes, sir, Captain, we’re on it!

At that moment the lights brightened and Robbie stared even harder at the fallen shafts and the naked steelwork of the fractured ceiling. He walked over and swept his hand through the holographic beams. Bloody hell, Winehandle, he called, it’s not real, but it’s damned scary. Let’s end this!

All right, Robbie! The images dissolved and Robbie found himself among empty chairs in a bare studio. As Winehandle emerged from his cubicle, Robbie glared at him.

I must say, you’re getting mixed reviews, said the doctor. I got a more extreme adrenaline reaction than I ever have during my recent work with you, but I’m not convinced this was a fair test, given the high baseline stress readings you projected.

Robbie sat down again in the Captain’s chair. Yeah, I doubt it was, although the scenario was pretty ingenious. It’s something that could easily happen aboard a ship, and it’s likely the damage would be worse than you made it. In fact, just the other day Adm. Malakoff and I were discussing the possibility of a space rock hitting the ship out there in the Epsilon Eridani system.

Is that so? Well, in spite of all that sweat, you kept your head and responded exactly as would be expected of a Captain in such an emergency. What were you feeling?

"Now, there’s a typical head-peeler’s question – either a head-peeler’s or a news head’s! I found it scary, like I said, but there was no flashback. When I saw those beams, I felt a shock, but it was more like a reminder – like, this is like what happened on the Darter. In the flashbacks, I actually relive what happened out there."

I heard you ask if anyone was pinned.

"Does that surprise you? I mean, I know it can happen. Only in this case, if the unlucky party hadn’t been killed outright, we could probably have lifted the beams and saved him. This catastrophe was a lot less unnatural than what happened on the Darter."

That’s true. I’m glad you can see the difference. Come on, Robbie, let’s get out of this studio. Maybe you’re willing to sit down and talk to me for a while now.

Robbie sighed. Yeah, maybe I am. I’d like a drink of water, too, and I wouldn’t mind a little tinkle in the loo.

Presently Robbie was entrenched in Dr. Winehandle’s armchair. Am I going to get my massage today, doc? I’m looking forward to that. I ought to shower first, though. You’re right about sweating. Bloody hell, the hair on the back of my neck is wet. Robbie fingered that area, feeling a stinging sensation where Fedaylia had scratched him. That can be arranged – the Psych Wing has all the amenities! Robbie, just for my own edification, what was that word you used? You said, ‘Let’s get this bird’s feathers … emped?’ Emptied?

Robbie laughed. ‘Imped’ – i-m-p-e-d. That’s a falconry term. It means to fix broken feathers. When a bird molts his primaries, we save the feathers and then if one of his current feathers gets broken, we insert a thin stick into the shafts and patch on the old feather with glue. Brings the bird up to grade until it can grow a natural replacement.

Oh, I see. An interesting metaphor for repairing your ship.

Well, I look at a lot of things from the birder’s angle. Doctor, I don’t think I want to continue working with this program.

You found it that intolerable, Robbie?

"No, it’s not that. I’ve got so many demands on my time, for one thing, but also I don’t think it’ll do me much good. It’s too artificial. Even when the sight of the fallen beams was rattling me, I was saying to myself, Why am I doing this? – it isn’t real. Can we at least wait until after our tour of the new ships next week?"

We can suspend the work indefinitely if that’s what you want. Actually, I’m pleased you’re reacting in this manner. The point is for you to be able to distinguish reality from illusion, and I’m satisfied you had no problem with that today.

Besides, we’re going to be running a helluva lot of disaster drills, both in simulation and on board the real ships later. Those will be a better test than this ever will.

We’ll store the program in the DB for you or re-tune it for someone else’s use. I’ll simply enter into the record that I deem your holographic therapy to have reached a satisfactory conclusion and we’ll suspend it unless you ask to start it up again.

When I had that flashback up on Luna earlier this summer, I hadn’t been in Phenix very long. I think maybe I’ve settled in and – stabilized. But Robbie scowled fiercely.

