The Journey of a Humbled Heart: A Life Guide for the 21St Century

By Jay Alan Goldfarb

Jay Goldfarb is a modern day philosopher, professional Life Guide, and motivational speaker who, as a result of his own extremely intimate spiritual journey, helps guide others to achieving what Jay calls, a "Humbled Heart".

You have the power to create absolutely anything you want in your life, including a life of purpose. Your natural state is one of infinite abundance. By connecting with your natural state you will naturally achieve what I call "a Humbled Heart".

"Although we all define it differently and we all go about finding it in our own very intimate and unique way; I believe we all have this innate desire to achieve a Humbled Heart. Simply put, Jay describes a Humbled Heart as "a deep level of peace and happiness that touches you at your core. It is the spiritual essence of who you are".

Jay shares his gifts through insightful concepts and philosophies, as well as providing the tools and exercises that has helped guide numerous individuals along their personal journey towards attaining a deeper level of peace and happiness, and manifesting the life they were meant to live.

Jay shares this methodology though lectures, seminars, workshops, and open forum discussions that helps people to empower their lives with astonishing results. Jay shares very specific concepts, philosophies, and tools with fun improvisational exercises that will open your mind and broaden your perspective.

Jay applies his unique methodology to helping individuals, couples, and groups achieve, develop, and embrace a deeper level of peace and happiness, a heightened sense of spiritual awareness, a better understanding of "self", and ultimately to manifest a purposeful life.

If living the life you dream about is appealing to you, than this book is a must read.

For more information on services call Jay at: 513-312-4579.

E-mail at: [e-mail]

www.journeyofahumbledheart.com

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Apr 28, 2011
• ISBN: 9781452533551

Jay Alan Goldfarb

Jay Alan Goldfarb is a modern day philosopher, professional Life Guide, and motivational speaker who helps guide others to achieving what Jay calls, a "Humbled Heart". You have the power to create absolutely anything you want in your life, including a life of purpose.

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 Jay Alan Goldfarb

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

1-[phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-3354-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-3356-8 (dj)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-3355-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011904235

Printed in the United States of America

Balboa Press rev. date: 4/25/2011

To my daughter, Sierra Rose.

Your beautiful spirit is a constant reminder for me to be happy, always strive for my dreams, and no matter what happens, remember always to find a way to bring it back to happiness.

I love you!

***

Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Epilogue

About the Author

Resources

Acknowledgments

At any level of success one might achieve, there is always somebody you can thank. That someone is the person who believed in you, even when you did not believe in yourself. I was very fortunate in that I have several people who came into my life and championed me along my journey toward success. From my parents and teachers to friends and associates, they all believed in my dreams and encouraged me to achieve them.

I also want to thank the many people who just happened to manifest into my life, at just the exact time that I needed them too, in order to help guide me, encourage me, and love me along my journey of achieving my humbled heart.

I will always carry with me a sense of love and gratitude for the love and encouragement that you have provided.

Introduction

Imagine yourself in a beautiful, warm, and inviting movie theater watching one of the most incredible movies you have ever seen in your life. You are the only one in the theater, and as the movie begins, you sit in amazement with an overwhelming feeling of déjà’ vu, as if you have seen this movie before. You know you couldn’t have seen this movie before, because it just came out. You sit there confused, because the plot, the scenery, and the characters all seem so familiar to you. You connect with the characters so much that you can feel their joy, their sadness, and their pain. You seem to know what they are feeling and what they are going to say even before they say it.

As you get lost in the beauty of this movie, you eagerly anticipate how it will end. But just before the final scene, the forty-foot screen fades to black, and you sit there in disbelief, wondering how a movie could end without tying up all of those loose ends. As the lights come up, you can’t believe your eyes; as you look around, you notice, for the first time, that every seat in the theater is filled. And as you take a closer look, you realize that the people in the theater are all people you know. They are friends, relatives, business associates, and acquaintances, and you ask yourself, What are they doing here? You sit there dazed and confused, like you are in an old Twilight Zone episode, wondering if what you have just witnessed is real or just an illusion. You leave the theater in a state of bewilderment and disbelief, trying to figure out what just happened. Your brain is suddenly filled with hundreds of different scenarios as to how the movie could have ended.

And then it hits you like a ton of bricks, what you have been watching is not just any ordinary movie. You suddenly realize that you have been watching the movie of your life up to this very moment. The reason the movie stopped is that you have only lived your life up to this point.

