Amusing Oratory: Great Thoughts
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About this ebook
A person without fun in his life is simply existing, for he misses a great deal of life. We all keep on looking for amusement in one form or other, however, sources of being amused happen to be different.
The fun that can be derived from funny sentences of quotes is subtle, and only a few privileged ones can get amused by such witty words.
The funny sentences or words that amuse us are mostly spoken unknowingly, for they involve the wisdom of the speaker. However, it is up to the wisdom of the listener to draw his own conclusion.
In this book you will find hundreds of such funny thoughts or spoken words which will leave a very deep impression on your mind. Some of them will definitely remain in your memory for a very long time.
Amusing Oratory: Great Thoughts
Copyright
Preface
Great Humorous Thoughts
Section One
Section Two
Section Three
Section Four
Section Five
Students' Academy
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Amusing Oratory - Students' Academy
Amusing Oratory: Great Thoughts
Copyright
Amusing Oratory: Great Thoughts
Students' Academy
Copyright@2014 Students' Academy
Smashwords Edition
All rights reserved
Preface
Who doesn’t want to be amused? Amusement can come from various sources, but the fun that is derived from words is unique. Sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly funny thoughts are spoken and they delight the listeners. It is not that such funny thoughts merely happen to by funny, they happen to be quite witty.
To express funny thoughts in words is definitely an art, perhaps, a god gift. Several great people are known for their funny remarks and statements. In this book you will get hundreds of such funny and amusing sentences spoken by famous and great people from different walks of life.
Great Humorous Thoughts
Section One
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
Oliver Herford
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
Albert Einstein
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Ronald Reagan
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
Milton Berle
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Thomas Sowell
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Mark Twain
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Margaret Mead
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
Carl Sandburg
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Richard Dawkins
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Joey Adams
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
Everybody knows how to