The observant Winehandle said, Why don’t we change the subject? Let’s talk about this sudden appearance of your wife that sent you in here already upset.

Bloody hell. Speaking of stability, I guess that’s one place where I’m still a bit shaky. Doc Souray told me yesterday she suspected Fedaylia High Feather is one area where I’m not completely in control.

Did you agree with that assessment?

"Yep. You see, I was crazy about that woman, and I was under so many illusions – so many expectations – and when I began to understand that all those illusions and expectations were 180 degrees off the mark, it was devastating. But on another level I’m still crazy about her. I don’t want anything to do with her, but I’m still – what would you call it? Aroused by her. In – lust – with her, not in love with her. Maybe a little bit in love with her, too – but not … well, let’s leave the word love out of it – it’s too ambiguous."

I agree with Dr. Souray – it seems your wife stirs up ambivalent emotions. How did this unexpected contact come about?

So Robbie brought Dr. Winehandle up to speed. "If I had invited Fedaylia to come back to me, I’m sure she would have moved in right that minute. Getting back with me would give her celebrity status. That’s all she wants. She asked me to get her a job in Phenix, doctor. She had the nerve to beg me to make her my Com Officer on the Ariana."

She did! Huh.

‘Huh’ is right. And it’s not that she’s not good enough – her qualifications are excellent. But that has nothing to do with it. It just wouldn’t work – too much history there.

So you’re feeling a lot of pressure from all that, aren’t you?

Damn right! I’ve got to be strong enough to resist her ploys, and believe me, doc, that’s tougher than this simulation today, because insincerity is not something I’m very good at figuring out. I’ve always been a soft touch where beautiful women are concerned. And so it’s hard – hard to say no, you see?

I do see. And that’s very distracting, isn’t it?

You said it! Now, I’m going to confess something, doctor, and I really wish it didn’t have to go any farther than this office.

Winehandle silently reached over and turned off his recording device, and Robbie grimaced. Right at the end, after I’d rejected Fedaylia’s request to put her in my crew, I jumped her and grabbed her by the hair and threw her down on the sofa and … well, our pants stayed fastened, but we had a good wrestling match and some bruised lips. And it’s odd, because she seemed to like it – she’s the greatest woman for rough sex I’ve ever known. But I don’t like that behavior in myself. She’s brought out the violent side of me before – sometimes in bed, but also – well, I smashed an entire set of her china after I figured out she had betrayed me to Adm. Teeter, and it’s a good thing she wasn’t there at the time because I might have … My father used to hit my mother, doc, when I was a little tyke, and that’s a nightmare of a memory for me, and I never, ever want to be like that. But Fedaylia cracks open that side of me – a really rotten side.

Dr. Winehandle had been listening to all this without turning a hair, but he was wondering whether that last disclosure had any relation to the bad blood between Robbie and his mother. Meanwhile, Robbie had slowly been turning brick red, and the doctor said, This revelation gives me a fresh insight into your situation, Robbie.

It should make you see that the best thing I can do is keep Fedaylia out of my life.

Adm. Lucero can transfer her to another Command if you request it.

Robbie opened and shut his mouth. He hadn’t thought of that. "I guess I could … Damn. I don’t know if I’d want to do that. Fedaylia has a first-rate job on the Eye of the Future – why should I wreck her career? I think I’d feel really petty doing that. Vindictive is the last thing I want to be."

Then you’ll have to take the chance of running into her, or having her find ways to make contact with you. Are you up to confronting that?

I have to be – that’s all there is to it. Doctor … Robbie took a deep breath. At the end of my conversation with Fedaylia, she asked me to forgive her for leaving me in the lurch. And I wasn’t too gracious about it. I told her, yeah, I forgave her, because it was all over between us and so nothing mattered any longer. But inside I haven’t really forgiven her. It’s sort of a shoe-on-the-other-foot situation. I’m usually the one who needs forgiveness … I tried to get Adm. Wellspoon to forgive me for breaking his nose and he would have none of it. Now Fedaylia asks me for forgiveness and I can’t forgive her.