Just like a movie is made up of individual frames, our lives are made up of individual moments that are designed to be embraced and lived one moment at a time. The past is done and the future has not happened yet, so all you have is this present moment.

Unlike a movie though, the beautiful thing about your life is that you can change it by changing the moments that make up your life. You have the power to ultimately change the direction in which your life is flowing at any given moment and make it evolve into the life you deserve. It is just a matter of learning how to connect with what I call your humbled heart.

The key is in understanding that we all harbor a genius deep inside of us. It is part of our DNA; it is a part of who we are. This genius is not about intelligence but rather represents the gifts with which you were born. Your gifts are personified through your passions, and as you learn to embrace your passions and pursue your dreams, you surrender to your dreams and begin to live a purposeful life in total alignment with the universe. This is where you will find your humbled heart.

Some of us realize our purpose very early on, while others of us don’t find our purpose until much later in life. Unfortunately, some of us go through this journey we call life never realizing what our purpose is.

We all define a humbled heart differently, and we all go about achieving a humbled heart in our own very unique and intimate ways. This book is about guiding you on your path toward not only defining what a humbled heart means to you, but embracing your life and surrendering to the humbled heart that is already inside of you.

It was after several years of journaling my thoughts and experiences that I realized a pattern was developing in my life. I saw the direction that my life was headed, and I did not like it. This was the spark that ignited the internal flame that compelled me to write this book. It was my overwhelming desire to understand the true essence of who I am that helped me to let go of my old self-defeating programs and form new belief systems. It was my compelling desire to change my perspective and modify my behaviors that drove me to write down the concepts, philosophies, tools, and exercises that enabled me to raise my consciousness and develop a deeper level of self-worth, self-respect, and self-love.

It was my ability to embrace the pain in my life, instead of denying it, that empowered me to let go of it. By accepting myself for who I am and forgiving myself, I was able to embrace my passions, pursue my dreams, and live my life with a sense of purpose. Ultimately, it was when I learned how to be really quiet inside, that I was able to see that my humbled heart was always there, harboring deep inside of me, just waiting for me to claim it.

There was a moment on my journey when I knew, deep down at my core, with a true sense of conviction, what my true purpose was. For the first time, I saw the bigger picture. It was in this moment of enlightenment that I found my genius. It was in this light bulb moment of clarity that I realized my purpose. After years of developing a deeper spiritual awareness while also sifting through the lessons of a lot of very poor choices, I finally saw the gifts that lay in those life lessons that the universe had provided for me. I have now come to a place of peace, happiness, and humility at my core. It was only by embracing and surrendering to these gifts that I knew my purpose was to be an intuitive life guide.

As a life guide, I am like a bridge between the physical plane and the spiritual plane, guiding people on their journeys and helping them to shed their many layers and work through their barriers to fuel their passions, pursue their dreams, and live a purposeful life.

The Journey of a Humbled Heart is ultimately about achieving and maintaining a deeper level of peace and happiness in our lives through choice and awareness. However, before we can get there from here, we must undo some of the choices that we have made that don’t serve us anymore that put us where we are at this very moment in our lives. We may not be where we want to be at this exact moment in our lives, but I guarantee you that you are exactly where you need to be at this very moment in your life because of those choices that you made in your past. However, the beautiful thing is that for those of you who do not like the movie of your life, this book will show you how to work through the lessons that will allow you to change those moments of your life on your path toward achieving your humbled heart.

If you are like me, you may have been asking yourself a lot of questions like: How did I get to this place in my life? Am I on the right path? What changes do I need to make in my life? How can I become happier and feel a deeper sense of inner peace? After I put these and other questions out into the universe, I was given the answers in very specific ways, many of which I will share with you in the following pages. It is by embracing the moments of your life that makes the journey so worthwhile.

Moreover, what I am sharing with you has always been a part of me. My guidance does not come to you from a place of ego. It comes from a place bigger than I. In fact, it is actually coming through me from a place of divinity. It comes from a deep, compelling desire to share with you what it is that I have come to understand.

By writing this book, I am sharing with you a truth that is fused into my soul in an ever-changing world. It is a way for me to align myself with the energies of the universe so that I can be guided to follow my purpose and to share my message with whoever is ready to bring balance and harmony into their lives.

