Today's guests are Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new couple BFFs. The pair are co-hosts of the popular podcast Pillow Talks, where they cover juicy topics and share their real world relationship advice. They are the sex education you wish you had, with proven tips that have helped hundreds and thousands of couples create a sex life beyond their wildest dreams. In their new book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, they share how couples can have fun talking about sex while keeping the spark alive and stay emotionally connected throughout the whole process. Vanessa and Xander open up to their own experiences in their relationship and apply what they’ve learned to help couples at any stage in their intimacy journey.We also cover…00:02:09 — Becoming a Sex TherapistThe very first sex talk…with the parents. Why is it so hard for us to talk about sex?Sex therapy as a careerMaking sex therapy as joyful as buying cookbooksInternal beliefs that prevent couples from talking about sex De-shaming & normalizing sex talks 00:11:30— Important Conversations For A Couple’s Sex LifeTaking the first step to initiate the conversation of sexWhy communication is the key to creating your dream sex life Simple, practical tips to maintain an emotional connectionDevelop cheat codes that speak to each other’s love languages How to stop focusing on what’s wrong with the relationship00:23:00 – Uncovering your Desires Inside & Outside of the Bedroom Finding new ways to initiate sex that feel like an invitationFun ways to spice up your long-term relationshipChange your delivery, change your energyFamily friendly initiation phrases for couples with kids The two main mismatched sex drive typesRemoving the obligation of sex for your partnerLearning to gently turn your partner & find other ways to please one another00:40:15 – Discovering Pleasure for Yourself & Your PartnerWhy there’s no such thing as being universally good in bedFun exercises that bring you pleasureOvercoming the narrow expectations around sex for menThe orgasm gap: what do women really need Using pleasure mapping to open lines of communication with positive feedbackSubtle changes to keep the spark alive in a relationshipWhy all-or-nothing leads to negative resultsFinding the joy in intimacyResources:Website: VMTherapy.comInstagram: @vanessaandxanderPodcast: Pillow TalksRead: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa and Xander MarinConnect with Kelly:Kellyleveque.comInstagram: @bewellbykellyFacebook: www.facebook.com/bewellbykellyBe Well By Kelly is produced by