Do you think she’s sincere?

Maybe that’s it – I don’t think she is. It’s all manipulation with her – make other people think you’re terrific whether you really are or not. And even if I could forgive her without reservation, it wouldn’t change anything. I’ll never take her back, because she was a terrible influence on me and probably would drive me to wreck my life again.

Robbie sat brooding for a moment and then added, She implied that in my plea speech I was willfully manipulating my own situation. That made me angry, because it was blatantly untrue. I had no expectation of personal gain from pleading guilty; I was fully willing and prepared to clean latrines for the next ten years. The whole point was, I had brought myself to the level where I could take the responsibility and accept that outcome. But something else Fedaylia said – that my speech on Friday was manipulative – that kind of struck a nerve. I really was deliberately trying to win support for my view of what Phenix ought to do. I couched it to be an emotional appeal, even though I truly believe in everything I said. Is it right to try to emotionally sway people’s views like that?

Winehandle chuckled deep in his throat. The purpose of rhetoric is to sway the audience, and you happen to be a pretty good natural rhetorician. Politicians do the same thing all the time – sometimes with bad motives but not always.

Well, I was trying to undercut Prf. Damien’s influence concerning the destination of the Big Mission. I have to admit that.

There is such a thing as being too morally scrupulous.

That reminds me of a session I had with one of the psych doctors before I left Old Heathero. When I talked about my experiences with Wellspoon, she said almost the same thing – something like, not letting too much scrupulosity cause me to regress.

So two psychotherapists agree on something! You’re getting into areas of ethics here, and I’m not a moral philosopher. Psychotherapists don’t normally advise people on how to behave; rather we try to determine why they behave as they do. But that being said, it occurs to me that all communication contains a degree of manipulation. A psychotherapist manipulates his patient into working out his own problems. And isn’t most education manipulation? Especially if topics are presented with a bias? The point is to attempt to acquire knowledge of all sides of a subject and then form one’s own judgments.

That’s true, but still – I ought to think a little more about consequences and motives. And remember my own shortcomings before being quick to judge other people’s.

Those are admirable goals, and society would be better off if people adhered to such principles with greater care. If I had to add anything to that self-assessment, it would be that you should work at managing your tendency to let your anger control you.

Yeah, it’s part of my impulsive nature, doc. But the best way to do that is to stay clear of the things that anger me most – like my wife.

Chapter 2

Relationships

20-22 September, 2767

Robbie fell asleep during the post-therapy massage, then, feeling refreshed and more in control, he headed to the Mess, where he sat down with Ruthanne and Ian.

Robbie inquired how the sims were going, and Ian said, I’m slightly more optimistic – Kibby called yesterday’s session focused and productive. Today, I’ve been working with Wally on launch and navigation protocols.

It’s good to see you’re feeling like getting your feet wet.

Dr. Winehandle suggested that for now I simply focus short-range, on getting organized and learning the ropes, so I’m trying to do that. This afternoon Ed and I are meeting with the engineering corps. We’ll begin dissecting the ships’ general schematics – life support, power grids, auxiliary systems – right down to Ops stuff, like lifts and latches and the Galley’s cooking equipment.

Don’t forget the coffee makers, said Robbie.

With a smile, Ian said, I don’t know if we’ll get around to something that critical! Anyway, it will be a nice break from my work with Wally, and it will give me a chance to get better acquainted with the recruits. So far, I haven’t discovered anybody who’s qualified for the Interstellar Assistant job, but there are several likely candidates for Aides. They’re all Ensigns – the Chiness girl, Mingway Du; the East Uropian Stan Petinowski; and Peter Peat, who is from Niu Nederlend, I believe.

Oh, yeah, Peat. His father is a Brit, I understand. He goes by ‘Pete Peat.’