The purpose of this book is to guide you to go beyond your comfort zone of contentment and break through your limited beliefs in order to regain a sense of happiness and to achieve a deeper sense of peace at your core. Then you can begin to manifest the life you were born to live. If you feel you are happy and at peace, I urge you to go deeper; I challenge you to penetrate into yourself in order to find a greater sense of peace and happiness. I believe we are all born happy and peaceful, and then, through the natural course of evolution, something changes within.

Whether you are compelled to gain a deeper level of introspection, develop personal relationships, do more business, or manifest your deep-rooted desires, by picking up this book and reading through the messages, you are one step closer to expanding your world and gaining a deeper, more intimate understanding of the essence of who you really are. As you start to read, I encourage you to keep an open mind as you may find some things about yourself you do not necessarily like. No need to worry, though, as you will come to understand, through the concept of choice and awareness, how you can begin to make the necessary changes that will help you discover the best version of yourself.

I will share with you very specific concepts, philosophies, and the necessary tools and exercises that you can incorporate into your world, along with some very personal experiences, some of which were very painful for me. One of the things for you to understand is that my experiences are going to be very different from yours. More often than not, you will not be able to relate to my experiences, and I do not expect you to. If you do, that is a plus, but the fact is that more than likely you will not. Instead, I urge you to empathize with the feelings derived from my experiences and embrace the affects of those experiences just as if they were yours.

The Journey of a Humbled Heart is designed to be a guide for you so that you may gain a deeper feeling of what it is to be you at your core, and only you can do that. Moreover, I urge you to consider how my words might relate to your life and the impact of how it will feel if and when you choose to own those words. Instead of blindly accepting what I say, discern for yourself whether or not there is truth in these words I am sharing with you.

I challenge you to question everything I am sharing with you. It is my hope and desire that if you look at the truth within, these thoughts, concepts, and philosophies will not only challenge you to think in a healthy way but will also stimulate you to feel and from this place bring a deeper meaning and purpose into your life as well. It is not so important whether or not you think I am right or wrong or if you think these are the best insights you have ever read. It isn’t about being right or wrong, but rather accepting yourself for where you are in your life at this exact moment. The fact that you are reading this book indicates you have a desire for or a want of something on a deeper level, and you are allowing yourself to be guided. Moreover, it is okay if you do not accept my thoughts, concepts, or philosophies. I am offering them as a reflection to help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Once you embrace the reflection and surrender to those insights, you will find your truth and will be at a place finally to allow them to take you where you need to go, because the past is done and the future has not yet happened.

As we travel through our personal journeys we call life, there are many questions we must ask ourselves. What is it I do not know? Am I really happy? Can I be any happier? Can I be more at peace with who I am at this very moment in my life? Could I make better choices about the direction of my life if I had a heightened sense of awareness? What are my goals, my dreams, and my aspirations? Eventually, we all ask ourselves these very personal and intimate questions in one way or another. It is important to understand our passions, our dreams, and our purpose for living so that we know where it is we are going.

Always remember the fact that there is a time and a place for everything. Because you have this book in your hands, this could be the right place and the right time in your life to move forward on your journey toward achieving a humbled heart. This is a new beginning. My hope is that by reading this book, you will feel compelled to do the work that is necessary in order for you to achieve your humbled heart.

For some of you, it will be easy. You know that this is the right time in your life to move forward on your journey, to go deeper. For others, you may be questioning yourself, asking if you are ready or even close to being ready. You feel uncertain, but there seems to be something unexplainably tugging at you, compelling you to read further. So how do you know if you are ready? Are you getting the results out of your life that you want? Do you understand that you are getting exactly what you need? There is a time, and there is a place for everything. Only you know if this is the right time for you to regain a sense of peace and elevate your happiness.

For many of us, life seems to be one long, arduous journey. In between our very busy schedules, we spend an enormous amount of our time searching for answers, for a sense of purpose, as we ultimately seek inner peace and happiness. So how do you quiet your mind and calm your spirit in order to achieve happiness and peace? The only way I know how to gain a sense of peace and happiness is to learn how to relax your body and quiet your mind to a very tranquil place. But what is happiness, and what does it mean to be at peace with yourself?

I believe happiness is the ability to love and accept yourself completely and without conditions, and peace is the overwhelming result of being happy. It is the euphoric feeling of calm at the deepest part of your soul.

Furthermore, I don’t believe that peace and happiness is something on which you should focus. I believe that peace and happiness are peripheral entities that establish a bordered beacon of light along the journey we call life. In order to attain them, you must first embrace your passions and surrender to your dreams, and there you will connect with the humbled heart that has always been a part of you; only then will your life be filled with purpose.

