"I should eat healthier. I should exercise. I should get more sleep. I should spend more time with my spouse. I should _____."



Sound familiar?



If so, you’re human.



We all have areas of our lives where we should make one choice, yet we choose another.



You dwell on what you should have done (or not done) and should on yourself.



The more you should on yourself, the more frustrated you feel. The more frustrated you feel, the less likely it is that you'll actually do what you should do.



In this blog post, I'm going to show you how to stop "shoulding" yourself. Let's jump in.





Where Do You Get Your Shoulds?



Shoulds come from the gap between what you've chosen to do and what you need to do to get what you want.



For example, you might want to lose weight, and you know you'd be more successful if you didn't buy junk food to put in your cupboards. But you buy it anyway, because it's comforting to have it in your home. As you unpack your groceries, you tell yourself over and over, "I should not have bought this stuff."



Or, you might want to build your home-based business, and you know to succeed: you have to invite people to come to your class or party. Yet, you listen to a voice in your head that tells you not to reach out to your friends and family for some crazy reason. The gap between what you don't do and what you ought to do leaves you feeling you should do something. But you don't.



As your sense of should grows, you start to feel guilty. The greater the gap between what you know you ought to do and what you actually do, the greater the feeling of guilt.



Instead of taking action and just doing what ought to be done, most people get rid of the guilt by making excuses.



You might say, "I need to keep buying the junk food, because my spouse and/or kids want to eat it." To which, I might ask, "If the junk food is bad for you, and you care about your family, why would you buy it for them?"



You might say, "I'm not sure that my friends would be interested." To which, I'd ask you, "Do you believe in what you're selling, and has it benefited you? If so, why do you think it's okay to keep it from your friends and family?"



Rather than just doing what ought to be done, most people lessen the guilt by filling the gap with excuses. As they fall back on their excuses, the guilt goes away, at least until they should on themselves again.



Read Also: 5 Ways Your Feelings Fail You (And Keep You From Living Up To Your Potential).



How to Stop Shoulding



Are you ready to break the cycle of shoulds and break through to success? It isn't complicated. You don't even need much time, but you do need to make some shifts to your mindset.



Here's how to stop shoulding in four simple steps.



Step 1: Spot Your Shoulds



You probably don't realize how often you should yourself. You feel, think, and talk so much about what you should do that you no longer notice it.



It's like saying "um," "you know," or "so" when you speak. Once you realize you do it, you're shocked by how often the words spill out of your mouth.



If you're going to accomplish more and feel guilty about less, you've got to listen to your thoughts and words.



When you feel, think, or say what you should do, pay attention. Hold that thought.



Think about what it is you really want and why you're referring to what you should do instead of what you did. You'll likely find an excuse that's keeping you comfortable in your should rather than moving you to action.



That's where Step 2 comes in.



Step 2: Examine Your Excuses



Shoulding yourself can make you feel pretty guilty, and that's okay.



Feeling guilt is your mind telling you, "You could have done better, but you didn't." Now, you might not like feeling guilty, but if you accept that feeling, you can do something about it.



Unfortunately, instead of doing something about it, most people create excuses to justify their (lack of) action and to lessen the feeling of guilt.


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