They all chuckled. What about Cmdr. Wong? said Robbie. She’s certainly qualified to be Assistant. Have you two had a chance to get acquainted with her yet?

As Ruthanne grimaced, Ian said, "You may recall she worked in my unit on the Salvador. She was just starting out back then, but she’s come so far up the chain now that I doubt she’d even consider an Assistant job."

Thank goodness! said Ruthanne.

"Anyway, I understood she was pretty much a lock for Chief Engineer on the Dauntless. By the way, that’s a great name! I already told Geff he’s a genius."

Robbie grinned. I’m sure that made his day! And he seems to get along pretty well with Wong. So your opinion isn’t so positive?

The woman whom they were discussing had an impressive record. Born in Hubay-Hunan Section of Chin to a family of rice farmers, she seemed destined for a similar life until one of her teachers recognized her gifts and wangled her a scholarship to a boarding academy in Hongkang. This element of her past had caught Robbie’s attention because it reminded him of his own history.

After prep, Wong had attended the Hongkang Regional Consortium for two years, where she studied temporal quantum physics. Then she had entered the ESC Academy in Menilla, where she took a First in her Engineering class. She joined SkyPiercer in its last months and flew one mission as an Engineering Aide before Hurtline axed the program. After that, she transferred to the Union Class fleet and advanced rapidly to Chief Engineer on the Azure Comet. She had received her Commander’s bars on her 35th birthday, about four months before Phenix began to recruit. As soon as she was accepted into Phenix, she made it clear she was looking for a Senior Officer role and quickly gained credibility as a candidate for Chief Engineer on the rescue ship in spite of her limited interstellar experience.

Physically, she was a diminutive woman, with thick black hair worn in a bun on the back of her head and impenetrable black Asiatic eyes. She spoke Inge with a strange accent and projected a shell of self-sufficiency that even Robbie’s informal low-key humor couldn’t crack. The Captain had never felt the slightest inclination to proposition Pearl Wong as he had Lt. Tulu.

Now Ian said, "She’s a formidable woman and one hell of an Engineer and deserves whatever advancement comes her way. But at the same time I’ll be a little relieved when I learn for sure she won’t be serving on the Ariana."

Ditto! said Ruthanne fervently. I’d be the one who’d work closest with her!

Robbie sniggered. Who’d think that scrawny little woman could be so intimidating?

Don’t let her looks deceive you, said Ruthanne. Cmdr. Wong may have small muscles, but they’re like steel cables! Did you know she’s certified as an instructor in white-water rafting? And she climbs rock faces, too – without technical gear!

"That’s blinkin’ impressive! Anyway, both Geff and Kibby are easy-going types who seem comfortable with the prospect of her serving on the Dauntless. Kibby told me she gets along better with her subordinates than with her superiors."

Ian continued speaking about the other Engineering recruits, including a couple of excellent gravitonics people Iggy had discovered. Then Robbie took a humorous detour into his encounters with holograms, making Ruthanne spit a mouthful of her drink down her chest and Ian laugh as uninhibitedly as Robbie had seen since his arrival.

But then Ruthanne said, I heard you had a visit from your wife yesterday, Robbie.

He glared at Lt. Cmdr. Grant. Hell, I thought I was going to get away without that subject coming up. How’d you know?

I was passing through Admin and I overheard some of the workers in the Pool talking about it. I butted into the conversation and found out they got it from an office Aide who works for an Adjutant of Maj. Thorssen over in Security.

Ruthie giggled at the expression on Robbie’s face. Ian said, This Quadrant is like a small town when it comes to gossip.

I daresay! Anyway, yeah, Fedaylia showed up yesterday. With a sigh Robbie launched into one more rehearsal of the event.

When Robbie went home late in the afternoon, he found a hauler pulled into the concourse. Robbie and Kibby stood watching three burly men heave a small half-and-half piano up the steps. It was to be placed in the living room of the children’s area, which had been set up according to the final plan, with a thick pallet spread over the floor to give the youngsters a place to tumble. The fancy dining table had been replaced with a sturdier plastiform craft table, and a glance into the office showed the desk covered with models of insects. The port screen displayed an Ed Base link dealing with insect metamorphosis.