The Journey of a Humbled Heart is about embracing the lessons that lie in the joy, pain, sorrow, and grief of your life. As you fuel your passions and pursue your dreams, you will ultimately gain a deeper level of peace and happiness and begin to live a purposeful life. It is these lessons that lie before you that will ultimately enable you to achieve what I call your humbled heart.

So as you take a closer more intimate and honest look at your life, realizing that the past is done and the future has not happened yet, you begin to understand that you have the power to change those moments that make up your life and the movie of your life can play out any way you want it to. The place is here, and the time is now …

CHAPTER ONE

Crossroads

I remember it like it was yesterday. Sunday, September 22, 1992, I was at Weil Funeral Home at eleven o’clock in the morning.

Weil Funeral Home sat up on a small hill overlooking Reading Road. Before it became the only Jewish funeral home in an area known as North Avondale, located just a few miles north of downtown Cincinnati, it was a private home in a very affluent neighborhood filled with beautiful mansions all with individual architectural style. Weil’s was always beautifully landscaped with a variety of flower gardens and ornamental trees, and the front lawn was always manicured like a putting green you would find at the nearby country club. If it weren’t for the sign hanging out front, you would never know it was a funeral home.

The building itself was made up of a combination of brick and carved limestone and had columns holding up a portico just outside the back entrance. The roof was made of grey Indiana slate, with brass box gutters and downspouts that had weathered to a soft patina color over the years.

The interior was quite a contrast to the natural setting of the outside. As you walked into the front foyer, you first noticed the geometric-styled mosaic tiles from Italy that had been painstakingly laid down one at a time. There was a large crystal chandelier hanging in the middle of the ceiling with a mahogany pedestal sitting alone underneath it. On top of the pedestal sat a register book, a pen with which to sign it, and a few prayer books for you to take with you. The rest of the house was made up of chopped-up rooms; with the exception of the back offices and the restrooms, each room was individually styled with dark, stained-wood trim; tray ceilings; hardwood floors or classic hotel carpet; statues; velvet curtains; and accordion-style partitions.

I was sitting in the parlor room about fifteen feet from the Jewish Orthodox pine casket with the Star of David on top, trying not to notice people as they came in to pay their last respects. Now, it wasn’t like I was a stranger to this place, or even funerals for that matter.

Unfortunately, I had been to more funerals than I care to mention, but that day felt different. Sitting in the parlor room with that casket just a few feet away from me didn’t help, and knowing there would be a funeral taking place in a few minutes made it feel surreal to me.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, and the marble statues perched on their pedestals seemed to be surrounding me, eyes watching my every move as they hovered over me. The velvet curtains were suffocating, the air stale, and the light dim.

This was different because the man lying in that casket only fifteen feet away from me was my father. He had passed on that previous Friday.

My father and I had developed a very close bond over the years, and the components of our relationship became a model for my future friendships. I was the first son of four children (two older sisters and one younger brother), and my father was very excited to finally have his first son. My childhood was filled with wonderful memories of exiting new adventures that were only limited by my imagination.

My father taught me how to do the things he liked to do, and I was fascinated by how much he knew about everything. Besides teaching me his favorite game of handball, he taught me a plethora of sports skills like how to swing a bat, get in front a hard grounder, and flag down a fly ball; how to shoot a basketball; and one of my favorites, how to play the game of golf. He also taught me how to change a flat tire; how to replace the brakes, brake pads, and brake shoes; and how to replace a carburetor. These are only a few of the things he taught me.

We eventually got more adventurous as we attempted to take apart a whole car engine and put it back together just to see if we could without having any parts left over. I remember him standing there scratching his head and looking befuddled because he couldn’t figure out how the engine could start with those extra parts lying at his feet.

But more than all of those great times we had together, the most vivid and meaningful memories I have of my father, besides our daily jogs around the neighborhood, were the ones we shared on the golf course. That was where he taught me the most important lessons of life. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize or understand the full value of those lessons until it was too late. Or so I thought …

You know how the summer months can be beautiful and sunny during the week and then rainy on the weekends? I would wait for my father to get home from work on Saturday. He would have lunch, and we would watch the weather forecast and notice invariably that a storm was fast approaching.

That did not deter us from our mission, however. We got into the car and made the ten-minute drive to Losantivile Country Club. Dad was not the conventional country-club member. He did not come from generations of money like most of the other members, and he didn’t feel the need to flex his ego with a false sense of self-righteousness. To him, it was a matter of quiet convenience, a place where he could hang his golf clubs and play a really nice, challenging golf course without the time constraints and crowds of a public course. It was a place where his golf clubs were waiting for him at the first tee when he arrived, a place where he could take a nice hot shower and when he was done saunter up to the upstairs bar overlooking the ninth green. There he could have a nice cold Heineken in a frosted mug with some peanuts as he reviewed his round and revel in the many golf balls he found that day. A lot of times, my father would grab only four or five clubs, a couple of balls and tees, and walk the course, stopping along the way at strategic points to search for lost golf balls. He always came back with more golf balls than he started with. I don’t think I bought golf balls for several years. On this day, however, I had the pleasure of joining him, so I swung my lightweight golf bag around my shoulders. We approached the first hole and teed it up, and we were on our way. We would sometimes make it to the third hole before the heavens would open up and begin to pour down rain.

The clubhouse would sound the weather horn letting everyone know of the inclement weather, meaning you should get off the golf course immediately. Well, unless there was lightning, my father and I would head to the nearest shelter and wait out the storm. Sometimes we would lie down on the benches and fall asleep to the sound of the raindrops as they bounced off the metal roof of the shelter and dripped to the ground.

However, most of the time, my dad would share with me the pearls of wisdom of his life journey, his experiences, his ideals, and his belief system, as well as his philosophies on this ever-changing world we live in. It was during these and other times that I gained the tools I would need to pursue my dreams and become the man I wanted to be. The funny thing was that I had no idea at the time how my life would turn out, what I would need to learn, or the lessons I would have to endure in order for me to become the man I aspired to be.

I remember one rare sunny summer afternoon when I was around twenty years old, we had just teed off on the first hole, a short dog leg left par five (easily reachable in two). We were walking down the fairway flagging down our tee shots, and I was staring at the ground as I said to my father, Dad, you know you are my best friend.

My father stopped in his tracks, and without missing a beat, he said, Son, I don’t want to be your friend. I had walked on several feet before realizing that my father was not next to me.

When I realized that he had stopped, I walked back to him and asked him, Why not? Why don’t you want to be my friend?

As he continued walking, he said to me, I don’t want to be your friend because if we’re friends, then you won’t respect me as your father.

I wasn’t really too upset, because to tell you the truth, I didn’t understand what the hell he was talking about. That was a lesson I would not fully comprehend until many years later.

My father was literally a genius, and I was very grateful to be around him as he shared with me the many insights, epiphanies, and bits of wisdom he gained throughout his life experiences. When I was a young boy, my father helped me to understand my unconventional perspective on life. My thinking and the way that I processed information did not conform to the stereotypical ways in which the educational system taught. Moreover, my outlook on life was different as well.

Not only did he help me to understand the way that I think and process information, but as I got older and became more curious about the world, he provided me the freedom and support as I courageously took advantage of the many opportunities that came my way. He always encouraged me to explore new adventures, wherever they may have taken me.

He would support me as I traveled to new places around the country, whether it was to work for a business or just to satisfy my curiosity. No matter how long I was away, he would always welcome me home to continue developing our relationship just where we had left it without missing a beat.

I will share from his pool of wisdom throughout this book, along with the very specific concepts, philosophies, tools, and exercises. No matter where you are on your journey, you will be able to incorporate them in order to develop a deeper level of peace and happiness and to live a more purposeful life.

***

Sunday August 24, 1992 was my wedding day. Up to this point in my life, it was the most significant day of my life, which it would remain until the day my daughter was born just a few years later. Shelly and I were married in the back yard of my parents’ home. It was a big white house set back in the corner of the lot from the street on two and three-quarter acres.

The fifteen-foot honeysuckle bushes that surrounded the house kept the traffic noise to a minimum and provided us with a lot of privacy—not to mention the succulent honeysuckle fragrance permeating the summer air was simply invigorating. We had several large trees on the property, and I always enjoyed climbing to the top of the old sycamore tree.

I remember the day I first got the courage to climb to the top of that tree. When there wasn’t any more room to climb, I hugged the tree, closed my eyes, and felt the wind sway me back and forth. What an amazing feeling! We also had a creek that flowed across the property down the hill parallel to the street. I would spend hours playing in that creek and walking under the street through the pipes that led to the neighbor’s yard wondering which river it fed into. Needless to say, I would always come home soaking wet. It was a great house to have parties in, but the backyard was a great place in which to play games like hide-and-seek, ghost in the graveyard, or kick the can.