Kibby, this is a bang-up arrangement! Robbie shouted over the din of excited childish voices and small fists hammering the new keyboard.

Indeed, said Kibby, looking a bit harassed. I can only hope Hanisi and Mureithi don’t try to practice drums and piano at the same time!

Elimu overheard his father and said with a grin, Well, my thing is football, not music, so I’ll make my racket outside And he grabbed a ball from somewhere and began to kick it around the room. One of the bounces hit Makena behind the knees and she collapsed on the floor, shrieking indignantly. Hasina bobbed up from behind the piano, where she had been attempting to attach the power cable, and began to scold everybody impartially in Swahil.

Kibby rolled his eyes. Of course – no racket in the house! All we need now is a dog.

Mureithi left the keyboard and ran over to his father. Oh, could we get one, Papa? Could we get a dog? Please?

Kibby grabbed his youngest son and pretended to strangle him so that he squealed with glee. Guffawing, Robbie said, Well, this is a lot of fun, but I’ve got to go home.

Kibby followed him out. Robbie, he said sotto voce, what’s going to happen with you and Fedaylia?

We’re not getting back together, if that’s what you mean. That would be a disaster.

Ah, old chap. I’m sorry.

Yeah, well, that’s the way it has to be. And I’ve talked to so many people today about what happened that I’d kind of like to let it rest. Even Prf. Lara cornered me in the Mess just now and started giving me advice – her lab Techs told her what had happened!

When Robbie finally made it home, he found something that couldn’t help but brighten his mood – a large package in his delivery bin, with the point of origin, Wicklo Precinct, Prefecture of Eira, Islands of Britan.

In childish delight, Robbie tore into the box and pulled out the beautiful, thick, raspy-soft, Starbird bed-comfort, now all properly knitted together and edge-bound. The note with it read, Dear Robbie – Here’s what we were making for you, and we all do hope you like it. We sent it right along because we wanted to be sure you had it when you first fly. We can’t have the Captain of the Ariana sleeping under a frazzled bed-comfort, can we, now? We all heard your extra-fancy speech the other evening and we were that delighted. We tried to ring you up but couldn’t get through – you’re that much of a celebrity now, Robbin! Why don’t you try to do the same to us? Somebody is always here!

Names were appended to the printed note – Mat and Joanna; Fiona and Burk; Aideen, James, and Shawn; and lastly, the sturdy little signature of Dana Rook-MaGilligoody. At the end were four square, block-printed capitals: K O L M. Robbie stood looking at those four letters, the sight stirring a place deep in his heart.

A glance at the chronometer showed him it was too late to ring Eira today – they would all be asleep. But tomorrow he would talk to them – he didn’t care how much it interfered with his schedule. He might never have a wife, but he had more than one family, and a family was the most important thing a man could have.

*****

The following evening Robbie headed for the Mess and found Wally Smallguard dining alone. Sitting down with him, Robbie said, I haven’t had a chance to see much of you lately.

Busy times. I’ve been working with Ian on virtual sims, the way you asked.

They discussed Ian’s progress. Wally pronounced him pretty rusty when it came to piloting skills. He had the same atmospheric flight training as every Cadet, but he hasn’t touched a control console since. He’s familiar with interstellar launch protocols and he knows everything about PI from the engineer’s point of view, but when it comes to real-time navigation and maneuvering … Wally chuckled under his breath.

Well, like you say, he’s an Engineer. Robbie hesitated. As mission commander, he felt an obligation to keep abreast of the progress of all his crew, but at the same time he couldn’t help feeling a bit like a traitor to his friend. Does Ian seem, uh – mentally sharp to you, Wally?