The back of the house had a couple of big picture windows overlooking the large granite slab patio with moss growing in between the two by four foot panels. And the surrounding, well-manicured flower gardens, bushes, and ornamental trees (usually cared for by me) connected by brick and stone pathways were always a great setting in which to entertain or just hang out and connect with nature.

So, it seemed like such a wonderful and natural place to have a wedding. We were on a very limited budget, but with the help of a lot of friends and family and by calling in a lot of favors, we wound up having a very beautiful wedding. It was also a time for family, friends, and associates to come and say farewell to my father.

My dad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer a few years earlier, and unfortunately, the cancer had metastasized to other organs throughout his body.

For the six months before my wedding day, I worked only enough to pay my bills so that I could spend as much time with my father as possible. I would help my father get dressed, and I set up an area on the first floor so that he could lie down on his favorite ottoman and visit with friends and family as they came to visit with him. I would often put him in his wheelchair and roll him around the neighborhood, because he loved to be outside. Or I would wheel him around to the garage or his workshop and let him instruct me on how to take a part a computer or any of the other electronic devices he had accumulated just to learn how they worked and to see if we could put them back together without having any parts left over. I can still remember how he lit up with pride when we were done and we didn’t have any extra parts lying around.

A couple of days before the wedding, he was feeling much stronger than usual. I remember feeling a sense of peace and happiness thinking that my father’s strength would last through the wedding day because I knew how important it was for him to walk me down the aisle. Unfortunately, the day of the wedding was not a good day for him; he was not feeling well and was very weak. That was the first time in months that the emotional dam broke, and all of the feelings that I had been suppressing finally flooded out.

My mother happened to pass by me in the hallway. I instinctively grabbed her. We hugged each other, and together, we cried in each other’s arms. It was truly a cleansing moment, because I honestly did not think he was going to make it through the day.

Somehow, through the grace of God, my father found the courage and the strength not only to walk me down the aisle, but as we stood there under the chuppah (a wedding canopy under which a marriage ceremony is conducted) in front of the rabbi, friends, and family, he turned to me and put his hands on my head and began to bless me. Wow … There was not a dry eye in the house.

A week later, after arriving home from my honeymoon, I went over to my father’s house to help him shower. He always looked forward to having a nice, soothing shower. It always seemed to rejuvenate him and give him strength. But this time, while I was washing him, the pressure of the water actually hurt as it pounded like pellets against his back. He couldn’t take it anymore. So I got him out, dried him off, and dressed him so he could lie down and relax.

The next week, I remember getting a phone call from my mother. She was very upset and obviously trying to keep from crying. She eventually went on to tell me that Dad wasn’t feeling well and that he wanted to go to the hospital.

I immediately drove over to the house, because this did not make any sense to me. I knew something was wrong, because this was totally uncharacteristic of my father. He had been a doctor for over forty years, working in and around hospitals, and the last thing my father wanted to do was die in a hospital bed. What I knew to be true was that my father wanted to spend the remaining days of his life at home being around family as comfortable and as peaceful as possible.

After I arrived at my parents’ home, I calmed my mother down, and then I made my way upstairs and found Dad sitting in his favorite lounge chair next to his bed just staring into space. I broke his trance with a kiss on the cheek and sat on the edge of the bed in front of him, and we began to talk. I explained that Mom had told me he wanted to go to the hospital.

He looked at me and said in a soft, calm voice, I don’t want to go to the hospital; she wants me to go. I said, Dad, forget about what Mom wants. You know what’s going on with you better than anyone; what do you want to do? He looked at me with those hollow eyes for what seemed like an eternity and said, I need to go to the hospital.

It was then that it hit me. My father was in way too much pain, and he did not want to be a burden to his family. He was letting go, finding resolve within the realms of his mortality. It was clear he was ready to die.

As we looked into each other’s eyes, I tried to hold back tears. I gave him another kiss on the cheek and told him how much I loved him. I proceeded downstairs and told Mom to make the necessary arrangements, and we took Dad to the hospital. That drive to the hospital was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do in my life. I don’t know how we got there, because all I remember was looking at my father in the rearview mirror. Over the next ten days, Dad slowly let go and said his good-byes, and the following Friday, he peacefully