Wally thoughtfully surveyed the slice of cucumber speared on his fork. Lots sharper than when he first got here. He recognizes his own mistakes right off and he asks meaningful questions. I’ve never had to explain anything to him more than twice. I’ve known some people who were still asking the same questions a year after they started. Don’t worry – between Kibby and me, we’ll bring Ian up to speed as a fifth command backup.

Wally went on to say there was no problem with Ruthanne’s sharpness of mind, but her common flight skills were even more underdeveloped than Ian’s. She’s nervous about this aspect of her job. She never wanted to be a Pilot and barely scraped through that part of her training at Write Brothers before entering the Engineering program.

Well, I’ll work with her some, too – with both of them, actually. Ruthie’s engineering knowledge is more vital to the mission than being the sixth command backup … At that moment something on the other side of the Mess Hall distracted Robbie and he paused to stare, then exploded into a laugh. God almighty, he’s gone and done it!

Wally turned to regard the couple who were heading for a table at the back of the Hall. Isn’t that Avi? But who’s that with him?

That’s Tulu!

Huh? That’s Mercedes Tulu?

Their skepticism was due to the fact that the prim and diminutive Lieutenant was wearing a long black skirt and a close-fitting rose-colored blouse with a scooped neck. Gold earrings swung against the dark skin of her throat, making her look exotic and unexpectedly sexy. Avi, slicked up in an immaculate dress uniform, was arming her along solicitously.

Robbie said, He mentioned he wanted to ask her out, but I never thought she’d accept.

The two of them continued to gawk, unobserved by Avi and Mercedes as they settled down at their table and set about ordering dinner. When I think about it, I’m not too surprised, said Wally. Lt. Tulu is really bright and Avi has all kinds of unusual intellectual interests himself. During a break in the sims the other day, we discovered he speaks Griek. He started to jabber gobbledygook to Prf. Katsopolos and she was so surprised I thought she was going to fall off her chair. And I understand Lt. Tulu speaks Spainish and investigates archaic Ammeriken aboriginal languages in her spare time.

Is that right? Now, I knew about Avi and the Griek, but I didn’t know that about Tulu. I thought it was ancient Inglish she was interested in. How’d she get so smart? She doesn’t have any university, does she?

No, but one day I commented to Adm. Malakoff about how savvy his Aide is, and he said she’s an autodidact. I guess Avi is, too.

Huh? An – ‘auto-die-back’?

Wally maintained a straight face. A-u-t-o-d-i-d-a-c-t. I didn’t know the word, either. Adm. Malakoff said it meant ‘self-taught.’

Goddam. I could call myself that, I guess, but my level in most fields outside of the sciences is about that of a Pre-Former.

They both chuckled and Wally remarked, I knew about her language interests because the topic came up when she was asking about Pilar one day. Pilar and Alegra are doing fine, by the way. Allie will be three months old on 2 October.

Damn. That’s young. Is one of your mothers still here?

No, they’ve both gone home. But Pilar decided to take an extended partial maternity leave. She’s working in the bionics lab only a few hours a week and they let her bring Allie with her since it’s for such short periods. That way, she can continue to nurse her. She’s going to run that schedule for a year. After all, Phenix pays way above Govscale, so losing most of Pilar’s salary is no sweat. Wally sighed. I feel guilty going off and leaving Pilar with a tiny baby, but she’s such a strong character – she wouldn’t hear of my doing otherwise. And I go home almost every weekend – I take the 1400h flight on Saturday and come back on Sunday evening. So far, that hasn’t seemed to impact my training schedule.

For a few minutes they concentrated on eating. Then, sneaking another look at the couple across the room, Robbie said, How’s Avi coming along?

"Oh, he’s terrific! He’s taken charge of the whole gaggle of Com Officers and is getting them all on the same page. And Simone Running is fitting in perfectly. She’s such a stolid, slow-talking sort that she doesn’t always seem all that bright, but you can’t fool her on any of the technical stuff. She knows more than Avi about a lot of it, but she